by Lane Hart
“Arm okay?” I ask him between pants, glancing over to where the cast is resting on the bed to the side of him.
“Just wish…I could use it…to touch you,” he replies with another kiss to my lips.
“Soon,” I assure him before my eyes drift close and I cry out, coming apart between two men for the first time ever.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Cameron
It’s still pitch-black dark in the room when I wake up hearing Kelsey’s whisper. At first, I think she’s talking in her sleep, but then I figure out exactly what’s going on and lie still, eavesdropping.
“Mornin’ Nix,” she mumbles as the sheets shift.
“How’d you know it was me?” he whispers, the words mumbled because his voice is gruff from sleep.
“Because Cameron would’ve asked first before fondling me,” Kelsey explains.
“True,” Nix replies followed by the smacking sound of him kissing her. “I know what you want, when you want it,” he declares, making me roll my eyes.
“Oh really?” she asks him teasingly rather than be offended.
“Uh-huh,” he mutters before doing something that causes Kelsey to gasp loudly. “You could’ve put one of our shirts on, but you slept naked. That’s all the invitation I needed to wake up and take you again.”
“Mmm,” Kelsey moans as the mattress begins to rock, making it obvious that he’s fucking her.
Wait a second. It’s after midnight on Saturday which means Nix is breaking his longtime superstition!
“You’d let us stay inside of you all night,” Nix proclaims. “And wear a skirt with no panties to sit on our dicks out in public. You need to be constantly owned…possessed by us…or you’ll get insecure…”
“No…no I don’t,” Kelsey argues.
“We want you, Kelsey,” Nix whispers to her, still speaking in the plural, including me. “Even when we’re not inside you. Even when we’re hundreds of miles away. That’s not gonna change.”
There’s a small sniffle, then Kelsey asks him, “Will you…will you still want me when you’re fucking someone else?”
“I could tell you that won’t ever happen, but you wouldn’t believe me, would you?” Nix asks, rather than assure her he won’t.
“No,” she answers him, voice cracking with emotion.
“Then you better get used to walking around with my cock buried inside you to prove what I’m saying, because I’m not going anywhere,” he tells her, making her release a watery laugh.
“Hold on! Nix, it’s Saturday!” Kelsey exclaims, pointing out to him what I’ve already realized.
“Shh,” he hushes her. “I know. I don’t care.”
“You don’t?” she asks.
“No. Fuck it. It’s the last game, and I need you,” he tells her as the bed rocks faster and Kelsey’s pants grow louder. “New superstition, you wear my jersey and we’ll win.”
“Okay,” she agrees breathlessly, and then that’s the end of actual words for both of them.
They must fall asleep afterward, but not me. I lie there awake, rage fueled by jealousy more potent than a strong pot of coffee.
Not only does Nix get to stay with the team, but he’s also getting the girl.
While I don’t think the two of them have been fucking behind my back, it’s clear that Kelsey is closer to him than me.
On top of everything else I’m losing, I may be losing her too, which pisses me off because I could give her more than Nix ever could. Kelsey wants a husband and kids, a family of her own; but as she just told Nix, she’s afraid of getting hurt. He’ll hurt her because he’s incapable of trusting anyone or settling down, while I’m starting to realize that there are more important things in life than football.
I can give Kelsey the life she wants. But the only problem is, after talking to my agent earlier today, it doesn’t look like that will happen; because in just a few weeks, I’m moving to San Francisco.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Nixon
“Kelsey was wearing your jersey today, so I guess that means you think she picked you,” Cameron says to me when I show up on his doorstep after Sunday’s game and he lets me inside. The Wildcats won today, Roxy and Kohen got fucking engaged, and now, based on the scowl on his face, Cam looks like he’s gonna cause problems and rain on my good mood.
“She only wore my jersey because you weren’t playing,” I assure him as I walk in so he can shut the door behind me.
