by J. D. Rivera
Once I made my way to my truck, I texted Hayes, asking if he was home. I had to tell him about running into Kennedy. That conversation was too good not to share.
Hayes: I’m home.
I drove over to his place and went inside without knocking. I knew he wouldn’t care. “Hey, cry baby,” I said as I stepped into the living room.
Hayes was sitting on the recliner, kicked back watching a movie.
“What’s up, dumbass?”
I sat down. “I ran into your old girlfriend. I forgot what a cumquat she is.”
“Oh, you ran into Kennedy?” he asked, turning to look at me.
“Yeah.” I chuckled, thinking back to my conversation. “She wants to know if one of your kids is hers.”
“What?”
I shrugged. “Yeah. Anyway, I’m fucking bored.”
He lifted a glass sitting next to him and downed the contents. “I am, too. Mac left an hour ago with Harley. I guess they are having a play date over at Connie’s.” He stood up suddenly, a huge smile on his face. “I’ve got it. Let’s go play paintball.”
“Just the two of us?”
“Text Ryder and see if he and Mark can meet us.”
It was a long shot, but I texted them anyway. A couple minutes later, I got a text back.
Ryder: Fuck yeah. We’ll meet you in an hour.
I replied, letting him know the address of the paintball place before Hayes and I loaded up into my truck.
“How was the honeymoon?”
“Good. Puerto Rico is really pretty.” Hayes and Mackenzie had taken their honeymoon over spring break.
“Do you like this better than your SUV?” Hayes asked as we pulled out of the driveway.
“Yeah. I like being able to haul my bike easier.”
He nodded and began typing something on his phone. My guess was he was letting Mackenzie know exactly what he was doing. I swear, he couldn’t do anything without her knowing. Although, I was sure it was by choice. Mackenzie didn’t strike me as the controlling type.
“We’re having a boy,” Hayes blurted out all of a sudden.
“Oh, wow. One of each.” I glanced in his direction. “Congrats, man. I know you’re happy.”
A wide smile spread across his face. “I am. So fucking happy. Who would have fuckin’ guessed me to be a family man?”
“No one. No one would have guessed that.”
“You may not have a family, but you seem quite smitten with Kristin.” He was trying to get a rise out of me.
“I am.” I turned the volume up on the radio. “This is getting a little too sappy for me.”
Hayes reached over and turned the volume down. “Oh no. This is my time to make you feel like a pussy. Are you finally over Sam?”
“Fuck yeah,” I said, giving him my best don’t be stupid face. “I was over her a long time ago. I just didn’t feel like ever putting myself in that situation again. But I really don’t think Kristin would do something like that.”
“Well, I’m happy for you.”
“Thanks,” I said, grateful we were pulling into the parking lot. I hated talking about shit like that.
***
After paintball—which my team won, of course—I dropped Hayes at his house and headed home. I was fucking tired and ready for a shower.
When I opened the door to the apartment, I was greeted by the sight of Kristin messing with her plants and the smell of brownies.
“Hey, flower girl,” I said, walking to her and placing a light kiss on her lips.
“Hi, Carson.”
I spun around to see Holly standing in the kitchen, flour all over her face.
“Oh, hey.” I turned back to Kristin, who gave me a tight smile. Great, she was still off. I decided right then and there I was going to drag whatever was wrong out of her after her friend left.
“Holly’s making brownies,” Kristin stated as she turned and began pouring water into a flowerpot.
“Awesome,” I replied, putting on my fake grin. “I’m starving, but I need a shower first. How about after I get out, I’ll make dinner to go with them?”
“Sounds good.”
I grabbed Kristin’s chin and forced her to look in my eyes. I could definitely see something was wrong, but for the life of me, I had no clue what it could be. After a few seconds, I dipped my head and planted my lips on hers. I deepened the kiss and pulled her closer to me, letting her feel that I was there for her.
