by L A Cotton
“Mom! And you kiss your only son with that mouth!”
“Sorry, honey. I’m just sick to death of things breaking around here. It needs a man’s touch.”
Guilt ripped through me. Mom dropped the wrench and looked up at me. “Oh, no, I didn’t mean that how it sounded. You do more than enough for me. I just, oh wow, I don’t know. It’s just been a long time, you know.”
Mom stood and walked into my open arms. The guilt turned to sadness. Mom deserved so much more than the hand that bastard had dealt her.
“Maybe it’s time to try again,” I whispered into her hair.
“Oh, honey. I don’t know if I’m ready. It’s been so long and yet, it still feels like yesterday. Maybe. We’ll see.” She hugged me tighter before breaking away and setting about making us both a drink.
We sat at the small wooden table in the kitchen, neither of us wanting to address the huge fucking elephant in the room.
“So, he’s really getting out?” I broke the silence.
“Looks that way. The liaison finally called.” Mom placed her hand over mine and sighed. “It’ll be okay, son. He can’t hurt me anymore.”
But he could. He would. Larry Ford had two loves in his life—liquor and Mom. Or more specifically, beating the shit out of Mom. It was what he’d lived for back then. He was a sick son of a bitch, and I didn’t for one second think that jail had rehabilitated him. You didn’t change someone like Larry Ford. Cut him open and the bastard would bleed black; he was that damn bad.
I stared blankly. The anger I felt whenever my thoughts turned to him was bubbling under the surface. Mom must have recognized it because she stroked my hand twice and said firmly, “Kade Ford, listen to me good. I might still have my issues, but I am not scared of that man anymore. He can’t hurt me no more. I won’t give him that power. Now calm down and tell me all about the girl who has made you so damn happy lately.”
She knew? I didn’t know why it surprised me. Of course, Mom knew. She might not have left the house in a decade, but Jess Ford had refined her observation skills to perfection. I guess when you live confined to the same walls for so long, you learned to watch and you lived through others.
“There might be someone,” I said quietly. “But I’m not telling you anything until you agree to file a protection order. I know you think this is behind us, that he won’t find you here, but we can’t take the risk. Promise me you’ll go to the station and file it, Mom?”
“I don’t think it’s necessary, Kade. I don’t want to cause a fuss over nothing.”
“Mom, you know this is the right thing to do.”
Mom’s eyes softened the way they did when I was a child and she was about to give in to me. “Ooh, honey you drive a hard bargain. Fine, fine, I’ll go down first thing tomorrow. Now tell me everything. Do you realize how long I’ve waited for this? Is she blonde? I bet she’s blonde and petite. You always did have a thing for blondes. Ever since Julie May babysat you when you were in fourth grade. Remember?”
Oh, I remembered. Her tits were the perfect cushion at naptime.
“Yeah, I remember Julie May.”
“So, what’s her name? Come on, indulge this old woman.”
For the next twenty minutes, I told Mom everything. Once I started, it all just tumbled out. How we’d hooked up a few times over the last four years. How it all was just supposed to be a bit of fun, but now I knew I wanted more. I wanted Staci.
Mom clasped my hand across the table. “I’m so happy you’ve found her. When can I meet her?”
“Whoa, slow down. I’m not sure we’re ready for meet-the-parents yet. It’s only been a few dates.”
A frown wrinkled Mom’s face. “But you care for her, no?”
“Well, yeah, I guess.”
“And she cares for you?”
“I think she does.”
“So, what more is there to work out? Love isn’t something you choose, honey; it’s something that happens to us.”
Mom’s eyes were bright with happiness as she left me sitting in the kitchen. I couldn’t be the one to burst her bubble with the whole story. She was an incurable romantic; there was no room for what-ifs and obstacles. I’d let her have her moment. It was the least I could do before the shitstorm rained down on us.
~ Staci ~
“I’ll miss you,” Livy shouted over the music.
