Pagan (MPRD Book 1)

by Andrew Chapman

  Sarge. Not Sir; Sarge. She’d done some research on me. Inside my head the judges grudgingly awarded her another point.

  I held her eyes for a heartbeat, and then turned around.

  “That changes now. Rule number one in my squad is that you do not, under any circumstances, go unarmed, into any situation whatsoever. You take a shit, you take it armed. Is that clear?”

  Two voices responded in the affirmative. I turned just in time to see Washout’s cute butt disappear through the doors.

  I turned back to the other two and waited.

  “Well?” I roared once I judged that the silence had become uncomfortable.

  “Sir?” said Rock Ape, his forehead creased with confusion.

  “Go. And. Get. Your. Weapons,” I bellowed. “Meet me at my vehicle. Go!”

  They ran for it.

  I slid out of a different door and ambled comfortably down a little used corridor. I knew I probably had a good ten or fifteen minutes before any of the three found me. I had told them to meet me at my vehicle. I had simply neglected to tell them where my vehicle was. It wasn’t in the main car park. It was around the back of the building, in a covered area accessible only via a tunnel that ran under the River Thames.

  I went through the heavy steel door and out onto the loading dock. The Land Rover was there, Bill leaning nonchalantly against the side, John in the driving seat and Anna in the passenger seat.

  “Any show promise, Jack?” asked Bill.

  “One’s not bad, I guess,” I replied.

  I braced my foot on the front bumper of the vehicle and swung up onto the bonnet, taking a seat on the huge spare tire strapped there. Bill started a stopwatch.

  “What’s our record, Billy?” I asked.

  “Four minutes twenty-five seconds and if you call me Billy again I’ll shoot you.”

  “Wanna place some bets?” I said grinning easily.

  “I say nobody beats it today,” said Bill, looking back into the cab with his eyebrows raised.

  “Five says someone does,” said Anna.

  “I’ll take that action,” I said over my shoulder.

  “And I’ve got twenty says someone’s out here in under two minutes,” she said confidently.

  “Oh, I’m in on that,” said Bill.

  “John?” I asked.

  “I’m with my wife,” he replied.

  “Of course,” said Bill, imitating the sound of a whip cracking. “We’ll see what happens when—“

  The door opened and Washout stepped through, a gym bag in one hand and a semi-automatic shotgun in the other. Strapped to her thigh was a pistol, a SIG Sauer P-228, a smaller version of my own. I approved. She walked demurely down the steps and stood in front of the ‘Rover, looking up at me.

  “Time?” I asked.

  “One forty six,” said Bill disgustedly.

  “Hah! Pay up!” yelled Anna.

  I reached into my pocket and pulled out some cash. I handed two twenties and a ten to Bill who added his own and passed them back.

  “Thank you gentlemen, always a pleasure.”

  I rolled my eyes.

  “That was a test, wasn’t it?” asked Washout calmly.

  “Of course it was a test,” I replied. “If you couldn’t find me how the fuck you gonna find a vampire?”

  She nodded and treated me to a dazzling smile.

  “I passed then?”

  “Sure, but don’t let it go to your head,” I said, trying to conceal my own smile. “Put your stuff in the back and we’ll wait for your classmates.”

  This was the next test and she passed it. She dumped her bag but came back with the shotgun. Maybe Washout wasn’t the right name for her.

  We waited, Bill whistling tunelessly as he watched the time.

  “We’ll give ‘em a few minutes more,” I said eventually. “If they can’t find us we’ll leave ‘em behind. Fuck it, I’m not babying the bastards.”

  Washout, who was about thirty seconds away from being renamed Scrapper, turned and gave me a speculative look. Then she took off back inside.

  “Well, she’s a one, ain’t she?” said Bill.

  “Wonder how she found us so fast,” I mused.

  “If you read files, oh revered boss man,” said Anna sweetly, “you’d know the answer to that one.”

  “That so?” I said. “Prithee, oh keeper of the sacred knowledge, pray enlighten our poor befuddled male minds.”

  “She followed your scent,” said Anna. “She’s a werewolf. Parents killed by vamps, brother went missing, pack driven off. She joined us out of desperation because she had nothing else.”

