by James Swain
They were speeding down the highway toward Celebrity when Valentine’s cell phone started vibrating. He’d been the last person he knew to buy a cell phone, and now he couldn’t live without one. He stared at the phone’s face. CALLER UNKNOWN.
“Valentine here,” he answered.
“Hey pardner,” Rufus Steele’s voice rang out. “You anywhere near the hotel?”
“I’m about five minutes away.”
“Good,” Steele said. “I just agreed to play that punk DeMarco. I threw in a little stipulation, just to keep things honest.”
“What kind of stipulation?”
“You’re the dealer,” Steele said.
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Gloria Curtis hadn’t lasted twenty-five years as a newscaster by being a wallflower. Upon reaching the hotel, she cornered the tournament director and convinced him to let her announce DeMarco and Steele’s showdown, then persuaded the hotel’s general manager to let the event be played in the poker room. Once that was arranged, she hit every bar and restaurant in the hotel, rustled up a few dozen well-known players still hanging around, and talked them into sitting ringside.
“You really know how to set a stage,” Valentine said, shuffling the cards at the table where the match was to be held.
Gloria stood beside him with a pencil stuck between her teeth, studying the room. Removing the pencil, she said, “There’s something still missing.”
“What’s that?”
“Steele will be dressed up, and so will DeMarco. I think you need to be dressed up as well.”
With the tournament now over, he’d switched out of his geezer disguise and was wearing his last clean shirt and sports jacket. “What do you want me to change into?”
“A dealer’s uniform,” she said.
A dealer’s uniform consisted of a white ruffled tuxedo shirt, a black bow tie, and a black vest. It was a monkey suit, sans the jacket.
“You’re going to be on television and need to look the part,” she added.
“You’re the boss,” he said.
He left the table and found the tournament director, and got directions to the employee dressing rooms, which were at the far end of the lobby behind an unmarked door. He knocked loudly, and a male dealer opened the door. The dealer was about his size but heavier, and Valentine asked him if he’d be interested in renting his uniform. The dealer seemed amused by his request.
“You doing this on a bet?” the dealer asked.
“To impress a woman,” Valentine said.
“I figured it was one or the other. Sure, I’ll rent you my uniform.”
Valentine paid the dealer a hundred bucks, and the dealer took him to his locker, where a fresh set of clothes hung. Valentine stripped and put the dealer’s clothes on, then looked at himself in a mirror. The vest was too large, the shirt too tight, and the bow tie made him look silly. Otherwise, it was perfect.
“Thanks a lot,” he told the dealer.
He returned to the poker room tugging at his collar. Gerry was standing by the doorway waiting for him, and appraised his new wardrobe.
“Table for two, please,” his son said.
“Very funny,” Valentine said.
“You’d better hurry. They’re ready to start.”
Valentine went to the table and stood behind his chair. Close to fifty spectators had ringed the table with chairs, and he spied the Greek, Marcy Baldwin, and several suckers whom Rufus had fleeced sitting front row. The rest of the crowd consisted primarily of old-timers with chiseled faces who’d come to cheer Rufus on.
Steele stood at one end of the table, puffing away on a cigarette. He wore a scarlet United States Cavalry shirt buttoned diagonally from waist to shoulder, and his Stetson sported an ostrich feather in its band.
“Hey pardner,” he said. “Glad you could make it.”
“Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Valentine replied.
DeMarco stood at the other end of the table dressed in a bilious gold shirt, opened to the middle of his hairless chest, and black designer slacks. He’d rolled back his right sleeve, exposing his champion bracelet.
Gloria stood directly between the two participants, mike in hand. She did a sound check with Zack, then began. “Good afternoon, everyone. This is Gloria Curtis, coming to you from the poker room in Celebrity Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas. To my right stands Skip DeMarco, newly crowned champion of the World Poker Showdown. To my left, Rufus Steele, one of the greatest players in the history of the sport. These two gentlemen are about to play for two million dollars. Before we start, I’d like to ask each participant to give us a few words.”
