"Thank you," I said when we surfaced, wishing we could stay out here forever.
"I need to get you home. Your lips are turning blue."
His eyes shifted and his body grew rigid under my hands. Before I could ask what was wrong, he tucked me behind him. Peering over his shoulder, I saw what had caused his sudden change in demeanor. A dorsal fin sliced through the water, coming straight for us.
"Jamie." The dorsal submerged, and I watched, my heart in my throat, as the shark swam right below us.
"That's a big shark." My hands gripped tighter to his shoulders.
"They like the light too."
"Do you think there are more?"
"I don't know. Let me check. I don't want to worry about them trailing us all the way back." I felt Jamie's arm move and a second later he slipped the knife he wore from its sheath and put it in my hand, making sure I had a firm grip.
"What's that for?"
"That's for just in case," he said. "Go for the eyes and gills."
"Jamie—" But he was already gone. I watched until like the light and the shark, he disappeared into the murkiness.
Endless minutes passed. Minutes that were nothing like the ones when he'd been checking to make sure the star was still shining. The shore seemed so much farther away—a distance I'd never want to attempt on my own. The water seemed darker, more menacing now that I knew sharks lurked. I'd never seen a shark that big. My heart started to pound and my breath was coming faster and faster. What if something happened to Jamie? What if there were more sharks than he could handle alone?
"Jamie!" I tried to stem my growing panic. My mind raced with possibilities, of all that could go wrong. He should have kept his knife with him. Did he really expect he could fend off a swarm of sharks with his bare hands? I took a deep breath and forced my thoughts to more rational ones. He wouldn't leave me. He wouldn't have put me or our baby in danger. But the shark had looked big. And if the light from the sea star was attracting them it was possible there were more. He might be hurt and I would never know. "Jamie!"
Still I couldn't see him. Where was he? What was taking so long?
I was about to call him again when something shot up behind me. I screamed, thrashing and turning and the knife slashed across Jamie's thick chest, a long line of blood welling just under his collarbone.
"Whoa." His fingers circled my wrist, and he seemed totally oblivious to the wound I'd inflicted. "Careful with that. You might hit something vital."
"Oh my God, you scared the crap out of me." My body was trembling and my lip quivered and not from the cold. The knife fell from my grip, and Jamie caught it before it could sink to the bottom, sheathing it at his hip.
"Erin, I'm sorry." He cupped my face in his hands, eyes searching mine.
"I thought something had happened to you." Tears burned my eyes and I grabbed his wrists and held on.
"I never would have left you alone if there had been any danger to you. You have to know that." He pulled me to him and I clung to his neck. "I would never let something happen to you. There were only two of them. They're gone now."
I squeezed my eyes shut, staunching the flow of tears. I didn't want him to see how afraid I'd been. I didn't want him to think I was afraid of his world.
He held me away from him and forced me to meet the intensity in his eyes. "Tell me you believe that. I would never put you in danger."
I nodded and he kissed me firmly, as though he could force me to believe him with his mouth.
"I forget sometimes," he said after he'd lifted his face from mine, "you're…"
"Weak. Only human."
"No. I forget you're not used to being out here. I've been doing this since I was three years old. I should have realized."
I looked down at his chest where already the cut I'd made had healed, and suddenly the body under my hands seemed so much more extraordinary.
"And you're not weak." He turned me toward shore, fitting me against his chest, his mouth close to my ear, his breath coasting over my cheek. "If something had happened to me you would have turned for shore and started swimming, and you would have kept swimming until you made it. It would have been that easy."
With Jamie's confident voice in my ear, the thought of swimming to shore alone didn't sound nearly as bad. It sounded doable. He made me believe.
He spun me around to face him and with his hands on my hips held me at arms length.
"Look," he said, the bob of his chin indicating the darkness beneath us.
I peered into the depths, and if I strained hard enough I could see the pinpoint of the light of the sea star shining from the deep dark.
"Everything's okay."
As long as he was with me, everything would be okay.
Chapter Twenty-Three
My baby bump was growing.
I’d ditched wearing jeans for yoga pants and leggings. At night, when Jamie and I would lay in bed, he’d curl his hand around the small mound and marvel at the idea of a tiny life growing inside of me; a life we’d created. Now that we knew it would be a girl, we spent hours under the stars or in our bed with the night quiet around us, discussing names.
Tonight, as we’d lain in Jamie’s bed we’d gone through the whole alphabet, suggesting a name for each letter, a process that left me feeling languidly relaxed and absurdly happy. We’d narrowed it down to Caroline, Everly, and Lyla though my mind kept getting stuck on Lyla.
"Have you felt her move yet?" His hand spanned nearly my entire abdomen.
"No." It would be any day though according to the app on my phone, and Jamie seemed especially impatient for me to feel her. I promised he'd be the first to know when I did.
“How was school today?” As usual when he asked about school, his body tensed as if he expected to have to spring from the haven of our bed and fight the world for me. I had no doubt that he would.
