by Robyn Amos
“We talked. Or rather, we argued. I can’t even remember everything that was said. Just that it’s over.”
“Don’t you think it’s romantic that he wanted you all to himself?”
“No, I don’t think it’s romantic. I think it’s psychotic.” Lilah realized too late that her voice was rising.
“Okay, sorry. I didn’t mean to stir you back up. I just think the two of you could work through this.”
“No, he’s just like Chuck—controlling, manipulative, too insecure to allow me room to breathe.”
“I don’t think—never mind, this is still too fresh for you. Maybe tomorrow things will look different.”
“Yeah,” Lilah said curtly. She didn’t want to talk any more and the last person she wanted to think about was Tyler.
After she hung up the phone, she got ready for bed quickly and pulled the covers over her head like she’d done as a little girl. As a child she’d been afraid of monsters in her closet, tonight, she was afraid of memories.
The next morning the world didn’t look different, but the room sure did. It took her a moment to adjust to the fact that she wasn’t back at her cute little boutique hotel Casablanca.
The bed was huge and the suite seemed cavernous with no one else around. Then all the memories of the night before trickled back into her thoughts and a heavy sadness overtook her.
Right now, all she wanted was to be home. Home was her Georgetown condo with its cobblestone stairs and the ice-blue shutters she loved so much. She wanted to be able to bury herself in work today, the way she’d done after her divorce.
She was divorced. She tested the words as she did sometimes, searching for the stabbing pain that accompanied the thought. Nothing. The good news was that, after a year and a half, she’d finally gotten over it.
And the bad news was that she was able to get over it because she found a new pain that cut much deeper. Tyler. Thinking of him brought back the physical pain in her chest that came with heartache. Was it because she loved him? Or was it just a case of the “fool me twice, shame on me” scenario?
After Chuck, she’d thought her relationship with Tyler was completely opposite the one she’d had with her husband. Now, she was discovering that she was still making the same mistakes. Lilah still could not trust herself to know what was good for her.
Overwhelmed with emotions, Lilah climbed out of bed. She needed to get out. Normally, when she felt the well spilling over, she emptied it by writing on her blog. But she couldn’t do that right now.
What would she write? That meeting Reggie Martin again was one of the worst experiences of her life? There was no way to make sense of her feelings to another living person.
She just needed out. She needed to feel the sting of cold air on her face. She needed to see people milling in the streets. Lilah needed to see that life was going on even though her heart was breaking.
Chapter 23
Tyler awoke, fully dressed, on Reggie’s couch. His neck and back ached, but those pains were nothing compared to the emptiness in his chest. He had to talk to Lilah.
“Good, you’re finally up,” Reggie called as he exited the kitchen.
“Yeah,” Tyler muttered as he stretched and cracked his bones. “Thanks for letting me stay—”
“Can we talk now?”
Tyler was tempted to put him off. All he could think about was getting back to his apartment for a hot shower and then patching things up with Lilah.
But he could hear a sense of urgency in his brother’s voice that was uncharacteristic of his mellow, carefree style.
“Sure, what’s on your mind? Atlanta?”
“Yeah…Tyler, I’m going. I’ve made all the arrangements. I’m going to stay with my buddy down there. He’s got his own studio in his basement. And Jermaine Dupri has agreed to put his spin on any new stuff we write.”
Tyler ran his hands over his head. He felt like he’d just been ambushed. His mouth felt chalky and his eyes were doing their best to convince him to shut them for a few more hours. “And you want to go out there to write music?”
“Yes, like I was trying to explain last night, this will be good for both of us. It’s more clear to me now how much of your life you’ve devoted to looking out for me. I’ve become dependant on that, even as I’ve resented it. You need to do whatever it is you would be doing if you weren’t managing my career, and I need to sink or swim on my own. It’s time.”
Tyler stared at his brother. There was no easy grin curving his lips. Reggie was looking back at him, straight in the eyes like the man he’d become while Tyler wasn’t looking.
“You know, kid—I’m sorry. Reggie, as much as I may not like to admit it, you’re probably right. You need to figure things out on your own.” His mind started working, and a list of details formed in his head. “Just make sure when you get out to Atlanta you set up a support team. You’re going to need—”
Reggie held up his hand. “I’ve got it covered, bro. I’ve been watching you for years. Don’t you think I’ve learned something by now?”
Tyler nodded. “So when are you leaving?”
“Next week. That gives me enough time to settle everything here. A friend is going to stay in the apartment while I’m gone.”
Tyler opened his mouth to caution Reggie about who he let watch his place, then closed his mouth.
“Don’t worry, Tyler. I’m still going to call you for advice when I need it. But for the immediate future…you’re fired.”
Tyler swore quietly under his breath. That last statement really put it in perspective. He needed to find something else to do with his life. Fortunately he had a few ideas.
Lilah let herself wander the streets outside her hotel, not really worrying about getting lost. She knew if she got too far afield she could call Sanjay and have him pick her up.
