by Alexis Angel
I have not one but two incredible men in my life right now and I’m so grateful I could burst. I reach out and squeeze Tommy’s hand.
“You’re so beautiful, Luce. Congratulations,” Tommy says. His eyes are watering, and that makes my eyes water.
Then I look over at Gian, and I can’t help it. I totally lose it. I’m a mess of happy tears and sounds of happiness, and I jump into his arms. Those strong arms that hold me so tight, spin me, and lift me up while he carts me off to the dance floor.
“I know this is like so not kosher,” I say and bite my lower lip. “But you said Terry, your ex-wife, you said she was trying to have Tommy kill you. Did your employee, Zander, know? And are they really just off somewhere with a big pile of money?” I told myself that I wasn’t going to ask these things. Not because Gian didn’t want to tell me because I felt pretty sure he would. But still, I couldn’t help but ask.
Gian’s eyes widen. “Oh, so you wanna do this here?” He says, but he’s laughing. I can’t believe how light the air is between us with such a heavy topic. “Zander didn’t know. The reason he was so torn up is because he’s always been so loyal. So wanting to be with Terry? He didn’t know what he was getting into then,” Gian laughs, running a hand down my back as he spins me around the dance floor more.
I feel like a princess right now.
Even if I’m talking about my husband’s ex-wife. I mean, we can’t all be virgins, can we?
“Zander is still going to work for me, after they get back from a long vacation. Loyal people are extremely hard to find. Terry’s parents are the ones that pushed her to marry me. I didn’t believe in love then, but I tried to love Terry. And Terry? I don’t know that she cared or believed either, but Zander dealt with the majority of her crap and they came out in love on the other side. Who would have guessed?” Gian kisses my forehead. “Love is…silly like that.”
I have never heard Gian use a word like silly before and it tickles me. I think I actually giggle before Gian pulls me into his arms and kisses away all my thoughts.
Happily ever after worked out surprisingly well for everyone, I guess, and I think about Tommy when I come up for air. He’s dancing with Margot…
“Oh, Gian, look who is next!” I say, pointing with my eyes.
“Your love is infectious,” Gian says in a mock accusatory tone. “Now they caught it, I think you’re right,” Gian nods, indicating how close they are dancing.
Margot is blushing. She never blushes.
We dance all night, until all our guests are tuckered out, and I’m exhausted. Gian carries me off to the elevator and I’m so beat, I fall right asleep in his arms.
To think I used to lie awake at night, wondering if I could make rent, and now I can fall asleep in the elevator up to the penthouse suite I share with my husband.
I didn’t need a big wedding. I had no big honeymoon plans. I had a very big love, and it was enough to fill every empty space in my heart.
Lucy
Coming back from a night of dancing usually winds me all up, but tonight is different. Because I knew that Gian was going to be busy with meetings all day, I kind of wanted to keep the home fires warm instead of doing anything else. I took a bath and read, then listened to music. It was so strange to be able to do this, but I quit my job at the diner after I saw how much I made dancing. The truth was that Gian made it very clear that I’d never have to work again. But I didn’t want that. I wanted to be able to do what I wanted and make money for me. But today I didn’t want to dance, didn’t feel like hanging out with anyone. I wouldn’t need it to be so excited for Gian’s arrival. In fact, I think that would've been too much for me. Today I needed to relax.
Because before this life I have now … I don’t remember when I could just relax. I have time to do things like read novels. Reading a whole novel can take so many hours I almost froze myself to death in the tub, lingering long after the warmth, getting caught up in the story. It's so nice to be able to relax. I enjoy rubbing fancy creams and lotions all over my body, taking care to do my hair even though I was staying inside. I even did my makeup — though not as extravagant as if I was going on stage, I found that I wanted to look as beautiful as I possibly good for Gian when he came home.
Home.
