by Anita Waller
And they began to talk.
33
By Thursday, the pleasant weather had returned, and Lincoln was bathed in warm sunshine. Caro had taken Adam to the coast for the day in an attempt at taking his mind off the funeral preparations. He had had a mini-breakdown when the vicar had arrived, and the adults had agreed his days needed to be filled with activity.
Erin had gone over to her own home; she said she would probably be able to grow potatoes in the dust that would be there, and she needed to do a spot of cleaning. Tim had gone to Manchester to collect Steve, leaving Mark to rattle around the big house all on his own.
He went up to Grace’s room, and sat on her bed. Mark felt defeated. In just over a year, he had lost the man who had brought him up, his mother, and his daughter; ostensibly, he had also lost his wife, although not to death. He allowed grief to wash over him. He folded himself onto the bed, and pulled Fred towards him. Grace had loved Fred, and he was now somewhat living up to his name of Fred Bear. There were very thin patches of fur, and he decided he would take the bear with him when he went to see Grace. Fred would lie beside her in her last resting place.
His eyes closed, and he slept.
He didn’t wake, until he heard a door close downstairs. Tim’s voice called for him, so he shook his head, clearing away the dream, and stood.
‘I’m in Grace’s room,’ he called. ‘Be down in a minute.’
He straightened the bedclothes, closed the window, and headed downstairs. Steve had a package in his hand, and he handed it to Mark.
‘It’s safe,’ he said.
They had called at Steve’s parents to pick it up, and Steve admitted to feeling more than a touch of relief his plan had worked.
Mark nodded his thanks, unable to speak. He hadn’t realised how big a pressure it had been, wondering if anything would prevent the return of the incriminating documents, and to feel them back in his hands was overwhelming. The copies held in Michael’s safe at his home were okay, but the originals were the important documents. He knew he still had the imminent trauma of Caro reading them; they had only been able to give her the gist of their contents. A lot would become clearer to her, once she had sight of them.
‘Do you need us to stay in a hotel, Mark?’
Mark shook his head. ‘No, not at all. I’ve spent all morning changing bed linen and sorting out where everybody is going to sleep. I’ve even put a single bed in that little room we used for storage. All that stuff is now in the garage. We’re going to need somewhere for Dad’s nurse to sleep, and that’s the ideal place, next to Mum’s room. I’ve put you and Steve in Michael’s annexe, but he’s coming home Sunday, all things being equal, so we may need to put you in an hotel. I’m going to sleep in Adam’s bottom bunk, Tommy and Sally are in the guest room. Caro and Erin can have my room. I think that’s everybody sorted.’
Steve took hold of his suitcase and began to walk towards the annexe. They heard a car pull onto the drive, and Mark walked towards the front door, expecting to see Erin.
‘Luc!’
‘Mark.’ Luc held out his hand, and Mark took it. They shook hands, and Luc hugged him. ‘I’m so sorry, Mark,’ he said quietly.
‘Does Caro know you’re here?’
‘No. I’ve come to support my girl. She shouldn’t be without me at this awful time.’
Mark nodded. ‘You’re right. You’ll have to wait to see her, though. She’s taken Adam to the coast. She said they’d be back about five, give or take an hour, so it’s anybody’s guess what time they’ll actually be here.’
Tim and Steve both moved to shake Luc’s hand, and Tim paused. ‘Does this change sleeping arrangements?’
‘No, only for Erin. She can go in that little room, until the nurse arrives, and Luc and Caro can have my room, instead of Erin and Caro.’
Accommodation issues were starting to give him a headache, so he took Luc to the room designated for them, and left everybody to unpack. He sat on the patio with a glass of beer, and let the sunshine soothe his soul.
Grace was all he could think about. He had listened to the recording Lily had brought, and had cried through it. He had made a copy and handed it to Lynne Meadows to use at the end of the service. They had worked through the order of service, and he had handed over booklets made by Caro, with every one of Grace’s family putting in a small piece of writing telling how much they had loved her, and sharing a memory of something they had shared with her.
