Megan squinted at the note. Could it be true? Did he think what had happened between them was… a mistake? She tried to read it again. No, it was impossible. His handwriting, normally hard enough to read, was, in this hastily scribbled state, no more than hieroglyphics. It can’t be, she thought. It must mean he loves me… Oh, why didn’t I find this note that morning? But why didn’t he answer my messages? Why hasn’t he been in touch?
The cleaning forgotten, Megan decided to go and find Paudie and finally get an answer. She got up and grabbed her jacket. After locking the back door, she went around the corner of the house and walked straight into him.
They looked at each other in shock.
“Paudie,” Megan said.
There was a flash of pain in his eyes. “Hello. I’ve come to get my sheep. They’re going up the mountains.” His voice had a cold edge she had never heard before.
“Yes, of course.” Megan looked at his strong hands and remembered their gentle touch on her bare skin. He was standing so close she could smell his own particular scent of soap and grass. She took a step back, noticing the chest hairs in the open neck of his shirt, his strong chin with faint stubble and finally looked into his bright blue eyes.
“If that’s all right with you,” he added in this new cold voice.
She felt tears well up and swallowed, trying desperately to appear cool and unperturbed. “That’s okay,” she heard herself say. “You go ahead.”
His eyes softer, he stepped closer. Put his finger under her chin and tilted her face. “Megan? What happened? Why didn’t you answer my note?”
Confused, she stared at him. “I didn’t find it until just now. But I did leave a message on your voicemail that morning. And then, when I got no reply, sent you a text.”
He stared at her blankly. “I got no such message. I checked my phone constantly. I needed to know how you felt after reading that note.”
Anger surged in Megan’s chest and stopped the tears. “Never mind the message. How the fuck, do you think I felt?” she spat. “You just left me there, after we… after… you know. Then I tried to phone you but only got your voicemail. I left a message, then a text. You didn’t reply, so I thought you—” She tried to pull herself together. “I only found that note today, you know. Just now. It had blown in under the sofa. But that’s beside the point. What was in the message was quite clear to me. You said it was a mistake. You said that you and Bunny—”
His eyes widened. “What are you talking about? That’s not at all what I said in my note. Don’t you know how to read?”
“I read very well, thank you,” she said stiffly. “But perhaps you could learn how to write? Of course I couldn’t make out all that was in the note. Your handwriting’s crap. But I got the most important bits.”
He moved closer again and grabbed her shoulders. Dark with anger, his eyes bored into hers. “What the fuck are you saying? I wrote that I left you sleeping and would be back later. That our… the… you know, what we did was truly beautiful. That my relationship with Bunny was a mistake. That I was going to break up with her so we could make a life together, you and I. And finally, that I love you. What part of that didn’t you get?”
Megan gasped. His fingers dug into her arms, his eyes full of pain and hurt. “I… she started. “What? I can’t ... Please let me go, and I’ll tell you.”
He let her go so fast she nearly fell. Megan stumbled but regained her balance. She tried to speak but couldn’t get the words out. “I…” she started. “ Oh God, Paudie.” She burst into tears. “The note blew off the table. The window was open and a sudden gust of wind blew everything around.” She gulped, fighting for breath. “I didn’t see it until just now, a moment ago. Those words were all I was able to read. The ones about ‘a mistake’ and Bunny and how you wanted to make a life together with her. I thought…” she ended feebly.
He frowned. “And those three words at the end? What did you think that was all about?”
Megan sniffed and wiped her nose with her sleeve. “Those words were a great help. I thought that maybe you do—did—love me but felt I wasn’t right for you and that Bunny would be a much better companion.” She stopped for breath and looked at Paudie for help, for reassurance or at least something to blow her nose in. “Have you a hanky?”
Paudie dug in his pocket and handed her a clean but crumpled handkerchief. “Here. Blow your nose.”
She took it. “It’s not ironed. Bunny on strike?”
“She’s gone. I broke up with her that night. She left the next day.”
“Oh.” She stared at him. “She left that morning? Were you there when she left?”
“No. I went out to check the cattle. When I came back, she was gone.”
Something occurred to Megan. “What time was that? I mean, what time did you go out?”
He looked confused. “Why? Around nine o’clock or something.”
“And then Bunny was on her own, packing?”
“Yes.” He frowned. “Why are you asking these questions?”
“Never mind. Just listen. I suppose you didn’t have your phone with you when you were checking the cattle?”
Paudie put his hand to his forehead. “Shit! No, I didn’t. What time did you call me?”
“Around half past nine.”
They stared at each other.
“I suppose you had a row?” Megan said.
“Yes. It was quite bitter. She was very upset. In fact, she nearly spat in my face when I mentioned you.”
Megan wiped her nose. “Of course. Well, there’s your answer. She must have deleted my messages.”
Paudie nodded. “Must have. The sneaky bitch.”
“Well, the woman scorned and all that. Must say I don’t blame her.” Megan stopped. “But that doesn’t excuse you not calling me again. Or trying to find out why I hadn’t called you.”
“Why didn’t you call me again?” he demanded. “Shit, Megan, did you really think I’d use you for a quick screw and then just run off. What do you take me for, huh?”
Megan’s shoulders slumped. “I didn’t know,” she whispered. “I was scared. I thought…” She couldn’t go on, but stood there, willing him to understand, to realise that because of what she had been through in the not so distant past had made her distrustful of men. “I couldn’t believe you loved me.”
He didn’t seem to have heard. His eyes were devoid of expression as he digested all she had said.