That’s what I think of this suite as. I considered asking Gian for my own place when our arrangement first began. But I haven’t really wanted that since…since he fucked me like he did and showed me a side of him that I didn’t know could exist. I wanted to be near him. I like that when he’s not here and I am, the sheets still have his scent on them. I like that living in the same suite as him means that most nights, we sleep side by side. Or, as I prefer, in Gian’s arms.
I have an attachment to Gian like I’ve never had before. The truth is, I’ve never been close to anyone before Gian. I had no relationships. My brother was the only person in my life and he kept me at a distance to cope with his own problems. Never, ever, could I keep a friend for long. They thought I was weak. They didn’t share my interests.
People always have reasons for not wanting to be in my life, or I have reasons to not want others in my life.
Yet, here I am. The girls at the club, the girls at the spa…I think of them as true friends now. And Gian…he’s like a boyfriend in a really twisted way. He may not be my ‘boyfriend’ but I know that I’m his girl. I can’t believe my strange little life.
And I kind of love it.
I like having my own little world with him. That’s really why I wanted to stay in today. I took some kind of strange pleasure in the idea that today, only Gian would see me. And I don’t know if I should tell him that because I know he’s not thrilled with the fact that I’ve decided to take up dancing on a pole in his club…but even though I enjoy that, I also enjoy being his. He is as close to understanding both as I think he’s ever going to, so I’ll just not press the issue or bring it up.
When the evening starts to wind down, I expect that Gian will arrive any time now. Instead of wearing any fancy lingerie, I opted instead to be completely naked for his arrival. I think there’s bound to be some level of excitement for that on his part. I grab a glass and a bottle of wine from the bar. It's always so well stocked, but I haven’t seen Gian drink from the bar or drink alcohol anywhere else since the night I met him and offered myself up to him.
Maybe it's a coincidence. But maybe it isn’t. I put the alcohol and the wine back and opt to wait for him while opening a second novel to read. I mean, there’s no story so compelling that I won’t drop it the instant Gian walks in. Except I must've picked the most boring story in the world and I can barely hang on while reading it. Despite doing mostly nothing all day, I find myself yawning and before I know it, I’m asleep, naked, in the bed I share with Gian only now I’m sharing it with a novel from my paperback stack next to the bed.
I wake up much later in the evening to Gian’s fingers stroking my chin.
“You must be tired, Luce, you don’t have to wake up,” Gian says in a low voice. There’s some emotion that I don’t understand in his voice, and he’s never called me Luce before. Only my brother has ever called me that.
Yawning, then wiping the sleep from my eyes, I sit up in bed. “No, this book was just very boring and instead of picking a different one, I apparently let it put me right to sleep,” I say with a small laugh.
Gian looks at me, bemused. Only the moonlight illuminates his gorgeous face, but there’s something in his eyes that tells me he needs me.
“What is it, Gian? What’s wrong?” I ask him. I can’t imagine what kept him so long, mostly because I don’t know anything about his business. But Gian always seems so unbothered. So in control. It makes me hurt for him to see him any other way.
“Don’t you worry about it. You can go back to sleep,” Gian says, standing.
Unconsciously, I touch my face where his hand was.
I get up to knees on the bed and look at him. “No, I want you. I’ve wanted nothing more t
oday than to see you.
Gian’s eyes look at my naked body in the moonlight, a sliver of the silver shining over my breasts.
“Well, this is a much better sight than I’ve had all day,” Gian says. He laughs again, smiles, but there’s a heaviness in him that I wish I could erase. I wish he would at least share with me what’s wrong. “Please, Gian, tell me what’s wrong,” I say in a soft voice. I don’t want to push him if he doesn’t want to talk, but the truth is that I’ll be very hurt if he doesn’t want to tell me what’s wrong.
Gian looks at me and the smile over his face breaks through the sadness in his eyes. “I don’t even like Luke Gravos, but his wife…she’s worse than Terry ever was. Luke and I convinced her to back off, but she really wanted his head. I’m so glad I have you, Lucy. You’re more than I could have ever hoped for.” Gian’s eyes drink me in.
