by MarieMedina
“You owe Adam at least a meeting.”
Her voice was too calm and flat. He didn’t believe her. But what was the point in arguing? “He does. I’ll be back later, I suppose.”
He turned and started toward the stable off the barn.
“Good luck!” Gretchen called.
He stopped a moment but then decided against turning around. Why does everyone think I need luck?
* * * *
Reese left his horse outside, patting the roan mare fondly before going into the stables, which were far more extensive than he’d imagined. I’ve never been to this section of the palace before. I must’ve met Adam in a tavern.
Reese looked around at the men working as he hoped one would look familiar. Several did, and he tried to avoid eye contact with them. Nervousness crept up on him as he wondered how much these men gossiped. Reese was by no means ashamed of his reputation as a lover, but he wasn’t sure how he felt about his cariad knowing so much about him beforehand.
“Looking for Adam?” a dark-haired man asked.
“Um, yes. I’m Reese.”
The man nodded. “He’s back cleaning the saddles. Just keep heading toward the back. In the corner.”
“Thanks.” Reese continued walking that way as everyone he passed looked up and gave him the once over. Perhaps he should’ve tried to arrange something a bit more private. He only hoped there wouldn’t be too many people around where Adam was working. They could always go outside, but that might draw even more attention. And there was always a chance he’d run into Nathaniel, which was one thing he didn’t need right now. Seeing the prince would only confuse him. And yanking Nathaniel into his arms and kissing him breathless was probably not the thing to do when meeting his cariad. He actually stopped for a moment, wondering if there was any point to this, given the fact he’d just so easily envisioned himself doing that with Nathaniel. Adam might be good looking and have dozens of good qualities, but would it work if Reese still felt drawn to Nathaniel? He took a deep breath and kept walking. He’d committed to this and had to see it through.
Reese eventually found the small room at the back. The windows were thrown wide open, and the smell of soap and oil filled the room. A tall, slim man with dark hair had his back to Reese. Standing in the doorway, Reese watched the man work. Though he was thin, he had lots of lean muscle and a nice build. The man stilled as if he sensed someone there, and as he turned he pushed his hair back over his ear. Vivid green eyes fixed on Reese, and the man gave him a hint of a smile.
“Adam?” Reese said.
“Yes.”
Reese searched his face. This man was beautiful, but Reese still didn’t remember him. “I’m Reese.”
Adam tilted his head as his smile widened. “I know that.”
Reese felt uneasy suddenly. “You’re going to have to tell me where we met and when. I still don’t remember.”
Adam’s smile faded. “Listen, there’s no point in this. I don’t want to be with a man like you. I had mixed feelings when I heard my cariad was a man, but it being you makes things much easier for me.”
Even though he’d been considering rejecting Adam only moments earlier, the words stung. “I don’t understand. What are you talking about?”
“I could love a man, but I want children. Any other man and I’d be tempted to simply go along with the vision because I was afraid of missing out, but since it’s you, I don’t have any doubts about us parting ways.”
Reese stepped closer. “You haven’t answered my question. What did you mean when you said a man like me?”
Adam actually frowned this time. “A man who could fuck me three times but not know my name or remember me.”
Reese thought of what Gretchen had said. He’d known it had been possible but hadn’t wanted to really think about it. “Three times?”
“Yes.”
“Three different times? Or three times in one night?”
Adam’s mouth fell open. “You’re kidding, right?”
Reese lowered his gaze, feeling as if he had a rock in his stomach. “No, I’m not.”
“Then may all our ancestors help the one who actually falls for you one day.”
Reese looked up. He searched his memory but couldn’t find Adam there. “Someone already did. I fucked that up, too.”
Adam cocked one eyebrow and then turned back toward his work. “Then maybe it’s time for a change.”
“I think it’s too late.”
Adam looked back over his shoulder. “I disagree.” He shrugged. “But it’s not my problem.”
“No, it’s not.” Reese hesitated and said, “May mean nothing, but I am sorry.”
“Nothing to be sorry for. I didn’t make any effort to be with you again.” He picked up a rag and poured a little oil onto it. “And it was three times in one night. It was good, but not that good.”
Adam went back to what he’d been doing, and Reese didn’t linger. He tried not to look as if he was rushing, but he made his way outside as fast as he could. He untied his horse and led her toward the road, but he stopped and turned back to look at the palace. When people began to eye him, he resumed walking. He led the mare all the way back home and brushed her down, glad his sister didn’t come to ask him questions.
If she saw the look on my face, maybe she knows to stay away.
Reese sat down on a stool and closed his eyes, Nathaniel’s voice echoing in his head.
“I don’t want a rutting beast in my bed. I want someone at my side. Someone who will love me.”
As he opened his eyes, his heart told him to get up and rush back to the palace. But instead he sat there, staring at the ground without seeing it.
Chapter Six
One Week Later
Nathaniel crossed his bedroom and reached out to touch one of the red roses in the vase by his bed. For the third day in a row, someone had put fresh flowers in his room. A vase of wildflowers sat on his desk, and a slender vase with three irises in it sat on the table by the window. The maids knew nothing, and he believed they were telling the truth because he’d heard them all asking each other about it. They were as intrigued as he was, and more than a few of them outmatched him in their excitement.