It was her birthday weekend, and we were celebrating at Planters. Over the last couple of weeks, it had become our regular spot. It was nice. We’d all spent Thanksgiving with Livy and Ethan. It was the first time I had felt accepted into the group, and I was relieved that no one made too much of a fuss about Kade and me dating. Except Morris, but I’d quickly learned he couldn’t hold his own shit.
“And the apartment is definitely working out?”
“Yeah, I went to see it again. It’s nice. Small, but it’s fine for me.”
Kade nudged me and laughed in my ear. “It’s not small. It’s a large cupboard.”
“Hey! Don’t mock the apartment. It’s local, clean, and in my price range. I like it. And, besides, it’s only for a few months. Next year, I won’t have to be around so much for school.”
Livy glanced back and forth between us, and Ethan glanced at her. Lou and Russ shared a funny look, and then looked at Sharn and Keefer.
“Okay, what?”
All heads turned to Livy and she flashed me an apologetic smile. “Well, we were just wondering, you know, if you planned to stay in Gainesville now.”
“Now what?” I asked confused.
“Well, now that you and Kade are dating.”
“Yes, dating. Da-ting. Why would I change my life’s plans based on a few dates? That would be ridiculous.”
Kade shrugged out of my grip and left the booth without a word.
Fuckety. My mouth and brain weren’t connected at times. It sounded worse than it was. But surely, they didn’t really think I’d just drop everything—my work, my life—to stick around in Gainesville because Kade and I had been on a handful of dates? That was crazy.
Isn’t it?
Livy brushed my shoulder with hers. “He’ll come around.”
I pursed my lips and nodded. He probably would. But that was half the problem. Kade was always bending to my mistakes. He forgave my tendency to bolt at the first sign of things getting serious. He was taking a risk on me, and what was I doing? Screwing things up at every turn.
Kade finally returned to the booth, but he didn’t sit next to me. His brush-off stung. No one said anything else, enjoying the lively atmosphere of a weekend night in Planters. The place was crowded.
“I love this song. Anyone ready to dance?” Livy shrieked, a little tipsy from her assortment of birthday cocktails.
I declined, staying behind as everyone made their way to the dance floor. Everyone except Kade.
My fingers clutched the neck of the bottled beer as I stared out at my friends enjoying themselves. Ethan swirled Livy in a loving embrace, their happiness reflected in each other’s eyes. Sharn and Keefer were the same, wrapped up in one another and singing lyrics to each other. Aware of Kade's eyes burning into the side of my face, something in me snapped.
What was I doing? If I kept pushing him away, one day he wouldn't come back. And a tiny part of me wanted what my friends had. I was scared, yes—terrified—but the last few weeks had shown me what life could be like.
If I gave it a chance.
I slid out of the booth and rounded the table to him. Kade's jaw ticked as I stood in front of him, trying to tell him with my eyes how sorry I was. Taking my hand, he didn't speak as he slipped past me leading us to the dance floor. Wrapping me in his arms, I felt it. The pull between us.
And it was getting harder to fight.
"You can deny it all you want, but I know you feel it," he murmured into my hair, swaying us to the beat of the music.
My heart was pounding in my chest while Kade mapped out circles on the small of my back.
"I f
eel it," I admitted into his chest. I don't know if he heard me or not, but it was out there now, and I couldn't take it back.
I didn't want to.
Standing here with Kade felt right and for once in my life, I wanted to lean on someone. To share myself with.
“Let’s get out of here.” Kade didn’t ask as he pulled back to search my eyes. I nodded but glanced to our friends. “We should say bye.”
“Okay, but then we leave.” His voice was husky and desire pooled in my stomach.
Livy beamed as we found our way over to them.
“We’re going to head out.”
Her beam transformed into a grin. “I’m glad you two figured things out. Go, get out of here. You have some making up to do.” She’d lowered her voice enough that I knew she meant her words for me. I hugged her tight, wishing her a happy birthday and let Kade lead me out of the bar.
