“Charlotte.”
“Are you excited?”
“Yeah, I am, but it’s also a lot of work. I’ll be worn out by the time February comes.”
“You’ll be home for Christmas, right?”
Tyler threw her a teasing grin. “Missing me already?”
“Actually I am.” Although fully clothed, saying things like that made her feel as if she were stark naked.
“Then come with me.”
She took in a sharp breath, unable to blame anyone but herself for opening the door to that again. Unfortunately, this time she couldn’t use the excuse of breaking rules to change the subject. “You know I can’t do that.”
“Not really. I don’t understand what’s stopping you.”
Sliding off the side of the rock, she crossed her arms and ankles and leaned back. “I have appointments, for one.”
“We’ll make sure you’re home for the appointments.”
She let out a deep breath. What happened to things being easy? “It’s not just about the appointments.”
Tyler jumped down next to her. The empty water bottle in his hand wound up tightly into a spiral. “Is it about not trusting me, then?”
Irritated that he’d brought up trust as an issue, she straightened her shoulders. “You wouldn’t be sleeping in my bed if I didn’t trust you.”
He matched her stare, the disdain in his voice clear. “We aren’t exactly sleeping together, though.”
She needed no reminder that they weren’t having sex. Every night as she stretched out next to him and every morning as she woke with him by her side, her body informed her of its frustrations.
“Is this how it’s going to be?” she snapped back.
“How what’s going to be?”
“We spend the last few days fighting over every stupid little thing?”
He leaned back. His jaw set tight as he ground his teeth together. “Are you going to tell Roy?”
She turned, planting a shoulder against the rock, knowing exactly what he was asking. “No. And you’re not going to either.”
“Does your mom know?”
“No,” she spat, growing frustrated.
“How much have you told Maggie?”
“Nothing.” Sera looked down at the ground. “She thought my appointment was a routine physical exam. Something the army requires when you get out.”
“What about anybody you served with? Do you keep in contact with any of them?”
Rollins popped into her head. She hadn’t heard from him for almost ten months. But not a day went by he didn’t seep into her mind. “Most are getting ready to redeploy or have been transferred somewhere else. Some have gotten out and we’ve lost touch.”
“So you have no one.”
He made it sound terrible. As if she was all alone without a friend in the world. Which she was, in a way. Except for him, and he was leaving. “I do just fine by myself.”
He smirked with annoyance. “Really, Sera? Fine? I don’t think sitting out by a railroad track freaked the hell out is fine.”
His point made, she flamed with irritation that he’d done so with such a low blow. Hands on her hips, she shouted, “What do you want me to say, Tyler? I’m lost here, but I’m trying. If I leave with you now, I’d drive us both crazy. You can’t babysit me and that’s what you’d want to do. I can’t drive, I barely sleep. You want to drag me out on the road with you and deal with all of that when you already have so much stress in your life? No, thanks! I’ve already messed up one person’s life. I’m not going to be responsible for another.”
• • •
Tyler watched Sera walk away. Swearing underneath his breath, he yelled, “Hey, where are you going?” When she didn’t stop, he ran to catch up. “Where are you going?”
She didn’t turn. “Home.”
“Stop. Talk to me.”
Her stride never broke as she climbed into her seat. Tired of all the stifled talks just to keep peace, he leaned against the side with his shoulder, waiting until she was settled, then asked, “What do you mean, you can’t drive?”
So much was starting to make sense, yet it didn’t. The walking back and forth to town, the using the push mower. She’d even told him she’d sold her car, which seemed silly since she hadn’t bought a new one.
“Answer me,” he demanded, when she turned her face away.
Still nothing. The agitation he felt from his first few days back in Cobb City came barreling back. He thought they’d surpassed all the secrets. “What do you mean, you can’t drive, Sera?”
When she still refused to look at him, he lost his patience and slammed both fists down on the top of the Kubota. She jumped at the sound, but said nothing. “Talk to me, dammit!”
Her face finally met his, and a river of silent tears ran steadily down each flushed cheek. Even through the anger of being ignored, his gut twisted. Raking a hand through his hair, he rounded the front of the vehicle and got in. He knew not being able to drive was directly related to the incident in Afghanistan. Swallowing back his anger, he said, “I’ve been waiting for you to tell me, but I’m not sure that’s ever going to happen, so I’m asking. What happened over there?”
Sera wiped at her face, corralling the tears as she sniffed back the emotions she’d let loose. For a few moments, Tyler wasn’t sure she would answer, but then when she quieted, she finally did.
“We were on security duty. Rollins and I were in front leading the way,” she wept.
He sat quietly listening, waiting for her to go on, all the while also considering who Rollins was. Obviously someone she served with, but man or woman, enlisted or superior? And was Rollins the one she’d been involved in the accident with?
“We had to ride around the perimeter of the town we were in. It was an easy task. In the eleven months we’d been there, there hadn’t been any threats and no reason to worry. They tell you never to get too comfortable or let your guard down, but all of us had.”
