by L A Cotton
Sad? After she left my apartment? A low growl formed in the back of my throat, and I wanted to pound my fist on the wall.
Why would she do this? After everything?
It made no fucking sense.
“Maybe Livy knows more? If she talked to anyone, then it would have been Livy.”
“Screw that; I’m going to the airport.”
“You think she changed her flight? She could be anywhere, Kade. On the Greyhound or train. Let’s think this through.”
Think it through? I’d driven myself crazy thinking it through. I needed to do something. It was already past ten and, according to Lou, Staci had been gone almost five hours.
“I’ve got to do something. Everything was fine. We were fine. She wouldn’t just run out on me like this. She wouldn’t…” My voice trailed off, and I flinched at the touch of Lou’s hand on my arm.
Just when I thought we were finally making progress, things had gone to shit in the blink of an eye.
Russ appeared in the hallway and drew his lips into a tight line. “Why don’t we call the airport and see if there was a flight out to Lafayette tonight? At least it will rule out that option if there wasn’t.”
If she’s definitely going home.
I nodded and followed them to their living room. Russ insisted on calling the airline. There was only one flight out to Lafayette Airport and that had been this morning. So it was unlikely that Staci was at the airport, which didn’t reassure me any. If she hadn’t caught a flight, she could be anywhere. And I had no idea where to start.
Lou was busy texting when her phone started ringing. My head whipped up in hope that it was Staci.
“Hello.” She shook her head and I sank back into the couch. It wasn't Staci. “No, he’s here. Wait, what? What the- okay, okay I’ll tell him. Yeah, I know. Okay, bye.”
Lou placed her phone on the end table and sighed. I knew that look; this wasn’t going to be good.
“Just tell me. What’s going on?”
“Staci text Livy. She’s gone, Kade. Back to Ecuador. She didn’t say much, just that she’s sorry she left without saying goodbye and not to worry.”
A bitter laugh escaped my lips, and I pulled my cell from my pocket and starting scrolling for her number.
“Kade. Don’t,” Lou said in a strained tone. “She asked Livy to tell you not to contact her. She wants space to work through some stuff. I’m so sorry, Kade.”
She wanted space. From me?
My chest cracked in two, and I dropped my head onto my fisted hands.
“Come on, man. Give her some time, shit will sort itself out.”
Rising to my feet, I was unable to make eye contact with either of them as I said, “I’m out. I’ll catch you later.”
I didn’t look back as I left their apartment.
~Staci ~
Five hours into the nine-hour journey, I was ready to demand the driver make a U-turn and head back to Gainesville.
What in the hell am I doing?
That was all I’d thought about. Livy had been calling every half an hour, but I didn’t answer. What could I possibly say to fix the mess I’d left behind? So I did the only thing I knew how—I shut it all out. Kade was right; shit got real and I got ready to run. It was just the way I was wired.
Except how did I shut out the one person who had started to mend the broken parts of me?
So, I did the worst thing possible. I dialed my messages and closed my eyes.
“You have four saved messages. First message.”
Kade’s voice rasped down the line. “You’re late. Don’t keep me waiting too long, friend.”
“Next saved message.”
“Me again. I’m starting to think you’ve blown me off… and not literally because I’m here. Alone. And my dick would have remembered if your lips had been wrapped around it. Fuck. Now I’m hard. Hurry.” Kade chuckled down the line. I could imagine his cheeky smile, the one that I usually worked hard to elicit.
“Next saved message.”
“Jameson, where the fuck are you?” he snapped, and I winced. Just like I had the first five times I listened to it.
“Next saved message.”
“That’s it, I’m coming to you.” My eyes pooled with tears again. Kade sounded so defeated in his last message as if he’d already known I was gone.
I’d tortured myself listening to Kade’s messages over and over. But as irrational as it was, his lack of recent messages hurt the most. It was all I deserved, but I missed him. So much I would have taken more pissed messages just to hear his voice.