Her mother wasn’t included in the booklet.
Lily had been pencilled in to speak early in the service, and he had spent time on the phone with her, listening to what she was going to say. Although she couldn’t see him, she could hear the tears in his voice.
And so, they were ready. Except he hadn’t been to see Grace.
Luc, Tim, and Steve joined him, each holding a glass of beer. They spoke quietly, each sensing a change in Mark. It was as if he had suddenly accepted the reality of the situation, and he was lost.
They heard the front door open, and Adam’s voice.
‘Dad? You here?’ Adam was nervous. He kept losing people, and when Caro has suggested going out to the Lincolnshire coast, he had been unsure. But, they had enjoyed the day, and now, he needed to see his dad.
‘Out on the patio, Adam,’ Mark called.
Luc stood and moved to head towards the kitchen.
Caro entered and froze. ‘Luc?’ she whispered. ‘Oh, Luc.’
‘I don’t want you going through this alone, ma cherie,’ he whispered back.
‘But …’
He placed a finger on her lips. ‘Sssh, we’re due back in the office next Wednesday morning. Now, kiss me.’
She did.
‘Yukk,’ Adam said.
Mark grinned. This boy could brighten any situation.
An hour later, Tommy and Sally returned. They were quiet and excused themselves at just after eight o’clock, slowly climbing the stairs to the guest bedroom.
Adam, tired and sunburnt, headed off at the same time, and the rest of them sat around the kitchen table. Erin had brought in lots of pizzas, as there were so many people to cater for, and they had cleared away the remainder left uneaten, before opening the wine.
Mark began to talk about the letters. He hoped it would be the last time, but as the newcomer to the group, Luc knew nothing of them.
All three of the letters were passed to Caro to read, while Mark explained to Luc their significance. He had clearly given up on keeping their existence secret, realising that Caro would tell him, anyway. Caro then passed them to Luc to read.
They waited until he had finished reading them, and he looked up.
‘This woman is … evil,’ he said, shaking his head, and unable to fully take in what he had just heard and read. ‘But, you are right. You cannot take these to the police. Adam must come first.’
‘We are waiting until after the funeral before we make any decisions about anything. As I have said, we know where Jenny is, and we believe she will stay there definitely until the day of the funeral. We think she’s sending Seb, Erin’s ex, to the funeral, so he can report back to her. Her love for Grace has never been in doubt, and she will want to know how the day was. After, we will have to make decisions. We will have to decide how we pass these on to Gainsborough, because, now, we have the issue he has searched both the Sheffield apartment and Lindum Lodge, so we can’t say we suddenly found them.’
Luc shook his head. ‘Give me a gun. I will go kill her.’
Mark smiled. ‘We all want to do that, but that takes us down to her level.’
‘But, surely, if this policeman has the evidence from her car, they won’t need the letters.’ Caro was clearly thinking aloud.
‘No, they don’t need the letters. In the grand scheme of things, they aren’t really that important now, except as a means of getting me into trouble,’ Mark responded. ‘And Michael. No, the problem is what she will disclose during a trial, because she will tell everything about Ray rapi
ng her. That is the sole reason for her committing the murders. That, and the fact she became pregnant with Adam because of that rape. Adam doesn’t know, obviously, and I’ll do anything to stop him finding out.’
‘We have to sleep on this,’ Steve said. ‘We have three days to come up with a solution. Put the letters somewhere safe, Mark. We might just need them one day.’
By Friday, it was raining again, but nobody cared. Nobody even mentioned it. Other things were taking priority, with the funeral home right up there in everybody’s mind.
They drove in two cars, parked up, and walked inside the main doors to a reception area exquisitely set with beautiful floral displays. The receptionist gave them a warm welcome, and led them to a waiting room, explaining Grace was through the door that led off the waiting area. She advised three was the maximum in the room at any one time, because the room, reserved for children, was small.
The white coffin was standing on oak trestles, and Mark hesitated in the doorway, afraid to enter. Caro slipped her arm around his waist and leaned her head against him.