~ Kade ~
Staci had apologized, but I couldn’t stop replaying her words over in my mind. Did she really value our relationship so little that she was just going to go back to her job in Ecuador and leave me behind? She would leave her friends behind? It had sure sounded that way. Part of me wanted to demand an answer from her, to force her to choose. But I knew it would only push her away even more. Staci didn’t like to feel backed into a corner—she would run, and then I would lose her for good.
We rode the taxicab back to my apartment in silence. She was leaving in two weeks. It wasn’t enough time to convince her to stay. I had to let her go, but what if she came back with a fresh sense of perspective—one that didn’t include me.
I was frustrated. More than that, I was angry. Why couldn’t she just get over herself and see how good we were together. That fuck, Turner, must have really done a number on her because it wasn’t normal for a twenty-something girl to be so damaged from her first relationship. Was it?
It was on the tip of my tongue to quiz her about him. To push her for answers. But when I looked over at her and she was looking at me with big blue eyes like I was the most important thing to her—right now—nothing else mattered. She had me by the balls.
And there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it.
~
Once inside the apartment, I thought we could talk. I hoped that maybe Staci would explain herself, but she had other ideas. I caught her in midair as she lunged herself at me, clasping her legs around my waist.
“I’m sorry,” she murmured against my lips, wasting no time plunging her tongue into my mouth.
She tasted like heaven and strawberries, and I stumbled backward with her clinging to me as if I was her air, until my back hit the wall and Staci broke away from me.
“Forgive me?”
“There’s nothing to forgive. I always knew where I stood.”
Something flashed in her eyes, and she averted her gaze away from me. “Wha-what do you mean?”
Dropping her to the floor, I stalked to the counter. I needed a beer to counteract some of the frustration burning through my veins.
“Kade, don’t walk away from me. What do you mean?” Her voice followed me.
“It’s just a bit of fun, right? Friends with benefits. It was my idea. I knew there wasn’t any chance we could be more. No big deal.”
What are you doing, dickhead?
I didn’t know if it was the beer buzzing through me or just my mouth running off with itself, but her ‘what have I done’ game was pushing me in all the wrong ways. She knew how I felt. I’d tried to tell her more than once. It was only days earlier that she admitted she liked being around me, but still, Staci was acting as if I meant nothing to her. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this; I wasn’t supposed to end up the chick in our messed-up relationship.
I slammed the bottle down on the counter and glared at her. Daring her to look at me and own her part in this.
“Kade…” Her voice was almost a whisper as she stared back at me with sadness in her eyes. “It’s not like that and you know it.”
“So, tell me, friend, what is it like? What are we doing here? Are we just fucking? Are you using me until you go back over there and forget all about me? What. Are. We. Doing?”
Staci flinched as if physically hurt by my words. Fuck! Well, it was too late now. My chips were all in. Not exactly how I’d planned it, but maybe we’d reached our expiration point. I was prepared to take a risk on us. On her. But it was fucking useless if she wasn’t willing to do the same. Although, I’d promised myself I wouldn’t, it was time to call her bluff.
She sucked in a sharp breath and her shoulders sagged. “I’m broken.”
“What does that even mean? What did he do that was so bad?”
Her eyes were glassy as if she was holding back tears. I closed the distance between us and brushed her hair away from her face. Staci turned into my touch and inhaled. “Please. Don’t do this.”
“You’ve got to give me something. Anything. Did he hurt you?”
“No, no. Nothing like that.” Staci gripped my shirt, and I could see that she was seconds from falling apart.
What did he do to you? My head wanted to yell at her. To demand an answer. But my heart wanted to wrap her in my arms and never let go. To be the guy who showed her it was okay to let someone in after all these years.
Staci’s eyes were downcast, but I could sense her pain. Cupping her chin with my hand, I tilted her head, bringing her eyes to mine. Even now, vulnerable and raw, she still refused to cry.
“I’m sorry for pushing, but I can’t fight this anymore. I’m done fighting it. Where does that leave us?”