Maybe one day I would have the chance to explain why I ran. But today was not that day. So I shifted in my seat, re-rolled my jacket to wedge it between the glass and my head, and closed my eyes.
~
“Staci Jameson, is that you?” Gina’s voice wrapped around me like a warm blanket, and I fell into her arms, completely exhausted from both my journey and the emotional war raging inside of me. “Kaplan’s not that bad, doll. So, what is it? A guy? Because, honey, they ain’t worth your tears.”
“I could really use a coffee. Strong coffee,” I murmured into her shoulder.
“Travis, Pete, you guys will have to haul ass. I’m closing up for an hour.”
The two burly men seated at the counter grumbled but threw down some change and left the diner. Gina untangled me from her arms and went to flip the door sign to closed.
“Come on, have a seat, doll. I’ll make us a fresh pot, and you can tell me all about it.”
Gina returned minutes later with two steaming mugs of coffee. “Here, that will fix you up good.”
“Thanks. And sorry about the surprise visit. When the driver asked me where to, I said here.”
“You just arrived?”
I curled my hands around the mug letting the warmth spread through me. “Yeah, I got off the Greyhound at Lafayette.”
“Does your dad know you’re back? And Joel?”
“They’re expecting me, but I’m not sure I can visit. It’s a long story,” I said grimly.
“Doll, I have all the time in the world.”
This was why I came straight to Gina. After what she did for me all those years ago, she’d always been there for me. In a strange way, she was the closest thing I ever had to a mother, and I hadn’t stayed in touch the way I should. But Gina was in Kaplan. And Kaplan held too many bad memories.
After taking a deep breath, I told Gina everything. I told her about meeting Kade, our brief history over the last few years, and my feelings for him. I even told her about Mikey showing up unannounced and out of the blue.
Gina’s eyes widened at the mention of his name, and she said, “I heard he wasn’t doing so well. I had no idea he was looking for you though, doll. I would’ve called.”
“I know.” I forced a smile, but my lips refused to bend, and instead, I grimaced. “He’s really sick. The things he was saying…” The desperation on his face was a look I would never forget. “I should have told Joel when he came to visit. Maybe he could have reached out to Mikey. Avoided this. It’s ruined everything. Seeing him again, it all came rushing back, Gina. All of it.”
Gina shuffled her stool closer and wrapped an arm around me. I leaned my head on her shoulder, welcoming her comfort.
“You never did put that to rest, doll. What you went through and shit, you were so young. When you came home, I thought you would talk about it, tell people, but you just closed yourself off. You weren’t the same.”
She was right. I’d come home after giving birth to my sleeping baby girl different. Everything had changed. I’d attended school, worked my shifts at the diner, and carried on with my life, but I’d never uttered a word to anyone. Dad and Eric had hardly spoken to me after I’d finally called them from the hospital to tell them I was staying at a friend’s for a few days. Dad’s words were still imprinted on my memory. As I’d walked through the front door, he’d said, ‘I’ve raised three boys, but never ever have I been mo
re disappointed. I never thought it’d be my daughter to pull a stunt like this.’ After he’d sent me to my room, I’d made a decision. As soon as I graduated, I was gone.
I had nothing to stick around for anyway.
“They still don’t know?” Gina’s voice pulled me from the memory, and I stared at her, tears lacing my eyes.
“No.” I gulped. “I never told a soul. No one. It was like if I didn’t talk about it, it wasn’t real, you know?”
Gina’s eyes softened around the corners. I could see she wanted to say more, but she didn’t. Instead, she held me and let me cry.
~
After all my tears dried up, Gina drove me to her place. I’d insisted on staying at the motel just outside of town until I worked out what I was going to do. But Gina wouldn’t take no for an answer.
“Now, tell me again, when do you leave?” Gina grabbed my bags out of her trunk and hoisted them over her shoulder. I followed her up the stairs to her apartment.
“I fly out of Lafayette to Houston on the tenth.”
“Okay, so four days. You take my room. I’ll sleep on the couch.”
