by Honest Lee
“Awesome,” Olivia said sarcastically. “We’re going to have to figure this out on our own. Thanks for nothing, Lily.”
“You are welcome,” said the robot, continuing her space-travel math.
Later, Little Linda Riding Hood tapped L.I.L.Y. Bot on the shoulder. “Excuse me, Ms. Tin Man? I’ve heard a story of your helping lost little girls find their way through the woods. Would you help me?”
“Does not compute,” said L.I.L.Y. Bot.
Little Linda Riding Hood knocked on the robot’s metal plating. “You are the Tin Man, aren’t you? I’m lost in the woods and I need your help finding Grandmama’s house.”
“Are you referring to movie designation: Wizard of Oz?” L.I.L.Y. Bot asked.
Little Linda Riding Hood knocked on L.I.L.Y. Bot’s head. “Sounds like tin to me,” she said.
“Incorrect! Be gone, fleshy thing. I have equations to solve if—beep boop boo—error!” L.I.L.Y. Bot froze.
“Ms. Tin Man?” Riding Hood asked.
But the robot’s lights dimmed. Her limbs fell to her sides. She could not move. L.I.L.Y. Bot realized that her batteries had died. When Lily had made her costume, she had thought of everything—except the possibility of becoming a real robot and needing a cord to plug in.
CHAPTER 15
The Werewolf
Olivia and Mason didn’t know what to do as their classmates continued to turn into their costumes. “What can be causing this?” Olivia asked.
Mason shrugged. “Witches?”
“Hey, don’t look at me!” said Ava (who was dressed up as a witch).
“Spelling tests?” Mason asked.
Olivia rolled her eyes. “How does that make any sense?”
“Well, witches use spells, and spelling tests use spelling, so I figured…”
Olivia shook her head. “You really aren’t the brightest kid, are you?”
Mason shook his head. “Nope. Very much the opposite.”
In the midst of their conversation, Olivia and Mason didn’t notice that another of their classmates was undergoing a tragic transformation. Benji was transforming from a boy dressed as a werewolf into an actual, real-life werewolf.
His clothes ripped and tore to make room for his new wolf muscles. Then he howled at the full moon outside (even though it was daytime). Then he stopped and scratched for fleas.
He sniffed the air. He was hungry. He needed to eat something someone.
He looked around the classroom. There was a pirate and a baby and a two-headed horse. But Benji wasn’t sure what werewolves ate. The pirate looked a little too salty, the baby smelled too stinky, and the horse looked a little too… well, weird. No, none of those would do.
That’s when Benji saw Little Linda Riding Hood. She looked delicious.
Benji crept over on his paws, closer and closer. Right as he was about to pounce, Riding Hood saw him. “Well, hello there. By any chance do you know the way to Grandmama’s house?”
“Who, me?” the werewolf asked. “Uh, yeah, sure. I think it’s, uh, well, if you take a right at the hamster cage, and a left at the water fountain, then another left at the chalkboard, and then another right at the pencil sharpener, you should be there.”
“Thanks!” Little Linda Riding Hood said. Then she skipped away.
Benji took a shortcut to the other side of Classroom 13 first. He needed to hurry and dress up as a grandmother so he could eat Riding Hood. Then he realized that didn’t make a lick of sense. There was no way someone would mistake a wolf for a person. Not unless they were blind.
By the time Little Linda Riding Hood got there, Benji didn’t even bother with dressing up like her grandmother. Instead, he grabbed her and growled, “My, my, my, Riding Hood. What big teeth I have!”
“Hey, that’s my line!” Little Linda Riding Hood said.
Then she started to run.
Benji the Werewolf chased her all around Classroom 13. Little Linda Riding Hood screamed, and Benji howled. Chloe the Cowboy would have helped, but she was trying to ride the two-headed horse. Mark and Preeya were still arguing over servants, and the Dread Pirate Triple J was hiding from Dev the Ghost. There was a lot going on.
Anyway… Benji pounced and tackled his teacher. He bit her leg and started chewing.
