Diana didn’t tug her hand away from him. “I’m sorry I don’t remember you.”
The wolf alpha tugged her close without a warning until their faces were barely centimeters apart.
“Never apologize to me.” The heated tone to his voice had her swallowing, “We can always make more memories. As long as you’re here now, we can fix everything, but don’t you dare apologize for anything!”
Diana’s braid fell over her shoulder to land on Fergus’ chest. She didn’t move, and he didn’t release her.
This felt right.
He felt right.
The words came out of her, “I dreamt of you.” Fergus looked startled, and she continued, “I saw a silver wolf, and I ran after you, but you would walk away and I could never catch up.”
She was pulled onto his chest until she lay curled around him, her head and upper body resting on him.
Fergus didn’t say anything, but Diana could feel the way his heart was beating, a hard and fast rhythm. He wore a tank top, having forgone the dress shirt that he had found. Diana’s fingers lay on his exposed chest, and she felt his arm drape itself on her waist, loose enough that she could escape his hold at any moment.
“I thought you were dead.”
Diana looked at his tense jaw.
“Ten years, I thought you were dead. I didn’t look for you. And all this time–”
“My wolf,” Diana interrupted him. When Fergus stared down at her, she had a small smile on her face. She said, “That’s what I called the silver wolf that I saw in my dreams. ‘My wolf.’ I don’t think I would have survived if it had not been for you. So,” she pulled herself into a sitting position, “those ten years are gone. I never thought I would ever be free from that place, but I am.” Her expression was quiet. “You got me out. I don’t want to remember what happened within those four walls.” She pulled away and hugged her knees to her chest, staring at something in the distance, her voice sounding haunted. “I think I would go mad if I try to remember each and every thing that they did to me in there.”
Fergus’ hand shifted, and his nails bit into his palm, drawing blood.
Diana started at the smell of blood, and Fergus threw his arm over his eyes, not wanting her to see the cold fury that burned in them.
“I was a child when you found me.” His voice was rough as he gave her a bit of her past to get her mind off the horrors that she had lived through.
“You found me and you brought me to the pack. You were four years old, when you brought a toddler back and declared that he was yours.”
Diana tilted her head, a sign that she was listening.
“I was a very angry child, or so I’m told. I used to follow you everywhere, and you treated me like one of your pet wolves, never tiring of me. You made the pack my home, Diana.”
She half turned, and he could see her absorbing his words with a desperation that broke his heart.
A smile as the wolf alpha recalled a memory.
“If I was the temperamental child, you were the wild one. You were a tomboy, always running off, ditching lessons, playing hooky. I was right behind you. We had a fight once when I followed you out of the den and you got caught because of my carelessness. You were about thirteen. Oh man, did you have a temper. You didn’t talk to me for a week. So, I decided to run away.”
Fergus felt himself slip into the days of the past, “I had barely made it to the territory line when one of your wolves caught me and clamped onto my leg, refusing to let go, until you caught up. You hit me, smack on the back of my head. And you told me, We’re going home.’ I refused.” Fergus grinned. “Naturally, I was a man of my word. If I said I was leaving, I was damn well going to leave. So, what did you do? You took me to the territory line and tossed me on the other side. Then you picked me up, dragged me home, and had your wolves sit on me until I promised never to run away again.”
A smile flirted on his mate’s lips. “You must have hated me after that.”
An absentminded chuckle. “I fell in love with you.”
Diana froze at that. She turned and looked at him. Fergus’ eyes were wide, as if he had given away some sort of secret.
She blinked and tried to register what he had just said. Her wolf laid calm within her. She had already laid claim to the wolf. “You love me?”
Fergus pulled himself up. His voice was heated as he looked at her. “Of course, I love you! I’ve loved you since we were kids. Even after I thought you died, I couldn’t even think of looking at another female!”
The startled confusion in her eyes was too much to bear, and without thinking, he grasped her by her nape and pulled her toward him.
Diana had thought that, after being violated in that chamber over and over again, she would never want a man’s touch on her skin. But, as Fergus fiercely kissed her, his hands diving into her hair to tilt her head for a better angle, she found herself revaluating her opinion.
This man, this wolf – he was hers.
She felt him nudge her mouth open and thrust his tongue in, wrapping it around her hesitant one. Instincts came into play as she let him take control of the kiss. A warm tingling in her lower belly had her moaning.
Fergus swallowed the moan and gentled the kiss, finally pulling away.
Diana’s face was red, and she tried to get a grip on her bearings. Her fingers clenched on the bedsheet, and she forced herself to look at the wolf alpha who looked smugly satisfied. “I didn’t just fall in love with you, Diana. I mated you.”
He hadn’t meant to reveal any of this to her yet, but like Gael had said, he needed to stop treating her like an invalid. Diana was a survivor above anything.
“We’re mated?”
Diana felt numb.
Fergus looked her in the eye. “I didn’t want to tell you yet. I wanted you to process everything else before I tossed this your way.” His hands covered her cold ones. “But you have a right to know.”
Diana swallowed and stared at her lap, trying to collect her thoughts. “Then…I don’t ...I don’t know how to react.”