She tried to distract herself from her thoughts by letting herself get absorbed in the sights and sounds around her. New York was a busy place and it was filled with people rushing to their next destination.
Lilah had been in such a rush leading up to her thirtieth birthday, and now that it was a day away, she wasn’t sure what all the fuss was about. It was just a number. One more year, on top of the last one.
As Lilah turned a corner, she found herself facing a crowd of people. They were all watching a podium in a town square where a man was speaking. There were several others milling about with signs.
Lilah moved closer, trying to figure out the cause of all the commotion. She listened as the man on the podium encouraged individuals to take ownership for one fraction of the homeless problem by offering time, effort and money. Then she followed the protestors as they marched down Madison Avenue with their signs protesting excess and waste while men, women and children went hungry.
By the time Lilah returned to her extravagant hotel suite that afternoon, she felt both invigorated and guilty at the same time.
Wasn’t she guilty of the same thing? Her first fancy designer gown had been delivered that morning and she was preparing for an outlandish party. And at that very moment, she didn’t want any of it.
Picking up the phone, she dialed Angie. “I know you’re not going to want to hear this, but I want to call off the party. I’m going to head back to D.C. tonight.”
Lilah could only assume the lingering silence on the other end was because Angie had passed out from shock.
“I’m waiting for the punch line,” she finally said. “This is a very bad joke, isn’t it?”
“No, it’s not. My heart just isn’t in this anymore.”
“But what about the rest of The List. What about your guests? There isn’t time to contact everyone to call it off.”
“I don’t care about The List anymore. It’s served its purpose. It taught me how to go after things that I want. I don’t need it now. And as for the party—have it without me if you can’t call it off. I’ll pay for everything. I just want to go home.”
“You can’t go home. Th
is is nonsense. Is this how you handle a spat with your lover? Just make up with him already and then we can party as scheduled.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“Only because you refuse to let it be that simple. If you go home today, you’ve wasted all your time here.”
“It wasn’t a waste. I learned a lot about myself. For one thing, I’m still making the same mistakes, trusting the wrong people.”
Angie sighed heavily into the phone. “Okay, well, I didn’t want to lay this on you. But you can’t go home because I need you.”
Lilah paused. Was something really wrong with her friend or was she saying the only thing she could to get her to stay? “You know if you really need me, I’m here for you. What’s going on?”
“I lost my job.”
“What? When did this happen?”
“Wednesday. Remember the diva with the platinum buttons that I replaced with silver?”
“Yes? Well, she broke out in a rash and insisted I be fired. In my defense, it was supposed to be hypoallergenic silver.”
“Oh my God, Angie. Why didn’t you tell me? Have I been that self-absorbed?”
“No, I’ve been in denial. It’s been fun hanging out with you and planning this party. I thought I could go deal with my situation after you left town. If you leave today, I’m going to have to wallow in self-pity.”
“I can’t believe you kept this from me. There’s no way I’m leaving now. You have to get over here. We can update your résumé and start looking through the paper for—”
“This is exactly what I didn’t want to happen. Now you’re going to focus on propping me up. I’ll work on my résumé later. Right now, all I really want is for us to have fun together.”
“We will have fun. I’ll forget about my man troubles, you’ll forget about your job troubles and we’ll live it up for the next twenty-four hours.”
Tyler hung up the phone in frustration again. He should have expected this. Lilah wasn’t taking his calls. The hotel must have been instructed not to put him through, because they were claiming she had checked out. And when he called her cell phone, it went straight to voice mail.
He knew she was upset, but what happened to second chances? What they’d started could really be something real. It was too important to throw away over one fight. He wasn’t trying to downplay his mistakes, but Lilah was overreacting.
On the other hand, she was divorced, and she seemed to be drawing some heavy parallels between him and her ex-husband. He couldn’t expect her forgiveness when she was still healing from the wounds of another relationship. All he’d done was come along and reopen them.
How could he make things right when she wouldn’t even speak with him? Grabbing his coat, Tyler headed out the door. He needed to try to speak with her in person. Once she realized he wasn’t going to let her run away from this, maybe he could win her back.
Stepping into the lobby of the Casablanca hotel, Tyler was tempted to just bypass the front desk and head up to Lilah’s room. He knew the number, even though he’d never stayed over. But the guy on the phone had said she’d checked out. There was a small chance that she had been upset enough to head back to D.C.
He walked over to the front desk, praying that wasn’t the case. “Excuse me,” he said to the pretty redhead standing there. “I was wondering if you could help me. I’m looking for Lilah Banks. My name is Tyler Martin and—”
“Oh wow, any relation to Reggie Martin?”
Whenever possible, Tyler denied it, but today he could see it getting him somewhere. “Yes, he’s my brother.”
“Oh yes, I’ve seen you here before with Lilah. She must not have had a chance to tell you, she moved to the Grande hotel a couple of days early. We were sorry to see her go, but I’ll be at her party Saturday.”
“The Grande? Thank you so much.”
“Hey, do you mind if I ask you if she ever got that date with your brother?”