Gloria moved toward DeMarco, shoving the mike beneath his chin. “Skip? Would you care to say something?”
“Age before beauty,” DeMarco said.
Everyone in the room laughed, including Steele, the smoke billowing out of his nostrils like dragon’s breath. Gloria moved down to his end of the table and stuck the mike in the old cowboy’s face. “Rufus? How about a few words?”
“I’ve been playing poker for my entire life,” Rufus said. “I believe the game exemplifies the worst aspects of capitalism which have made our country so great. I am looking forward to beating my opponent like an ugly stepchild.”
More laughter from the crowd. DeMarco appeared to bristle. When Gloria returned to his end of the table, he said, “Rufus, how much money do you have?”
“ ’Bout a million and a half,” Rufus replied.
“Let’s play for that,” DeMarco suggested.
“Winner-take-all?”
“Winner-take-all,” DeMarco said.
“You’re on, son.”
Gloria faced the camera and flashed a brilliant smile.
“There you have it, folks. Skip DeMarco has upped the ante against Rufus Steele. Three million dollars, winner-take-all, the new kid versus the old warrior. This is one you’re not going to want to miss.” Then she stepped away from the table, and the contest began.
The two participants took their chairs, and Valentine explained the rules. The game was No Limit Texas Hold ‘Em, and would be played until one man had the other’s money. The blinds would be $20,000 and $40,000, which guaranteed that each starting pot had a minimum of $60,000. After a player bet or called or raised, his opponent had thirty seconds to respond, or would automatically fold his hand. Valentine would be the timekeeper.
“Agreed?” he asked.
“Sounds good to me,” Rufus said.
“Me, too,” DeMarco said.
Valentine then riffle-shuffled the cards seven times. A famous mathematician had proven that a true random order could only be obtained after seven shuffles. It was work, but he wanted the contest to be as fair as possible. Finished, he cut the cards, burned one, then dealt two cards to each man.
“Good luck,” Valentine said.
After ten hands, Rufus was up $540,000.
Valentine had never seen anyone play Texas Hold ‘Em the way Rufus played it. In a normal game of Hold ‘Em, each player received two cards, then there was a round of betting, followed by three community cards, called the flop, being dealt face up on the table, followed by another round of betting. Then two more cards, called Fourth Street, or the turn, and Fifth Street, or the river, were dealt face up, with a round of betting after each. The five community cards were common to both players, who used them in combination with their own cards to form the strongest possible hand.
That was how Hold ‘Em was usually played. But it wasn’t how Rufus played it. He beat aggressively before any community cards were dealt, putting DeMarco into a corner. It was an unusual ploy, and it forced DeMarco to make an immediate decision. Eight times DeMarco had folded. The other two times he’d called Rufus’s bet only to have Rufus go over the top and go “all in,” pushing every chip he had into the pot. Both times, DeMarco had wilted and dropped out of the hand.
“Having fun?” Rufus asked as the eleventh hand was dealt.
“It isn’t over yet,” DeMarco shot back.
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Rufus looked at the crowd. “I love these kids.”
DeMarco brought his two cards up to his face and studied them. Placing the cards down, he paused for a few moments then pushed two hundred thousand in chips into the pot. His body language had changed, and Valentine sensed that he’d gotten good cards. Rufus glanced at his own two cards, his face as tight as a bank vault.
“I’m going to raise,” Rufus said.
DeMarco leaned back in his chair. Valentine sensed that DeMarco had set a trap he was about to spring.
“How much are you raising?” DeMarco asked.
Rufus played with his stacks of chips. “Half a million.”
“I’m all in,” DeMarco fired back.
Rufus peeked at his cards stonily. “How much you got left, son?”
DeMarco counted his chips. “Nine hundred and eighty thousand.”
Rufus pushed back his Stetson and rubbed his face, then stood up from the table. He shifted from foot to foot like a horse sensing bad weather. “What the heck. I’ll call you.”