She saw him take the blow and smile through the pain. “I don’t expect any reaction. I don’t expect anything. I want you to heal. I want you to become stronger. And when it gets bad, I want you to come to me and let me help you.”
Diana pulled her hand away from his and stood up. She didn’t see the hurt flash in his eyes. She didn’t notice the self-loathing that was starting to become a permanent part of him now.
She took a few minutes to breathe and process this information. Fergus didn’t say anything, and Diana walked over to the window.
“Why can’t I remember anything?”
The naked pain in her voice made Fergus’ wolf whine in despair. It didn’t like how his mate was suffering. “I don’t know why. But, your wolf recognized me, at least to some extent. She would never have let me care for her otherwise.”
She still didn’t turn to look at her, and Fergus stood up. “Diana.”
Her body shook in despair. “I can’t even remember my own mate. I hold no memories of you. You’re like a stranger to me.”
A pair of arms wrapped themselves around her waist, and she was pulled into a firm chest. “But you’re alive.”
A kiss on her nape, one that offered love. His voice rough, Fergus confessed, “When I found your skinned coat, I broke. Every day for the past ten years has been hell for me, Diana. Every time I entered into a fight, I wanted it to be my last one. Every night I managed to sleep, I hoped that I wouldn’t wake up the next morning.”
Tears fell down Diana’s cheeks at his pain and hers.
“I don’t care if you don’t know me. I don’t care if you don’t remember me.” He turned her around to face him. “You think that matters to me?” His hands ran over her form, as if memorizing each, and every, dip and curve. “You’re here. Standing in front of me.”
A kiss on her forehead.
Diana’s lips trembled as she tried to control her emotions.
A kiss on her cheek.
Affection. Adoration. Love.
She could feel that he was telling the truth, and her heart quivered inside her chest.
“You can take all the time in the world getting to know me again, sweetheart. But this time, you will not stray five feet away from me.”
Diana blinked, and he saw a familiar flare of anger. “I’m not going to be caged again.”
Fergus clenched his jaw. “I’m not caging you. I just want to protect you.”
“I don’t want to be protected!”
Her wolf snarled at being seen as weak by her mate.
Fergus tried to calm her down. “After everything that’s happened, I want you to be safe.”
“I am safe. I’m here, aren’t I?”
Where was this anger coming from? Diana couldn’t control this spurt of rage. The guilt in Fergus’ eyes made her feel inadequate, as if he held himself responsible for what had happened to her.
“I need to…” She looked away from the pain in his eyes. “I need to be alone.”
He didn’t stop her as she brushed past him, but she felt the heartbreak inside of her as something pulsed in her slowly and painfully.
Fergus watched her leave and sank down heavily into a chair.
Despair filled him.
Would he drive his mate away before he could even make her remember him?
Chapter 7
“You’re sulking.”
A familiar voice from behind her had Diana turning around.
It took her a few seconds to recall his name. “Gael,” she said at last.
His smile was slow. “Had a fight with your mate?”
Diana would have turned away, but she didn’t trust anyone to be at her back except Fergus. The thought was almost instinctive, and it took her aback.
“We didn’t fight.”
Gael came to stand next to her in front of the huge glass window.
Diana had decided to explore the place. She knew this was a safe house. She knew that Fergus wouldn’t have brought her here if it wasn’t, so she had chosen to calm her agitated mind.
She had come by this small sitting area by accident.
It had a small fireplace, a shelf that carried books, and an armchair that someone could just sink into. While the entire house looked like a designer and an architect’s love child, this room was very much lived in. A huge glass window overlooked a private garden.
“Whose room is this?”
“Mine.”
The rain that had started pouring outside lashed against the glass window, and Diana marveled at its beauty, lost in thought.
“Nobody but you enters this room.”
It wasn’t a question but an absentminded statement.
Gael tucked his hands in pockets. “My personal space.”
“I don’t like being boxed in. It feels suffocating.”
The master vampire studied her. “You’re surprisingly resilient. Any normal being would have broken down by now.”
The small tree outside that stood staunch in the middle of the garden was pelted by the harsh rain, and yet stood firm.
A humorless chuckle that carried bitterness in it. “It doesn’t feel like that to me. I don’t want Fergus to see this darkness inside of me. There’s so much anger and hatred in me that I’m scared I might taint him.”
Gael took a seat in that preloved leather chair. “That is a lot of concern for someone you barely remember.”
Diana kept silent. How could she explain her complex emotions for Fergus? For years, his presence in her subconscious allowed her to keep fighting back. Seeing him, realizing that he was not a figment of her imagination, settled her in a way that she could not quite understand.
“He says he loves me.” A pause. “I don’t think he’ll be able to love me once he sees what’s inside me.”
Gael looked at her. “That’s very presumptuous. You’re not even giving him a chance.”
Diana swallowed. “What they did to me, it changed me. I’m not the same person who he fell in love with.” She turned to look at him, the wildness in her eyes barely concealed. “This bloodlust inside of me scares me.”
A shift in her peripheral vision, and Fergus stepped into the room quietly. “But it doesn’t scare me.”
Diana’s hands trembled.