I can’t help but smile. Gian can and did open up to me. He trusts me like I trust him. And he needs me.
Gian’s hand closes over my breast, and another goes to grasp the back of my neck, holding me as he dips to kiss me. I’m still concerned for him, but this is perhaps how Gian needs me. Physical touch shows more than Gian can ever say, even though he’s so open with me. I know that when he opens up to me even a little bit that he’s as surprised as I am. That’s both flattering and frightening. Because I care so deeply for Gian. I don’t want him to be closed off from the world. Most of all, I want him to be able to open up to me.
Right now my lips are parting for him. His knees press apart my thighs to spread my legs while he deepens our kiss. I can’t stay steady with the way he’s splaying me out for him. His hand on my neck drops to my back. “I’ve got you,” Gian murmurs into my mouth.
Yes, yes he does. The words are a siren song to my soul. Every time he says them, they become more and more true.
First, he had me because of the deal.
Then, he had me because of how quickly he took care of Tommy.
The kiss…that first kiss he gave me fucking undid me in every way.
Now, every time he says he has me, when I might fall because of how he goes after my body, it's my heart and soul that I wonder that he doesn’t have. Gian is always on my mind. He already has me there. The other parts of me…well, right now, with his body overtaking mine, it's difficult to think about more.
Difficult, but not impossible. Well, not for much longer. I know that the way that Gian fucks me means I’ll barely remember my own name by the time he gets going.
He doesn’t even bother getting onto the bed first before getting inside me. His cock is in me so fast that I cry out at the feel of him sliding his thick rod into me. Gian presses me down to the bed, impaling me fully on his cock while he lays down on top of me and lays me down onto the bed.
“I thought only of this, all day,” Gian says against my neck. His hips roll and he slams into me with a quick, forceful thrust. I’m already aching for him and the hard way he’s started fucking me drives me crazy in all the right ways. “I love driving my cock so deep in your sweet pussy,” Gian continues. His words make my nipples ache for him, even though he’s already pressing his body against them, I want to press into him harder yet. I need to be closer to him which, as far deep inside of me as he is, is actually difficult. But I’m groaning, aching with need. I use all the strength I have to slam my hips up to meet his thrusts. A wet sound fills the air, the musk of my pussy thick in the air. I’m so damn wet for him, I actually feel my arousal sliding down my thighs. That wet sound when he slams into me is unmistakable.
“I’m so wet, Gian, I wanted you to fuck me all day. I waited all day for you to cum inside me,” I say with a whimper. My breathing is close in time with every thrust, making my words jumpy and urgent.
“Good, Lucy, but I’m going to fuck you harder and deeper before I cum inside this pussy tonight,” Gian says and closes his teeth over one of my earlobes. It makes me sigh, squirm against him.
I like the sound of him fucking me deeper. I imagine I’m like clay, I’m malleable and my body is so consumed by his that deep inside of my pussy is the imprint of his cock. I’m shaped just for him. I cum only for Gian. I ache for his body interlocked with mine. It isn’t such madness to think that I’m formed for him, and I like the thought even if it's silly. I blame how hard and deep he fucks me. These unrelenting thrusts clear all thoughts from my mind except how deep and hard he is fucking me.
Sure enough, Gian makes good on his promise. He pulls back and then grabs my thighs, spreading them up and apart. His hands maintain their grip, and his hips return to their previous speed.
The pressure in my pussy is instantly so much stronger that I scream out. The sound is buried in the exertions of his cock slamming into me. Somehow this angle is so much deeper that it drowns out the sounds that claw their way up to my throat and I don’t know what to do. I can hardly breathe. The pressure is so intense that it feels like my body is going to burst. Gian has me pinned under him, and he’s fucking me so hard I think I might black out. The pressure and the pleasure spiral together. I feel so helpless beneath him now and he’s fucking me so hard I don’t know if I’ll be able to walk straight tomorrow. Which I don’t mind at all.