Kristin moaned, but placed her hands on my chest and forced us apart. “I love kissing you, but you seriously reek.”
I chuckled. “I’ll be right back.”
Once I was in our room, I contemplated eavesdropping on their conversation to see if she would tell Holly something, but decided against it. That was disrespectful to her and I had already resolved to figure it out later.
I climbed in the shower and began soaping myself, trying to hurry so I could get back to Kristin. Without sounding clingy, I missed her. What I missed even more though, was her fun personality. It had only been one day, but I still missed it.
I was just about to turn the faucet off when the water turned ice cold. It was almost crippling.
“Fuck,” I muttered to myself. Quickly, I grabbed the handle and switched it off.
Damn, that was cold. And my anatomy could prove it. I had shriveled up everywhere.
I grabbed for a towel and dried off before slipping on some shorts and an old t-shirt.
“Which one of you turned the water on full blast and froze the shit out of me?” I asked, striding into the kitchen.
Kristin was sitting at the dining table and Holly was standing next to the counter, sipping a drink.
Holly winced. “Oh, that was me. Sorry.”
“It’s okay, but I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to have kids now. Or sex. My dick went into hiding and thinking about this, it’s a lot more devastating than I first thought. You could have ruined Kristin’s life!” I glanced over at Kristen and noticed she was sheet white, staring at me. “You okay, babe? It was just a joke…”
She continued to gaze at me for a minute longer before she stood up. “I’m fine. I’ll be right back.”
I turned to Holly and waited until Kristin was out of earshot. “Do you want to fill me in on what’s wrong with her?”
She sighed, then turned around, placing her hands on the counter. “I don’t know,” she whispered, “but even if I did, that’s for her to tell.”
“Right,” I muttered. “Best friend thing. I get it.” I wasn’t sure what to do. Did I go after her, did I wait for her to come back out and carry on as if she were “fine”?
“You know what? The brownies are done, so I’m going to take off,” Holly said, turning to look at me. She placed her hand on my arm. “Just be gentle with her.”
What the hell?
“Holly,” I began, looking her straight in the eyes. “Kristin means the world to me. Nothing, and I mean nothing, would make me hurt her.”
Her lips turned up into a sad smile and she nodded before grabbing her things and leaving. I waited in the kitchen a few more minutes, trying to calm my nerves. I had no idea what was bothering Kristin.
After taking a deep breath, I walked down the hall and into our bedroom. Kristin was laying on the bed, staring at the ceiling. I moved closer and just as I placed my knee on the bed, I noticed tears running down her face.
“Kristin,” I whispered as I placed my other knee on the bed and lay next to her.
She just shook her head then looked away. “I…”
“You know you can tell me anything.” I placed my thumb on her cheek and wiped her tears away, then repeated the process with the other cheek. “I love you. Can I hold you?” She nodded and I moved in closer to her, letting my arms slip around her body. My fingers found her long hair and I began running them through it. “I’m here for you. Doesn’t matter what it is, I’m here.”
“Do you mean that?”
“Always.”
She
swallowed, then turned to look at me. We held each other’s gazes for quite some time before she cleared her throat. “I have something to tell you.”
“Then tell me.” She was starting to really scare the shit out of me.
Kristin moved out of my arms and stood, placing her arms around her body. I sat up, trying to prepare myself for whatever had her so distraught. She shook her head, tears cascading down her face. “I’m pregnant.”
Everything froze.
My heart.
My lungs.
My brain.
Air.
Time.
They all stopped.
“Pregnant,” I repeated. It wasn’t a question; I knew I’d heard her correctly.
She nodded, then began pacing. I wanted to get up and pace, but my body wouldn’t move. How the hell was I supposed to be a dad? I wasn’t done growing up. I wasn’t even done with college. Shit.
“That’s not all.”
I just stared. What the hell else could she have to tell me? Was she having twins? Oh. God. Twins. I felt like passing out.
She swallowed hard. “It’s not yours.”
Not yours.
