“It’s got to be halfway through the morning. The troops are going to wonder where I am.”
“Hmm?” She lifted her head, looking at him.
“Work. Some people may be on extended vacation, but we poor working stiffs still have to go out and earn a dollar.”
He tweaked her chin, and smiled, shifting them both up and feeling the cool air of the room sneak in between them when she lifted herself.
She was looking around for her pajamas, standing there completely naked in his den, her hair in complete, gorgeous disarray, skin rosy, nipples hard from the coolness of the air. He felt himself go semi-erect again, and was abashed enough to feel a little heat rise in his face as she stared at his erection, and then smiled up into his face, her eyes playful.
“You must really like your job.”
He snorted, swatting her on the butt as she reached for her pajamas on the floor.
“I do, but I like your job better.” She turned a rosy shade of pink, and he chuckled. Standing, pulling his pants on loosely as she dressed, he smiled and reached out, bringing her back to him for a moment.
“I like it when you look like that—satisfied and happy. We haven’t had too much of that together, really, have we?”
She felt unsure of how to respond, unable to handle the intimacy he obviously wanted to share with her.
“I, um…” She just squeezed him back and stepped away, brushing off the front of her pajamas absently and turning around. “Oh, look, it is almost ten. Are you going in?”
Jack stared at her, more curious than upset about her obvious discomfort. He pursed his lips. “No, I can telecommute today.”
Then he crossed his arms over his chest and leveled her a serious look.
“Raine, why are you doing this?”
Pulling on a sock, she looked at him. “My feet get cold.”
He sat back down on the sofa, still warm from their bodies, and reached up and tugged at her elbow for her to sit down with him. She looked away but sat, putting her hands in her lap when she couldn’t figure out what to do with them. He moved closer, took them in his and held them steady.
“No, not that. Why, after we have sex, do you withdraw emotionally? The first time we were together, you did it—you backed off so fast I could feel the ice forming. I didn’t even think there would be a next time. In the car, you did the same thing, and now again. But it’s especially confusing at this moment, Raine, because we share more now, we knew this was going to happen between us. I figured we both wanted it.”
Raine grimaced, looked out the window and then back at Jack. Unable to sit, she got up, paced, and looked back at him.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize I was being so…rude.” When his eyes narrowed to annoyed slits, she realized her mistake, made a frustrated sound and came back to the couch, faced him, tried to speak normally.
“Jack, I don’t know how to make you understand. I didn’t have family, didn’t have many friends. I don’t know how to handle these moments that seem to come so easily to everyone else. I’m not always sure what to say. I didn’t have boyfriends until college, but that was nothing like this, that’s for sure. Nothing has ever been like this.”
He liked hearing her admit that, and saw more in her eyes than he thought she probably knew showed there. He nodded, took her fidgety hands back in his as she went on.
“And then there is the fact that we really don’t know each other, not really. I don’t know much about you, really, except your job, the bits and pieces I picked up online, and what you have told me since I’ve been here, which really hasn’t been much.”
He frowned at that; she was right. They hadn’t spent much time talking about their lives, they were too busy reacting to circumstances. They hadn’t really dated, there was nothing traditional about their relationship. Her voice lowered, but she continued.
“And I…I do want you. I have never felt like this before—physically—with anyone. But I don’t know what else we have, and if it is just the circumstances, you know…”
He angled his head, prompting her to continue, and she took a deep breath, plunging forth.
“Just our situation. I mean, it’s human—you’re human. You have been so good to help me, but it’s like we are in a movie—this isn’t real, an evil stalker and a handsome hero who saves the damsel in distress—it’s like playing a game.”
He shook his head adamantly.
“I’m not playing games with you, Raine—not now—and what we just shared was very, very real. It’s all been real.”
“Well, yes, in one sense…”
“No, in every sense. I agree with you that we met under odd circumstances, and that we haven’t had time to get to know each other like couples usually do. But that doesn’t mean that what we have isn’t real. It’s real, Rainey. Trust me.”
She stood up again, her uncertainty wrapping around her like an old robe. It was familiar, and kept her safe. It kept her from risking too much.
“I do trust you, in a way—but how can I know what will happen next, if you will still feel this way once the danger and drama are over with? Or how can you know that anything you feel is more than that? You may just feel sorry for me…now that you know about my background, and my problems in bed.” The color in her face burned and she looked away, trying to hide from the heavy burden of self-consciousness that she carried. He stood, crossing the distance between them quickly, turning her to him.
“Are you crazy? You turn me inside out with a touch, with a look—how can you think you are bad in bed? We just finished with each other and I could pull you back down on that couch right now and do it all over again.” He took a deep breath.
“As for the orgasm issue, Raine, you just need to explore what works and what doesn’t—that doesn’t make it boring, hell, it’s the exact opposite! I get worked up just thinking about ways to make you come. And I’ve been thinking about it a lot. I like it. You’re incredible in bed.”
She shook her head, started to interrupt, but he wasn’t finished yet.
