Blind Side

by William Bayer

  "Then one night Mrs. Z prepared a surprise. That was her method-to suddenly reverse the roles. She'd turn us regular submissives into dominants and make the dominants submit. It made for good theater, shock value, but there was something else working too, something we mentioned sometimes among ourselves. That Mrs. Z liked doing it. That she got off on it. That she liked to bring down the mighty and the proud. And that coincided with the Masked Man's fantasy, this thing he had about seeing haughty girls brought to their knees and made to beg "Look, for all I know, it wasn't a surprise. they could have discussed it on the phone. Maybe the Masked Man said, 'I'd like to see Sonya crushed." And Mrs. Z replied, 'Oh, yes, that can be arranged………

  "Which brings up my relationship with Mrs. Z. When I first came to New York, and I heard about her, I wanted desperately to join her class. She was a cult figure. She took very few students. It was extremely difficult to get in.

  "I was on the waiting list, and when an opening came up I auditioned for it and she accepted me. The first year was great. Two full afternoons a week. I worked my ass off as a waitress to pay the fees, because I felt it was a privilege to study with her-a possible route to becoming a star.

  "She had this idea about releasing the actor through uninhibited sexual play. There was a lot of that in class, and talk too of 'triggers,' nude work, stripped down psychodrama, the sacred ceremonial role of the actor as he who bares his naked self.

  "She experimented with us. The sex stuff seemed to fascinate her, and we loved it-we knew it was daring and felt it put us on the cutting edge. Then one day she seemed to change, as if what we were doing released something dark inside, As if, in a single day, this fairly classy woman became, well . . . evil.

  "Because, you see, a woman like her would never do what she did unless she enjoyed it."

  "You're saying she got corrupted?"

  "I think the corruption was already there."

  "So suddenly the legendary acting coach became a sex-show impresario?"

  "Yeah. And the shows were fascinating, Geoffrey. Very well done. Mrs. Z couldn't do them any other way. I loved being in them, There was this extraordinary feeling afterwards. Exhilaration and release."

  She smiled, picked up her glass, slowly drank off her wine. For a moment there was a sparkle of Just in her eyes. Then it faded as she thought of something else.

  "The first time the Masked Man asked for a private session with Sonya, Mrs. Z got very huffy, as if such a thing was too outrageous even to consider. Now I think it was a setup, that she knew from the start that Darling would make that request, and that her refusal, her huffiness, and the negotiations that followed were just a charade for Sonya's benefit.

  "You know what happened-Sonya was paid ten thousand dollars. Cash! Incredible! Then the two of them went down to Mrs. Z's apartment on the floor below."

  "What did Sonya agree to do?"

  "The same as the call girl I told you about, Be tied up, drugged, then have a few bones broken. And because Sonya knew the threats were real, she expected to beg and cry and offer to do all sorts of awful things if only the Masked Man would relent."

  "Sexual things?"

  "More like degrading things, the more degrading the better. He wanted to see the Ice Maiden crawl. And she did-I'm sure of it. She spoke to me briefly be fore she went down.

  " 'I'm going to do everything he asks,' she said, 'because I don't want to get messed up.'

  " 'But you will get messed up. You know that. That's what all that money's for,' I said.

  "She said she knew that, but still she thought she could avoid the worst of it if she conducted herself in a certain way. She had this idea that if she debased herself enough, she could satisfy him without having to be hurt. Poor Sonya! She thought she could wear him out. She didn't understand. She was going to have to pay for all the times she'd played the queen. The fact that he was accustomed to seeing her as dominant made her all the more valuable as a slave.

  "While it was going on, Shadow and I waited upstairs to take her home. Mrs. Z just sat there playing solitaire. We never found out exactly what happened. God knows, Darling wasn't touched by her submissiveness. In fact, too much of it may have pushed him out of control. The way it ended up, he broke her neck."

  Kim wept as she told me this; tears streamed down her face. And I felt the same hollow sickening feeling in my stomach. I pushed my food away.

