He looked me up? Should I be surprised and flattered? I was, but I should have known that he would. Maybe he’d looked me up before we’d even met. Answering his question was easy.
“Why am I so driven to succeed?” I frowned. “I guess I realized that I was better at schoolwork than most of my peers when I was really young. Probably kindergarten. But my parents always made it clear to me that being smart isn’t enough. You have to achieve and succeed. Stupid is as stupid does. Just sitting around being smart and doing nothing is wasting all the gifts you’ve been given. Considering my childhood, I internalized that message probably more than most kids.” I shrugged. “I just like solving problems and puzzles. I guess that’s all it comes down to. I know I can solve the hard problems, so I do.”
Lucas merely nodded at me. His expression was neutral. I had no idea if my answer pleased him or not. “Your turn,” he said.
This was my last question. I thought it over carefully. “Can I save my last question for another time?”
Lucas shrugged. “I’ll probably regret this, but sure.”
“Ok. I’ll do that. Do you want to ask me your last one?”
“What did you mean before when you said ‘considering your childhood’?”
Fuck. I shouldn’t have mentioned that.
Lucas must have seen the change on my face, because his fell. “You can pass if you want.”
“No, it’s fine.” I sighed. “My dad died when I was a kid. He was diagnosed with brain cancer about the time my younger brother was born. So, I guess I would have been around four. He finally passed away when I was eight. That’s what I meant about internalizing the things he said to me. Because I was so young when he died, all the things I do remember him saying meant a lot to me.”
Lucas’ eyes had gone huge. “Rae, I’m so sorry. If I made you remember anything painful, that wasn’t my intention at all.” He looked stricken.
“It’s really ok.” I smiled at him encouragingly. “It was a long time ago. I’m ok talking about him.”
It was true, mostly. I didn’t mind talking about my dad, but I still rarely did so with strangers. Usually I would only talk to friends the way I was talking with Lucas. I needed to make sure I remembered the realities of our situation. We weren’t friends. We weren’t on a date. We were temporary business partners, and that was all we’d ever be. Maybe if I kept reminding myself that, I could keep myself from getting emotionally invested.
10
Lucas
Victoria ‘liked’ the photos of me and Rae on Instagram and Facebook. All of them. Which meant she looked at all of them, one by one. The thought that she even cared enough to look at them kept me awake all night. I knew her well enough to know that they probably kept her up too. She wouldn’t like the idea of anyone else having me, even if she thought she didn’t love me anymore.
Hope was something I’d kept alive for eighteen months by feeding it a little bit of my soul on a daily basis. But now, at last, I had something else to feed it. Evidence. Those ‘likes’ on social media fed my hope and it swelled in my chest and bloomed.
At the same time, another unfamiliar hope had begun to take root in me. I refused to acknowledge the traitorous feeling, not yet, but my night with Rae had sparked something. It had been a long, long time since I’d enjoyed a night out with a charming, attractive woman. Even if she was just pretending to enjoy my company, I forgot how much I liked it.
And she’d been so beautiful in her little dress and high heels, with her hair pulled back from her face in a high bun. I couldn’t ever remember meeting anyone so effortlessly elegant. Rae had a gorgeous, long, graceful neck. I’d never been much of an admirer of women’s necks, but Rae had an incredible one. I could easily imagine kissing the curve of her neck with lazy, light kisses, smelling her perfume and holding her close against me. I could imagine nipping her neck, panting against her neck, moaning desperately against it when I…
No.
Nope.
Stop right there.
Don’t even let yourself think about that.
The good news was that Rae lived half a continent away. She headed back to New York with her team the next morning. She wouldn’t return for a week. It was probably very good she wasn’t around. She was necessary, but she was incredibly distracting. To say the least.
I kept myself busy in her absence by working on Notable Match and daydreaming about what I would do after I sold it and got back together with Victoria. Maybe I’d take her on a vacation. Perhaps Paris? Victoria had always talked about wanting to visit France, although the thought of being in the land of amazing food and not being able to eat anything disagreeable to her sensitive palate was almost too painful. The woman lived off a diet composed almost entirely of things I stopped enjoying around puberty. PB&J sandwiches, chicken nuggets, bagel bites, and Lunchables all featured prominently. None of those things were going to be available in France.
Maybe a tropical vacation would be better, although Victoria also had an enormous dislike of being too warm. Alaska? No, she hated to be cold, too. Japan? Food issues again, plus a serious language barrier. Then I figured it out.
Disneyworld. It was so obvious I could barely believe it had taken me the better part of two days. Victoria loved princesses, she loved shopping, she loved taking pictures, and the food there would be exactly up her alley. It wasn’t my ideal vacation—I find the Lifesize cartoon characters incredibly creepy, get nauseated by rides, hate crowds, and generally dislike the blatant commercialism of all things Disney—but I knew she would love it. As long as she was happy, I was sure I could be too.
It was with thoughts of the happiest place on earth on my mind that I found myself sitting in the Lone Star Lounge a few days later in the late afternoon. I was researching ‘adult activities’ at Disneyworld when a huge, man-shaped shadow darkened my laptop screen.