“Bullshit! I heard you two fucking last night and on Saturday night!” he shouts while following me to the living room.
“Then why didn’t you just join in rather than get pissy?” I ask him with a shrug before taking a seat on the sofa.
“I can’t do this anymore,” Cam says in a rush, pacing in front of me with his left hand jerking on a handful of his hair.
He may as well have punched me in the gut, because that one sentence from his mouth makes me want to puke. If Cam decides to walk away, Kelsey will drop me too. Unless…does he think she’ll pick him?
“Don’t do it, man,” I warn him since that’s never gonna happen. If Kelsey were to pick one of us, it would be me; but I’m smart enough to know that’s a long shot.
“Why? You scared she won’t pick you?” Cam snaps at me.
“I know she won’t,” I reply, making his eyebrows raise in surprise that I actually admitted that truth. “She won’t pick you either, dipshit,” I add to clarify things for him.
“She has to pick one of us!” he exclaims.
“No, she doesn’t. She could agree to keep seeing both of us or say to hell with us, but she won’t ever pick one of us. And if you think she will, then you don’t know her half as well as I do!”
“That’s bullshit. We can’t both keep doing this…” he grumbles.
“Would you think it’s bullshit if she picked me over you?” I ask him. “That’s why she won’t do it. Not because she’s selfish or greedy, but because she can’t bear to hurt one of us.”
“She needs to choose, because I think I could love her...”
“And you think that I couldn’t love her?” I huff.
“Even if you could, you don’t care about her the way I do.”
“That’s what you wish was the case, but it’s not, man. So drop it or you’re gonna fuck everything up,” I warn him.
“I’m just…I’m tired of sharing her.”
“Yeah, well, so am I!” I yell as if he hasn’t considered that. “But I’m shit out of luck.”
“I’m not giving up,” he replies with zero hesitation.
“Neither am I,” I assure him. “So you best get used to being a fucking threesome.”
“No. We can’t. It has to end, one way or another.”
“Don’t do this,” I warn him yet again with my jaw clenched tight in anger. “If you do, you won’t just lose her, but you’ll lose me too.”
“Guess we’ll find out, won’t we?” Cameron challenges when the doorbell rings.
“Fuck,” I mutter, because I know without a doubt that everything is about to go to hell.
…
Kelsey
As soon as Cameron opens the front door and I see the panicked expression on his handsome face, I know something is going on.
“What’s wrong?” I ask as I wrap my arms around his neck and hug him in greeting. Cam doesn’t say anything by the time I pull back to look at his face again. He lets me go with his good arm and steps back for me to come inside. As he shuts the door behind me, I look for Nix. When I see him in the living room, his arms are crossed over his chest and his dark eyes are narrowed at Cam.
“Cameron, I’m begging you not to –” Nix starts before he’s interrupted.
“Kelsey, you need to choose,” Cam says without preamble, knocking the air from my lungs.
Of all the things I was expecting today, Cameron asking me to decide between him and Nix was not one of them. I thought maybe he was upset I wore Nix’s jersey today but not this…
>
“I-I can’t,” I say, looking back and forth between Cam and Nix.
“You have to,” Cameron demands.
“No, she doesn’t,” Nix objects as he comes over to us.
“Yes, she does,” Cam disagrees. “Please Kelsey. We can’t keep doing this. I know that eventually, you want a husband and a family. You can’t be with us both.”
My eyes begin to water, because yes, I used to want to marry a man and have a family with him. But now I know from experience that a wedding, a husband, isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Anyone can get married, but that doesn’t mean that they love you or that it’ll last forever. And really, I don’t think I want to walk down the aisle again and set myself up for that disappointment. Nothing lasts. Especially not marriage or a relationship with two incredibly wonderful professional football players.
I knew this was bound to end, but I didn’t want it to. My chest aches more than I ever imagined thinking about not being with Cameron or Nixon again. But Cameron is apparently fed up and can’t do it anymore. And I can’t choose one of them over the other. I may not be a mother, but it would have to be the equivalent of choosing which child you love more when the answer is…I’m falling in love with both of them.