  Washout was definitely not appropriate. Scrapper it is.

  I was about to reply when she came back, a shamefaced Rock Ape and Knuckles in tow. Rock Ape had a Minimi SSW—big surprise—and Knuckles had an SA80.

  “All right kiddiwinks!” I yelled as I jumped down from my seat. “Get in the vehicle and learn from your mistakes!”

  Bill was already climbing in the back of the ‘Rover and I followed him. Rock Ape and Knuckles went in the rear doors, them, their baggage and their weapons taking up the second row of seats. Scrapper climbed in the back and sat next to me, her legs stretched out comfortably, her shotgun cradled in her lap.

  “Okay Johnny, lets see how far we get,” I said.

  The ride out of London was always something of a relief. England’s capital looked almost the same as it always did. It was a fundamental part of the English mindset that one did not allow the bad guys to change one’s lifestyle. The stiff upper lip of the Blitz was still there. Londoners were carrying on, living their lives, being resilient. But the notes were a little false. The laughter a little too forced, the fun a little too desperate, the playtime a little too strident. What was worse was that people were starting to buy into the vamp propaganda, starting to wonder whether some accommodation might be made, as it had been in Western Europe and the USA. All told it was a place far removed from the fighting, far removed from the ugliness, and it was nice to get back to reality.

  Roaring up the Motorway, the lights of London dwindling behind us, we made good time. Speed limits were all but forgotten, rarely enforced especially at night, and John pushed the ‘Rover hard.

  I stretched out my legs to rest my boots on the seat opposite.

  “Okay people,” I said. “If anyone has any questions now would be the time to ask.”

  “Yeah, I got a question, boss” said Anna, half turning in the seat and folding her arms on the back. “If a toucan can, can you?”

  “John?” I said. “When we get where we’re going, spank your wife for me, will you?”

  “Well I was going to anyway,” said John with a perfectly straight face. “She’s about due and it doesn’t do to let these disciplinary issues slide.”

  “Good man,” said Bill, grinning hugely.

  “I heard that, Bill,” said Anna. “I’ll tell Helen you said that.”

  “My wife knows her place,” said Bill. “Admittedly that place is in the right, and she knows it.”

  The three of us laughed at that. Helen was a sweet, gentle soul who nevertheless managed to exhibit amazing steel when the situation called for it. We all loved her dearly.

  “So, we stay at the Coach tonight, tomorrow we swing by and spend some time annoying the hell out of Mrs. Bill, then we’ll take our FNGs and get them into some trouble,” I said. “Any real questions?”

  “Yeah,” said Rock Ape. “When do we get to kill some vamps, boss?”

  Rock Ape had been smart enough to pick up on the mode of address at least.

  “You can kill vamps when you grow up, Rock Ape,” I said flatly.

  “Rock Ape?” snorted Anna.

  “Rock Ape was in the RAF Regiment, weren’t you, Rock Ape?” I explained.

  “Yes, boss,” he replied. “But I have a name.”

  “I’m sure you do, even if only so your fellow Rock Apes know what to yell at you when they want you to join them in the ni
ghtly headbutting contests, but right now I can’t be bothered to learn it. You are Rock Ape until you earn the privilege of that kind of effort.”

  Knuckles was glowering at me.

  “And you are Knuckles, Miss black belt,” I said and turned to Scrapper. “And before you ask, you’re Scrapper.”

  “Scrapper?” she said mildly.

  “Well you were Washout, but then you fought just to get in here, so you got promoted.”

  She shrugged.

  “I wondered when we were gonna get around to the nicknames,” said Anna.

  “Yeah, sorry, I got distracted by Scrapper’s tits,” I said, watching her out of the corner of my eye, wondering how she would react to the blatant breach of protocol, regulations and plain good manners.

  “I think I picked the wrong unit,” she said with a raised eyebrow. “If our hunter can be distracted by a pair of breasts, he can’t be much good at the vampire killing stuff.”

  Bill laughed delightedly.

  “She got you there, Jack. Admit it.”

  I grinned and gave her a slight nod.