  "Which brings me finally," she said, "to that Saturday night when everything fell apart. I told you how Rakoubian approached me, what we agreed to do. After he got his pictures, I went to Mrs. Z. I was nervous, but I was a good enough actress to cover up.

  "I laid it out for her: the Masked Man was Arnold Darling. I had proof, including a picture that showed him taking off his mask.

  "She asked to see it. I showed it to her. She shook her head, pretende she was surprised. S e'd maintains all along she didn't know who he was, but I knew she was lying.; her reaction was so obviously feigned.

  'So what do you want?" she asked. I told her a million dollars. She said that was absurd, that; the material didn't justify anywhere near that kind of money.

  "I told her the amount didn't seem so large to me, not with a homicide involved.

  "She listened, and then she asked: 'What do you want of me?'

  "I told her I wanted her to act as go-between, and for that she'd get ten percent,

  " 'And if I refuse?" she asked.

  " 'You won't,' I said. 'Because you're guilty too for Sonya's death.'

  "She understood, She said she'd give it some thought. I told her not to think too long, because if I didn't @ear from her soon, I'd take the pictures to the cops.

  "She looked at me quite strangely then, and then she kind of smiled. 'Be careful, my pet. You're playing with fire." Then she kissed me on both cheeks.

  "The next week or so was pretty tense. Adam was calling me every day. I tried not to let on to you that anything was wrong. I brought Shadow down to meet You. I was glad you two got along.

  "The only odd thing was the call from Amanda Duquayne, and that was only strange in retrospect. I told you we'd done these little numbers together. But I hadn't heard from her in quite a while. Anyway, you know what happened. We went there, quarreled, then I went home to discover someone had broken into my apartment.

  "But not really, you see, because the lock wasn't broken. Someone got in with a key, then tore the place apart. Dresses slashed. Shoes clipped in half. Like he went through all our stuff with a gardening shears." She made quick scissoring motions with her hands.

  "He must have been looking for the photographs."

  Kimberly shook her head, "I'd given-Mrs. Z the standard line: the pictures were 'deposited' with a friend, and if anything happened to me, such as an 'accident,' they'd be released immediately."

  "they were deposited with Rakoubian, of course." She nodded.

  "Still, you must have been scared?"

  "Out of my mind. So right away I called Adam and he said 'Stay cool,' we had to expect a move like this, it was just a negotiating tactic, their way to soften me up so they could whittle down the price. I asked him if he thought the Duquayne invitation was a ruse to get me out of the apartment. He said it probably was. Then he told me again not to worry, that it only meant they were getting ready to close on a deal.

  "But I was worried, and when Shadow didn't show, I became very concerned. Sure, she stayed out sometimes, but she always called me when she did. I barely slept. Then, when you woke me up, I started cleaning the apartment just so I wouldn't have to think."

  "You told me you and Shadow had a modeling session."

  "What we had scheduled was a rehearsal."

  "At Mrs. Z's?" She nodded.

  "It was to be just the two of us late that night, preparing a scene for a new client, someone we hadn't met."

  "What happened?"

  "I always knew I'd have to leave New York, no matter I'd told Rakoubian, of how the blackmail turned out. course, and Shadow too, my
explanation being that since Sonya's 'accident,' I'd grown so fearful of Mrs. Z, I was afraid to stay in town. I also told Jess Harrison, the guy down the hall with AIDS. But I never told any of them about Key West. And I was careful when I bought my ticket. Even though it cost me more, I bought one with open dates and used a phony name.

  "I spent most of that day getting ready to leave. I

  out the apartment and packed up the finished cleaning ent a lot of time few things that remained. I also sp thinking about how I could explain it all to you."

  "I thought you weren't going to explain it."

  "I was. Later I changed my mind."

  "Why?"

  "Because of what happened, the trap I walked into later that night."

  Shadow finall called late in the afternoon. Kim was relieved to hear y from her. Shadow said she'd slept over at one of her friend's, and when Kim told her about the break-in and the damage to their clothes, Shadow sounded upset, but not so upset, Kim thought later, as she should have been.