“Why are you doing this?!” she cried.
“Don’t you know? You’re wearing red. It drives animals crazy,” Benji explained.
“How have I never thought of that before?” Little Linda Riding Hood asked herself out loud. “It seems so obvious. A camouflage hood would have been a much smarter choice. Also, would you stop chewing on my leg? That hurts.”
The werewolf said, “No, I’m hungry.”
So Little Linda Riding Hood began screaming.
But what Benji forgot is that werewolves are very different from big bad wolves. When they bite someone, they pass on their werewolf abilities.
So a few minutes later, Little Linda Riding Hood began to change, too. She turned into a much bigger werewolf. Then she started chasing Benji around Classroom 13.
“I can’t wait to gobble you up and wolf you down!” the teacher said.
“Could we stop? I’m getting a stitch in my side!” Benji cried.
“No,” Little-Linda-Riding-Hood-turned-werewolf growled.
So they kept running in circles, just like dogs do.
CHAPTER 16
The Pumpkin
Principal Pumpernickel had been in his office, trying to take a nice Halloween nap. He was almost asleep when screaming and howling startled him and he fell out of his chair. He was not pleased. Interrupting a principal’s nap—uh, I mean work—was very rude.
When he entered the hallway, he was not surprised to find the loud noises were coming from the end of the hall. There were always strange things happening in the 13th Classroom—but today it was simply too much.
“I’ll put an end to these shenanigans!” Principal Pumpernickel said, storming out of his office. He furiously marched down the hallway, tightened his pumpkin necktie, and almost slipped on a dirty diaper. This only enraged him more.
He threw open the door to Classroom 13 and shouted, “What is the meaning of… this?!”
Principal Pumpernickel couldn’t believe his eyes: Two werewolves chasing each other. A tree in the middle of the classroom. A ghost boy pouting on the ceiling. A crying baby being cared for by a cowboy. A two-headed horse pooping in the middle of the class. And a second later, one of the werewolves changing back into Ms. Linda, dressed as Little Red Riding Hood.
The principal stomped over to Ms. Linda and shouted, “I don’t know what is going on, but this is unacceptable! I’m sorry, Ms. Linda, but I think I must fire you!”
Everyone (and everything) in Classroom 13 stood still, including Little Linda Riding Hood, who had no idea what was happening.
“Hello, sir, can you help me get to Grand-mama’s?” the teacher asked.
“Ms. Linda. Enough with the joking. This is a very serious matter,” the principal demanded.
“I agree. My grandmama is sick, and I need to take her some soup. Only no one here seems to know where she lives and the woods here are very strange—and that young man there, yes, the furry one, he bit me and turned me into a werewolf. Very rude, I must say.”
Benji the Werewolf lifted up his leg and peed in the corner.
This just made Principal Pumpernickel even more angry. “Ms. Linda! Your class is out of control! You are relieved of your position! You must leave at once!”
Olivia grabbed Mason. “This is serious!” she whispered. “If we don’t do something fast, Ms. Linda’s going to lose her job for real! It’s not her fault the classroom has gone crazy.”
“It’s not the classroom; it’s the candy,” Mason said.
“What do you mean?” Olivia said.
“Haven’t you noticed?” Mason explained. “Every time someone eats the candy here, they turn into their costume.”
“Mason, you’re a genius!” Olivia sa
id.
“I am not! Take that back!” Mason cried, offended.
Olivia shook her head. “Okay, now we know what’s happening, but how do we save Ms. Linda?”
“It’s cool, I have a plan,” Mason said, reaching into his pocket. He pulled out a hot dog. “Whoops. Wrong pocket. Hi, Hugo!” Mason reached into his other pocket and pulled out a slingshot. He loaded it up with a piece of licorice from the cursed candy bowl. He took aim and fired the candy straight into Principal Pumpernickel’s mouth.
Bop! It was a perfect shot. Principal Pumpernickel swallowed the candy. A moment later, he turned into a giant pumpkin.
