“Shit,” I said as I realized too late, I shouldn’t have flushed the toilet. No way was all that paper going down. The water rose in the bowl. Yep, it was going to overflow. A knock sounded on the door. Could this night be any more humiliating?
“Are you okay?” I didn’t miss the concerned note in Jamie's voice.
“Jamie!”
He opened the door at my alarmed cry. I stood, immobile, as he took in the scene. All I could think about was how I was still naked. I wanted my clothes. I needed my clothes. I ran from the bathroom, leaving Jamie to deal with the overflowing toilet. I snagged my shirt from where it hung off the edge of the bed then snatched my panties and jeans off the floor. I slipped them on, feeling only marginally better.
Jamie was still in the bathroom. I leaned against the door and watched as he turned the knob that cut the water off. He looked at me over his shoulder, brow furrowed.
“I’m sorry,” I said, reaching for the plunger behind the toilet.
“That’s a lot of blood. Are you sure you’re okay?”
Was I? How was I supposed to know? I’d never lost my virginity before.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” I looked down into the toilet bowl then over at Jamie. He didn’t look convinced.
“Let me do that.” He took the plunger from my hands and I bent to work, cleaning up the floor with the towels he’d spread out.
“You do know this is the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to me, right?” I sat back on my heels. In my mind, this night had been so perfect.
“Well, look on the bright side,” he said. “It can hardly get any worse.”
“Jamie!” Mrs. Jacobs yelled, her footsteps echoing down the hallway and into his room. Seconds later, she appeared in the doorway to the bathroom. She scanned the mess underfoot.
“What’s going on?”
Stricken, my gaze collided with Jamie’s. He shrugged. At least he had put on a pair of shorts.
I love you, he mouthed, saving the night from being the epic fail I thought it was. Then we burst out laughing.
Chapter Seventeen
Practice makes perfect and in the weeks following that horribly embarrassing night, we practiced just like I’d promised. Perfect was how I would describe it. Jamie was perfect and he’d convinced me I was too. If it weren’t for school and Jamie’s training, we would have been inseparable. We spent all our spare time together—late nights, early mornings.
If I hadn’t been so happy, I might have noticed sooner. Considering what we spent most of our time doing, I should have been more aware. We were careful most of the time. Twice the wanting had been too much and though we weren’t prepared, we’d done it anyway, because that’s the way it was with Jamie. I wanted him so badly sometimes it didn’t matter.
I figured it out the hard way at school during lunch. Cinnamon rolls were on the menu, freshly baked, and about as big as my fist, and smeared with gooey icing. I was drooling over the one on my tray.
“You shouldn’t eat that,” Ally said. She sat beside me, her tray piled with a green salad dribbled with a minimal amount of dressing.
I picked up the roll, looked her right in the eye, and sank my teeth into its deliciousness, rolling my eyes in ecstasy.
“It’s not fair. If I ate like you did, I’d still weigh two hundred pounds.”
“Give me a break. It’s not like I eat like this every day. Nothing else looked good.” Or smelled good or looked the least bit appetizing. I wiped my mouth with my napkin and dove in for another bite. I’d eaten a salad yesterday and the day before that and today I was craving sugar. “Besides, I’ve been running with Jamie on the beach after school, so I need the extra carbs,” I said, knowing there weren’t enough carbs in the world to give me enough energy to keep up with Jamie.
“So that’s where you’ve been since the season ended,” she said, cutting her eyes at me. “Working out with Jamie.”
“I know, I’m breaking the code,” I admitted. We’d decided at the start of our high school careers that we wouldn’t be like those girls who ditched her friends the second they got a boyfriend. Little had I known how easy it would be to do just that. In a matter of weeks, Jamie had taken up all the space in my life, every crook and corner. As if to make up for the weeks I’d been ignoring her I said, “We should hang out this weekend.”
“I have a date this weekend,” she said, her tone smug.
“With who?”
