by Jamie Begley
Lily fell to the floor, writhing in torment. She vaguely heard several people calling her name; however, her mind had blocked out everything except the door in her mind that was trying to open. She was too weak to keep it closed; the secrets it held wanted out. She saw herself standing in front of the door, trying to bar it from opening.
“Help me! Help me!” Lily screamed in terror.
She felt her head lifted and placed in someone’s lap. She tried to roll away from the agony, yet she couldn’t get away from it. It was everywhere around her—within her—suffocating.
“Help me!” Lily’s screams were tortured, but she didn’t know how to stop them. She was too scared of the door opening. She couldn’t let it open.
“What do you need me to do?” the voice, neither male nor female, asked in her mind.
“Help me shut the door!” Lily screamed.
“What’s behind the door?”
“Everything. Help me. She can’t get out.” Lily sobbed as the door opened a small amount.
“I’m helping you, Lily.” Lily saw another pair of hands helping her to press the door closed again.
When it was completely closed, she told whoever had helped her, “I have to lock it.”
Lily locked the imaginary door while the hands held it closed. After she locked it, she slid down the door, curling into a ball as she rocked back and forth.
“It’s okay, Lily. The door is locked again,” the voice assured her.
“I can’t remember what’s behind that door,” Lily sobbed, rocking back and forth, trying to comfort herself now that all those memories were locked away forever.
“Not today, Lily, but soon,” the voice said sadly.
“Not ever,” Lily replied, curling into a tighter ball.
“Soon, and I’ll help. Sleep, Lily. Go to sleep.”
Lily felt herself relax as soothing warmth spread through her body.
* * *
Lily woke, turning her head on the soft pillow and rolling to her side before she opened her eyes reluctantly. She closed them then reopened them again, not sure what she was staring at. Surveying the room, she saw the black furniture was modern. The dark carpeting looked thick and expensive in a huge bedroom she had never been in before. To one side there were two large, black leather chairs with a coffee table sitting in front of them, and a flat screen television was mounted on a pedestal on the wall that could be turned toward the chairs or the bed. A small refrigerator sat on top of a dark cabinet and a huge armoire made of dark wood stood against the wall.
Her head turned and she saw a mirrored wall facing the bed. Her pale face and slender body, dressed in conservative pajamas, looked back at her from the huge, California-king, pedestal bed. The wall behind the bed was also mirrored. Lily swallowed hard.
She turned and saw a large dresser with nothing on top and a chair by the bed. The room was immaculately clean. She couldn’t see any personal belongings; there was nothing to give her a clue as to whose room she was inside.
A door stood open where Lily could see a bathroom with the light on. Seeing the bathroom made the fullness in her bladder more pressing. Pulling back the soft-as-silk comforter, she raised herself up before sliding her feet out of the bed.
Getting to her feet, she felt a wave of dizziness, but she slowly managed to walk to the bathroom, coming to a stop when she saw the luxurious suite. It had a double sink with dark colors swirling throughout.
Closing the door, she used the restroom. Hesitantly, she washed her face with a washcloth that had been set out.
She looked over at the huge shower, which took up easily half of the bathroom. It was tiled in black and gray and had three steps leading down into the glass enclosure. She saw it had faucets surrounding it with the rain-type one from the top. It also had a tiled bench on one side. It was a fantasy shower. Lily wouldn’t be surprised if it had surround sound.
Dropping the dirty washcloth into a basket, she left the bathroom, going back into the bedroom while wondering where she was.
She was halfway to the bed when the door opened.
Lily didn’t know whether to be relieved or frightened at his familiar face.
“Where am I?” Lily asked, taking a seat on the edge of the bed.
“My room,” Shade replied, coming in and shutting the door, carrying a tray.
Walking across the room, he set the tray on the coffee table. “Come and eat.”
Lily got up from the bed, going to the chair and looking down at the tray of food.
“How—did—why am I here?” She looked at Shade, not understanding why she was in his room.
“What do you remember?” Shade asked patiently.
Lily sat down on the chair, trying to remember what had happened before she’d woken up here. She searched her mind, trying to figure out her last memory.
“I was at the church helping Rachel.” Lily licked her dry lips. Reaching forward, she took the bottled water and opened it, taking a long drink.
Shade didn’t say anything as Lily set the bottled water back down on the tray, keeping her eyes on him.
“Lily, you had an episode at the diner after church on Sunday. That was two days ago,” Shade explained gently.
“An episode?” Lily’s greatest fear that she would lose her mind had begun.
“You became hysterical.”
“Oh, God. Where’s Beth? Why am I here instead of my bedroom?” Lily asked, trying to remain calm.
“You had to be sedated, Lily. The doctor felt it was best that someone kept an eye on you. Since Beth works, we agreed this was the best place for you now.”
“Where are my clothes?” Lily asked. “I want to get dressed.”
“Eat first. Your clothes are in the closet and drawers. I’ll show you when you finish.”
Lily picked up an apple slice from the plate, chewing on it. Swallowing the bite, she said, “I need to get back to school after I’m dressed. Would you—”
“Lily, you’re going to be staying here for a while.”