I can’t believe how slutty this thought is, but I like the idea of Gian fucking me so hard that I walk bowlegged or something like that. I like feeling sore after he fucks me. The memories against my skin, deep in my pussy, against my soul, are little scars and badges of honor. They aren’t permanent, they aren’t forever, but when they can remain until the next time he fucks me, it makes me feel somehow more complete.
Gian and I are both glistening in a sheen of sweat beneath the moonlight. Gian switches his tack from thundering thrusts at lightning speed to slow, deep, hard thrusts that make me yelp with hunger every time he sinks so deep into me. His hands on my legs squeeze harder and he presses them up higher but also closer together. The closeness and added depth to this angle makes me grit my teeth. It's such an intense sensation that I’m gasping for air, my lungs begging to be filled up with fresh air so that I can breathe. When people talk about someone taking their breath away, this is what they should be talking about. Because this literally breathtaking sex position is the most incredible sensation that’s ever overtaken my body.
Just when I think I might succumb to madness if he fucks me like this any more, Gian pulls my legs back down and brings his hands under my ass to hold me and lift me up while he fucks into me slower. It's these maddening slow strokes that are a double-edged sword. On the one hand, they’re a reprieve from the ultra intense fucking before. So it seems like I should be able to catch my breath and take everything that he’s offering me. But on the other hand, the hand I’m actually dealt, I can still barely breathe. My whole body aches for him to fill me up and the second before his cock is all the way in me again, time drags slow and tortures me to the point that I’m inhaling the full length of him and exhaling in a whimper with his every exit.
My hands reach out and I wrap his forearms, squeezing with all might at his arms caging around me for his purchase while he rocks inside of me and makes my whole world evaporate into nothing but need and arousal.
“You look like some kind of goddess of the night,” Gian says in a tender voice. “The moonlight looks good on you,” he says with a satisfied growl.
I’m pleased. I love when he says things like this to me. Gian is the first person to let me know that I’m actually attractive. But even though others find me attractive and I recognize that now, Gian is the only one who makes me feel beautiful. More than that, he makes me feel cherished. Cared for. Wanted. Safe.
I'm so safe in his arms.
I let out a nervous giggle. “Guess we’ll save so much on the lingerie budget,” I offer up a bit of humor, and then bite my lip when he closes all the spaces within me and fucks his cock all the way up my pussy again.
Gian’s charming grin in the moonlight actually makes my pussy tingle. My clit twitches. That’s how beautiful h
is face is, how handsome his smile is before he laughs. “Oh, but I’m not going to stop fucking you in the daylight, either. Though that’s not a promise about tonight, as I don’t know how much longer I want to last in your sweet pussy tonight. I missed you.” The admission that he missed me feels warmer than all the other words. What was light becomes heavy. What was sweet becomes treasured.
I know that I’ll never forget how he said that. I wish I could tell him how much he means to me, but I don’t even know how to put those feelings into words or even expressions with my body.
“I missed you, too, Gian,” I say. The words are true but they are inadequate.
Gian says more with his body, with his words, than I could with an entire dictionary in my hands and a thousand years. The only thing more mysterious to me than what I wish I could say to Gian is what on earth it is that I feel for him.
I don’t know what being in a relationship feels like. Other than the incredible experiences that I have with Gian, I don’t even know what sex or orgasms feel like. I just know that…I don’t ever want to be without him.
Gian wants me, after all, he insisted on keeping me forever. But it feels like more and more, Gian is conflicted beyond what he feels. There’s something else, especially now with his upset demeanor when he arrived. The slower and deeper he strokes into my pussy, the more my mind obsesses over every detail I can think of.
“Where did you go, baby girl?” Gian asks. His lips close over mine, eating any answer I might've had. And I didn’t have one. How do you put into words things you don’t know and talk about the very things that you can’t put into words?
I let myself fall into a kiss. Even though he’s on top of me, the feel of his lips on mine, kissing me slow and deep and sensual as the way that he slides his cock into me is enough to make me feel disconnected from space, time, or any worries that were on my mind.