by L A Cotton
I'd only ever had morning afters with one person. A very long time ago. A small part of me knew it was irrational to let your first love affect all of your future relationships. I was young, not even seventeen, and Mikey was my first, my everything. But he broke me in more ways than he ever knew.
He ruined me.
"You're still here." Kade stirred beside me, and I watched him rub at his sleepy eyes, until two blue oceans stared back at me.
"I'm still here." I smiled, and my stomach growled loudly.
Kade chuckled, pressing a quick kiss to my forehead before rolling out of bed and padding into the hallway. "Breakfast will be in ten."
Breakfast? He's going to cook me breakfast?
I spent a few minutes trying to get my emotions under control. This was a huge deal for me. But I doubted it was for Kade. He probably cooked his one-night stands breakfast all the time. Thanks for last night; here’s breakfast. I could hear the sizzle of a pan, and soon, the smell of bacon wafted into the room. Taking a huge breath, I got out of bed and went in search of clothes and the bathroom.
Five minutes later and dressed in one of Kade's baseball jerseys, I let my stomach lead me to the kitchen. Kade looked every bit the chef, standing at the stove flipping pancakes. I couldn't help but smile. By the looks of it, Kade could cook.
I pulled a stool up to the breakfast bar and soaked in the sight of two plates piled with pancakes and bacon. His eyes lit up when he turned and noticed me. His gaze raked down my body, but he didn't mention my choice of clothing; he just grinned.
"Breakfast is served. Syrup?"
I nodded, and he pushed a plate toward me before fetching syrup from the counter.
"This is a first," he said before stuffing a fork full of food into his mouth.
I nodded again, taking my own bite. It was delicious.
"So I'm guessing, dressed like that, you don’t plan to run out on me anytime soon?"
"I guess not," I replied focusing on the plate in front of me, trying to ignore the flutters in my stomach.
We ate the rest of breakfast in silence, and while it wasn't awkward or uncomfortable, the air was thick with tension.
Kade collected our plates and served us both a glass of orange juice.
"So, I've been thinking about our situation..."
Situation?
"I'm not looking for serious, and I'm pretty sure you're not. But I think we both know that last night wasn't the last time. You're new in town; I know this place like the back of my hand. What do you say to being friends?"
Friends? I'm sure my mouth dropped open a little. Of all the things I'd expected to tumble out of his mouth, that was not one of them. I wasn't sure whether I should be offended, hurt...or relieved.
"Friends?"
Something flashed in Kade's eyes, and all of a sudden, I got the feeling we were no longer talking about being friends.
He moved from behind the counter and stalked toward me slowly with a knowing look. "Friends..." He hesitated. Tugging my stool around, he brought me face to face with him. "Friends with benefits."
My response melted into Kade's lips as he lifted me off the stool and carried me to the bedroom.
~
“So, friend, when can I see you again?”
I arched my eyebrow at Kade as I fumbled with the zipper of my dress. “A little help?”
He leaped out of bed and came around to help me. “Here, let me see.” His fingers brushed my shoulders, and I shuddered as I remembered the last three hours we’d spent in his bed. So much for one more night.
“Well, friend, I’m a busy girl.”
Kade came back to bed and got back under the covers. “Tell me about it. I’m on nursery duty with Ashton and Hayley. I love my cousin and his wife, but me and babies… not a good mix. Apparently, Hails has ordered the whole store, and I have to help build it.”
The air left my lungs and I coughed while Kade eyed me suspiciously. “Everything okay?”
I faked spitting noises and swiped a finger over my mouth. “Yeah, just a hair.” My lips forced a smile, but I had to turn away from him to give myself a second.
A faint horn sounded, and Kade pouted like a child. “You sure you have to go, friend? I could make you come again… One for the road?”
I didn’t waste my breath responding. Instead, I waved behind me and left Kade wrapped in his comforter half-naked.
“Call me,” he called through his own laughter.
Not likely.