DeMarco jumped out of his chair. Picking up his two cards, he slapped them face up decisively on the felt. He had a pair of aces, the strongest starting hand.
“What have you got?” DeMarco asked.
Rufus flipped over his two cards. There was a mass sigh from the crowd.
“What does he have?” DeMarco asked again.
“The ten of diamonds and six of diamonds,” Valentine told him.
“You called my bet with that?” DeMarco asked incredulously.
“Sure,” Rufus said.
“But those are lousy cards.”
“Son, I came here to gamble.”
Valentine burned the top card, then dealt the flop, calling the values aloud for DeMarco’s benefit. The three community cards were the four of diamonds, ace of clubs, jack of diamonds. DeMarco had flopped three of a kind, Rufus four cards to a flush. DeMarco was the odds-on favorite to win and let out a war whoop.
“No diamonds,” he begged.
Valentine burned the top card and dealt Fourth Street. The card was the queen of spades, which helped neither player. DeMarco was jumping up and down. He was one card away from winning. It didn’t seem right, but gambling rarely was. Out of the corner of his eye, Valentine glanced at Rufus. The old cowboy looked like he was enjoying himself.
Valentine burned the top card, then paused dramatically before turning over Fifth Street, and calling out its value.
“Two of diamonds,” he said.
DeMarco stopped jumping. Valentine slid the two of diamonds down to his end of the table, and DeMarco picked the card up, and held it in front of his face.
“Jesus Christ,” he whispered.
Rufus had made his diamond flush and beaten DeMarco’s three of a kind. A hush had fallen over the room. Facing the crowd, Rufus took off his Stetson and bowed deeply from the waist. Then everyone in the room, including the Greek, Marcy Baldwin, and the suckers, gave him his due, and broke into long and hearty applause.
DeMarco stood frozen in place, his face pained and astonished. Gloria appeared by his side, and with Zack’s camera whirring, asked, “Skip, what happened?”
DeMarco spent a moment regaining his composure, and the crowd grew quiet. Even Rufus seemed interested in what he had to say.
“Mr. Steele was the better man today,” he said quietly.
“Were you surprised by how aggressively he played?” Gloria asked.
“Yes. I’ve never played anyone like him. He’s really good.”
“So the old man taught you a few things,” Gloria said.
DeMarco winced. When he spoke again, his voice was subdued. “I’m sorry for the disparaging remarks I made about him earlier in the tournament. I was out of line.”
“Apology accepted,” Rufus called out.
DeMarco nodded solemnly, then placed his hand on the table edge, and used it to guide him to Rufus’s end. Stopping, he stuck his hand out, which Rufus warmly shook. It was the way contests were supposed to end, and Valentine rose from his chair, and joined in the applause. As it subsided, Gloria edged up beside him and squeezed his hand.
“You see,” she said. “Sometimes the good guys do win.”
Also by James Swain
GRIFT SENSE
FUNNY MONEY SUCKER BET
LOADED DICE
MR. LUCKY
DEADMAN’S POKER
Poker Protection Tips
Cheating at poker may well be the largest unchecked crime in the United States. It takes place on all levelsprivate games, tournaments, the Internet, and in casino card rooms. As any pro will tell you, the best protection is to understand the various forms of cheating so you can look out for them when you play. Here are some of the most common forms of cheating taking place today, and what you can do to stop them.
MARKED CARDS
Recently, a poker book appeared on the market stating that marked cards are rarely used by cheaters. The author claimed that cheaters don’t use marked cards because it was too easy for players to spot them. Nothing could be further from the truth. Marked cards (also called paper or paint) are a favorite weapon among poker cheaters. Magic shops and gambling supply houses sell tens of thousands of marked decks a year for “amusement purposes only.” They are easy to obtain. And they are easy to use.
Marked cards give cheaters an unbeatable edge. They can be used in a variety of different games, especially those where cards are dealt face down on the table, then turned over one at a time. Here’s what you need to look for.