“As for the rest, I’d like to think at this point of my life I’m grounded enough not to just get caught up in circumstances, though I’ll admit that I do feel protective toward you, and the situation has emphasized that. I’ll even admit to using it a bit to get you here with me.”
She gave him a shocked look, and he smiled, touching her face.
“I wanted you here with me so I knew you were safe, yes, but selfishly I wanted to have more time with you.”
He stepped in, pulled her closer, the heat from his still-bare chest burning through the flannel of her top.
“As for feeling sorry for you, I hate it that you were unhappy, but that’s the past. I do feel sorry for the child you were. I hate even thinking about how you grew up. But you aren’t a child anymore. There isn’t much room for pity in what I feel for you. Desire, interest, admiration…hope. But not pity.”
He stroked her back in that way he knew she liked and felt her ease against him. Her face on his shoulder, Raine sighed. He had neatly dissolved each one of her doubts as if they were snowflakes melting on his tongue. Though she believed the things he said, she still had reservations, she just couldn’t help it.
He made it all sound so logical, so easy, but it wasn’t as easy for her. He rubbed his cheek against her hair.
“Just one promise?”
“Hmm?”
“You’ll stop withdrawing from me emotionally and be open to seeing what we have here.”
She smiled slightly. “That’s two promises.” But she nodded, and he smiled.
“Okay, I’m going to grab a shower—you can join me if you like.” The wicked grin drew one from her in return.
“My stomach is growling.” She made the excuse, but didn’t tell him what his offer caused other parts of her anatomy to do. “But thanks for the offer.”
“Anytime. Like I said, feel free to help yourself to anything you want.”
With that suggestive offer, h
e left her there, staring after him. She shook her head, feeling as if her life was being turned upside down in more ways than one. But some of it wasn’t so bad.
12
THE NEW ENGLAND BLUES and whites of the small kitchen made it appear bright and charming. She particularly admired an impressive collection of yellow-ware bowls displayed on an antique walnut stand. Like the rest of the house, the kitchen was compact and old-fashioned, but well equipped. Except for the refrigerator. She found one egg, a near-empty quart of milk long past the expiration date and some English muffins that had seen better days.
She found supplies for coffee and grabbed a banana from the counter. She would go shopping. She could feel useful and thank Jack for his generosity by stocking the kitchen and making dinner. She looked out the window, toward the shore, and felt an itch to take a long walk by the sea, which she rarely did in the winter months.
She liked being here in the cozy house with Jack—maybe too much—but this wasn’t a permanent arrangement. The sooner she could get back in her own house, with her life back on track, the better. As for where that would leave her and Jack, she was willing to wait and see, and maybe hope a little. It was all she could manage at the moment.
She heard the shower running and decided to go get dressed. Walking by the bathroom, she inhaled the scent of musky soap that drifting into the hallway. She stood outside the door for a moment, contemplating, and then shook her head, and walked down to her room, firmly shutting the door.
Quickly brushing her hair and tying it back in a long, thick braid, she put on a well-worn pair of low-rider jeans and a boxy dark blue sweatshirt, the edge of which just skimmed the top of her jeans. She heard the shower stop, and she grabbed her small cosmetics kit. Opening her door, she stepped gingerly out into the hall and almost collided with Jack in the narrow hallway.
His hair was wet and tousled and water gleamed off his skin; he wore only a white towel, and even that, loosely. His stomach was muscular and lean, the five-o’clock shadow was gone, and the eyes she met as she finished her long survey of his body were laughing. He reached out, tugging on the braid that lay over one shoulder.
“Hey there, Heidi. Wanna come out to play?”
She raised an eyebrow, resisted grinning, and stuck her nose primly in the air. “That’s Swiss Miss to you.”
He stepped to the left to let her pass, and she did so, but didn’t take her eyes off him, not trusting the glint in his eye. She had just made it to the bathroom door when…thwack! She felt the sharp sting on her butt and jumped, hollering in surprise.
She spun around, and could only stare with her eyes wide. Words stuck in her throat as she watched him saunter down the hall away from her, his fabulous bare buttocks in full view as he twirled the damp white towel victoriously in circles at his side. She could have sworn he chuckled as he disappeared into his room.
SHE SIPPED COFFEE and looked out the window, then back to the pad of paper on the counter, jotting down some things on her list.
“What’d’ya got there?” She hadn’t even heard him come in, and glanced up with a start; he was all dry now, and she noted how his amber hair curled where it was still damp, just around the edges, and settled in waves across his forehead. He picked up the steaming cup of black coffee and repeated his question.
“Oh, sorry. Shopping list. You have no food.”
He grimaced. “Yeah, I eat out a lot.”
“No problem. I’ll go to the store. I want to make you dinner, and it will give me something to do.”
“I’d like that a lot—haven’t had anything made at home in a while.”
“Great! I won’t be too long.”
She went to grab her coat and make her escape. She needed to get out for a while, to think. Or to not think. As she passed by, he snagged her elbow and yanked her up against him, sealing a kiss to her mouth, then abruptly letting her go.