“Uh—”
“You know what? Don’t tell me. I’ll ask her tomorrow. It’s the big day, you know. She has to have everything done by then. I guess she’s so busy running around she hasn’t had time to update her blog. You’ll be there, right?”
“I wouldn’t miss it for the world. I guess I’ll see you there.”
“That’s right. When you see her, tell her Maureen at the Casablanca is expecting juicy inside details, okay?”
“I’ll tell her.”
Chapter 24
Arriving at the Grande hotel, Tyler tried to plot his course of action. Since he didn’t know Lilah’s room number, he had to hope the front desk clerk here would be as helpful as the one at the Casablanca.
“Can I help you, sir?”
“Yes, I’m looking for one of your guests. Lilah Banks? Can you tell me which room she’s in?”
“We can’t give out room numbers, sir. But I’ll call her and let her know you’re here.”
The desk clerk dialed and exchanged a few brief words, then handed him the phone.
Tyler’s heart leaped. She was going to talk to him. “Hello?”
“I’m sorry, Tyler.” It was Angie.
Tyler’s heart sank. “Listen, Angie, is Lilah there? I really want to try to work things out with her.”
“She’s here, but she’s not ready to talk.”
“Really? Isn’t there anything you can do? How can I fix this if she won’t hear me out?”
“I know. I’m on your side, but I’m duty bound as her best friend to respect her wishes. I’ll keep talking her through it, but after her divorce, she doesn’t want to take a lot of risks. You hurt her once, she doesn’t want to give you the chance to do it again.”
“Can you at least tell me what room you’re in?”
“I wish I could, but she’d kill me, and I can’t help your cause if she won’t speak to me, either.”
After his disheartening talk with Angie, Tyler found himself at his brother’s apartment.
“Hey,” Reggie said when he opened the door. “Judging by the look on your face, things didn’t go well with Lilah?”
Tyler walked in and slumped onto the couch. “I couldn’t even talk to her. I went to the hotel where I thought she was staying, but the girl told me she’d moved to the Grande. I couldn’t get past the lobby there. I don’t get why she won’t even talk it out with me.”
“Didn’t you two try that last night?”
“We argued mostly, but we can’t leave things like that. I was hoping she would have cooled off after some time to think.”
“Maybe you can speak to her at her party.”
“It’s in her suite, and I don’t know which one it is. No, that’s it. She’s leaving New York after this weekend and I may never see her again. I’ve just got to accept that.”
“So you’re giving up?”
“What choice do I have? She won’t take my calls. I can’t see her. There’s nothing more I can do.”
“You can hang out in the lobby and wait for her to leave.”
“No. That’s crazy. Maybe she’ll get back home, change her mind and call me. But until then, I just have to wait.”
Reggie sank down on the sofa beside him and the two of them sat in silence.
Lilah woke up on her birthday and poked Angie in the ribs.
“What? I’m awake!”
“I don’t feel any different.”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s my thirtieth birthday. I don’t feel any different.”
“How did you expect to feel?”
“Different. We’ve been making such a big deal about turning thirty that I expected to be struck by lightning and imparted with new wisdom.”
“I could have told you that wasn’t going to happen. All you had to do was ask. I’ve been thirty for six months and here I am unemployed. No, there’s no extra wisdom. Just extra pounds. After thirty I started gaining weight just for breathing.”
“Oh yeah,” Lilah said blandly. “You’re a cow.”
&nb
sp; “I know I look thin, but I actually have to work at it now. The days of eating whatever I want without looking back are over. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
“Well, I guess it’s official. I failed The List.”
“No, you still have today. You don’t officially turn thirty until 11:29 p.m.”
“What’s the difference?”
“The difference is about fourteen hours. You shouldn’t throw away all your progress because of a date on the calendar. Finish The List.”
“To be honest, I couldn’t care less about that list. It brought me many interesting adventures, but I definitely was wrong to make myself a slave to it. I think the real spirit of The List was to find experiences that I wanted to have and make them a priority.”
“All I know is, tonight this suite will be filled with your friends, and you really should start getting ready. I have some details to attend to, and I’m going to need you out of my hair for a few hours.”
“No, you did not just kick me out of my own room for the day.”
“Yes, I did. But it’s for a good cause. Now go get dressed.”
Lilah was just coming out of the shower when she heard a knock on the door. It opened and she heard Angie speaking with someone.
The French doors leading to the bedroom were closed, so Lilah continued to dress. Angie was probably coordinating with someone from the hotel about the party.
She never heard anyone leave, so when Lilah was ready, she braced herself as she walked out into the outer room. Angie knew better than to let Tyler ambush her, didn’t she?
“Hey, Lilah.”
“What are you doing here?” she asked, then turned to stare at Angie as if to say, Why did you let him in?
Reggie stepped forward. “I thought we could have our date. That way you can cross it off your list once and for all.”
Once again, Lilah looked back and forth between her friend and Reggie. “I don’t understand.”
“Sure you do.” He took her hand and led her to the door. Angie grabbed Lilah’s coat and purse, thrusting them into her hands.