CHAPTER 13
The 13th Classroom
You’re probably wondering why Chapter 13 comes after Chapter 16 in this book. There are two reasons:
1. because this is Classroom 13’s book, and the 13th Classroom will put its chapter wherever it wants to; and
2. because Classroom 13 wants you to know you can never trust a table of contents. They’re not even real tables! They’re liars—just like Honest Lee.
Some believe that revenge is sweet.
At least the 13th Classroom always thought so—hence, the idea for cursed candy. A Halloween curse should’ve brought a smile to Classroom 13’s face. It should have been laughing at the misery of the students. But Ms. Linda almost got fired!
Now the 13th Classroom felt… well, bad.
(Of course, it didn’t feel bad enough to stop things.)
(Not yet, anyway.)
CHAPTER 17
Mason
Classroom 13 was pure chaos. Everyone had turned into their costumes—except for two people: Mason and Olivia.
Mason asked, “Why haven’t you turned into your costume?”
Olivia rolled her eyes. “Because I’m not wearing a costume.”
“You’re not?”
Olivia shook her head. “No. I’m dressed like me. I don’t like Halloween, so I didn’t dress up.”
“Oh. You’re one of those people.” This time Mason rolled his eyes.
“What about you?” Olivia asked. “Did you eat the candy?”
“Nope. That stuff will rot your teeth.”
“I guess that explains why you’re normal,” Olivia said.
Mason scoffed. “I am not normal; I’m a toothbrush!” It’s true. Mason was dressed as a toothbrush.
Some might think this was a weird choice of costume. But personally, I think it’s quite clever. There’s nothing wrong with clean teeth and fresh breath. Mason brushed his teeth twice a day. Each time he says his alphabet backward while he does it. Then he flosses. He also has a tongue scraper. It makes Mason have the freshest breath ever.
Hrmm. Maybe Mason isn’t as dumb as everyone thinks.
“I know you’re dressed as toothbrush, but you’re still Mason,” Olivia said.
“No, I’m not! I’m a toothbrush!” Mason argued.
“But you haven’t turned into a toothbrush, I mean.”
“You’re starting to hurt my feelings,” Mason said. “I’m really proud of my costume.”
“Ugh, never mind,” Olivia said. “I’m just glad you’re you. We’re the only ones unaffected, so it’s up to us. We need to figure out how to undo this… this…”
“Unexpected turn of events?” Mason suggested.
“Yup,” Olivia said. “Let’s start with the basis for all problem solving: Where? Here in Classroom 13. When? Today, Halloween. How? With cursed candy. Who? I guess that’s the big question. And Why?”
“What about What?” Mason asked.
“What?” Olivia asked.
“Exactly!” Mason said.
CHAPTER 18
The Ninja
Has anyone seen Ximena? What’s that? She dressed as a ninja? Oh. That might be a problem. Ninjas are very stealthy. She could be hiding anywhere. (Even right behind you.)
CHAPTER 19
The Knight
Let me tell you the tale of a brave knight. There once was a girl named Isabella Inglebel. Her father suggested she be a princess for Halloween, but Isabella said, “I want to be a knight.”
“But you’re a girl! Girls can’t be knights!” her father said.
Isabella and her mother yelled at Mr. Inglebel for several days until he begged forgiveness for his mistake. Then he drove Isabella to the store and bought her the most expensive knight costume they had.
On Halloween, she arrived in Classroom 13 wearing a stunning suit of shining armor, complete with a beautiful silver (plastic) sword.
After eating a cursed chocolate peanut butter cup, Isabella believed that she was a real knight. In fact, she didn’t realize she was in a classroom at all. She believed she was roaming the countryside of the enchanted 13th Kingdom—a cursed place of monstrous monsters and distressed damsels and kooky kings.
Isabella the Knight knelt before Mason. “My lord, it sounds as if you and your squire are in need of a noble knight to help you in your quest. I offer my service to thee,” Isabella said in a British accent, offering Mason her sword.
Mason was confused. “Was that even English?”
“Yes, it’s British,” Olivia told him.
“Aha! So it’s not English!” Mason said.