‘Come on, Mark. Let’s go see our lovely one.’
He stepped forward and felt his legs tremble. One step at a time, one very slow step; he reached the coffin and looked down at Grace.
She was asleep; he was convinced she was asleep. He bent his head to kiss her, and felt the cold smoothness of her skin. She wasn’t merely sleeping. Caro was still holding on to him, as much for herself as him.
He heard her sob, and wrapped his arms around her.
‘So beautiful,’ he said. ‘So beautiful. And I wasn’t able to protect her.’
‘Mark, don’t say that. You always protected her. If anybody is to blame for this, it’s Jenny.’
He placed Fred into the coffin alongside his daughter, and felt his eyes swim with tears.
‘Sleep tight, my beautiful girl,’ he whispered, his heart breaking. He had no idea how he was going to get through Monday. He wasn’t even sure he could get through the next fifteen minutes.
Caro stayed for a while, before leaving him alone. He talked. He told Grace how much he loved her, how much he missed her, and he would spend the rest of his life missing her. He wanted to wrap his arms around her and hold her tight, but knew he couldn’t; he could only stand and stroke her cheek. Her hair had been styled to cover the mark on her head which had knocked her unconscious, but it was the wrong hair style. He wanted to tell somebody, but knew he was being stupid. He stayed for a few more minutes, and left to sit with Caro, while Tommy and Sally went in to say their goodbyes. Tim, Steve and Erin waited patiently, dreading the finality of everything.
Tim was distraught when he came out. He had tried to be so strong for his twin, but seeing the little girl Mark had loved so much, lying in a coffin, was too much for him to take. Steve almost carried him back to the car, before handing him a hipflask of whisky.
‘Drink,’ he commanded, and Tim did. It didn’t help. He didn’t know what to do. He wanted to take the burden from Mark, to offer him some respite from the stress and despair threatening to overwhelm him.
They all drove back to Lindum Lodge without further speech. Nobody wanted to talk, and Luc, who had stayed behind to be with Adam, quickly took Caro into his arms.
‘You are all okay?’ he said quietly, as he kissed the top of her head.
‘No,’ she said. ‘I think I can safely say that’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life. Why Grace? Where’s God in all of this? Why has he taken her, and not one of us? Why hasn’t he taken her bloody mother? She’s the one who should be dead, not Grace.’
And she began to cry, tired of holding it together for everybody else, when all she wanted to do was grieve. Her niece, her unconditionally loved niece, was dead.
Mark organised cups of tea, trying to do anything which would stop him thinking. All of them walked around aimlessly, unable to go outside because the rain had become heavier, but not wanting to sit down. They all clung to their mugs of tea as if they were lifelines, and nobody wanted to talk.
Adam knew where they had all been, but as soon as he had seen his father safely return, he had headed upstairs, unable to be with their grief. He missed her so much. They had been friends; they had been siblings. He had loved her. And now, he had no Grace. He wished he hadn’t laughed when she had confessed to playing the bass. If he could talk to her again, he would tell her how sorry he was, but he wouldn’t be able to do that, not anymore. She was gone.
He opened his laptop and logged into his current chess game. He would win this one for his Grace.
Tommy stared out of the window at the rain. He prayed it wouldn’t rain on Monday; if Grace had to leave them, he wanted it to be in glorious sunshine, surrounded by her friends, and by her family. He wanted her to know just how much she was loved.
He felt Sally’s hand creep into his, and he squeezed gently. He was concerned about her. He sensed she wasn’t well, and it wasn’t anything to do with losing her granddaughter. He knew she had had a doctor’s appointment, because the time had been sent to her mobile phone by the surgery. He had seen it show on her home screen as he passed it to her, but she had merely looked at it and said nothing.
Later that night, after she had gone to bed, he checked her phone for that text reminder, and saw it was for the following day. Her excuse for disappearing just before the appointment time was she had to nip to the shops.
When she came home, she said nothing. And he didn’t ask. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know.