“Jax.” The bud of her smile bloomed like a flower in sunshine. “He’s taking me to Edmonds and then a movie.”
Edmonds was one of the nicest restaurants on the coast, five star, white tablecloths. Just the kind of place that would appeal to Ally. I preferred picnics on the beach with a box of pizza, like Jamie and I had done last night.
“Wow. Dinner and a movie.” It was hard to be happy for her.
Since Jamie and I had gone public, certain people now looked at me with a level of disdain, and Jax was one of those people. Nothing was verbalized, at least not to my face, but I knew they were talking about me. I knew they were looking down their nose at me. We lived in a small community. Most of the locals knew each other, and while things like interracial relationships were no longer a big deal, inter-species relationships evidently were.
“That’s great, Ally,” I said unenthusiastically.
“I don’t know why you don’t like him. We’re perfect for each other.” She dug her fork into her mountain of salad.
“It’s not that I don’t like him. I just think you can do better.”
“Better than Jax?” She looked at me skeptically. “It doesn’t get any better than Jax.”
I supposed that was true if you were into the indecently rich, relatively hot, douchy, frat boy kind of guys.
“Come on, Erin. Be happy for me,” she whined. “Jamie isn’t exactly who I would pick for you either.”
And there he was, Mr. Perfect for Ally, heading straight for us. He wasn’t carrying a lunch tray. No, school lunches weren’t good enough for Jax. He usually managed to have some form of takeout brought in. Today it was a sandwich from AJ’s. And it smelled… interesting. I swallowed, wondering why it was suddenly so warm in the cafeteria. I could feel the sweat rising in my pores.
“Mind if I join?” Not waiting for a reply, he slid onto the seat across from us. Since the alligator incident, he tended to wear long-sleeved shirts, even on warm days. All his shirts had collars and tiny whales on the left side of his chest. I imagined even his socks had logos on them. And then I remembered he was a no socks and loafers kind of guy.
I looked over his shoulder, noticing Derrick and Tyler in the lunch line. No doubt they’d be joining us too, and the thought made my stomach rumble. These guys were best handled in small doses, one at a time. I didn’t know if I could stomach all three of them at once. Turns out it didn’t matter. Jax unwrapped his sandwich, revealing his shrimp po’ boy and a cloud of…. ugh, the smell. My stomach revolted.
“You okay? You look a little pale,” Jax said then took a bite of his sandwich. A pink shrimp plopped on the table.
I leaped from my seat, covering my mouth as I sprinted for the nearest bathroom, horrified to realize I wasn’t going to make it. I swallowed, holding my hand tighter over my mouth, and dashed down the hallway. I burst through the bathroom door, bumped into a girl coming out, then crashed into the first stall, falling on my knees.
“Oh God,” I moaned, leaning my head against the stall’s door after I’d emptied the entire contents of my stomach and then some. I’d been in denial, the possibility of a baby unthinkable. But I knew now. I slumped against the wall, my head falling back and stared at a yellow water stain on the ceiling. I was pregnant. I didn’t need to take a test to know. All the signs were there.
“Erin?”
My eyes closed at the sound of Ally’s voice. Legs and arms still shaking, I got off the floor and made it to the sink, where I rinsed my mouth and splashed cool water on my face.
“Are you sic
k?” Ally handed me a paper towel. I wiped my face and met her gaze in the mirror.
“No,” I said, trying to still my quivering legs. “I’m late.”
“Late?” Her brow furrowed.
Yeah. Late, Al. Did I have to spell it out?
“No, Ally. I mean, I’m late. Uncle George. He hasn’t come in two months.” I don’t why I reverted to using the code name we’d made up for having our periods in middle school. Maybe a part of me wanted to go back to those days when my biggest worries were the zits popping up on my face.
God, a baby.
“You and Jamie?”
“Of course, Jamie.” I tossed the wadded towel in the trash.
Jamie. I wished he were here. Thank God he wasn’t. How was I going to face him? Tell him?
