by L A Cotton
I didn’t know where home was anymore, but I did know that only one person made me feel the way being in Ecuador did.
Kade Ford.
And it terrified me.
~ Kade ~
“Planters tonight?” Ethan smeared his grease-covered hand across his forehead and slammed the hood. “The girls are coming.”
My body went on high alert. It was a traitorous piece of shit lately. Someone only had to mention Staci and that was it; I couldn’t concentrate or think about anything else. Not that I was doing a very good job of forgetting about her anyway. The night at my apartment had ruined me. How she came to me in her hour of need. I was fucking pathetic, pining for a girl who didn’t even want to take me up on my friends-with-benefits proposition. Maybe that was a part of the appeal; I wanted the unobtainable. Who was I trying to kid? There was more to it than that, and the rejection stung.
“Kade, are you listening?”
“Huh? Yeah, yeah. I’ll be there.”
“I’m out; can you lock up?”
I nodded, heading into the office to close up for the day. Business was good, and it had been since the day we opened S and F’s Auto. Between the two of us, there wasn’t much we couldn’t fix, and we both brought something to the business side of things. Ethan had his people skills, and I had experience doing paperwork.
After Dad had been thrown into prison, Mom had a heap of unpaid bills and a house to run. I helped as much as I could and straightened things out with the bank and creditors. It came in handy when we first set up the shop.
We still hadn’t heard again from Aunt Sally, so we didn’t know when to expect his release. I’d tried calling Mom’s liaison officer for information; they were also supposed to keep us informed of any changes in his sentence. But, so far, all I had managed was to leave messages for them to call us back. Mom wore a brave face, but I could see the cracks slowly appearing every time I visited her. She was waiting for him to show up. But he wouldn’t get close enough this time; I wouldn’t let him.
~
Planters was quiet for a Friday. I arrived before everyone except Morris, but that was no surprise. He was droning on about the new girl at the office he was working at when my eyes found her.
Staci didn’t look in my direction as she walked into the bar with Ethan and Livy, followed by Lou and Russ. Part of me wanted to walk over to her, grab her, and kiss the shit out of her to force her to acknowledge whatever the fuck was going on between us. But for the most part, I was just pissed. She played disinterest well, but I could play it better. If that was the way she wanted it, then game on.
“You’re late.” Morris looked a little too long in Staci’s direction, and I had to fight the urge to punch him in the side.
“My fault,” Staci replied, sliding into the booth opposite me.
Livy flashed her a concerned look while my eyes burned into the side of Staci’s head, willing her to look in my direction. But she didn’t. Her gaze remained firmly planted on the table as Ethan and Russ took our drink orders.
“So, Kade, a little birdy tells me that Jenna keeps asking about you.” Lou wiggled her eyebrows at me.
“The brunette from the other week?” Morris added. “I thought you blew her off. Wait, did she go home with you?”
Staci flinched but still refused to meet my glare.
“I might have taken someone home with me.”
That got her attention. Her eyes narrowed at me, daring me to twist the truth some more. I couldn’t stop the next words from tumbling out of my mouth. “Total firecracker between the sheets. She could do this one thing with her legs-”
Lou cut me off. “Enough already. God, Kade, you’re so inappropriate. Jenna never said she went home with you?” Now she was frowning at me.
“You scored with someone else? How do you do it? It’s been weeks since I got any.”
“Morris, we’re right here,” Lou said with disgust. But it didn’t compare to the bitterness in Staci’s voice as she said, “Probably just another desperate skank looking for hearts and flowers. She must have left real disappointed with you, huh, Ford?”
The guys arrived at the booth just in time to hear Staci’s quip, and I smirked to myself reveling in the knowledge that I had gotten under her skin.
“What did we miss?” Ethan looked at me and then Staci and back again, shooting me a confused look.
“I’m just as confused as you,” Lou added as her sister, Livy, kept quiet, watching me with a knowing smirk of her own. Oh, she was on to us all right.
“Listen, I don’t feel so well,” Staci said quietly to her two friends. “I think I’ll head out. See you back at the apartment, Lou.”
Ethan and Russ gave her space to climb out of the booth, and just like that, Staci was gone. I wanted to run after her, but it would have been too obvious, and I doubted she’d appreciate me outing us to everyone. If there even was an us, after her little display only seconds ago.
This drama was exactly the reason I steered clear of falling into the relationship trap…so why did I give a shit about the look on her face as she left the bar?
~
After her disappearing act from the bar, the last person I expected to see two hours later outside my apartment building was Staci. But there she was, sitting on the bench, hands gripping the edge.
“Now, this I didn’t expect.” I said, unsure of how to play things.
“Me, neither. Sorry about what I said in the bar. It wasn’t fair.”
“You look like you could use coffee…or wine? I have both.”
Staci nodded and followed me inside. The tension crackled between us as we stepped into my apartment. Things weren’t always easy between us, but they were rarely awkward. But right now, they were wrong. Staci kept one arm wrapped around her waist as I searched for glasses.
“No wine, just coffee, please.”
“Coffee, it is.”