But, he knew something wasn’t right with her. If everything had been okay, she would have told him.
He would wait until after Monday, and he would ask. He would get answers.
Sally leaned against him. She knew Mark wanted to go back to see Grace, but she didn’t think she could. The distress was too much to bear. And she was worried about Tommy. He looked old; his skin seemed paper thin, and he had withdrawn into himself. She had things she needed to discuss with him, but she didn’t want to give him any more worries, not yet. She would wait until after Monday was over, before telling him about the lump.
34
Mark was first downstairs. The bunk bed was a little tight for him to sleep him, and 2 a.m. had brought the decision he would buy Adam a new bed – an ordinary, common or garden single bed. He was growing up now, and bunk beds were no longer suitable.
By 5.30 a.m., Mark had progressed to his second cup of coffee, and was contemplating a bacon sandwich, wondering if he could get away with it, without the smell of frying bacon making everybody else in the house get up to join him.
He took out the bacon, popped a bread cake in the toaster to brown, and switched on the grill. Ten minutes later, Tim and Steve had joined him, and he could hear Adam moving around upstairs.
By seven, everybody was up, with Adam querying whether to play football in the garden, or to take a football into the local park and join in with one of the other games that were bound to be there.
‘Or you could always have a game with Luc and I,’ Caro volunteered.
‘Seriously?’ Adam laughed. ‘You play footie?’
‘Of course. We played on the beach, didn’t we?’
‘That was on sand with no shoes on, and using a beach ball. I’m talking boots and a proper football, you know.’
‘No problem,’ Caro said with bravado, and Luc shook his head. It seemed they were in for an energetic morning.
‘Mark? You coming?’ Caro asked.
Mark thought for a moment. ‘No, I’m going to see Grace this morning. If anyone else wants to go, I’ll be leaving about ten.’
He returned to loading the dishwasher, wishing tears didn’t start every time he mentioned her name.
Sally moved to stand beside him and touched his arm. ‘Tommy and I would like to go tomorrow. I know it’s a Sunday, so can you check that will be okay?’
‘It is okay, provided we tell them. I checked yesterday. I’ll confirm we’ll be there for eleven o’clock. Is that oka
y? We’ll say no visitors after midday. Did everybody hear that? Think about it, and let me know if you want to go.’
Erin spoke first. ‘I won’t be going again, Mark. It’s too hard. I think tomorrow, really, should be just for you, Tommy and Sally. Take whatever time you need, make it your day with Grace, and we’ll keep out of your way until you need us. Does everybody agree?’
They all nodded their heads, and Tim joined in. ‘We’re all here for you, Mark, and Erin’s right. You three need time with Grace. We’ll look after Adam, maybe take him out into Derbyshire for the day.’
‘I have somewhere I would like to see, as a visitor to your shores.’ Luc smiled at Adam. ‘I would like to see this Major Oak. Can we do that?’
Adam’s eyes lit up. ‘Yes, please. That will be cool.’
Caro looked at Mark, and he nodded. ‘Thank you, everybody. This is so bloody hard …’ He walked out of the kitchen, unable to keep up pretences any longer. He was struggling.
Sally’s soft murmur was the voice of reason. ‘Leave him.’ This weekend was always going to be difficult, and she figured if Mark needed company, he would seek it.
She emptied the washing machine and carried the load outside. She began to peg out the sheets, until she had to stop to wipe away the tears.
Erin soundlessly joined her, and began to help. ‘Dad’s hospital bed is coming today,’ she eventually said.
‘Oh, I’d forgotten! Do we need to do anything?’
‘No. I’ll stay here tomorrow, because we don’t know what time he’s coming home. I figured I would clear the bedding Steve and Tim have slept on, and pop it in the washer in the morning. We can move that bed into the garage for now. Steve and Tim are booking into a hotel for a couple of nights. If we can set up the bed before everybody disappears, I can then get the fresh bedding put on, and sort out the nurse’s room. She’s coming around later to introduce herself, and check what she needs.’
‘How long do you have her for?’