“You had sex with Jamie and didn’t tell me?” Ally turned an accusing glare on me, as though my lack of confiding in her was the issue at hand. “Erin…”
“I know.” I covered my face with my hands. “It happened so fast.”
We’d been careless and somehow I’d thought it wouldn’t matter. I knew procreation was an issue with Jamie’s kind. Their species was declining, conception becoming a rare occurrence. Our two species weren’t compatible. The baby I carried would be wholly and simply human. I had assumed it would be harder for Jamie to get me pregnant, if he could get me pregnant at all. Apparently, he could since I was.
Ally’s shoulder’s slumped and she deflated against the sink. “I just always thought that I would be the first to you know, lose it.”
She actually sounded disappointed that I beat her to it, and then I was just irritated because she seemed to be missing the point.
“Ally, are you hearing me at all?” I said, feeling slightly better now that my stomach was empty. I was numb and dazed and confused, but oddly this little seed of excitement was growing underneath all those emotions.
“Yes, I’m hearing you. I’m just a little shocked is all. I mean, a baby?”
“Don’t tell anyone,” I pleaded. “I just figured it out for myself.”
“I won’t.” Ally shook her head. “But Erin, what are you going to do?”
Sixteen and pregnant. My mind spun with so many thoughts it was hard to settle on one. I knew I had to get out of here though. This day was a bust as far as school went.
“Right now, I’m checking out. I need some time to think.”
Ally rushed forward and hugged me. I blinked and for a second, I imagined this had to be someone else’s life. Now that the idea was sinking in, I was too stunned to do more than pat her on the back as though she were the one in need of comfort.
“Call me later,” she said as I wandered into the hallway toward the office, but then decided to skip the whole checkout process. I was pregnant. Ditching school without permission seemed like peanuts in comparison.
I pushed through the front door of the school in a haze. I barely remember getting in my Tahoe. Barely remember driving. Somehow, I found myself parked in front of my mom’s storefront. I think I sat there for fifteen minutes before getting out.
When I finally mustered up the courage, I found my mom behind her desk, talking on her phone. Her real office was in the back. The desk was more for show and was probably for sale. It didn’t look like the same one she’d been using the last time I was here. When she looked up and saw me, she waved me over.
“Yes, that sounds perfect. Can you hold on a minute?” She held the phone away from her mouth. “Honey, what are you doing here?”
“I need to talk to you,” I said. My hand splayed over my chest as if it would ease the pressure growing there.
“Teresa, I’m sorry. I’m going to have to call you back. Something’s come up.” She set the phone down and came around the desk. “Are you all right? Are you sick?”
“Yes. No.” I hiccuped around a broken sob.
“Then what is it?” She reached for me, her hands running over my upper arms, her eyes soft with worry. I opened my mouth but the words wouldn’t come.
“Come on,” she said and led me to the back of the shop and up the elevator that took us to her flat. My stomach stayed in my throat during the ride up to the third floor. It was still there when she guided me to one of the stools at her kitchen counter.
I sat woodenly while she made me a cup of cocoa. She was taking her time, and I suspected it was because, somehow she knew what I was going to say. She wasn’t only giving me time, but herself as well.
“Now, what is it?” She slid the cup across the counter.
I picked it up, cradling it in my hands. She reached out, running a finger through my hair. The motherly gesture gave me the courage I needed.
I took a sip of the cocoa and met her gaze. “I’m pregnant.”
* * *
Jamie and I already had plans to see each other after school. I hadn’t bothered texting him when I’d left my mom’s to tell him I’d be early. I simply showed up and took the path around the side of his house to the beach where I knew he’d be. I didn’t immediately see him. The only sign of him was his empty towel stretched out on the sand. I sat down, tucked my knees to my chest, and waited.