Once again, he searched for a note but didn’t find one. The closest he’d come to a romantic encounter had been a five-minute conversation with the palace blacksmith’s new apprentice. Nathaniel had let himself flirt, and it had felt good at first, until he’d realized the thought of touching anyone filled him with sadness.
Reese’s cariad rejected him. Everyone in the stables was talking about it. If these are from him, why isn’t he leaving a note? Why hasn’t he come to talk to me? Is it all pride? What is he thinking?
They might not be from Reese at all. More than one person had shown interest lately, but Nathaniel hadn’t been able to encourage any of them. Wouldn’t an admirer leave a note? A knock sounded at the door, and Nathaniel turned away from the flowers to find Alexander standing in the hallway.
“I came to see what all the maids are whispering about,” Alexander said, coming into the room. “At least it’s someone sneaking in to leave things instead of stealing them.”
“I’m scared to believe they’re from Reese, but who else could it be?”
“Someone else you’ve been with? Not to pry, but it was a year ago.”
“There hasn’t been anyone else since him. Yet he was never the flowers type.”
“Seems, from what you’ve said, that he was never the romance type, so maybe he’s starting the only way he knows how, with the basics. Anonymously.”
“What does he have to hide or be scared of?” Nathaniel sank down onto the bed. “This is starting to get absurd.”
“Which part?” Alexander asked, leaning against the desk and studying the wildflowers.
“All of it. If he has something to say, he needs to come say it.”
“Might not be him. As someone who looks an awful lot like you, I can vouch for your good looks.�
�� Alexander winked at him, a hopeful expression on his face.
Nathaniel smiled at his brother’s attempt to cheer him up, though it didn’t last. “It has to be him. He’s too proud to let his feelings show. He’s waiting for me to come crawling back.”
“Which you said you won’t do.”
“Yes, I did.”
“Then stick to it. He’ll never give you more if you settle.”
At this point, I’ll take anything. I know that’s not healthy, but…
“Don’t you have far more important things to be worrying about?”
“My brother’s happiness is pretty important.”
Nathaniel rose. “I’m going to go work on the bridge behind the palace today. Do you know if the last of the wood was delivered?”
“I think Louis said something about it, though I honestly can’t keep up with all your projects.” Alexander looked sad a moment. “It’s wonderful, but I think you’re keeping yourself busy on purpose.”
“I won’t deny it. But I also love showing the people that you and I and Henri and Rory are all different from our father.” He struggled with the images in his head. “The execution … that day is sticking with me.”
“It has only been about two weeks.”
“I know, but I’m not talking about seeing our father like that. I looked away, I’ll admit, when the axe fell. I was watching the people. Under the solemnity, there was such a mix of emotions. I sensed relief in a way I didn’t expect. I think people were scared he would somehow escape. He was so powerful. He could do things no one has been able to do for generations. The kind of magic you read about in the ancient writings.”
“I know. His ability to cloak himself.” Alexander closed his eyes. “I nearly lost Sebastian because of it.” He opened his eyes again. “Sebastian works so hard to hone his skills. He doesn’t want to rely on someone else to save him ever again.”
“That hard for you? That he wants to protect himself instead of letting you do it?”
“At times.” He shrugged. “I see what you’re getting at. Our people have been ruled over far too long. They need to see us working with them. For them.”
“Yes. That’s what I mean.” He glanced at the flowers again. “I told Reese that what I really wanted was someone to stand by my side.”
“And what did he say?”
“That day? He sent me away, basically saying I could have his cock but not his heart. Without actually saying it, of course.”
As their eyes met, Alexander looked dejected. “He’s a damned fool if he can’t love you, and I’ll take the crown off and tell him myself if it comes to it.”
“You’re still king without the crown.”
His brother frowned. “Just be careful. Flowers and words are fleeting.”
Nathaniel nodded. “I know.”
Alexander half smiled and then left. Reese changed into clothes that were already dirty and gave the roses one last look before heading out to begin his work on the bridge.
* * * *
Reese watched Nathaniel for nearly ten minutes before building up the courage to walk over to him. He’d lingered after giving the roses to the page, and he’d been on the verge of returning home when he saw Nathaniel exit from the back of the palace. Reese had debated briefly about following him, and he had somehow found his feet moving before actually convincing himself one way or another. Now, the prince worked alone on the bridge that went over a small river and connected the gardens at the back of the palace to the open field on the other bank.
Reese paused, knowing the prince wouldn’t have heard him because his work tearing up rotten boards made a lot of noise. He cleared his throat, thinking of everything he’d planned to say. But instead, when Nathaniel turned to look, he found himself asking, “Do you need some help?”
Nathaniel looked wary as he said, “I’m fine.” He paused a long time, looking as if he was chewing on the inside of his lower lip, and eventually said, “But I wouldn’t mind some help.” He gestured with his hammer. “The supports and railings are fine, but there are dozens of rotten boards. Kids run across here all the time, and I’m worried they’ll break one and get hurt.”