“Did you have your recurring Mickey nightmare again?” asked Ward, rounding the table to sit next to me. “You really have some deep psychological issues to fear Mickey, you know that right?”
I hadn’t had my recurring Mickey nightmare in years. Until Ward mentioned it, I’d actually forgotten about it. Thanks for the reminder, dude. In the dream, which I had over and over during a health scare in college, Mickey chased me around with a knife. It always ended with me jumping off a building to avoid him.
“I’m planning a vacation,” I told him, trying to stay focused. The only bad thing about working at the bar on a quiet afternoon was that if Ward didn’t have enough to do, he’d go looking for entertainment. His favorite? Teasing me. Luckily, I was very good at turning his crap back on him. We both enjoyed our little talks.
He raised his eyebrows at me. “So, you’re going to Disneyworld? By yourself? I’m pretty sure they’d put you on a list if you did that.”
I smirked at him. “Not alone.”
Ward gave me a genuinely sympathetic look and shook his head. “You’re going with Cheryl and her brood? Man, that’s not even a vacation. I’m sorry.”
My older sister Cheryl and her husband Rob had seven kids. Seven! And all of them were under the age of eighteen. The kids were all nice and generally well behaved, but with that many, someone was always sick, crying, or fighting. Going to visit them made my real life feel like a vacation. Don’t get me wrong. I like kids. Just not that many of them all at once.
“Thank god no,” I told Ward with a smirk. The idea of going to Disneyworld with all those kids was truly terrifying.
“Who are you going with then?”
“Hopefully Victoria.” I smiled.
Ward didn’t reciprocate my happy smile. Instead, he went very, very still. I could practically hear the gears turning in his brain.
“You’re planning a vacation with Victoria? Is she onboard with that?” His question was tentative, as if concerned I might have lost my mind. Little did he know, I’d never been more mentally healthy in my whole life. Hope does wonders for a guy’s mental health.
; “Not yet, but she will be.” I grinned.
“So…are you two…?” he tried, and then trailed off. He was still looking at me like I was nuts.
I shook my head. “Together again? No. But we will be.”
He looked even more confused and concerned. I was excited enough to enlighten him.
“I’ve got a plan about how to get back with her.” I turned the laptop around showed him the pictures of Rae and I from our ‘date’. He looked at them for a moment, then looked at me, then back at the pictures.
“I really don’t understand.” His eyes were fixed on the computer screen. “That’s the woman from the other night. Rae?”
“Yes. Rae Lewis. She’s going to help me get Victoria back.”
“Does she know that?” Ward sounded incredibly disapproving. I frowned at him.
“Yes. I’m not leading Rae on. We’re in on it together. Give me some credit. Rae and I have a whole plan.” I was somewhat offended that he thought I might be using Rae. She was tough as nails, fully informed, and would be fairly compensated. I refused to feel guilty.
Ward looked like he’d just eaten something sour. “Let me guess. Is it to make Victoria jealous so she’ll take you back?”
“That doesn’t sound nearly as sophisticated as it would have if I’d explained it, but yeah. Basically, that’s the plan.” I sounded defensive. I knew that I did.
Ward stared at me for a moment before letting his eyes wander in silence. He waved Wendy, who was was restocking glasses behind the bar, over to our table. She wandered over warily. The young, bubbly blonde seemed worried Ward was angry with her.
“What’s up?” she asked, looking confused. She glanced over her shoulder at the bar, just as visibly worried she’d miss a customer.
“You’ve met my buddy Lucas, right?” Ward asked Wendy, tilting his head in my direction.
Her chin bobbed up and down, sending her gold curls bouncing around her heart-shaped face. “Yeah, we met a couple of weeks ago. He’s in here all the time.” Her southern accent was thick as molasses.
“Lucas has a plan to get his ex-girlfriend back. I think he’d benefit from an independent, female opinion. Will you listen to his plan really quick and give him your opinion?”
Her gaze pinged back and forth between Ward and me. “Ok. Sure.” She smiled tentatively and relaxed a bit.
I looked at Ward in annoyance and he raised his eyebrows at me. I sighed.
Fine.
The story flowed out of me in a rush. “My girlfriend and I broke up a while back. Call it creative differences, but I know we’re meant to get back together. Rather than waiting on the universe to work its magic, I’ve got a better plan. I’ve found someone who is willing to pretend to be my girlfriend. Once my ex sees me with someone else, I know that she’s going to realize she made a mistake. Then we get back together.”
Wendy stared at me. “Hmm,” she said. Then, when I didn’t say anything else, she frowned. “That’s it?”
I frowned right back at her. “What more do I need?”
My plan was simple, elegant, and I knew it would effective. Victoria was nothing if not possessive. She couldn’t stand it when other women looked at me. Knowing another woman had me would infuriate her. I was sure of it.
“Why did you two break up again?” she asked, perching lightly on the chair across from me.
“Creative differences.” I wasn’t going to be more specific than that. Wendy was a sweet girl, but I barely knew her. I wasn’t about to lay my heart on the table in front of her for critique.
“How will getting back together with her through jealousy fix those, um, creative differences?” she asked.