She paused, choking back more tears. “We started our normal route. Stopped to talk to some of the locals before continuing on. The sun was so bright that day. I told Rollins that I couldn’t wait to see snow again and he laughed because I had mentioned how much I hated the winters in Kentucky. Then we started talking about what we planned to do on leave when we got back to the States.” Swiping at her face again, she went on. “I never noticed how deserted the area along the railroad tracks was until it was too late. But I looked around and it became apparent just when a loud whistle blew.” Sera stopped again, heaving in a deep breath. “I thought a train was coming.” She looked off to the side. “No trains ever passed through there, though.”
Covering her eyes with her hands, she said, “There was never a train. I guess I imagined the whistle.”
Tyler listened as Sera’s cries turned into a soul-ripping howl. The conversation he’d patiently waited to have for more than a week was harder to bear than he’d imagined. He shook his head, rubbing his hand over his face. Needing some comfort to soothe his own aching emotions, he reached out to take her hand, but she folded them together in her lap.
“I remember every painstaking detail,” Sera continued. “When the blast went off, the pressure of my jaw smashing up into the roof of my mouth was so excruciating. Each of my eardrums felt as if they were being gouged with the tip of a knife at the same time. It was like someone was driving screws down into the top of my head. Those are just the immediate sensations—when the shock of it begins to subside, it’s the lung-clogging smoke that makes you think you’re dying.”
Tyler finally found his voice. “But you were okay?”
Sera shook her head, but let out a small, dry laugh. “I thought I was dead. I couldn’t see anything, my face was so filled with dust and grime. I didn’t know the truck was on its side until I unbuckled my seatbelt and fell down into the passenger seat. I figured the pain I felt in my side as I hit meant I wasn’t dead.” She tried to laugh again, but it came out weak.
&nbs
p; “What about Rollins?” Tyler asked.
Sera cleared her throat, staring straight ahead as if she were reliving the accident in her mind. “He was thrown from the truck and somehow got pinned underneath.”
“He was okay, though?”
She shook her head again, swiping at the tears that began to fall once more. “He suffered some injuries, but he recovered from them.”
He wondered if Rollins was suffering the way Sera was, but didn’t want to distract her by asking. His only concern at the moment was trying to fully understand what she was going through. “And driving?”
Sera met his eyes for the briefest of moments. “Is simply something I just don’t want to do.”
“Don’t want to or can’t?”
“I’m sure I can if I tried. I don’t want to.”
Tyler dropped his head to his chest, knowing she wouldn’t admit it was a fear. Shifting sideways, he reached out, but she pushed away, planking up next to the frame of the machine. The act stabbed him in the chest, but he took no offense. She’d just told him something he was pretty certain she hadn’t shared with anyone other than her therapist and maybe the other guy involved, and that meant more to him than his need to hold her at the moment. Sensing she needed some space and ready for a change of scenery himself, he took a deep breath, trying to slow the pace of his pulse, then turned the key in the ignition. The Kubota propelled forward, and they headed home.
He’d barely put the machine in park when Sera darted to the house. Trying to absorb everything she’d said and give her a few minutes of space, he waited a moment before following her in. He heard the shower running. Hoping the night didn’t go downhill from here, he went to his room and pulled off his boots. Stretching out lengthwise on the bed, he closed his eyes. Being out in the sun the past two days had devoured his energy. The sunburn didn’t help. His skin ached to the touch and was raw in spots, a result of the beating it took while out on the trails. His mind was just as exhausted as his body. Funny how that worked—woken from a good night’s rest only to be completely drained by a small bit of information.
The incident in Afghanistan was worse than he’d imagined. His mom had made it sound like a small act, but it was much more than that. Two people had been greatly affected, one of whom suffered physical wounds. And Sera thought she was making more of her problems than acceptable. No wonder she had nightmares. Who wouldn’t? Now, on top of everything else she’d endured, she was battling the fear of driving. Knowing how deeply intrusive her disorder was, he couldn’t consciously walk away, leaving her to deal with it on her own. Which meant if she wouldn’t come with him, then he’d have to stay there with her.
Chapter 17
Feeling better after washing the stress of the day away, Sera closed up the house and turned off all the lights. Certain Tyler had already gone to bed, she passed her room when she saw he wasn’t there. His door was open, the light still on. He was sound asleep, though, still dressed in the dirty jeans and old ragged T-shirt from the day. She wanted to talk to him again. To better explain what happened in Afghanistan and the reasons why she didn’t want to drive. She had never admitted that fear to anyone, not Rollins or her therapists, and although she hadn’t meant to drop it out like she had, somehow it had rolled off her tongue easily with Tyler. Talking did help, but until now there had never been anyone that she trusted enough to do so with. Except for Rollins, but that ended up being complicated.
She wasn’t sure when the two of them became more than just friends. In their first months back from Afghanistan, they spent a lot of time together. Of course that was before either realized that they were suffering any emotional effects from their incident. They talked a lot about what happened over there and then one day she recognized he was flirting with her. It was a little surprising because she’d never seen him that way, but it also excited her too. She hadn’t thought of anyone romantically since Tyler and she’d missed him more than she could ever put into words since returning to the States. As badly as she hated to admit it now, the attention from Rollins was a welcome distraction from her constant thoughts of Tyler.