“I’m sorry, Cam,” I tell him as the first tears roll down my cheeks and I hug him one last time. By the time I let go and go over to stretch up on my toes to wind my arms around Nix’s neck, the tears are nearly sobs. “I’m…I’m sorry,” I tell him.
“I know,” Nix mutters as he clutches me to him. “He doesn’t understand,” he says, meaning that he does.
Pulling away from him, I rush out the door because I’m past the point of being able to speak. I want to hate Cameron for destroying what the three of us had so soon, but I can’t be mad at him. If things were different, and I had to share a man with another woman, I would probably feel the same way. It’s unfair for him to continue to be a part of something that upsets him, and I have to respect his wishes, even if by doing so it feels like I’m being ripped apart.
…
Cameron
When Kelsey leaves, Nix doesn’t even say I told you so, rubbing it in my face that he was right. She won’t choose between us, and now I feel like an idiot for trying to make her.
Nix doesn’t look at me as he walks past me and leaves right out the same door as Kelsey without a word.
Guess he wasn’t joking about me losing him too.
So why did I decide to ruin the best thing in my life?
Because I’m leaving and thought maybe there was a chance I could convince Kelsey to come with.
My male ego also had a bit of a meltdown when I realized that I like watching Nix having sex with Kelsey. When I woke up the other morning and found them going at it, it took a few hours for me to realize that I wasn’t jealous because I wasn’t a participant. I was jealous because I missed some of the action and would be leaving them both behind soon unless Kelsey agreed to come with me to California. And yes, watching my best friend going at it with the woman I’m falling for is what gets me hot. Even if Kelsey’s not touching me at the same time, the effect is the same. Not only do I get hard as a rock because the sex is hot, I feel this warmth bubble up inside of me and I’m…happy. Happy for them to be together and happy that I get to be a part of what the three of us have because Kelsey looks at me the same way she looks at Nix, even when he’s the one inside of her.
And coming to the conclusion that I’m really gonna miss Nix too is what freaked me out. I shouldn’t like watching another man have sex with my girl, should I? Nix is a threat, and I should want to eliminate the threat in order to be in a healthy relationship, not try to keep it going in a long-distance one after I’m on the other side of the country.
Because if I stay in a relationship that includes a man, other men will look down on me or, god forbid, think I’m gay.
Am I gay for getting off better than ever because Nix is there too? Is that why I sabotaged what the three of us had by trying to get Kelsey to pick me and come to California rather than ask her and Nix to make this threesome keep working for the long term?
I need help. I need to talk all of this shit out with someone, an unbiased person who can give me advice.
That’s why I lock up the house and get in my truck to drive over to Lathan’s house.
Only his Jeep is in the driveway, which means Paxton isn’t home. And that’s good, because I don’t really know Pax that well, so I don’t want to bring all this up in front of him.
With a swift knock, the front door opens and then Lathan grins, seeing me standing on the other side. “Hey, what’s up?” he asks.
“Hey, Lathan, can I ask you a question?”
Frowning, he says, “Uh, yeah sure. I was just about to head over to Moby Dick’s but I have a few minutes.”
“Do you think it’s gay to get your dick sucked by a woman while another man fucks her?” I blurt out.
“Um, what?”
“You know, like in a threesome with two dudes? There’s no way to avoid seeing his dick, or having it close to my mouth when I’m going down on her and shit and he’s fucking her. Or like when she’s sucking both of our cocks at the same time and they touch…”
“Whoa, Cam. This is a little too much information man. Why are you asking me about this?”
“Well, because you’re gay, right? So you know what constitutes something gay-ish or gay-like…”
“Wow. Okay, fine,” he says on an exhale. “Let’s think this through. While you’re doing whatever…kinky shit you’re doing with a woman and another man, are you turned on by seeing his cock or touching it?”