The question lingered. I’d come too far not to ask. But now, as she stared back at me, I wasn’t sure I wanted to know the answer.
~Staci ~
I didn’t let myself think it through. Standing on my tiptoes, I looped my arms around Kade’s neck and pressed my lips to his. His body was rigid—probably preparing for my rejection, waiting to hear that I couldn’t be what he wanted. But he started to relax into me as I deepened the kiss, sweeping my tongue into his mouth and swirling it with his.
The air shifted around us and Kade’s mood changed. I was no longer in control. Strong hands cupped my butt, lifting me to him and forcing my legs around his waist. My shoes clattered to the floor and a soft moan escaped my lips as he rolled his pelvis into me. The bulge in his jeans collided with my center. His kiss grew almost punishing, and I could feel his frustration with me. I didn’t blame him. I was frustrated with myself.
As if he could hear my thoughts, he tore his mouth from mine and said, “If we do this, I won’t let you walk away. You’re mine.”
The conviction in his voice sent me into a panic. He was giving me an out. One last chance to walk away.
What did I want?
I clasped my legs together, slamming my lips to his. Kade wasted no time in walking us to his room, and before I realized what was happening, he lowered me onto the bed and stepped out of my legs. His eyes raked down my body as he unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it off his body and started unbuckling his jeans. Muscles flexed with his movements, and I swallowed against my suddenly dry mouth.
“See something you like?” he smirked, kicking his feet out of his jeans, and I rolled my eyes. This was the Kade I knew so well.
“You’re a little overdressed, don’t you think.” He stalked to the edge of the bed and dropped to his knees. “Let me help with that.” His fingers walked up my bare thigh to the hem of my dress, and he flattened his palms, dragging his hands—and my dress—up my body.
His touch burned my skin and my whole body vibrated as he continued his torturous journey. But he didn’t rid me of the material. Instead, he left the dress collected around my shoulders, covering my face while he tugged my body down the bed.
“You overthink things. Maybe this will help clear your mind.”
Hands clamped at my sides, Kade’s lips touched my inner thigh, and I arched off the bed. He continued kissing his way up my thigh until his lips reached
my hipbone. Flicking his tongue along the edge of my panties, I moaned. Unable to touch or see him heightened everything and the anticipation was almost too much to bear.
“You’re still too overdressed.” His fingers hooked into the sides of my black panties and dragged them down my legs at a painfully slow pace. “That’s better.” His breath connected with my center, and I bucked again.
“Fuckety,” I shrieked into my dress.
Kade roared with laughter. And then I could see again. Discarding the dress somewhere behind him, Kade smiled down at me. “Hey, friend.”
“Hey.” My voice sounded sheepish, which was silly. We’d done this plenty of times before. But this time was different.
“No more friends, friend.”
Kade rested on his elbows at either side of me and covered his mouth with mine. The kiss was soft and gentle and everything a kiss between two people acknowledging their feelings for one another should be.
“Another first.”
I frowned, unsure of what he was referring to.
“You gave in.”
“I did not.”
“I’m not complaining. I wanted you to forfeit this battle. You know we’re good together.”
We’d talked enough. Actions spoke louder than words anyway, right?
Knocking Kade’s elbows out from under him, his chest flattened against mine and our lips found each other. He wasted no time in moving us up the bed until his whole body cloaked mine, and we fit together like two pieces of a whole. But it wasn’t close enough. Overwhelmed by my earlier admission, I needed to be closer.
As I hitched my leg up, Kade realized what I was doing and drew his hand underneath my knee anchoring us together. His erection pressed into me, and I rubbed against him involuntarily.
“Keep doing that and this won’t go the way I want.” He laughed through his husky voice.
“So don’t keep me waiting,” I panted, lost to his lips tracing along the column of my neck.
Kade eased inside of me and stilled. “Shit, condom.”
My body went rigid. Even though I was on birth control, it was my number one rule to never let a guy near me without a condom. But as Kade searched my face, I realized something. He was different. Not just some guy or a random hook-up; he was so much more.