My mom had insisted I take a pregnancy test. She’d walked down to the corner market and bought one and, like I’d known it would be, it had been positive. I was still having trouble deciphering my feelings. If my mom was disappointed with me, she’d hid it well. She’d hugged me. She’d said all the right things. She’d told me she loved me. It’s why I had gone to her first, knowing she would show nothing but support for me. I’d fallen in love with her all over again during that hour. Her acceptance had made this situation seem less impossible.
But Jamie? I had no idea how he was going to react. My heart wanted to believe that, while this was in no way ideal, he’d make the best of it because he loved me. My mind didn’t share my heart’s optimism. My life was about to change in ways I didn’t even understand, and his was too. The responsibility of a baby didn’t fit into either of our plans—certainly not mine.
When Jamie came out of the water, my breath caught. I sometimes forgot what he was. It didn’t matter to me and never had, but watching him come out of the surf, his smile when he saw me, the magnitude of him, it struck me how different he actually was from me. And I knew this baby would be like me, simply human. It wouldn’t have special abilities. It wouldn’t be special like Jamie was special. I’d shared everything with Jamie. And now I was going to have his baby, a baby he might not want because it could never be what he was, share the world he spent so much of his life in.
“Hi.” He leaned down, lightly kissing my lips, careful not to drip on me.
“Hi,” I said, feeling so small and fragile under the weight his gaze.
“You ready?” He offered me his hand.
Our pre-set goal for our run today was four miles. He could easily run twice that distance. I wasn’t going to make it one mile today, much less four.
“No run today.” I ignored his hand, gazing past him to the slow roll of the waves, hugging my knees tighter.
“You okay?” He crouched in front of me, leveling his eyes on mine.
“I’m just tired.” I searched his face and saw the concern growing in his expression.
“Erin, what’s wrong?” His voice gentled over me, causing a lump to form in my throat that clogged the words waiting to be voiced.
“I need to tell you something, but I’m afraid you’re going to be mad.”
He dropped the hand he’d laid on my forearm. “Are you breaking up with me?”
“God no.” I laughed, though it came out sounding choked.
“Well that’s the only thing I can think of that would make me mad, so what is it?”
“I’m pregnant,” I said, my eyes hooded and focused on the sugary sand. The silence that followed my blunt declaration drowned out the sound of the waves. It was like time stopped as I waited for him to say something. Minutes without a response of any kind, uncomfortable minutes with my heart p
ounding so loud he surely must have heard it. I swallowed and forced my gaze to his.
He was looking at me with a blank expression on his face, but I could see his mind working behind his eyes, processing the information as though I’d just laid out the parameters of a mission. He continued to study my face, then his gaze dropped to my stomach where my hand had floated of its own accord and rested over my jeans, still flat and fluttering slightly.
“Say something.” I needed him to be with me one this. Wholeheartedly, one hundred percent with me.
“Are you sure?” The tremble in his voice twisted my gut.
“Yes,” I said. “I took a test. It was positive.”
He let out a long breath and my chest tightened in response because it sounded like he was breathing for the whole world. And when he paced back and forth in front of me with his hands on the back of his head, the muscles of his back shifting under all that skin, he looked like he could carry the world too.
“This is my fault. We did it that time without… shit,” he said as if he’d just remembered that other time. “Twice without protection.” He ran his hands over his head, and when he faced me, his eyes softened. “Erin, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
“Are you?” I asked the words lost in all this open space, drifting away on the wind, as if I’d spoken into a void. I wasn’t sure what I wanted him to say, but I didn’t want him to be sorry.
Once again, he crouched in front of me, took my hand in his, and lifted it to his mouth, pressing his lips to my knuckles. Then he lifted me to my feet and wrapped his arms around me, and picked me up. My legs encircled his waist. His skin was still damp, his lips cool when he kissed me, a gentle, affirming press of his lips.
“I love you, Erin. I am sorry. For you. For what this means for you. I know you had plans and goals, none of which included a baby. But you have to know I’m here for you. I am yours. Forever.” I heard the smile in his voice and it set my heart at ease. “I’m never letting you go now.”
Summer's Last Breath (The Emerald Series) Page 13