“Fuck no,” I respond automatically. “But I mean, I do get turned on seeing him fuck her or go down on her. Is that the same thing?” I ask what I sure as hell haven’t admitted to Nix. Does he like seeing me with Kelsey, or does he wish I were dead so he could have her to himself? After earlier, does he think I wish he were out of the picture? Because lately that hasn’t been the case at all, and it’s why I haven’t even told Nix I’m moving. In fact, I don’t think being alone with Kelsey would get me as worked up as when it’s the three of us, which has me worried that I may be gay. Or would I be bi? Who the fuck knows, except I’m pretty sure I’ve lost them both now.
“Look, I don’t have much experience, so I’m probably not the best person to ask just because I’m gay,” Lathan replies good-naturedly with a grin. “Let me put it this way for you, if you remove the girl from the equation, could you still, you know, do him?”
I try picturing that scenario and can’t image my dick ever getting hard around Nix unless I knew Kelsey was on her way over.
“Whew,” I say with a heavy exhale of relief as I clutch my hand to my chest. “That’s a relief. Definitely not. My dick only gets hard for her.”
Lathan chuckles and says, “Well, there you go. Problem solved.”
“Thanks, Lathan. I wasn’t sure who else to ask.”
“You could’ve just asked Nix, right? See if he feels the same,” Lathan offers.
“How did you know it was Nix in that scenario?” I ask.
“Because you two fucking do everything together, so I’m not surprised to hear that you’re actually…fucking together.”
“That’s sort of weird, right?” I ask. “Won’t people think we’re crazy or gay?”
“Do you like being with him and her?” Lathan asks.
“Yes. A lot. More than anything else in my life, even football. That’s how good it is.”
And I don’t just mean the sex. Nix was my best friend before the Kelsey riff came between us. Sometimes, when the three of us are together, we’re right back to that same closeness as before, but it’s even better because now there’s Kelsey, who is sweet and beautiful and adds something to our relationship that I didn’t know was missing. “It’s just…fucking perfect,” I finally admit to Lathan and myself.
“Then why the hell would you let anyone’s opinion ruin that for you?” La
than points out. “Happiness is more important than the fear of public opinion. Believe me, I know. And however bad you think the fallout will be, you’re probably just worrying for nothing.”
“Maybe so, but I’ve been let go from the Wildcats and picked up by another team,” I admit.
“What? Are you kidding?” Lathan asks.
“Nope.”
“I can’t believe the Wildcats didn’t re-sign you! Where are you going?”
“San Francisco.”
“Fuck, that’s about as far as possible in the league,” Lathan mutters.
“No, shit,” I agree. “And that means, unless I can convince Kelsey to come too, I’ll be on my own since Nix will be playing here…”
“Kelsey?” Lathan exclaims, making me realize that I just let that detail slip. Sheesh.
“Ah, you won’t tell anyone, will you?” I ask with a cringe.
“No, of course not. I just…that’s unexpected. Kelsey’s so shy and sweet…”
“She is, but I think I may have ruined things by trying to make her choose. I need to figure out a way to set things straight.”
“Good luck,” Lathan tells me with a slap to my shoulder. I’m certain I’ll need it.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Kelsey
“So,” Quinton starts when he comes into the dining room on New Year's Day and sits down to eat dinner with me, Callie, and Brady in his highchair. “Have you heard the news?” he asks.
I assume he’s talking to Callie, so I start cutting up my steak, lost in my own head like I’ve been ever since leaving Cameron’s house last night. Honestly, I’m not surprised that it’s over, but I didn’t expect it to hurt so much. What a way to start a new year — alone, miserable, and aching for two men I can never have because one of them can’t deal with sharing me.
“Kelsey?” Quinton says to get my attention.
“Huh?” I ask when I look up at him.
“Have you heard the news?” he asks.