Unfortunately, the contentment didn’t last. She noticed Rollins slowly changing. Instead of moving past their accident, he wanted to dwell on it and they started fighting when she told him she was tired of talking about it all the time. Things went downhill from there. They’d already slept together by then, which didn’t help the situation any.
She felt an obligation to help him, but it was difficult when she wasn’t quite sure how to help herself. He abused his medications and started drinking. When he quit coming to work, the army began the process of discharging him. Sometimes she was still angry that they’d given up on him so easily. If he’d been pushed to get help more avidly, maybe he could have worked through his turmoil, but it seemed they were all too happy to pass his troubles off to someone else. She’d tried the best she could, but he refused to listen and that was when their arguments fueled. She’d said some terrible things. Especially when it came to her feelings for him, but he hadn’t held back much either. By the time he left, they were barely speaking and although he’d reached out since then, she’d refused any kind of contact back. She couldn’t go there again. The constant battle of not only him, but her fears too, was more than she could handle, and she wasn’t going to open herself back up to it.
Turning off the light, she rounded the bed and climbed in, not caring about the soiled clothing or layer of grime coating the hair on Tyler’s arms. Not even the distinct smell of dirt and salt kept her from kissing his face and cuddling in next to him. She still had a ways to go when it came to opening up and baring her feelings like she knew she should do. Clamping down and ignoring the problems didn’t help, but at least she was starting to do so without losing her temper.
Rubbing her hand along Tyler’s jawline, she wondered what went through that mind of his. If circumstances had been different, who knew how the last three years would have gone? The accident in Afghanistan still would have happened and maybe her struggles would have been easier to handle with Tyler by her side; but who was to say, even if she hadn’t missed that call, that they would have made it? Their relationship was tumultuous at times. Not in a physical sense, but it seemed one was always giving while the other was taking—usually her. She’d taken advantage of his love and counted on him always being there. And her actions didn’t always accurately portray how deeply she felt for him. Surely at some point he would have grown tired of the act, and who knew what would have happened then? If their parting had ended more turbulently, would they have been able to forge a friendship as they had now?
Maybe the missed call wasn’t a missed opportunity, but rather a chance for both of them to grow as individuals and learn how to appreciate one another the way lovers were supposed to. It might be three years too late, but she appreciated him now.
• • •
A hint of honeysuckle tempted Tyler awake. The sweet smell was like heaven to his senses. Rolling his neck to the side, he saw Sera lying closely, but with only one arm draped lightly over his shoulder.
“Hey, you,” he said when he saw her eyes were open. Giving a look out the window and seeing it was dark, he asked, “What time is it?”
“Almost ten.” She smiled back. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“I’m glad you did. I need a shower.” Calling a truce, he grabbed the hand she’d laid over him and brought it to his lips before sitting up and pulling his shirt up over his head.
Twenty minutes later, he sat back on the edge of the bed with Sera on her knees behind him. He felt no pain from the circular pattern her fingertips made as she swirled the cooling gel around on his back. Instead of drawing out the warmth, each touch sizzled his skin more than it already did. He closed his eyes, content to sit there all night while she worked magic against his pains.
His back stiffened in an arch when her hands left, the absence of her touch a harsh reality. But then he felt a tingle in the crook of hi
s neck, followed by a soft press of her lips against his skin. The kiss lingered in a spot that only she knew drove him mad. The kind of sensation that had him dying to wait it out, so to savor the moment, yet pushing feverously toward a powerful need for more. When her arms came around, palming the pecs of his chest, he leaned back into her, tilting his head to the side, asking for more. She gave it. Dabbing small kisses, she traced a line around the left side of his collarbone. Sparks of excitement flew south, hardening his growing bulge. The stiffness swelled as she swathed kisses around the back of his neck, giving the same attention to his left side as she had his right. He moaned when her fingers began kneading the buds of his nipples. The sound encouraged her further and he nearly came undone when her arms circled back around him, pressing the swells of her bare breasts against his back.
“Make love to me, Tyler,” she murmured in his ear.
If it was possible to become intoxicated from sound, Tyler was sure he was there. Tipsy from the scent of her body wash, buzzing with heat from the feel of her hands, stoned from the beauty of her face that he could picture at any moment as if it were right in front of him. Every one of his senses was heightened. All he had to do was taste her and he’d be completely gone.
Standing, he wasted no time pulling Sera in his arms. His mouth descended on hers, taking and giving with full thrust of his tongue. Her nipples tightened between his fingers as he rolled them into round beads. She let out a low sigh when he cupped her bottom, dragging her closer, pressing his groin firmly into her middle. Another gasp came when he dipped his hands inside the hem of her cotton shorts and smoothed his hands against the fullness of each cheek.
“Baby, you drive me crazy,” he whispered, shimmying her shorts down her legs. She lifted each knee, further consenting their joining as she stepped out and he tossed them aside. She was left in nothing but a pair of stripped bikini panties, and he admired the curve of her waist gliding up to the mounds of her chest. Scanning her flat stomach, he throbbed harder. Seeing a mirror of his craving reflected in her eyes, he pulled her up and instinctively she wrapped her legs around him.
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