  Anyway, they had a normal enough conversation, and agreed to meet at midnight at Mrs. Z's. Then Kim went down to West Seventeenth to see Adam Rakoubian.

  She told him s he was scared, she was going to leave New York, hide out where she couldn't be reached. No more face-to-face meetings with Mrs. Z; from now all the dealings would have to be by phone.

  llwfiat about the money drop-off?" Rakoubian asked.

  She assured him she'd be there for that. She also told him she thought it was time to lower their demand. If they cut it in half, she said, Darling would think he was getting a bargain.

  they quarreled. Rakoubian stonewalled on the money. She, in turn, accused him of talking big while she took all the risks. Both of them,got angry, and nothing was resolved. When she left she began giving serious thought to dumping the blackmail idea and going to the cops.

  There was an actor's trick Mrs. Z had taught her: to really consider a certain option, so you can voice it with conviction on the stage. So she actually did consider that as she started downtown to Mrs. Z's. I have to mean it, she told herself. Only by meaning it, will I be able to compel belief.

  When she arrived at the loft, Shadow wasn't there, just Mrs. Z alone. The acting teacher, seated in the spectator's throne, got directly to the point.

  In the first place, she said, no intelligent person pays blackmail, because he knows, no matter how much he pays, it's only an installment against future demands. Furthermore he knows that even when pictures are turned over, copy negatives have invariably been made.

  Therefore the Masked Man (she refused to acknowledge his name) had considered her proposition and refused. Yes, he had once tried on the mask, and yes, he had attended various performances. But he had had nothing to do with any homicide, and could alibi his whereabouts the night the alleged crime had taken place.

  This having been said, Mrs. Z continued, the Masked Man wanted to rid himself of the nuisance. He was prepared, therefore, to pay twenty-five thousand dollars for the photographs, and (this was the most important part) a sworn notarized statement from Kimberly in which she would admit to having attempted extortion.

  That was it, his final offer, and there would be no further discussion. It was a take-it-or-leave-it proposition. So, did Kimberly accept? Or not?

  No, she most certainly did not accept, she said, but she agreed there would be no more discussion. Her offer to sell the photographs for a million dollars was hereby withdrawn. She would take them and her story to the cops.

  Mrs. Z looked at her closely.

  "That is not a credible threat."

  Kimberly responded that it seemed credible to her, as, at the very least, the performance loft would be closed, and the involvement of prominent people, such as the Duquaynes, would be exposed. Furthermore, Sonya's disappearance could easily be verified, and regardless of any phony alibis, there would be considerable interest in Kimberly's claim that Darling had murdered Sonya in a violent sex-for-money scene brokered by Mrs. Z.

  As Mrs. Z began to show distress, Kim was feeling pretty good. She felt she was handling the situation well, and the time to strike a bargain was at hand.

  But then Mrs. Z said quietly that she'd like to show Kimberly a videotape. She turned on a VCR and a monitor, and when Kim saw what was on it, she began to scream.

  We were on Duval. It was 11:30, we'd finished dinner, and were walking toward the Post Office to pick up my car . The bars of downtown Key West, filled and boisterous, poured country music into the sticky summer night. .

  "It was awful, what she showed me," Kim said, clutching my arm.

  "they had Shadow naked and tied up. They'd grabbed her the night before; when she'd phoned me she'd been in their hands. The tape showed her writhing and terrified. It wasn't acting-I knew her too well to be fooled."

  :'Was the Masked Man there?"

  'You couldn't see him. The camera was focused on Shadow. But you could see these hands moving in and out of the frame, doing all these awful things. I thought they were his. I felt they were, on account of the look in Shadow's eyes."

  "What kind of look?"

  "Total terror. The look of someone who knows she's going to die."

  "Jesus!"

  "After about a minute, Mrs. Z turned it off. 'She's halfway now to going the way of Sonya,' she told me. 'She'll go the whole way unless you do what I say.'