This morning had taken me by surprise. Hell, I’d surprised myself. But it wasn’t about to become a regular thing. Maybe we’d hook up now and again after a night out, but that was it. Because the ache in my chest would always be there. A permanent reminder. And no one, not even Kade Ford, could piece me back together.
Chapter 5
~ Kade ~
“What has you in such a good mood?” Ethan handed me the torque wrench and leaned back against the hood of the 1975 Chevy we were working on.
“Me?” I played dumb.
“Yes, you. I haven’t seen you so relaxed…well, since forever.”
Shit, am I that obvious?
I ignored Ethan's stare and continued to tighten the bolt, but he was only just getting started.
"So, who is she?"
I dropped the wrench and reached for the can of Coke. "Who?"
"The girl who's put that shit-eating grin on your face. Don't play dumb with me. I've known you long enough to know only two things can make you smile like that. Pussy or the Red Sox beating the Yankees, and the season just finished."
He might have only known me for eight years, but Ethan was right. He knew me better than anyone did.
I shrugged, threw the empty can into the trash can, and returned to the Chevy.
"So, it's like that, huh?" He laughed. "Well, she must be something special if you don't want to share details." Clapping me on the back, he mumbled something about going to sort the paperwork out back.
Something special. Ethan’s words lingered in my mind. Two days had passed since Staci walked out of my apartment, and I hadn't heard a thing. It had me feeling restless. Which didn't sit well with me, considering I rarely chased a girl. But Staci was different. The moment my lips collided with hers in Planters, I knew one more night would never be enough. I needed more, and she had me by the balls. Although, I wasn't sure she knew it.
I had the perfect solution. Friends with benefits. I wasn't looking for a relationship, and with the way she was wired to run every time things got even a little serious, I figured she wasn't either. It could be a mutual arrangement with everyone a winner. When I'd eased her into the idea, she didn't shoot me down. But then, I hadn't let her exactly do a lot of talking. Maybe she wasn't as interested as I thought. Or maybe there was more to it.
"Phone," Ethan yelled from the office, pulling me from my thoughts of the tiny blonde firecracker I craved.
Dropping the wrench, I wiped the sweat from my forehead and padded my way into the office.
"Who is it?" I asked, taking the phone from Ethan.
"Your mom," he mouthed.
"Hey, Mom."
The line filled with sobs, and my whole body tensed.
"Mom. What is it? Talk to me."
Ethan shot me a concerned look, and I grimaced.
"Mom... talk to me."
"It's..." There was more sniffling followed by the sound of her blowing her nose. "It's him. H-he's getting out."
My fist clenched around the phone and anger boiled up in me. Even thinking about him set me off. The bastard I called dad.
"When?"
Mom breathed in deeply. "I-I don't know. Your Aunt Sally called. She wanted me to know, to prepare myself. Kade..." Mom whispered down the line, "He's getting out."
I thrust my free hand into my hair and dragged it across my scalp. Fuck, this was bad. Sally was Dad’s sister, and although she stayed in touch after he went to prison, things had been strained between her and Mom. But she had promised to a
lways keep Mom informed should he ever make parole. This was a setback Mom didn't need. Having him free would kill her. It would eat away at the last shred of life she had.
"He won't touch you. Never again. You know I won't let him touch you."
I'd kill that bastard before he ever set foot near her again. I wasn't the scared teenager I once was anymore.
"I know, honey. I know. I'm sorry I called you at work. I just panicked. Your Aunt Theresa is going to visit so I'll be fine. Promise."
"You sure? I can come now; Ethan can manage the shop." Ethan nodded.
"I'm sure. Come in after work. I need a hug."
After saying goodbye to Mom, I passed the phone back to Ethan who was eyeing me with concern. "He's getting out? When?"
"Didn't ask. Mom didn't say. Fuck."
"Shit, man, I'm sorry. Is there anything you need?"
"Nah, just got to wait it out, I guess. He's not supposed to come within one hundred yards of the house, but that's never stopped him before. Ten years. Ten years and it all still comes straight back."