Lily shook her head. “I have to finish school.”
“You will. Beth talked to your school and arranged for a medical emergency so that you can complete your coursework on the computer.”
“But why can’t I go back to school?”
“Lily, someone tried to run you over with a car and then tried to break into your house. We feel it’s safer to keep you where we can watch who you come into contact with.” Shade talked about events he seemed to think she remembered.
“I can stay at my house,” Lily said, trying to take in what he was telling her, becoming frightened that she didn’t remember either incident.
Lily picked up the toast, nibbling on it.
“That won’t work with Beth’s work schedule. We need to figure out who tried to harm you twice.”
“I just can’t stay cooped up in your room.”
“You won’t. You can go back to work at the factory and finish your classes.”
“I don’t want to stay here at the club,” Lily protested.
“A few weeks won’t hurt you, Lily. By then, we may have some idea who is after you, and it will give you some time to figure out why you forgot the last few days.”
Lily looked away, not wanting to admit she didn’t want to remember. “Do you know what caused me to have the episode?”
“Yes. Actually, it was Diamond who figured it out. Do you want to know?”
“No.” Lily got to her feet. “Where are my clothes? I want to get dressed. Do you mind if I use your shower? I could use the one in the other bathroom; it doesn’t look as complicated.”
Shade’s lips twisted at her attempt of humor. “Use mine. I think you can figure it out.”
“All right.” She was relieved he stopped trying to jog her memory.
Shade opened one side of his closet, showing her clothes.
Lily took a step back. “Those are the clothes that I boxed up to give the church. I bought new clothes. I was going to buy som
e more.” Lily turned her face away but found her jaw caught in his tight grip.
“Those new rags you bought are the ones being donated. They look like what someone would wear to a funeral—all black, brown and grey. Since I’ve known you, you’ve worn dresses with every color under the rainbow. Why have you suddenly stopped wearing color?”
“I don’t know,” Lily said, confused.
“Yes, Lily, you do. There are some things I’ll let you hide from me for a while longer, others I won’t.”
Lily stiffened, trying to turn away from his firm grip.
“Why the dark colors?”
She mutinously refused to answer.
“We’ll stand here all day until you answer me.”
Lily didn’t answer as her hand went to her wrist to snap at the red band. Her searching fingertips couldn’t find it, though, and he wouldn’t let her look at her wrist; his hand was still on her jaw, forcing her to look at him.
“I took it.” At her look of horror, he spoke before she could. “I’ll give it back on two conditions.”
“What are they?” She needed the rubber band.
“You have to tell me about your clothes, and secondly, every time you snap it, you have to tell me why if I’m there. If I’m not, then you have to write it down in a small book I’ll give you. Each and every time.”
Lily thought frantically, trying to think of another substitute she could use, but she was also sure that he would have thought of that.
“All right.” Lily gave in to his demands.
Shade’s hand dropped to his side. Taking a step back, he demanded, “Tell me about the clothes.”
Lily licked her dry mouth, wishing she had the water. “I don’t know how to explain it. When I wore my dresses, the colors made me feel happy. I would choose the color some days because it matched the sky or the sun or was the color of a flower I saw.” Lily shrugged feeling juvenile.
“The new dresses?”
“I don’t know. I just guess… I don’t know. The color is I—”
“Do you feel sad?”
“Yes, but not like depressed sad, like someone died,” Lily tried to explain the deep feeling of loss she had felt the last week or so.
Shade nodded his head, catching her eyes with his. “Who do you feel like you lost, Lily?”
“Beth.” A lone tear slid down her cheek.
“Anyone else?”
“Razer.” Another tear joined the first.
“Who else, Lily?”
Lily remained quiet.
“Who else, Lily?” Shade’s voice became firmer.
“You,” her voice was a whisper.
“Why do you think you lost me?”
“I don’t know. You were my friend, then I saw you with Evie and Rider and I know that...” Lily took a shuddering breath, “I don’t know you.”
His thumb traced over her high cheekbone. “You know me, and you sure as fuck haven’t lost me, even though I know you want to. Go take a shower then change into your workout clothes. I’ll lay them out for you while you’re in the shower. I’ll meet you in the gym.”
“Okay.” Lily gratefully moved away, relieved his questions were over.
She closed the bathroom door behind her, leaning back against it. She would get through the day and talk to Beth tonight. She would convince her sister that she could go back to school. She couldn’t stay at the clubhouse, and she was not about to stay another night in Shade’s room. Whoever it was out there who wanted to hurt her wasn’t as frightening as the man on the other side of that door.
Chapter 14
Shade was waiting for her on the mat.
“Ready?”
“Yes,” Lily replied.
“Today, I just want you to stretch then work on your weight training.”
“Okay.” Lily warmed up then moved over to the weights.
Shade handed her some weights. “From now on, when you feel uncomfortable trying something or you get scared, I want you to say a word that lets me know you’re getting scared and want me to stop.”
“All right. What’s the word?”
“You make one up. That way you’ll remember it better.”
“Blueberries.”
“Blueberries?”