  "I was to sign the extortion papers and then retrieve the photographs. If I didn't come back in a couple of hours, Shadow . . . well, she didn't have to spell it out.

  "There was no choice. I signed, then left the building. My legs were trembling. I don't think I'd ever been so scared.

  "My plan was to go to Rakoubian and make him give me all his negatives. If he refused I'd threaten to turn him over to Mrs. Z.

  "There was a taxi waiting up the block. It started toward me, then something told me I shouldn't get in, that it was too convenient to find it sitting there in that deserted area that time of night.

  "I ran across the street. That's when I noticed two men, one on each end of the block. They'd been waiting in the shadows. When I ran, they started running too. I darted down a side street, then through an alley, and then into that disco, Lil's, on Desbrosses, near where you and I met. No trouble getting in. they knew me there. I ran straight through the place, then out the fire door in back.

  "I knew then I couldn't return to Mrs. Z's, no matter the threat to Shadow. Whatever I did, they'd kill us both. They'd have to, to shut us up."

  "Why didn't you go to the cops?"

  "You kidding, Geoffrey? I was up to my ears in it. I'd withheld evidence on a murder and I was party to a blackmail scheme. And even if I did go, I was sure I'd still get killed. That's how scared I was."

  "So you came to me?"

  She nodded.

  "There wasn't anyone else. I caught a cab coming out of the Holland Tunnel, rode it down to Park Row, then ran down Nassau to your corner and phoned." She took hold of my arm again, squeezed it, then brought my hands to her lips.

  "Thank God, you were home. You Saved my life. And you were so damn nice. When you saw I didn't want to talk, you didn't insist. And then I did what I always do when I'm overwhelmed-closed my eyes and went to sleep."

  "The next morning you decided to run?"

  "Yes. But I couldn't tell you then. Now you see why, don't you, Geoffrey? Don't you?"

  "Yeah," I said.

  "I guess I do."

  I knew most of the rest of it, how she left my place, went back to hers, picked up her bags and said good-bye to Jess. Then she taxied to the airport and called Rakoubian while waiting for her plane.

  She told him what had happened, that Shadow had probably been killed, and that she was getting out of it now, was going away.

  He tried to persuade her to take another crack at Mrs. Z, or at least wait to see if Shadow reappeared. She hung up on him, boarded her flight, flew to Miami, then took a bus to Key West. In just two days she found an apartment and a job. She wan
ted to bury herself; she thought she had until I showed up that afternoon.

  "Funny," she said, "now that I think of it, Adam should have sounded a lot more frightened than he did. Now, of course, I know the reason: he thought he was safe; he'd set you up to take the rap for him."

  We found my car, and when she saw the mess in the back, she shook her head and smiled. She helped me clean out the discarded snack bags, then we drove to the Spanish Moss, where we fell asleep in each other's arms.

  I think it was around three in the morning when I woke up and saw her sitting across the room. She was in the chair staring out the window, sobbing almost silently.

  "Hey, what's the matter?" I went to her, put my arm around her, tried to wipe away her tears.

  " Scared," she said.

  "Why? It's over now."

  "It's what you said about Key West."

  "What did I say?"

  "That it's like a box canyon, one way in and one way out. "

  "That was just talk," I said.

  "I think you're safe here, very safe."

  She shook her head.

  "If you found me, they'll find me, and they kill people, don't forget. I think they're still looking for me and they still want to kill me and now I don't know where to go."

  "they won't find you, I promise," I said. Then I tried to coax her back to bed.

  "they will find me! Of course they will. You did! So why not them?"

  "they won't," I said.

  "they can't. You see, I really missed you. And I had a clue."

  "What clue, Geoffrey? What are you talking about?"

  She looked so frantic then, so sad and desperate, that I thought it only fair to tell her what I'd done. I went through it all: the unexplained number on my telephone bill, my research at the library, my trip to Cleveland, finding Grace, tracking her to the topless joint. Then our date, the massage, and how, the following morning, I'd broken into her house and found the return Key West address on the envelope.