***
The sounds of raised voices drifted from inside the house. Something crashed against the wall and Mom’s screams pierced our quiet street. A curtain in the window across from our house twitched, and I knew old lady Becks was spying, but she didn’t come out to see what was happening. No one ever did in this neighborhood; people preferred to ignore what was going on around them. My heavy legs moved me up the driveway to the front porch. His voice boomed some drunken ramblings while Mom’s sniffles and sobs filled the silence that followed. He was supposed to stay away from us. The police had slapped his sorry ass with an injunction some weeks prior after he rammed Mom’s face into the kitchen counter. But Larry Ford didn’t care about the police...or Mom...or me. To the outsider he was the perfect husband and father. An upstanding member of society. But behind closed doors he only cared about where his next bottle of Johnny Walker was coming from, and where he could find the next slut to suck his dick. He disgusted me. I wanted to stand up to him, to protect Mom. But he was big and as scary and as mean as they came. It had to stop though, before it was too late. Before he did something I couldn't fix.
Something in me shifted. This was it. I would march in there and tell him to get the fuck out of our lives. Or I’d call the police and let them arrest his sorry ass and throw him behind bars to rot. But when I opened the door, my whole world crashed and I choked up. Tremors wracked through my body as my eyes took in Mom covered in blood from a jagged gash on her head; Dad was looming over her with his fist clenched ready to strike again.
“Stop,” someone’s voice called. My voice.
Mom’s sad eyes widened when she looked up and saw me standing in the doorjamb. The fear glistened in her tears. A strangled cry escaped her bloody lips as he pushed her crumpled body against the wall and turned in my direction.
“Oh, look what the cat dragged in.” A calloused hand clasped my throat before I could gain control over my body. “You need roughin’ up, boy. Time to make you into a real man.”
Pain exploded across the back of my head as it collided with the wall and puke filled my throat. Somehow, I managed to swallow it down just in time to see Dad’s fist coming at my face. I didn’t move in time and another wave of pain crashed over me, almost pulling me under. Mom screamed and started crying. I wanted to go to her and comfort her, but stars filled my vision and I swayed slightly.
“Where’s your fight, boy? No son of mine would stand there and take a beating. Or are you a pansy-assed pussy like your momma?”
Like waking from a bad dream, something in me snapped. I drove my body into Larry and we crashed to the floor. He grunted, bucking me off him. “You little shit. Get back here.”
I tried to scramble to my feet, but Larry’s hand caught the leg of my jeans and he yanked me back down with such force the air whooshed from my lungs.
“You’ll pay for that…” was the last thing I had heard before everything went black.
***
"This looks great, Uncle Kadey." Hayley pressed her hand against my back as we surveyed my handiwork. Ashton hadn't been joking when he said they'd bought half of the store.
"I helped. Don't give him all the credit; it'll go to his head." Ashton wrapped an arm around Hayley's shoulder, pulling her to his side and rubbing her small bump with his other hand. "What do you say, little guy. Did Daddy do good?"
Hayley laughed, batting him away. "Guy? I thought we agreed girl."
"I'm getting guy vibes today. Isn't that right, little man?" My cousin half tackled Hayley and ducked his head in line with her stomach. "Kick once for a boy, twice for a girl."
I stifled my laugh and checked the crib once more, but it was solid. Turning to them, I said, "Isn't it a little early for all this?"
Hayley untangled herself from her husband and smiled. "You know me; I like to be prepared. Nothing wrong with that, is there, bean?" She patted her bump and left the room.
"So, Mom filled me in. How are you holding up? How's Aunt Jess?"
"Honestly? She's fucking terrified. I hate it. Hate him for putting her through this. If he comes anywhere near her, I swear I'll-"
"Whoa, don't finish that sentence. I get that you're angry, man, I do, but don't say something you'll regret."
"Are you fucking kidding me? I mean every word. If he so much as comes near Mom, I will kill that bastard. It’s more than he deserves."
Ashton let out a long breath, staring out of the window. "I just don't want to see you do something you can't take back. Your mom only has you. She needs you."