  “Good comeback, Scrapper,” I said, my internal judges giving another point.

  I turned back towards the front of the vehicle just in time to see Knuckles rolling her eyes and shaking her head. This one would need a different tactic.

  “You got a problem Knuckles?” I asked mildly.

  “Yes, boss. I do. That was inappropriate.”

  “Why?”

  “It’s sexual harassment,” she said.

  “And were you offended, Scrapper?” I asked. “No threat, no pressure, if I said something wrong, speak up for yourself.”

  “I thought it was hilarious,” she said, shrugging and smiling.

  “Yeah, I wonder what you’d say if he wasn’t here,” Knuckles sneered.

  “Not much,” said Scrapper. “If he wasn’t here he couldn’t have said it to me so it would be a moot question. Besides, I said I wasn’t offended and I meant it. What gives you the right to be offended on my behalf?”

  “Passive aggressive bullshit,” said Knuckles with a sneer before turning back to me. “And you should know better. You’re in charge of this unit and you’re not supposed to be flirting with that bimbo.”

  And now was the time for that different tactic.

  “John?” I said pleasantly. “Soon as you get a chance, pull over will you?”

  Anna stared at me from the front seat and Bill drew in his breath slowly. I sat, my eyes fixed on Knuckles’.

  “Boss?” she said, giving me a puzzled look.

  “You obviously have a problem, so we’re going to sort it out, okay?”

  “Jack?” said Anna. “What’s going on?”

  “Oh nothing much. We’re gonna find a place to stop and the Knuckles is going to teach me a lesson about respecting women, right Knuckles?”

  “I can’t hit a superior officer,” she said, glowering at me.

  John was slowing, pulling into an overgrown lay-by.

  “Then you’re going to get the shit kicked out of you,” I said casually. “I’m not a superior officer so feel free to try to land at least a punch or two.”

  John pulled to a stop and put the engine into neutral.

  “Okay, everybody out!” I barked.

  I stepped from the back of the ‘Rover behind Bill and Scrapper, then strode out into the middle of the three-lane highway. I turned a full 360, taking in the pitch-black night. The road was deserted; most of the streetlamps dark, and the silence was unnerving.

  “Jack?” said Bill, his voice holding a note of worry. “What the fuck are you doing?”

  “Just taking some air,” I replied flippantly.

  I strolled back to the ‘Rover, my hands in my pockets. I’d left my FAL in the back of the vehicle, but I took off my gunbelt and handed it to Bill.

  “Okay Knuckles,” I said, spreading my arms wide. “No weapons, no rank. Just take your best shot.”

  “Are you fucking mad?” she spat. “You want us to fight out here?”

  “Ah, so your stupidity does have a limit,” I said. “Good to know.”

  I could see Scrapper on the edge of my vision, giving me an amused look. Werewolf, my mind supplied. She could smell vampires and she knows as well as I do that there’s none for miles around.

  Anna was leaning casually on the side of the Land Rover, John standing next to her with his hands in his pockets. Bill was swinging my gunbelt from one hand, his posture relaxed. Rock Ape was looking from face to face, his features deep in thought.

  “You gonna take a swing at me or not, Knuckles?” I asked, keeping my face straight.

  “You’re a fucking bastard, boss,” she hissed.

  “I never denied that,” I replied blandly. “One more chance. Hit me or shut up.”

  Suddenly she smiled.

  “Arsehole,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Point taken.”

  “Is it?”

  “Yes boss, it is.”

  “Good,” I said as I turned to our other two FNGs. “We can’t afford to be fighting each other when we should be fighting the vampires. If you have a problem with another member of the team, clear the air or get the fuck out.”

  I turned back to Knuckles.

  “I apologize for offending you,” I said sincerely.

  “Oh, I wasn’t offended,” she said airily. “I was pissed off because you didn’t say it was my tits that distracted you.”

  We locked eyes for a long heartbeat, my jaw hanging open, and then I burst out laughing. Bill and John followed suit and Anna gave an appreciative round of applause.

  “Nicely done, Knuckles,” said Anna. “I haven’t seen Jack rendered speechless in a very long time.”