“Then you shouldn’t be out here alone. You might just as easily break through one as you work. Hurt yourself.”
“Getting hurt is always a risk,” Nathaniel said softly.
“It is.” Reese picked up some of the rotten pieces of wood and moved them out of the way. “If you just loosen the nails, I can move behind you and pull them up.” He felt as if his words didn’t sound quite right, as if they just weren’t coming together in the usual way.
Nathaniel met his gaze for only a moment. “I’m about done with this section. Just let me get this one, and we can start replacing a few here. Give us a sturdy structure to work on moving forward.”
“All right.” Reese wanted to say something about the way Nathaniel had phrased that. It seemed like a great lead in. Steady structure … moving forward … yet he drew a blank. And the prince focused on his work, making Reese feel as if he didn’t want to talk.
I can’t blame him. He gave me more than enough chances before. I should have to work for this. Prove myself. If I can only figure out how.
They worked in silence, Reese holding the boards steady and handing the nails over while Nathaniel aligned them and then nailed them in place. Halfway across the bridge, Reese said, “I met my cariad the other day.” They had to talk about it, and it was as good of a transition as any from the silence that hung between them.
“I heard.”
Nathaniel didn’t look up, and Reese wet his lips before continuing. “We’d actually met before, but I didn’t remember him. Still don’t, actually.”
“You slept with him at some point?”
Reese cringed. Gretchen jumping to that same conclusion right away popped back into his mind. He’d been feeling more and more that his reputation had never truly been something he should take pride in. He cleared his throat, his airway feeling tight. “Yes.”
Nathaniel gave him a quick glance. “Sebastian told me about Ronan’s vision. Just that your cariad was male, nothing else. But I heard you’d parted ways when I was putting Darius away one day. Though I didn’t know why.”
“Everyone was watching me when I went to meet him. And when I left.”
“Was it that bad?”
“Not really. I wasn’t that hopeful about meeting him, when you get right down to it.”
“You were hoping for a woman?”
“No.”
Nathaniel finally held his gaze for more than a few seconds. “Not ready to be tied down yet?”
Reese heard his voice waver as he said, “Not to him.”
Nathaniel swallowed and then looked at their work. “We’re done here. I’ll start loosening boards in the next section.”
So this is what it feels like when Gretchen tries to talk to me about something serious and I find some work to do instead of answering her properly. He watched Nathaniel working as he struggled with what to say next. “He didn’t even care enough to be truly angry that I didn’t remember him. It wasn’t as bad as it could’ve been. I’d even go so far as to say he was nice about it. Blunt but polite enough, considering.”
“Things are easier when you don’t care. You can just send someone away and feel nothing.” Though he didn’t look up, the pain could be heard in his voice. He yanked up another board, perhaps pulling harder than he’d intended.
Reese deserved that comment—he knew he did. But how could he explain what he’d actually felt at that time when he’d spent a year insisting he didn’t return Nathaniel’s feelings? When he hadn’t even known himself what he was feeling when he kicked Nathaniel out of his life? He felt grateful Nathaniel didn’t seem angry, yet he hated to hear the hurt in his voice. An apology bubbled up yet stuck in his throat. Unable to find the right words, he struggled and finally said, “I’m the one sending those flowers. I’m paying a page to sneak them up.” He took two
boards and moved them out of the way.
“I know they’re from you, even though I tried to convince myself they weren’t.”
Reese realized how hard it was to read Nathaniel when the man wouldn’t look at him. The prince had such expressive eyes, and he saw now how he’d taken so many things for granted. Not knowing what Nathaniel was feeling was maddening. “Do you wish they weren’t from me?”
Nathaniel paused and softly said, “I don’t know.”
Reese could only stare for a moment, as he’d genuinely expected Nathaniel to deny it right away. “I’m terrible at this, but I’m trying.”
“Trying?”
Reese couldn’t stand it anymore. It almost felt as if there was a wall between them. “Please look at me.”
Nathaniel hesitated so long that Reese thought he’d be denied, but then Nathaniel raised those big brown eyes and said, “All right. I’m looking at you.”
Reese saw the guardedness on his face first, but a vulnerability shone in his eyes. It wasn’t like the submission he showed when they touched. Reese realized it meant there was still hope if he could just show some small measure of that same openness. “I have no idea how to be with someone without touching them. I’ve never had a romance. I started fucking when I was fifteen, and that’s all I’ve ever known.”
Nathaniel stopped working completely, setting his hammer down and resting his hands on his thighs. “Was I different at all?”
Feeling shaky, Reese said, “Of course you were. You lasted more than two days. That sounds flippant, but it’s a criticism of my own … habits, I guess.”
“And why was that? Why didn’t you end it after a few nights?”
“Because I couldn’t get enough. No matter how many times I came, I wasn’t sated. I wanted to be inside you again right away.”
“That feeling lasted? All those months?”
“Yes.”
Nathaniel threw his hands up, looking exasperated suddenly. “Yet it never occurred to you that it was more than the sex?”