So that had to mean…
“NOT MINE?” I roared, jumping to my feet. Acid began burning my stomach and crawling its way up my throat. “You fucking cheated on me? I can’t believe this!” My hands went to my hair, a desperate attempt to get a handle on my emotions, and I turned away. How could she do this to me? How in the hell could I have trusted her? I fucking knew better!
“I didn’t cheat on you. It’s Adam’s. I’m eleven weeks.”
I stopped, turning to face her. “Well, isn’t this just fucking dandy.”
“Carson,” she cried.
“No.” I could feel tears stinging the back of my eyes, but I blinked them back. I wouldn’t cry like an assface over this.
She began walking toward me and I placed my hand out in front to stop her. “This doesn’t have to change us.”
“And you expect me to fucking raise it?” I laughed mirthlessly. “I don’t fucking think so.”
“We can figure this out, Carson. I LOVE you,” she cried.
I wanted to grab her in my arms and hold her, tell her everything would be okay, but I couldn’t. I was in no way ready to be a stepdaddy.
“We just got fuckin’ started,” I yelled out a little too harshly, but fuck.
“Carson, please.” Her voice was so full of anguish, but I just couldn’t give in. I was hurting too.
My lips fell into a frown as I studied her and tried to get a hold of my thoughts and emotions. Finally, I landed on anger again and lashed out. “Please what? Please raise my fucking baby so I don’t have to do it alone? I don’t think so, sweetheart. I’m out of here.”
“No, please. Wait!”
I just shook my head as I stepped into the hallway, tears falling down my cheeks. I no longer cared what I looked like. Call me a little bitch, but I had just lost the most important person in my life. I could hear her sobbing, but I kept walking, through the living room and out the door. I couldn’t deal with this shit. Me, a fucking stepdaddy? That would be a fucking joke.
I climbed in my truck and began driving aimlessly. My stereo was cranked as high as it would go and my speed was becoming a little too fast, but I didn’t care.
Fuck this.
Fuck Kristin.
Fuck life.
Just fuck.
Chapter Twenty-One
Kristin
He left.
I lost him.
And I had nobody to blame but myself. I was the girl who couldn’t keep her legs shut and gotten knocked up.
God, his face. I had never seen anguish on someone’s face like I had Carson’s. I hurt him and I hated myself for it. His eyes had glistened with unshed tears and his lips had trembled as he tried to get a hold of his emotions.
Then he let his anger win and disgust marred his face as he stared at me. It was a look I wouldn’t forget anytime soon.
I flopped onto the bed and cried. And when I say cried, I meant sobbed as loud as humanly possible. My lungs began to ache and snot was building in my nose. I didn’t care, though.
He left.
What the hell was I going to do? Adam didn’t want anything to do with the baby and neither did Carson.
I had no idea how long I lay there crying, but my eyes felt sore and snot was now all over my cheek. Nice, I thought.
My phone began beeping and I followed the noise to the floor. I spied it on the other side of the nightstand and my heart began pumping hard as my hopes rose, thinking it might be Carson.
After snatching it, I glanced at the screen and immediately deflated.
Holly: How did it go?
Tears began seeping out of my eyes again as I texted her, giving her a Cliff Notes version of what happened.
She texted back immediately.
Holly: I’ll be there in 10.
I wanted to laugh, but I couldn’t. I felt like my life was falling apart. And it was. I was now going to be a single mom without a college degree. All my hopes were gone.
I knew my parents would help me, but I’d have to tell them first. And although they were usually easy going, I still didn’t want to make that call.
“Hey,” Holly said, stepping into the room. I guessed Carson had left the front door open.
“Hi.”
“Why don’t you pack a bag and come over to my place?”
What if Carson comes back?
I knew he wouldn’t, so I nodded. “Give me a minute.”
She left the room and I tossed my clothes into a bag along with my makeup. I wasn’t sure if I’d need anything else, but I also didn’t care. Nothing mattered anymore.