“Paudie?” Megan whispered. “Say something. Please.”
He shook his head. “Don’t know what to say. I can see how the note might have been difficult to decipher. But…” He paused. “You didn’t trust me. You thought I’d give you up for Bunny because she was more suitable? Or that I didn’t have the guts to break up with her? Why the fuck didn’t you come and ask me?”
Megan shrugged and sniffled. “But I did. I left those messages on your phone. Then when there was no reply, I thought—” She stopped. “Actually, I was on my way to see you right now.” She looked at him accusingly. “But why didn’t you ask me what was going on? Why didn’t you try a little harder?”
“I don’t play games. I say what I say, and if that’s not good enough, too bad.”
“Too bloody proud, that’s your problem,” Megan snapped. “Well, in that case, I could return the favour and say you didn’t trust me either.”
“I suppose you’re right.” He stopped. “Which means we shouldn’t go any further. If we don’t trust each other, we won’t get on. Ever.”
“Probably.” The urge to throw her arms around him and beg for forgiveness was nearly unbearable. She took a step back. “I’m going for a walk on the beach.”
“I’ll load up the sheep, then.”
“Good.”
“Right.”
Silence. Megan sniffled. “Is that it?”
“Yeah,” he growled. He turned his back to her and walked back to the jeep and trailer.
Megan wanted to run after him. She wanted
to touch his arm to ask, plead, beg, but the stiffness in his gait and his rigid shoulders told her there was no point. She blew her nose in Paudie’s hankie and half ran up the path to the dunes and the beach.
She walked for over an hour, the sea roaring in her ears, the wind whipping her hair into thick, hard strands. The wild weather felt like a punishment she knew she deserved but it didn’t cure her desperate need to be with Paudie. He must feel the same. I’ll give him a little time, and then he’ll soften. Maybe he’s waiting for me, she thought and ran back to the house. But when she got there, he was gone.
***
Hours passed. Days. Nights.
Time goes so slowly when you’re in pain, Megan thought, trying to busy herself as best she could. The trip to Paris was a great help, and she threw herself into setting up her website, making it as professional and marketable as she could. Her wardrobe needed a good going over, and she sorted out all her clothes, picking the best items for a week in Paris. She had wisely kept the best designer outfits from her past life as a stylist and now found at least three outfits she could combine into a clean, classy look. She had her hair cut and even splurged on a day at a spa in Killarney for a top-to-toe overhaul. Suitably buffed, coiffed and dressed, she set off for Shannon airport early one morning to leave for Paris.
The departure hall was busy, and there was already a long queue for the Paris flight. Megan joined the back of the queue and put down her suitcase. She was checking her handbag for her passport and ticket, when someone touched her arm.
She looked up and blinked. “Paudie?”
“Yes, it’s me.” Dressed in a suede jacket and beige chinos, his hair brushed, he looked unusually polished and glamorous. His eyes on her were tender and a little shy. “You look beautiful.”
“Thank you. What are you doing here?”
He smiled. “Came to say goodbye and bon voyage.”
“Oh? Why? I thought you’d never want to speak to me again.”
He looked at her for a while without replying. “Oh, I didn’t. For a long time. But then I came to miss my best friend. There was nobody to needle me or ask awkward questions. No one to share my cold pizza. My sock drawer’s a mess. My life was too quiet and easy.”
“And boring?” Megan shuffled forward as the queue moved.
“Yes.” He took her arm and leaned against her. “Can we move away from here?” he whispered in her ear. “Too many people listening.”
“But I have to check in. I’m going to Paris.”
He looked at the sign over the check-in desk. “So I gather. But then, I can read.”
She stifled a laugh. “How did you know I was here?”
“Diana. She told me early this morning when I helped her move the horses. I said I didn’t know where you were and that I needed to talk to you. So she took one look at my miserable face and said ‘go after her, you fool’. So I did. Took me a while to clean up.” He looked at Megan sheepishly. “But here I am. A big fool.”
“Yes. And your hair is sticking up at the back.”
He patted it down. “Didn’t have time to style it.”
“It looks good. You look good. Oh, I’m nearly there.” Megan took out her passport. “Not much time. But you can walk me to the security gate.”
“Thank you, Your Highness. That’s a great honour.”
Megan giggled. She checked in her suitcase and gathered up her boarding pass. “We only have a few minutes. My flight will be boarding soon.”
“I know.”
They walked together across the vast departures hall and came to a stop in front of the escalator. Paudie put his hands on Megan’s shoulders and looked deep into her eyes. He took a deep breath. “I love you.”
She felt tears well up. “Oh, Paudie. And I love you. I really do.”
“No need to say more then, is there?”
“No. And I’ll be back in a week.”
“Good. You go to Paris, girl, and have a good time. That’s an order.”
“Yes, sir.” Megan laughed between tears and put her arms around his waist. “I have to go,” she whispered into his neck.
“I know. Just one more thing. Give me your hand.”
“Why?” she lifted her right hand.
“Because.” He took the Claddagh ring, pulled it off her finger and turned it around, placing it on the third finger of her left hand. “See? Now the point of the crown is toward your finger. You know what that means?”
She nodded. “I do.” She looked up at him. “I’ll wear it like this from now on.”
“Yes,” he said. “You will. Always.”
THE END
-of this book, but not of the series...
The second Kerry romance book is Hot Gossip, where you will meet the characters again, but this time with a different heroine, Frenchwoman Janine, who comes to Kerry and causes quite a stir in the little village. It can be found on Amazon here: ASIN B00GX8U90E
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