I smiled. “She’ll realize that they weren’t important after all.”
She looked unconvinced. “But these creative differences were important enough to her to break things off with you in the first place, weren’t they?” Her voice was gentle.
“Obviously yes, but only because she didn’t realize what we had.” I could hear defensiveness in my voice, and I tried to mitigate it by smiling.
“And seeing you with someone else will make her realize that.”
“Exactly.”
“Is she the jealous type?” Wendy asked next.
“Yes.” Ward and I answered in unison. He was obviously holding back some additional comment he wanted to say about Victoria, either to avoid angering me and prejudicing Wendy. Maybe both.
After another moment where Wendy’s blue eyes crawled around my face curiously, she shrugged. “It might work.” Yes! “But it won’t last.” What?
Ward laughed. His smile was victorious.
“Wait, why won’t it last?” I asked Wendy.
She looked at me like I was an idiot. “Because you didn’t address the real problem. Clearly, she had some reason to leave you in the first place. Maybe it’s her fault. Maybe it’s your fault. Probably it’s both of y’all’s fault. But she was unhappy and wanted to go, and so she went. If she comes back without fixing the issues, it won’t last. Once she takes away the source of her jealousy, she’ll be unhappy again.”
I shook my head at her. She clearly wasn’t thinking it through all the way. “But once we’re back together we’ll have another chance to fix everything. We can talk about it and figure out what went wrong.”
“But why didn’t you just do that the first time?” She asked.
“I don’t know. I guess I didn’t listen enough to her complaints.”
Ward rolled his eyes. “Dude, you did nothing but listen to her complaints.”
I glared at him. “I’m talking to Wendy right now,” I snapped. I turned my attention back to the coed in front of me. “Whatever happened the first time around won’t happen again. I’m sure of it.”
She shrugged, rising. “Ok. Well, I gave you my opinion, Lucas. I think you might get her back, but it won’t be the way you want. She’ll just end up leaving again if you don’t fix whatever drove you apart last time.” She paused. “What about the other woman?”
Rae? I shrugged. “What about her?”
“She’s helping you for a reason, you know.” Wendy’s words were slow and gentle, like she was explaining a complex concept to a very small child.
At my side, I felt Ward sit up straight like something very significant had just been shared. I merely shrugged. “I know that. She’s getting something out of it, trust me. I made sure it would be worth her while.” I grinned.
Wendy looked at me carefully, as if trying to decide to give me unsolicited advice. Her blue eyes were curious, but also guarded. We didn’t know each other well. She chose not to push it any further. I could tell this entire conversation was out of her comfort zone.
“Ok. Well good luck!” She headed back to the bar, clearly neither overly invested in my story or concerned about my wellbeing. I had a feeling that she thought I was a bit dim and just not worth the trouble. Ward, however, was now looking at me with an expression of urgency and worry.
“Tell me that made a difference,” he pleaded.
I smiled my most confident smile. Once everything had worked out the way it should, Ward would see. “I’ll think about it.”
It made absolutely no difference whatsoever.
11
Rae
My week in New York felt incredibly long. All I could think about was getting back to Austin. I told myself I was just excited about making the deal, but it wasn’t only that.
I ran into an ex-boyfriend at the grocery store. In the frozen food section, to be specific. All I wanted were some frozen blueberries for my morning smoothies, and sure enough, they were on that aisle. But so was Trent.
“Rae? Wow, how great to see you!” he said, hugging me in the sort of awkward side-hug you would only give an ex-girlfriend. I was still staring at him like a deer in the headlights when he withdrew.
“Hi Trent,” I eventually managed to stutter, feeling grateful beyond belief that I’d put on real pants instead of wearing my pajama bottoms to
the store.
Trent looked the same as he had the last time I saw him, right down to the sharp suit and the wingtip shoes. We’d broken up about a year and a half ago, after he gave me an ultimatum about my job. We’d both exploded as months of small annoyances boiled over into a screaming fight.
He thought I travelled too much. I thought he needed to be more supportive. He wanted to be with someone he could imagine having a future with. I wanted to be with someone who could imagine a future where we could both be successful professionals. He made me choose.
I chose.
And now there was a thin band of gold on his left ring finger.
“How have you been?” Trent asked, treating me to the most cliché of all questions. He smoothed down his already very smooth, dark hair.
I put a big, fake smile on my face. “I’m doing great! Busy as ever. How about you?”
“I’m doing well, too.” He paused. “Actually, I could use some help. What kind of ice cream do you think my wife meant when she said, ‘the monkey kind’? Joanne is pregnant, and she sent me over here to get it for her, but I don’t know which one that is. I don’t want to call her because I just want her to get some rest.”
Well that was obvious. Did he just say that to drive home to me that he’s married and expecting a baby now? What a showoff.
I fought down my inner bitchy cynic. That wasn’t fair. Trent wasn’t that much of a jerk. Besides, somewhere, a pregnant woman named Joanne was depending on me. She already had to be married to Trent and have his baby, so the least I could do was make sure she got the right ice cream. “She means Chunky Monkey, it’s a Ben and Jerry’s favor,” I told him, pointing to the right section.
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