“It was good.” I pressed up against the length of him with my head on his shoulder and one leg thrown over his stomach. Salt air funneled through the open window along with the hypnotic rhythm of the rolling waves. “I didn’t feel the urge to puke when I walked into the cafeteria.”
“I’m relieved to hear it, but that’s not what I meant.” Since Noah's fight, he was always anxious when I had to face my school mates. He pulled the covers over my shoulders, covers he never needed. He was warm all the time, like my personal electric blanket. “I worry about you."
“No more worrying. Like you said, everything is okay. I’m happy.” And that was the truth. I couldn't imagine being any happier. I'd explode if I were any happier.
"And Noah is behaving himself?"
I hadn’t wanted to tell Jamie or my dad about Noah’s fight and the reasons for it, but it had been unavoidable with the resulting suspension. Mrs. Jacobs had been called in for a parent conference, and I couldn't help thinking she must blame me for causing trouble in both her boy's lives.
"Yes." Noah's three-day suspension had come and gone, and if people were still prone to express their disgust of me, they kept it to themselves. I hadn’t heard the word slut or whore, whispered or otherwise, in days.
All in all, life felt pretty normal.
Coach Hall had invited me to volleyball tryouts for the team for next year. I’d gotten back on the court and hit a few balls. Some of the girls were even talking about throwing me a baby shower. Looking on the bright side, if there was ever an ideal time to be pregnant, it was now. The baby would be born in early June which would give me a few months to get back into playing shape. The club deal was out, but Coach assured me my place on the team was still open whenever I decided to come back.
“Well,” Jamie said, the mountain of his body seeming to sag in relief. “What do you think about finding a place of our own before the baby’s born?”
I smiled into his shoulder, stifling a giggle.
“What?” he asked, sensing my amusement.
“If someone had told me a few months ago I’d be lying in bed with the man of my
dreams naked and discussing baby names and a place to live, I would have thought they were nuts.”
“I guess I should say I’m sorry, but I’m not anymore, especially about the naked part. I like you naked, which is why I think we need a place of our own.” He turned over on his side and propped his head on his elbow, his eyes like glowing emeralds in the darkened room. They followed the path his hand traced, starting at my shoulder and skimming to my wrist.
“We can live here if you want. I know this house is convenient for you. I’d hate for you to give that up.” I knew how important proximity to the water was for Jamie. I thought he’d go crazy if he had to live somewhere he couldn’t hear the waves constantly, and that wasn't even considering his basic need for it.
“Do you really want to live with my mom and brother?”
“Well, we can’t afford anything on the Gulf. Probably not even the bay.”
“You let me worry about that.” He leaned toward me, his hands slipping around my neck and securing something in place. It was the pearl he had offered me on our wedding day, and its warmth spread through my entire body from my chest all the way to my toes.
"I picked it up from Maggie today," he said, kissing me gently. My thoughts scattered as his hands roved over my skin.
"I'll never take it off," I vowed.
The hand on my stomach dipped lower and I moaned, arching into his touch. He rolled over on his back, rolling me over him. He wouldn’t lay on top of me anymore for fear of squishing us, and he’d pretty much perfected the art of slow and gentle.
We slept after, or at least I did, held in the protective curve of his body. Jamie didn’t always sleep in the bed with me. He would always start off beside me, but sometime during the night he’d end up on the beach.
The first few times I’d woken up and found his space beside me empty, I’d gone looking for him, finding him under the stars. Sometimes he’d be asleep. Other times he’d be staring at the sky. A few times he’d been in the Deep and I’d felt my first pangs of jealousy that she had the power to lure him from our bed.
He was always apologetic, afraid I’d taken his absence personal, but I was well aware being inside for too long made him restless. Besides, he always came back before the sun started to rise, and I’d spend the early morning hours sleeping in his arms.
Tonight, he’d stayed all night, the sure beat of his heart a constant rhythm at my back. At one point, he'd whispered into my ear, “I like Lyla.”
I smiled drowsily. “Me, too.”
Minutes later he kissed my cheek and moved to get out of bed.
“Where are you going?” I opened my eyes a fraction. The sun wasn’t up yet and the room was still dark, my body warm where he’d been spooning around me.
“I have something to do for Marshall. It won’t take long.” He kissed my cheek.
“Jamie.” I grabbed his hand. “Be careful.”
He bent down and kissed me on the mouth and skated his lips down my body and kissed my stomach too. “I’ll be back later today. I love you.”
My hand lifted, fingering the pearl around my neck. Pregnant and married at sixteen. I sank back to sleep, marveling at my perfect life.
* * *
I was sitting in Geometry taking a test when it happened—a tickle of movement, a slight flutter. My pencil stilled and I held my breath, waiting to feel the butterfly wings flittering in my stomach again. A few seconds later, the flutter repeated itself and I sat in a state of wonderment.
I tried to continue with my test, but I was too distracted, fighting the urge to leap from my desk and find Jamie and tell him I’d felt our baby move.