A couple minutes later, I walked into the living room with my bag slung over my shoulder, my nasty hair in a bun. I was positive if Carson walked in, my appearance would make him walk right back out. But I knew I wouldn’t see him and didn’t care what anyone else thought.
“Ready?” Holly asked, tossing a magazine on the table. She stood up and smiled. “Need me to carry anything?”
I took a deep breath, and that’s when I realized I did need one more thing. “Brownies,” I answered. I retrieved the pan from the kitchen. “I’ll need these.”
She laughed lightly. “Okay.”
She led the way to her little Honda parked in the lot. “Darkness is over at my place, but I’ll ask him to leave.”
“Why?” I asked before opening the door and sliding into the seat.
After she sat down, she replied, “I just thought you wouldn’t want him there. You know…”
“It’s fine. As long as y’all don’t maul each other, I’ll be okay.”
She nodded and placed the car in gear. I glanced around the parking lot, looking for his truck, even though I knew it wouldn’t be there. My eyes glided to his motorcycle parked close to the sidewalk and my mind drifted back to the night he took me riding on back roads—just the two of us and the wind. A loud sob escaped my throat and I immediately clamped my hand over my mouth.
He left me. He really left.
“Oh, Kristin.”
I shook my head, letting her know I didn’t want to talk. I wanted to close my eyes and pretend this was a nightmare and I’d wake up wrapped in Carson’s arms.
“We’re here.”
I cracked my eyes open and looked out the window. The sun was shining, but the day seemed so dreary to me. It might as well have been raining—or sleeting.
I grabbed my things and opened the door before walking to her apartment. “I really can tell him to leave, if you want,” Holly whispered as we stepped through the threshold.
“It’s really okay.” I smiled and made my way to the couch, tossing everything but the pan of brownies on the floor. Once I was in a comfortable position, I dug into the brownies. I took a big bite and let the chocolaty goodness fill my taste buds. I continued to shove more into my mouth until I needed another.
I g
lanced up to see Holly and Darkness, which by the way, was still the dumbest name ever, looking at me in horror. “What?” I asked before clamping down on the brownie and biting off a piece.
“Um…” Holly said.
“I can’t drink!” I yelled. “These are all I’ve got!”
She gave me a placating smile. I wanted to punch her. “Okay, sweetie. Would you like some milk?”
Good Lord, she was treating me like a child. “Yes, please.” If she wanted to treat me that way, I’d take advantage.
“I’ll be right back.” She left the room and walked into the small kitchen.
I continued shoving brownies into my mouth as I stared at her boyfriend. “What’s your real name?” I asked.
“Hmmm?”
I rolled my eyes. “Your real name, what is it?”
He walked toward me and sat down on the other end of the couch. “I’ll tell you, but only because you look like you need a laugh.”
“Now I really need to know.”
Darkness sighed before whispering, “Newt.”
My mouth dropped open, then I quickly shut it and swallowed. “Your name is Newt?”
He nodded and turned to stare at me. He was smiling, so I felt like it was okay to burst out in a laugh. Oh my gosh, his name was Newt!
“It was a little…rough growing up with that name.”
Holly walked into the room carrying my milk. I took it from her hands and gulped some down. “Why would your parents give you that name?”
“It was my grandpa’s name.” He shrugged.
I took another drink. “But why Darkness? What’s your middle name?”
“I don’t have one.”
“You told her your real name?” Holly asked, eyebrows raised.
“He did,” I answered for him. “And I have to be honest, I can’t call you Darkness anymore. It’s kinda stupid.”
“Well, you can’t call me Newt.”
My mind went to Carson and how much fun he would have with this bit of information. He’d come up with a great name to call him. Thinking of Carson made tears spring to my eyes, but I pushed them back. “Gingrich.”
“Huh?” Holly asked as Darkness laughed. He obviously knew why I had said that.
“That is what I’m going to call you. Gingrich.”