Olivia slapped her palm to her forehead.
“How may I help you, my king?” Isabella asked.
“King Mason—I like the sound of that!” Mason said. “All right, Knight, you’re hired!”
Isabella the Knight stood. “I shall ride into battle for you, my lord. But first, I require a steed.”
“What’s a steed?” Mason asked.
Olivia explained, “She needs a horse.”
“I’ve got just the one!” Mason said. He walked her over to Mya & Madison. “It has two heads. So maybe it’ll be twice as fast. So, uhhh… I guess, I now pronounce you knight and horse! You may ride the horse!”
Isabella climbed onto the double-necked stallion. It did not go well. Both heads wanted to run away from the knight. At the same time. In opposite directions.
Since they were connected at the waist, the horse just spun around in the same spot. Over and over and over again. It was like a two-headed horse tornado. Isabella the Knight hung on to the two manes for dear life and tried not to barf in her helmet.
I wish I could tell you she didn’t. But she did.
“I am sorry, my king. This dizzy knight has failed you,” Isabella said, retching into her helmet again.
“How can a night be dizzy,” Mason asked, “especially when it’s daytime?”
Olivia slapped her palm to her forehead again. She wondered if they would ever figure this out.
*Hey, look—there’s Ximena! Could someone tell her to go back to Chapter 18 where she belongs? What’s that? She’s too fast? Well, of course she’s fast. She’s a ninja!
CHAPTER 20
The Mouse
Zoey thought mice were cute. So she dressed up as a mouse for Halloween. Now she is a mouse.
At least mice are cute, though, right? Cute and little and safe.
Oh. I may have spoken too soon.…
CHAPTER 21
The Cat
Some believe that sharing is caring. But I, this book’s wise and brilliant author, believe sometimes sharing is a very bad idea. For instance:
This morning, when Zoey came to class dressed as a mouse, she also brought a little costume for Earl, the class hamster. It was a cat outfit. She announced to the class, “Earl’s a cat for Halloween! And I’m a mouse! Aren’t we adorbz?” Then she shared some of the cursed candy with him.
Now Zoey was running for her life.
“Oh great, we have a rat problem now, too?” Mason said.
“That’s not a rat; it’s a mouse. And it’s not a mouse; it’s Zoey!” Olivia explained. She started chasing Earl the Hamster Cat, who was chasing Zoey the Human Mouse. “We have to stop him before he—”
It was too late.
The cat ate the mouse.
CHAPTER 22
The Grim Reaper
Everyone was freaking out. The class hamster ate Zoey! I mean, Earl was a cat, and she was a mouse—what was he supposed to do?
“Guys! Guys! Don’t worry. I can fix this,” Teo told the class. Of course, Teo wasn’t Teo today. Today he was wearing a black cloak and carrying a pole with a long curved blade at the end. (It’s called a scythe.) Teo was the grim reaper.
Let me explain…
For Halloween, Teo wanted to be something creepy. His mom said no. But his dad said yes. That’s how he got his grim reaper costume. Of course, neither of them let him have any candy at the house. So when he got to school, he started chomping on the cursed candy. He ate more cursed candy than anyone else in Classroom 13. So not only did Teo become the grim reaper, he had his powers, too.
But Teo didn’t want people to… you know… croak. Especially not his classmates. So he used his powers for good. He would stop people from croaking.
Teo turned his scythe upside down. Using it like a golf club, he swatted Earl the Hamster Cat right on the butt—and POP!—a hairball flew right out of his mouth. Only it wasn’t a hairball; it was Zoey the Mouse.
But the mouse wasn’t moving.
“Is she…?” Santiago the Vampire asked. “And if she is, could I maybe have her for lunch?”
Everyone shouted, “NO!”
“What are we going to do?” Olivia asked.
“Just hold your horses,” Teo said.
Mya & Madison, the two-headed horse, whinnied and snorted. Teo apologized, “My bad! No offense.”
“Rahhhrrrrrrr-pllllbbrrrrrr,” the two-headed horse neighed. (That was horse-speak for “None taken.”)