She lifted her hand to her mouth, her eyes dazed. When she looked up at him he had a lazy kind of self-satisfied look on his face that made her blink, and before she thought about it too much, she flung her forearm around the back of his neck and pulled him down to her, kissing him back and running her tongue sensuously over his bottom lip for good measure. Now he was dazed. She smiled, and headed out.
RAINE LOVED the town of Gloucester. She had been here a few times in summer, but it was glorious in winter. She wandered around for a long while, visiting the Fisherman’s Memorial, which always tugged at her heart. In the stark cold it seemed an even more brutal reminder of what had happened to those that had “gone down to the sea in ships.” How many of them had loved and been lost—or worse, had not loved at all before sailing out to their deaths? Running her gloved fingers over some of the names, she sighed and turned away.
She wandered the streets a little more, gazing out over the harbor, before eventually strolling into a small specialty-food store. Grabbing a basket, she went up and down the aisles, making choices carefully, and thinking about what Jack had said.
She did want to thank him for being so good to her, and cooking was one way she could do that, but she didn’t mean it in a distant, formal way. In fact, this would be the only time she had ever shopped and cooked for a man in his own house. It was an interesting feeling.
It wasn’t long before the basket was full. She had even decided to try to make some bread. How hard could it be? She read the recipe on the back of a bag of flour, and thought it looked fairly straightforward. Why not?
Happily, she unloaded her goods on the single counter by the cashier—they must not get too much of a rush around here, she thought, smiling. Her groceries rung up and bagged, the young girl turned to her, obviously uncomfortable.
“Um, miss, your card didn’t go through.”
Raine stared at her. “What? There must be a mistake.”
The girl shook her head. “I’ll try it again, but the machine says it was refused.”
The cashier slid her card through again, and her face was tense as she turned back to Raine. “I’m sorry….”
“No, that can’t be right! There isn’t even a balance on this card.”
“Would you like to try another one?”
Raine nodded, and slid the only other credit card she had with her across the counter. A heavy weight sat in her gut and she knew something was wrong. A few moments later, the same story; that card didn’t work, either.
“Do you have an ATM?”
The cashier nodded and pointed to the machine by the door, and Raine went to it, slid her card in and paled, feeling her knees go wobbly when not only did the screen tell her that she had a zero balance, but it wouldn’t return her card. The cashier was calling her, someone else was in line waiting.
“Miss? Miss? Are you taking these groceries?”
Raine stared at her and shook her head, turned abruptly and fled out the door, making her way on shaking legs back to the car. She drove back to the house caught somewhere between fear and rage, trying to concentrate on driving down the winter highway, dealing with the winding road and the thoughts jamming in her head. By the time she parked, she was numb with anger.
As she went up the walk, she saw the door open, and Jack appeared on the step, handsome and smiling.
“Need help? What—” He stopped, looked at her once and raced down the walk. “Raine…what is it? What happened?”
She was so angry—she had never been this angry—she could barely form thoughts. He put his hands on her shoulders, looked into her stormy eyes filling with tears, and he noticed she was shaking. He put his arm around her and guided her inside.
“Tell me.”
She told him what happened at the store and felt his hand tighten on hers, his eyes darkening with fury and concern. She fell back against the sofa.
“So, I have no money, I have no credit, and I have no food. I don’t know what to do. I can’t go to my house, I can’t go to work, I can’t use my car. He is stripping my life away bit by bit. It has to stop. We have to do somet
hing, if no one else will. I can’t just sit around taking this. I won’t.”
Jack was glad that she wanted to fight back. He had been thinking along similar lines while she was gone, but didn’t know if she would feel inclined to try to trap her harasser.
“Yeah, he’s ticked—he knows you have moved by now, but he doesn’t know where. He’s probably checked the magazine somehow, noted no use of your e-mail. He may be trying to flush you out.”
He took her hand in his and played with her fingers. “He won’t give up and go away, Rainey, so maybe the next best thing is to lure him in. Let him find us.”
She nodded, feeling scared, exhilarated, and without a clue as to exactly how they were supposed to do that.
“Yes, I want to do that—but how?” She paced around the coffee table. “I have to call the police—this should be reported, anyway, not that they can do anything.”
Jack nodded. “Do that now. I might have a plan. We’ll talk about it after you get off the phone.”
She nodded, went to the phone and called Detective Delaney. Luckily, he was in.
When she got off the phone, her mouth was set in a grim line, and she wondered what Jack’s plan was—they weren’t going to wait for this guy to slip up—they would make him slip up. She wanted her life back.
Jack came to sit with her on the sofa and she told him about the phone call.
“What did Delaney say?”
“Still not much he could do personally, but he was going to contact someone in Boston at their computer crime unity to come down and talk to me, said he would let me know when.”
“Good, at least he’s doing something.”
She rubbed her hands over her eyes. Someone must have a voodoo doll and they were jabbing a pin right between her eyes that very moment, because that’s what her head felt like. He peeled her hands down, and pulled her up off the couch.
“C’mon.”
“Where?”
“We’re going to run by your house, get your credit card statements so tomorrow we can make some calls, try to do some damage control. Then I’ll tell you my plan.”
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