I watched out the corner of my eye as Staci sat on the couch and stared into space. Her uneasiness was evident, but I didn’t have a fucking clue what was going on with her. She was usually so feisty and prickly that seeing her this vulnerable rumbled something in me. Before it had been different, we had been wrapped up in each other before there was time to talk. But it was pretty obvious that wasn’t happening tonight. Staci had completely checked out.
“Here you go.” I handed her the steaming cup and sat down next to her, close enough to feel the nervous energy sizzling around her, but not so close that we were touching.
“Ready to talk yet?”
She sipped her cup shaking her head.
“Okay. No talking. Got it. How about if I talk?”
Her eyes widened a little, surprised at my suggestion, and I smiled. She was so sure that she had me all figured out. But what she didn’t realize was that I didn’t know what I might do or say around her next, either. It was all instinctual—she was completely screwing with my control.
Leaning back against the cushions, I stared straight ahead. "So Ashton is freaking out about the baby. He called me this morning asking if I had any idea how scary pregnant women are. I think Hayley is driving him nuts. And they still have five months to go."
Staci's hand found mine. She wound her fingers around mine, squeezing tightly. The gesture had my heart slamming against my chest. She was trying to tell me something; that much I knew. I just had no idea what.
"Can I stay here tonight? I don't want to go back to the apartment. I can take the sofa."
Like hell you will. Turning to Staci, I brought my other hand to her face and tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear. A sadness in her eyes had me wanting to pull her to me and just hold her. But something held me back.
She let out a long yawn and I laughed. "Come on, let's go."
Giving her no time to argue, I tugged her up with me and led her to my bedroom. Usually, there was only one way that would end. I didn't do sleepovers, I did sex, but that wasn't in the cards tonight. Staci trusted me with her vulnerab
ility, and it stirred something in me. She kept acting like there was nothing more than sex between us, but the tension crackling between us was tangible, as if I could reach out and touch it. There was no way on earth she could deny whatever was passing between us. Besides, she kept coming back to me, didn’t she?
We stepped inside the room, and I let go of her hand, giving her space. Staci's eyes flicked to the bed in the middle of the room pushed up against the wall and darted to the floor.
"Listen, I can take the sofa. Make yourself at ho-"
"No, no, stay." She lifted her head, her eyes meeting mine. Drawing me in. "Stay. With me, please."
Something in me broke. I didn't do this. I wasn't that guy. All caring and sincere. But the sad, pint-sized blond beauty in front of me had me wanting to move the moon and stars for her if it meant seeing her smile again. If it meant I could take away some of her pain.
With my decision made, I yanked my shirt over my head. Staci's eyes tracked my movements, and she swallowed hard.
"Head out of the gutter, Jameson." I smirked and her cheeks flushed, and just like that, some of the tension melted away.
"You want something to sleep in?"
Staci nodded and I grabbed the unwashed jersey she had borrowed the last time she was here. I couldn't bring myself to wash her off it. What did that say about me? I was turning into a fucking pussy.
Turning away from me, Staci undressed and slipped the jersey over her head. A low growl formed at the back of my throat. It didn't sit well with me that she felt like she needed to hide. I'd seen her naked; I’d tasted every inch of her. But if she needed space, for now I could give that to her. Even if it went against everything in me.
Without making eye contact, Staci climbed under the comforter and turned to her side, facing away from me. If she was intentionally trying to push my buttons, it was working. But then her whisper cut through the silence. "Hold me?"
I didn't need her to ask twice. Slipping under the comforter next to her, I drew Staci's small body into mine, wrapping an arm around her. The close proximity—her dressed in just my jersey and panties—would have usually had a direct line to my dick, but I was too busy trying to stop myself from trembling. Twenty-six years old and reduced to a sack of nerves by a girl with a sharp tongue, and a heap of baggage I had yet to discover.
"Sleep. I've got you," I whispered into her hair while only being able to think one thing.
Does she have me as well?
Chapter 7
~ Staci ~
My eyes fluttered open and I became aware of the huge, solid body cloaking mine. Kade. A smile graced my lips at how understanding he had been last night. After my pretty shitty attitude at the bar, it was more than I deserved. But after taking an unexpected call from Mikey before Livy and Ethan picked us up, I was slowly drowning in a black hole and only one person was keeping me afloat. Kade.
First Joel, then Dad, and now Mikey. It was as if I’d been transported back nine years. When I’d finally placed the hesitant voice on the end of the line, Mikey refused to tell me how he got my number. I didn't give him a chance to explain himself because I wanted nothing to do with him. For the second time in my life, he was ruining everything. And I wanted him to stay where he belonged—in my past. But something didn’t add up. Why now? After all this time. It couldn’t be a coincidence that Joel had called and mentioned his name, and then not even days later, Mikey called me. None of it made sense, but it hurt too much to think about. I just wanted to forget. To continue burying my head in the sand and pretending like everything was fine. That I was fine.
“You okay in there?” Kade’s husky voice wrapped itself around me like a blanket. I still didn’t want to acknowledge this thing between us, but somewhere between the night of the wedding and now, he was becoming my person. The person I ran to when things got crazy—and it scared the shit out of me. There was no future for us. The girl damaged by her past; the guy who wanted to be friends with benefits. It was a disaster waiting to happen. But I couldn’t find it in me to run. Not today.