He was right. For ten years, it had been just the two of us. Only Mom was never the same after leaving the hospital. Doctors said it was post-traumatic stress, but no therapy in the world healed her. The day he almost killed her, a little part of her died, and Mom had spent the last decade too scared to set foot outside. It had taken me and Aunt Theresa almost six years to persuade Mom to move out of the house that almost killed her, but when her depression reached the point of her refusing to get out of bed we intervened. Looking back, I don’t know if it was the right decision. Mom switched one prison for another, and although she was happier—more herself than she had been in a long time—I was still waiting for the day she felt able to leave the house under her own free will.
If only I'd been stronger. I wasn't that scared sixteen-year-old kid anymore, and I sure as shit wasn't about to watch Mom suffer at his hands anymore.
"Dinner's ready." Hayley's voice traveled up the stairs, and Ashton finished packing away all of the tools.
"Sure you're okay?"
I lifted my chin at him, too worked up to answer. It had taken a long time to push him into the recess of my mind, and one phone call was all it took to unravel it.
For everyone's sake, I just hoped he would stay away.
~
The day didn't get any better. After eating with Ashton and Hayley, I left to visit Mom again. I'd been checking in on her daily since she got the call. She was a mess, and it killed me to watch her break down as she kept reliving the phone call from Aunt Sally. I thought about hitting the gym, but with so much anger simmering under my skin, I figured I was better off not being around people. I needed to get a handle on myself, but not knowing when he was going to be released was eating me up inside. Aunt Sally promised to give Mom a heads-up as soon as she heard anything, but we were still waiting.
Grabbing my stuff off the seat, I climbed out of the truck and padded my way around the front of the apartment building. It was late, past nine, but I wanted to wait until Mom was sleeping before I left. The second I made it around the corner, my whole body paused.
Staci was standing outside the main door, pacing back and forth. The navy sweats and matching hoodie molded to her body and blurred into the night, illuminating her blond curls. Everything about her shone—her hair, her eyes, and even her soft, full lips.
The sight of her standing outside my apartment building looking like a deer
caught in the headlights—a very cute deer—cut right through the hollow pit in my stomach. My dick twitched, and although I was still pissed that I hadn't heard a word from her in days, maybe she was the calm before the storm raging inside of me.
~ Staci ~
This is a bad idea; this is a bad idea.
I paced back and forth outside of the doorway deciding what to do. Press the buzzer or turn and walk away. I wasn't even sure how I'd ended up at Kade's in the first place. I hadn't spoken to him in days, since we spent the morning together. But the second I hung up with my brother, Joel, I had to get out of the house. And when the cab asked me where to, the first place I could think of was Kade's.
Joel had just been calling to check in. His usual monthly call to keep tabs on me. It was always the same—a brief update about Bessie and the girls, and Tanner, who was currently stationed at Camp Atterbury in Indiana. Only this time he'd thrown in something about our old friend. Just brought him into the conversation as if it meant nothing. Of course, he didn't know that hearing Mikey's name would send my world spiraling. That it meant everything.
Mikey. Until Joel mentioned him, I hadn't allowed myself to think about Mikey Turner for the better part of nine years. After he had ruined my life, it was the least he deserved. And I'd kept true to my promise never to let him back in. Not even in my thoughts. Ever. But unaware, Joel had just undone years of hard work in a second.
It was as if the air had been sucked from the room when Joel said his name. I couldn't breathe. My stomach flipped and I almost puked right there on Lou and Russ's tiles. But the fighter in me refused to be that weak sixteen-year-old who had believed the empty promises of her first love…first everything.
And now, here I was, standing on Kade's doorstep. It was a mistake; every fiber of my being knew that. But I was having some kind of emotional episode, craving comfort and wanting to forget. Kade could make me forget. He could make me forget my own name when his lips connected with my skin. I didn't like to admit it, but there was something magnetic between us. Our bodies responded to one another. Just like, right now, my body knew we needed Kade. To help us forget.