Professionally Marked Cards
Cheaters know dozens of different ways to mark cards, many of which are undetectable to the untrained eye. Some favored methods are called juice, block out, humps, white ink, shade, flash, white-on-white, and sorts. Sounds confusing? It is. I’ve been shown cards marked by all of these methods, and I could not spot the marks until they were pointed out to me. The only surefire way to prevent marked cards from showing up in your game is by doing the following:
• Bring new decks to the game every time you play. Use established brands from the U.S. Playing Card Company. Do not use promotional cards. They are often inadvertently marked by the manufacturer.
• Make it a different player’s responsibility to bring the cards for each game. This rotation will ensure that one player doesn’t continually cheat the game by bringing marked cards.
• Open the cards in front of the other players. The cards should still be in the box, and have the plastic wrapping and seal on them.
• Spread the cards face up on the table after they’re opened. Make sure they’re all there, then check the pip configuration on the ace of spades, ace of clubs, and ace of hearts, plus the center pips on the threes and fives of the same suits. The pips should all be pointing in the same direction (top of the box when first removed). If not, someone has tampered with them.
• Do a riffle test. This is still the best way to detect most marking systems. Hold the deck face down just below eye level, and riffle them while staring at the backs. Do this several times. Shift your eyes, and look at different areas of the cards. Most marking systems will jump out when this test is performed.
• Always perform these tests. If a cheater is trying to bring a marked deck to your weekly poker game, this will convince them to find another game.
Cards Marked at the Table
Some cheaters prefer to mark cards during the course of a game. There are three ways to accomplish this. The first is to use a foreign substance to mark the cards. Favorite substances include nicotine and ash from cigarettes and cigars and water. Pros will use a substance called daub, which is normally kept behind the ear, or in a shirt button. The second method of marking is to put bends or warps in the cards during play. The cheater accomplishes this while handling the cards. After six or seven hands, it’s not hard to put bends or warps in the majority of high cards in the deck. The third method is nicking. This is done with a sharpened fingernail. Nicks are put in the short
ends of the cards. Cheaters read nicks when the cards are lying face down on the table, or when the deck is held in preparation for the deal. Some cheaters can read nicks when they are several cards down from the top. A famous cardshark named Walter Scott was able to read nicks halfway down in a deck.
Protection Tips: Keep ashtrays and drinks off the table. Encourage players in your games not to bend the cards. Most important, examine the deck between hands. If the cards are starting to look dirty or bent, throw them away. The cost to replace them is far less than getting swindled out of a pot.
Factory Marked Cards
During the famous California Gold Rush of the 1850s, thousands of Americans went west to seek their fortunes. Many found gold, and subsequently lost it in the gambling halls that sprung up in and around gold mining towns. One of the most notorious scandals of this period was the fact that over 200,000 decks of playing cards that had been printed in Mexico were marked, and were being read by cheaters. As a result, gamblers refused to play with cards that were not manufactured in this country, a situation that continued until a few years ago.
At the present time, factory marked cards are being manufactured in China, and used to cheat unsuspecting players. These cards are thin and cheaply made, with marks on the back specifying suit and color. These cards have turned up in discount stores and other places that sell playing cards in the United States.
Protection Tip: Whenever possible, play with cards manufactured by the United States Playing Card Company in Cincinnati, Ohio, which follows the strictest guidelines when it comes to ensuring the quality of its products.
COLLUSION
Collusion between players is the single biggest threat to the individual player in both private games and professional card rooms. It has been going on since the beginning of time, and is more prevalent today than ever before. Sadly it is a subject that is rarely talked about, although everyone knows it goes on. Casinos that have poker rooms are also lax in tackling the issue. Since the house makes its money from raking the pot, it does not scrutinize poker games as thoroughly as it should. As a result, you’re as likely to get cheated by collusion inside a casino card room as you are in a private game.