I cut my eyes at Ally. She was sitting in the row of desks next to mine and two seats back. I stared hard at her. Look up Ally. And as best friends sometimes did, she looked up, a question in her eyes.
What, she mouthed in response to my stupid grin.
I pointed at my stomach and mouthed back, She moved.
What? Her brow pleated. Eww.
“Erin, will you come to my desk, please?” Mr. Langston asked. I stifled a laugh. Busted.
Crap. I didn’t want to get up. I was afraid if I moved I’d disturb her and I'd never feel her again. I rose from my seat and made my way to the front of the room though it felt more like I was floating I was so elated.
“Is there a problem?” Mr. Langston asked when I approached his desk.
“No, sir,” I said, wearing what I was sure was a raptured expression.
“You are aware we’re in the middle of a test and talking is prohibited.”
“Yes, sir. We weren’t cheating or anything. It’s just—”
He raised his eyebrows skeptically, poking himself in the cheek with the pen he’d been using to grade papers.
“I felt… the baby move and I wanted to tell someone,” I said softly.
“Congratulations.” He took off his glasses. “But try not to disturb the other students.”
“Yes, sir,” I mumbled and turned to my desk.
“And Erin.” His voice was a whisper as though he were sharing a secret. “I have kids of my own. I do understand.”
“Thanks, Mr. Langston.”
Back in my seat, I took another stab at my test, but my interest in quadrilaterals had been squashed. Who cared? C—the answer was C. The next one was probably C too. Oh God, there it was again, and it was as freaky as I'd thought it would be but in an amazingly good way. There was a tiny human growing inside of me and I could feel her.
The intercom mounted in the corner of the room beeped, but I was so wrapped up in the miracle taking place inside my body, I ignored the announcement at first. The sound of my name penetrated my thoughts and I looked up from my desk, momentarily confused.
“Mrs. Shaw. You’re needed in the office.”
“Sir?”
“You’ll be checking out,” he said.
“What about the test?” I asked, wondering if I had a dentist appointment or something I’d forgotten about. “I’m not finished.”
“You can make it up tomorrow."
My eyes drifted to Ally and I shrugged. I closed my book and gathered my paper. Once I’d slung my book bag over my shoulder, I handed Mr. Langston my test and exited the room, making my way down the hall toward the front office.
My steps slowed when I saw my dad standing at the end of the hallway by the entrance to the school. My first impulse was to run and tell him I’d felt the baby move but then he turned his face toward me and my heart jumped into my throat. Cold dread settled in my bones. What was he doing here? My mind immediately went to my mom.
“Dad.” I rushed forward. “What’s going on?”
“You need to come with me, baby.”
Something about the way he said "baby" created a hollowness in my stomach.
“Why? What’s wrong?”
“Something’s happened.” He reached out and placed his hand firmly at the small of my back.
“What is it?” I asked as he guided me through the doors and into the too-bright day. “Is Mom okay?”
“Your mom’s fine.”
I reached into my bag for the keys to my Tahoe, my hands shaking uncontrollably, my body already reacting to something my dad hadn't even told me yet.
“We’ll get your car later,” he said as he continued to usher me to his car that was parked on the curb with the engine still running.
“What's going on? You’re scaring me.”
“Let’s get you home and we’ll talk.”
He held the passenger door open for me, but I hesitated before climbing inside, knowing with a heart-sinking feeling something bad was waiting for me at home.
“Please, Erin.”
My dad closed me inside the car, and I watched him stiffly make his way around to the driver’s side and slide behind the wheel. He didn’t say anything as he pulled from the curb. He kept silent as he turned right onto the highway.
I sat woodenly in the front seat, gripping my knees until my knuckles turned
white, and my fingers cramped, feeling like the world was about to drop out from beneath me or explode altogether. I touched the pearl at my neck comforted by the warmth it still held. My heart pounded through the five-minute drive, and my mind raced as I stubbornly refused to speculate.
We pulled into the driveway of the Jacobs's house—my house. My mom’s car was parked by the road. The sight of it made my breath come tight. Why would she be here? This was bad. This was really bad.
“Dad?” I got out of the car but held to the door, reluctant to go any farther without knowing more.
“We’ll talk inside.” Again he put his hand at my back as though he were afraid I would bolt, and I just might if he didn’t tell me something. I latched onto his arm with both hands and dug in my heels.
“Don’t make me walk into that house without knowing. Is it Jamie? I know he left early this morning. He said he was doing something for you, and he’d be back in a few hours. Did the guys have some kind of exercise? Is everyone all right?”
“It wasn’t an exercise.” His voice didn’t sound like the voice of my dad at all. It was strained and vacant in tone like he doubted his own words. “I had something I needed Jamie to do.”
“And?" I'd known this day would come. It's what Jamie had been working for. What was my dad so afraid to tell me?
“He hasn’t come back.”
“What do you mean he hasn’t come back? I don’t understand. Where’s Jamie?” My voice was slowly rising to a hysterical level. Nothing my dad was saying made any sense.
Summer's Last Breath (The Emerald Series) Page 19