She hadn’t meant for him to hear any of this. When she took a step back, Fergus took one toward her.
“You’re a wolf, Diana. Increased bloodlust isn’t unheard of. And it certainly isn’t something that will make me leave your side.”
They didn’t notice when Gael slipped out of the room.
Diana pursed her lips, and Fergus frowned. “I will keep telling you I love you until you believe it.” He raised his hands to cup her face and ignored her attempts to resist his touch.
“No!” he growled, angrily. “You will listen!”
He couldn’t bear to see the tears in her eyes as she fought against his hold.
“Diana, stop it!”
“No!” A choked sob. She hadn’t wanted him to know her darkest fears that plagued her. “You don’t understand!”
“I understand that you think you don’t deserve me!” His grip was like steel, and the fierceness in his voice made her stop her attempts of getting away from him.
When he saw that she was no longer struggling, his voice gentled, almost saddened. “It’s the opposite. I don’t deserve you.”
Those beautiful, green eyes were drenched in tears as she looked at him disbelievingly.
“I don’t deserve you,” he murmured, repeating himself. He let her see inside of him. “I failed you by not being there when they came for you. I failed you by not looking for you after finding what I did. I should have protected you, Diana. I shouldn’t have left you alone. I can never be forgiven for that.”
When Diana flinched, a new sort of doubt entering her eyes at his words, he clasped her hand and put it against his chest, making her feel the way his heart was pounding. “This is because of you. This is you. I’m not standing here because of guilt, but because my heart beats for you.”
She didn’t remove her hand from his chest and that gave him a sliver of hope. “Whatever we face, we face it together. I know you’re probably not ready to talk about everything that happened to you, but I’m your mate. I love you. Every breath that I take has your name on it. You are branded in my very soul. Don’t hide yourself from me.”
Diana held her breath at his words and felt that strange pulsing inside of her again. One hand lifted to clutch her chest.
Fergus’ face was close to hers – mere centimeters apart – and she found herself unable to handle the intensity in his eyes. She looked away.
“Diana?”
“Ten years is a long time for a person to change, especially under my circumstances. I feel ugly inside, full of hate at the world.” She pulled away from Fergus and wrapped her arms around herself. “It’s not just humans I harbor hatred for. It’s everyone. Except, maybe…” A strange expression flitted across her face. “Except you.” Her eyes moved away from him. “I want to hurt someone. I want to inflict pain–”
“So that they can understand yours,” Fergus finished her sentence. He wore a rough expression. “I get that. But, first, you’re not ugly. Nothing inside of you is ugly. I will spend the rest of my life making sure you realize that. And as for this anger inside you,” he smiled, “there is more than one way to handle that. We’re going to give you an outlet for all your buried emotions.”
The training room that Gael showed them to was larger than a meadow. However, the fact that it was built underground had Diana refusing to stay there. So, they used one of the ballrooms, despite Sebastian’s disapproving gaze.
The vampire didn’t voice his opinion, but the way he glared at Fergus was enough to get his point across.
“I wish Sebastian would learn to get along with me.”
Gael glanced at the wolf alpha. “Why? Do you intend to visit me often?”
<
br /> Fergus made a face. “No, thank you. I’m more of a trees and open air kind of person.”
“I don’t understand.” Diana frowned, having tied her hair in a tight bun. “How is this supposed to help me?”
Gael strolled forward, hands in his pockets. “Try to hit me.”
Diana looked at him, startled. “What?”
“Did I stutter? You’ve rested. You’ve relaxed, and now all this anger that you talk about, I want you to throw all of it at me.”
Hill stood next to Fergus and shook her head wryly. “Here we go again.”
The wolf alpha looked at her. “What do you mean?”
The human woman ran a hand through her short, brown hair and sighed. “This is Gael showing off. Nobody has ever managed to land a punch on him, you know. Except perhaps Oberon.” A small frown appeared as she tried to recall. “But that was years ago. I was really young when he showed up here.”
Fergus looked at where his mate was being taunted by the vampire, “You’ve been with him for a long time.”
“My whole life,” Hill said, her dark brown eyes watching Gael’s every movement. “I was ten when Gael brought me here.”
That was strange, Fergus thought. Vampires abhorred humans. Why would one give a human female shelter?
He watched Diana land a punch at Gael as he provoked her, and winced when she stumbled with the force. But a small, self-satisfied smile, as he noted her movements and how they were picking up speed with every blow that she took.
Diana had been among the top lieutenants of the Tikaanis. When nobody had been able to get him under control enough to teach him how to fight, his best friend had stepped in. Diana had trained him how to fight, and she had taught him how to detach himself from his emotions on the battlefield.
If he was said to be the most graceful fighter in the pack, Diana was a hundred steps ahead of him. In a fluid movement, Gael shot out his leg to topple the female wolf. Fergus could see it almost in slow motion as his mate jumped over Gael’s leg in a feline movement and, grabbing onto the vampire’s arm, she threw him over her shoulder.
Of course, Gael landed on his feet. But, the surprise on his face was immeasurable.
Fergus couldn’t help but smirk at that.
Loved by Alpha Wolf Page 5