“Gina, not happening. The couch will be fine. Honest. Besides, I still might go to Dad's.”
Unlocking the door, Gina motioned for me to enter first. “Honey, I think we both know if you were going to see your father, you would be there already. Take your time. I’ve got to get back to the diner, but Bruce will keep you company.”
At the mention of his name, the huge black lab bounded toward me, rubbing up against my legs.
“I think we can manage. Right, big guy?”
The dog wagged his tail and licked my hand and I managed a smile. “Yeah, we’ve got this.”
~ Kade ~
“Fuck.”
The wrench landed with a thud, ricocheting off the ground a couple of times. The noise echoed around the workshop.
“What?” I glared at Ethan, who was watching me from across the shop, arms folded over his chest.
“I’m worried about you.”
“I’m fine.”
“Yeah, you keep saying that.” He closed the distance between us, stopping just in front of me. “Talk to me. It’s been three days since she left, and you’re worse than a bear with a sore head.”
I leaned back onto the grill of the car and dropped my head. “I fucking fell in love with her.”
“I know.”
My head whipped up to meet Ethan’s, and the bastard was looking pleased with himself. “What do you mean you know?”
“Kade, I’ve known you long enough. You’ve never let anyone in. In seven years, I’ve never known you to date. Except, that one time with Darla Binks. Remember her? She tricked you into-”
I narrowed my eyes at him, urging him to make his point.
“Shit, sorry. Anyway, it’s obvious. I’m not the only one who has worked it out. Liv saw it coming a long time ago.”
She did?
“Look, you can’t fight these things. Hell, look at Liv and me. Eight years, man. Eight fucking years I waited. Besides, you’re like each other’s counterpart or something. I never thought you’d find someone to put you in your place the way she does.”
A strained laugh escaped my lips. “Well, yeah, she left. So maybe you two have it all wrong.”
Ethan came to stand at the side of me and pressed his hand on my shoulder. “We don’t. Just give it time. You’ll see.” He carried on walking, leaving me alone.
I guess that was what I was now.
Alone.
And it fucking sucked.
~
My eyes roamed over the front of the shop one last time. Satisfied that the place was secure, I headed to my truck. Instinctively, my hand dipped into my overall pocket and pulled out my phone. I couldn’t help it. I must have looked at it ten times a day just hoping to see a message from her. It started ringing, but the name wasn’t the one I hoped for.
“Cous, what’s up?”
“You need to get to your mom’s now. She got a call. He’s out.”
I moved on autopilot; running to the truck, jumping in, and firing up the engine. He’s out. Just when my life couldn’t get any shittier.
“Kade, are you still there?” Ashton’s voice yelled through the cell phone.
I tucked it between my ear and chin and rasped, “On my way.”
There was nothing else to say. Ashton had made his feelings pretty clear on how I should deal with my piece of shit father, Larry Ford, but I couldn’t guarantee that I’d be able to stop myself if he turned up.
I arrived at Mom’s in minutes. The sounds of her sobs echoed through the house, and I went straight to her, wrapping her in my arms.
“Oh, honey. I thought I was passed this. But I got the call. He’s out, Kade. He’s free.”
“Shh, Mom. I have you. He won’t come near you, I promise.”
“I’m so sorry,” Mom sobbed into my greased up overalls, and I pushed her back, holding her at arm’s length. “Sorry? For what?”
She smiled ruefully. “That this has been your life. I know it’s not been easy for you. I know I’ve made life difficult for you. I’m so-”
“Stop. You have nothing to apologize for. You didn’t ask for this life, either. I’m your son, Mom. Fuck, how could you think this?”
“Kade Ford.” Mom smacked my chest and laughed through her tears.
“Shit, Mom, I’m sorry, but don’t ever think that. This is all on him. And if he so much as even looks in your direction, so help me God.”
I would put him in the ground.
Mom looked at me with her aged blue eyes, and I knew she was trying to get a glimpse of what I was thinking. It was better that she didn’t know.
“I’m moving in,” I declared.
