He made a dismissive noise. “No. I really don’t give a shit about her. This is about you, Lucas.” His Arkansas accent was extra strong tonight.
“Cole, I really feel like this is one of those times where you should mind your own fucking business.” Maybe if I was a complete asshole, I could avoid this lecture.
Cole rolled his eyes at me. “Maybe, but I’m not gonna’.”
Well, I tried.
“Alright. Fine. Well lay your sage advice on me quickly so I can get back to the party, will you? I don’t want to leave Rae alone out there for too long.” I drummed my fingers along the worn wooden surface of the desk.
“Worried someone will ask her to dance?” Cole’s tone was teasing.
Maybe. I mean no. Of course not. That’s ridiculous.
I frowned. “I’m worried she and Kate will get into a fight,” I lied. Despite their vastly dissimilar looks, backgrounds, and interests, the two women had disturbingly similar personalities. Rae wasn’t quite as hotheaded as Kate, but she was just as stubborn.
“If she’s as fierce as she looks, they’ll probably be best friends by the time we get back,” Cole asserted. “Birds of a feather and all that.” I had to concede that was just as likely.
“Yeah you might be right.”
We both smirked and then lapsed into silence. After a moment I tapped my watch rudely.
Cole looked me square in the eye. “Victoria doesn’t love you.”
Shit. Don’t sugar coat it, buddy.
I blanched, but my tone was ice cold. “Fuck you Cole.”
Cole’s expression was mild. “Whatever, I’m right. Apparently, you need someone to tell you the truth, and I’m the unlucky sonofabitch who cares enough about you to do it. She doesn’t love you. She maybe loved you once, but she’s been banging groupies from coast to coast for the last year and a half. And she was cheating on you before that too. She dumped you so she wouldn’t have to feel guilty about it anymore.”
I knew Victoria had been cheating off and on for some time before she left. I’d looked the other way. This wasn’t news. What was news was that Cole knew about it. Did everyone know? The thought wasn’t pleasant.
“None of that matters,” I told him, trying to refocus myself. “We’re going to do better the second time around.”
“Why do you want Victoria so badly when all she ever did was treat you like shit?”
He didn’t understand. Nobody did. Victoria had saved my life. She had given me something to live for after I found out I was going to live.
“It’s not rational,” I admitted. “I just do.” I wasn’t going to defend myself to Cole on this. There was nothing to defend.
“You’ve clearly got a thing for Rae.” Cole kept throwing these statements out like they were the truth.
“Why would you even think that?”
“You’re not exactly subtle, you know that, right?”
I’m subtle. I’m as fucking subtle as a stalking jungle panther… wasn’t I?
“Rae’s very pretty, sure. I’m not denying that.” It wasn’t like I could. “But I’m in love with Victoria.”
“Rae wants you.”
I paused, looking for a snippy comment to cover my shock. I laughed lightly. “I suppose she’s not subtle either?”
“Not really, no. Both of you are a lot more obvious than either of you seem to think.” He paused. “Plus, Emma and Kate agree with me.”
Aha! He was in league with them. That explains everything.
“Did they put you up to this?”
“Actually, Kate thought this was a terrible idea.”
I blinked. “Really?” Since when was Kate so damn reasonable? She was usually the queen of overreaction.
“Kate said that you would just double down on your shitty ideas like you always do because you think you’re always right. She said that the more I try to convince you, the more stubborn and stupid you’ll be. I told her that you were too rational and smart for that. Was I wrong?”
Yeah. Probably. I’m surprised that came from Kate, but it does sound like me.
I didn’t answer, I just stared at him. Eventually, perhaps sensing defeat, Cole got up from his tiny chair.
“Hate me if you want, Lucas, but I’m just trying to help you. Don’t lose your chance with Rae over someone that doesn’t want or deserve you.”
I wasn’t able to respond, so I just continued to stare at Cole as he turned and left the office. I’d given Cole plenty of advice over the years. Some of it he’d taken, and some of it he ignored. I’d like to think that most of it was pretty good.
This was the first time he’d ever—ever—given me relationship advice of any kind. Cole wasn’t that type. He wouldn’t give me unsolicited advice for no reason. That told me that he really, truly believed what he said. For that reason alone, I couldn’t just discount what he was telling me.
But if Cole was right, or even half right, it would mean everything I was doing was wrong.
I needed to get back to Rae before it was too late.
26
Lucas
“No listen. There was a guy following you this way. I came this way because he looked creepy. He was wearing an ugly green tie. Didn’t you see him?” My buddy Ian was talking to Wendy when I emerged from the office. Ian was on his hands and knees in the hallway.