“Just thinking.” It wasn’t a total lie.
“I don’t suppose you’ll let me into that head of yours? I think I earned it.”
Letting out a gasp, I rolled in Kade’s arms and faced him. “Earned it, huh? And exactly how do you figure that, Ford?”
His lips curled up into a smile, and he winked. “I let you in, didn’t I? I could’ve walked right by.”
Batting his arm off me, I sighed dramatically. “Kade Ford, my knight in shining armor.” My laughter filled the room, but Kade wasn’t laughing along with me. He was too busy watching me. Eyes as blue as the ocean looking right at me, into my soul.
I stopped laughing. Silence enveloped us with only the sound of our hearts beating. After a few seconds had passed, the tension was suffocating.
“Why are you looking at me like that? Like you’re either about to go Hannibal Lecter on me or kneel down at my feet and pray?”
Something flashed in his eyes and he coughed. “Just admiring the view.” He winked again before rolling out of the bed and padding out of the room.
~ Kade ~
I had to get out of there. Things were too intense, and I had no fucking idea what to do with all of the feelings rushing through me. I’d known things were changing between us last night—probably even before that. Staci fit perfectly against me; her petite figure curled into my body as if she was meant to be there. What the fuck did that mean? Sure, the occasional girl had slept over before, if we fell asleep before I could kick her out, but I had never spent the whole night watching a girl sleep. And then feeling her wake next to me; the smile on her face as she turned in my arms and joked around with me. It was thawing my ice-cold heart, and I didn’t know what in the hell to do with it.
I'd always known that Staci was different, but I hadn't banked on one thing.
Falling for her.
The revelation blindsided me. She obviously had a lot of shit going on that she wasn't ready to talk about, and I had my own stuff to deal with. And yet, here we were...again.
“Ford, everything okay in there?” Her voice drifted in the bathroom, and I splashed some water on my face trying to get a grip on things.
“I’m coming. Breakfast?”
“Sure,” she called back.
Armed with fruit juice and cold ready-made pancakes, I rejoined Staci in bed.
“Wow, breakfast in bed. I should bitch at you more often.”
“Don’t get too excited; the pancakes are cold and the juice might be out of date.”
She huffed, snatching a pancake off the plate and picking it apart with her fingers. “It’ll do.”
“That is the most unsexy thing I’ve ever seen.”
She swallowed and grunted. “I thought we were past that stage, friend?”
“Friends now, is it? And here was me thinking you decided not to take me up on my offer, friend.”
Staci clapped her hands together. “If we are going to try this friend thing you speak of, perhaps it’s time we did something else besides each other.”
I almost choked on my mouthful of pancake, spraying food into the air. There was the glimmer of the girl I had met all those years ago.
“What did you have in mind?”
“How do you feel about a road trip?”
“Road trip? Today?” My face creased, wondering where she was going with this.
“Well, yeah. We’d have to take your truck, though.”
“And where will this road trip take us?”
Her whole face lit up as she said, “The beach.”
“The beach…is miles away.”
“I know; hence, road trip.”
My eyes darted to the window. There was no sign of the sun, just a thick layer of cloud, and wasn’t it a little late in the season for the beach?
“Don’t tell me that you’re one of those guys?”
Cocking a brow, I said, “Those guys?”
Staci rolled her eyes and
jumped off the bed. “We’ll find out soon enough. I’ll need to swing by Lou’s first for some fresh clothes and then we can head out.”
I watched her sashay away from me, still reeling from her personality transplant.
~ Staci ~
An hour into our road trip, I was beginning to wonder if this was such a good idea. The conversation had been easy between us—that wasn’t the problem. It was me. My mood swings were giving me whiplash; I couldn’t even begin to imagine what Kade thought about me. The crazy split-personality girl who was making him drive eighty miles across the state to the beach. In November. But I’d woken up in his arms and felt relieved. At ease. I wanted to cling to that feeling for as long as I could. After hearing Mikey’s voice again—letting him back in, even if just for a second, meant I needed something to ground me.
“Follow the 100, right?” Kade interrupted my cycle of self-doubt.
I checked my road map and nodded. “Yeah. I think so. Oh wait, see there’s a sign. Flagler Beach.”
Kade made the turn, and I settled back into the seat with my legs tucked underneath me; it was one of the advantages of being so short.
“How do you even know about this place?”
I shrugged. “I looked it up when I found out I was moving here.”
“Moving here?”
Realizing my slip, I cringed. “Temporarily. Moving here temporarily.”
“You haven’t talked much about school. How is that going?”
“We haven’t really reached the talking stage yet, friend.”
Kade glanced in my direction and narrowed his eyes. But instead of replying, his eyes softened and he shook his head with an amused smirk on his face.
“School is okay. It’s more research than classes. I just have to check in with my professor occasionally. Not the direction I wanted to go, but Drew, my boss, wanted me to do it. It’ll be good for the project, I guess.”
“Tell me about it.”
“What? The project?”
“Yes. About what you do out there.”