  “There aren’t any vampires around here,” said Rock Ape suddenly.

  Everyone stopped laughing and turned to the new guy.

  “I beg your pardon?” I said quietly.

  “There’s no vampires around here,” he repeated.

  “What makes you say that?” said Knuckles, her eyes narrowing.

  “Everything,” he replied. “The boss isn’t worried in the slightest. John and his wife—sorry, I didn’t catch your name—aren’t worried. Bill looks like he’s bored. They’d be tense as all hell if we were in any real danger.”

  “Oh, good acting guys,” I said sarcastically. “The Oscar’s in the bag.”

  “It’s not their fault. I’m not the smartest guy, I know that, but I figured that if your team weren’t worried it was for a reason.”

  “Well, this night’s just top full of surprises, isn’t it?” I said, accepting my gunbelt back from Bill. “Rock Ape’s right. We’re still too far south to be worrying about any but the dumbest vamps, and even the dumbest vamps aren’t dumb enough to attack a group of heavily armed soldiers. And any that tried would be rendered insensible by the sight of Knuckle’s magnificent tits.”

  Knuckles rolled her eyes and turned to Anna.

  “How on Earth do you work with this Neanderthal?” she asked.

  “Give as good as you get,” said Anna with a shrug. “I shut him up a long time ago by telling him he could play with my breasts if he let me play with his dick.”

  “Hey, now,” said John mildly.

  “Oh honey, it’s okay,” she said. “You’re the only man for me.”

  John smiled warmly.

  “Although,” said Anna wickedly, “rumor has it that he’s packing a pretty large caliber weapon down there.”

  “Yeah, a rumor you started!” I shot back, laughing.

  “I heard that rumor!” said Bill, joining in the laughter. “I remember thinking that I’ve seen it and it didn’t look that big. Pretty small in fact.”

  “Yeah, that’s not what your wife says,” I said slyly.

  “Oh please,” he said dismissively. “You couldn’t keep up with my wife. She’d bury you inside of a minute.”

  “See what I mean?” said Anna. “Just slap him back when he pisses you off.”


  “Thanks, Anna,” I said. “And now it’s time to get moving again. I want to have you in bed by dawn.”

  “You wish,” she said, sticking out her tongue.

  Isn’t it great when your friends back you up like that?

  We got back into the ‘Rover and John pulled us out onto the road, our interrupted journey resumed.

  “So,” said Bill, drawing the word out in way that told me a witticism was coming. “Turns out that Rock Ape had a brain all along, and under that Ice Queen exterior, Knuckles actually has a heart.”

  He turned and gave Scrapper a big grin.

  “And Jack was worried about your courage, which you had all along.”

  A few laughs greeted that.

  “So what does that make you, Jack?” asked Anna. “Dorothy?”

  “Sure, that’s me,” I said. “I’m just trying to get home.”

  “Where’s home, boss?” asked Rock Ape. “You got any family? And how’d you get involved in this in the first place?”

  There was dead silence in the ‘Rover. I was staring at my boots on the seat opposite, lost in thought.

  “Uh, Rock Ape?” said Anna quietly. “Those are not good questions to ask. Jack’s past is very unfriendly territory.”

  “No, that’s okay,” I said. “Fair questions.”

  I stared out of the window, barely seeing the flickering trees speeding past in the darkness.

  CHAPTER

  14

  THREE MONTHS AGO…

  “I was born in South London,” I said finally. “My dad was in the Army, helicopter pilot, real hard arse. When I was fifteen we were posted up North. At seventeen I joined the Marines, which pissed my dad off no end. I think he had dreams of me following in his footsteps.”

  I sat silently for a few moments, lost in my memories.

  “That’s where I met Bill. We hung out for a few years, learned everything we could, and then went for Selection together. We both passed though it damn near killed me.”

  I looked up, seeing the understanding in the eyes of Knuckles and Rock Ape. I doubt Scrapper got it but the forces guys did.

  “We were in Hungary, on some shitty behind-the-scenes op to bring a war criminal out when the shit hit the fan on Black Tuesday.”

  “Scariest day of my life,” commented Bill soberly.