“Kade, that isn’t necessary. I’m fine. He’s not going to do anything stupid, he doesn’t even know where we live now. You can’t put your life on hold, honey. What about Staci? She’ll be back before you know it, and you two need a place of your own.”
Fuck. Mom was smiling again. She didn’t know about Staci; I hadn’t had a chance to tell her yet. So I did what any son would do in the face of ruining the one good thing in their mom’s life. I lied.
“We’ll work it out. Besides, she’s moving into her own place when she gets back.” The words almost choked me. I didn’t want to think about Staci in her own place without me. But right now, I couldn’t think of her at all. Mom needed me, and I needed to be on high alert.
~ Staci ~
“Good luck, doll. If you need to get out of there, just call me.” Gina patted my hand and forced a smile. It was now or never.
When I’d arrived in Kaplan, I didn’t know if I could face them. My family. If I could even keep up the lies since seeing Mikey. But it was my last day before I had to catch my connecting flight tomorrow, and if they ever found out I was in town and didn’t visit, they would never forgive me.
“Thanks. Don’t worry, I’ll see you back at yours later.”
I climbed out of Gina’s car and walked toward the house. Everything looked the same; the beat-down swing, Eric’s Mustang in the driveway, and the potted plants on the windowsill. Six months and nothing had changed. But it was more than that. Being back was like rewinding time. I was sixteen all over again standing at the door dreading whatever shit Dad was going to throw at me. If he wasn’t grilling me about working too much, he’d be complaining about my grades. We only ever bonded over football, and even that was forced down my throat until I loved the game as much as they did. But deep down, I knew that Dad didn’t know how to handle me, and part of me wondered if he was disappointed I wasn’t another son.
I didn’t knock. Instead, I let myself in and walked quietly down the hallway to the living room. Dad and Eric were in their favorite chairs watching football on the outdated television in the corner of the room.
“Hello.”
Dad jumped, spilling his can of beer everywhere.
“Shit. What the hell, Staci? Y
ou can’t just sneak up on an old man like that. Go get a towel and help me clean this mess up.”
Nice to see you too, Dad.
Grabbing a towel from the kitchen, I returned and mopped up the mess. Dad had moved over to the worn couch and resumed watching the game.
“When did you arrive?” he asked without even a hint of excitement.
“A couple of days ago,” I lied.
“More important things to do than visit your family?” Dad didn’t even look at me as he spoke. “Hear that Eric, your sister’s been too busy to visit.”
“Dad,” I hesitated, unsure of whether I really wanted to argue right now. After everything. “Can we not do this right now? I leave tomorrow and thought we could spend the afternoon together. Get some food maybe?”
“Sounds good, we could go-”
Dad cut Eric off. “What makes you think you can just waltz in here and we’ll drop everything for you? The world doesn’t revolve around you, Staci Ann Jameson.”
Defeated, I dropped into Dad’s chair and said nothing. He was a stubborn old man, and I knew he wouldn’t relent. Eric shot me a sideways glance and half-smiled. Although he had Mom’s features—well, according to the one or two photos on display in the house—he was the apple of Dad’s eye. Even more so since he decided to stay in the house and not leave like the rest of us.
After ten minutes or so, Dad left the room, stalking past me as if I wasn’t even there.
Eric wasted no time. “It’s been too long, sis.”
“I know, I know, but my life isn’t in Kaplan anymore. You know that, Eric.”
“Yeah, I get that. But your family is.”
A slither of guilt coiled itself around my heart.
“Eric, it's been a long few days. I already feel like shit, and I don’t need you laying on the guilt trip. I get enough of that from Dad.”
His eyes glanced at me, and his lips drew into a tight line. Dad reappeared and he took his seat again. This time, he spoke. “Joel and Bessie are coming over with food. It’s nice to see you around here again.”
And just like that, things fell into place a little. We were screwed up and dysfunctional, but Eric was right; despite all their faults, they were family. Even if after being back for the last three days, I was more certain than ever… Kaplan was not my home.