“Yeah, I like blueberries. Even saying it makes me happy.” She smiled at him.
“Christ.” Shade returned to work on his own weights.
“What’s wrong with blueberries?” Lily asked curiously.
“Nothing,” Shade stated, his jaw clenched.
“Then why are you frowning?”
“I don’t know. Most women would pick a color or an object, not a fruit.”
Lily continued lifting her weights. “I can pick a color. I like pink.”
“Lily, blueberries is fine,” he snapped.
“Why are you getting angry?”
“I’m not getting mad, you’re just distracting me.”
“Oh.” Lily lifted the weight again. “I like baby blue.”
Shade stopped and glared at her. “If you don’t quit bugging me, you’re going to be using your safe word in the next sixty seconds.”
Lily shut up.
By the time they finished, she was tired and needed another shower.
“You finish up while I get showered and changed,” Shade told her.
Shade left and Lily did some more stretches, cooling down. It didn’t take Shade long to return, dressed in faded jeans, boots and a black t-shirt. His dark hair was still wet.
“Get showered. I laid out another outfit for you.”
Lily ignored his last words, going to his room. The sooner Beth showed up, the better.
She went into the bedroom, seeing a pale blue dress lying on the bed with her flat shoes beside it.
Lily showered before dressing. She was brushing her hair when Shade came back into the room.
“Dinner’s ready,” Shade said. “Let’s go.”
“We’re going out to eat?” Lily asked hopefully. She could get him to drop her off at her house afterwards, surely he wouldn’t mind leaving her with Beth there.
“No. We’re eating upstairs like everyone else.”
“But I’m not allowed upstairs,” Lily argued, trying to pull away as Shade took her hand, leading her to the steps.
Shade stopped and looked down at her. “If you’re going to get used to living here, that means you get used to going upstairs. You don’t want to stay down here all the time, do you?”
“No, but I don’t want to go up there, either,” Lily insisted.
“Come on.” Lily tried to pull away again, her hand going to the rubber band on her wrist.
“Remember our deal,” Shade warned.
“I already told you, I don’t want to go up there.”
“Lily, the club isn’t going to hide itself from you anymore. That cat’s already out of the bag. At first, you’ll be uncomfortable, but then you’ll become familiar with how things work around here.”
As Shade pulled her up the steps, Lily was afraid to attempt to yank herself away, not wanting to fall. Coming to the head of the stairs, he opened the door to the kitchen, which was full of The Last Rider members. Lily tried to hold back, yet Shade pushed her forward into the big room.
Evie, Jewell and Raci watched in amusement as Lily was then tugged forward to get in the food line.
“Hello,” Lily greeted them.
“Hi,” they greeted her in return.
Shade pushed her forward when the line moved and she stayed still. Lily gave him a frustrated look.
“I’m hungry. Unlike you, I haven’t eaten.”
“I’m sorry,” Lily said, stricken with guilt that she was being difficult while he just wanted to eat.
“I was joking, Lily. You take everything literally.”
Lily lowered her head, her feelings hurt.
Shade’s hand wrapped around the back of her neck, using his thumb to raise her head to meet his eyes. “You look very pretty in that shade of blue.”
“Are you trying to patronize me?”
“A little,” he admitted.
Lily laughed, shaking her head at him.
Taking a plate, she grabbed a few things that she thought looked good despite not having much of an appetite. Shade, on the other hand, filled his plate with much larger servings. Then they sat down at a table with Evie, Rider, Train and Bliss.
Lily kept her eyes on her plate, not able to meet Rider and Train’s amused gazes.
“Have you given Killyama her ride yet?” Lily asked Rider when she couldn’t take it anymore.
Rider’s amused expression disappeared. “Not yet. I’ve been busy.”
“Pussy,” Train goaded.
Rider’s hand clenched on his fork. “That woman probably expects me to ride bitch,” Rider made excuses for himself.
“If the panties fit, wear them,” Train said, dodging the fork that Rider threw across the table.
“I like Killyama,” Lily said, cutting into her pork roast. Silence was her only response. “She saved my life, and I heard Star’s mother had to have plastic surgery after she got in a fight with her. I can see where she might be too much for you,” Lily said, thinking the laid-back man wouldn’t have anything in common with the more serious Killyama.
Everyone at the table burst into laughter.
Rider turned to Shade. “Set it up,” he ordered, all humor gone.
“Will do,” Shade replied, keeping a straight face.
“Make sure you take protection,” Train goaded.
“Which one are you talking about? Condoms or my gun?” Rider asked.
“Both,” Train said truthfully.
Lily threw Train a reproving look. “I think you should volunteer to give Crazy Bitch a ride, Train. I think you two would have a lot in common.”
Evie put her hand on her mouth while Bliss, sitting next to her, asked, “Is she serious?”
“I think so,” Evie said, getting to her feet before she broke down into laughter, taking the dirty dishes with her.
Lily got up, taking hers, and Shade followed her into the kitchen. She started to do the dishes, but Shade took her hand.
“It’s Raci and Train’s week. We take turns.” Lily followed him nervously into the other room where everyone was sitting around, talking.