“I don’t see anyone creepy but you,” she answered.
“I’m not the creepy guy. I was trying to stop the creepy guy… Will you help me up? I seem to have tripped.”
“I’m not coming over there.”
“Please?”
“Um, no.” Wendy looked unimpressed.
“But you’re so pretty. Like an angel. Angels are supposed to be helpful.” Ian seemed honestly confused about being on the ground, and unable to get up.
“I don’t know you. Stay back. You’re very drunk,” she said to him, keeping away several feet, probably to give herself room to run.
“I’m not drunk.” He slurred. “I haven’t had hardly anything to drink tonight.” He tried to get up on his feet again and failed.
“I don’t believe you.”
“No, it’s true.”
Wendy, who had clearly just been coming back from the bathroom, looked horrified by the scene before her. I wanted to get back to Rae, but there was no way I was leaving Wendy unattended with drunk Ian. He was harmless, but she had no way of knowing that. Although she could easily just walk around him, it was also obvious that she wouldn’t.
“You need help,” she told him. “You definitely need some help.” She looked unsure about what to do. Her eyes flashed around the darkened hallway, looking for someone to assist her.
“Jesus Christ, Ian. You do need help,” I added, surprising both Ian and Wendy. She looked at me in obvious relief.
“Hi Lucas. You know this guy?”
I frowned. “Unfortunately. He’s clearly partied a bit too hard. Can you go in the other room and get the tall guy wearing a blue shirt? He’s got glasses that look kind of like mine. His name is Ryan. We’ll get him home.”
“Ok,” she carefully stepped around Ian. She was almost past him when he popped up and grabbed her wrist.
In a movement faster than I could follow, Wendy twisted her wrist and used her leg to spin and then pin Ian by the throat with her stiletto heel. She’d gone from standing and walking to kneeling down on his chest with her shoe against his neck in the blink of an eye. Ian made a strangled, surprised little gurgle.
What the fuck? Wendy? Sweet little Wendy just did that?
I blinked in disbelief, but the scene was unchanged when I opened my eyes. Yeah, she’d just done that. “Holy shit Wendy!”
Wendy looked up at me like she was surprised to find herself pinning down a drunk. She stood up gracefully and smoothed down her pink skirt, stepping around him carefully and with as much dignity as she could. She left him prone on the ground. Her movements all looked simple enough, but she performed them with such speed and precisi
on that there were clearly years of martial arts training in her past. I never would have guessed.
Wendy was a secret badass.
“Don’t touch me,” she told him in her soft little southern accent. He gurgled something unintelligible. She took that as an affirmative and walked off. “I’ll go get Ryan,” she said over her shoulder.
I blinked after her, looking between her and Ian. He was slumped helplessly in a ball. I had the easy job. He probably wouldn’t put up much more of a fight.
Ryan, Wendy, and I loaded Ian into Ryan’s car ten minutes later.
“Are you sure one trash bag is going to be enough?” Wendy asked Ryan. “I’m pretty sure he’s not going to make it all the way home without throwing up.”
“I’m only going a few blocks,” Ryan said, shaking his head. “You’ll apologize to Ward and Emma for me for leaving early?”
Wendy nodded. “For you, sure. But Ian has to come apologize to them himself.”
Ryan smirked. “That’s only fair. Thanks for your help.”
I waved to him and he drove off. Wendy and I stared at one another.
“You’re a secret ninja,” I told her. My voice was appropriately awed.
“I’m not a secret ninja.” Wendy shook her head. “I just took a few self-defense classes when I was a teenager.”
Yeah sure. That’s exactly what a secret ninja would say.
“Well you definitely put the fear of god into Ian.”
She smiled sweetly. “I sure hope not. I just didn’t want him to touch me.”
“I’m not saying it wasn’t justified. I’m impressed.”
“Really?” Her eyes were wide.
“Really.”
“Well thank you.” The woman was actually blushing.
Wendy really was the real deal. She was every bit as sweet as she seemed. I was comforted by the fact that she had ability to beat down anyone who crossed her, though. The world wasn’t meant for people as innocent and kind as Wendy. I was glad to see that she had a bit of an edge to her.
“How’s your plan going?” Wendy asked when we went inside. “Is your ex-girlfriend super jealous yet?”
I shrugged. Now that I’d come to my senses, I was a bit embarrassed. “I’m not sure it was such a good plan after all.”
Her eyes went wide and concerned. “Really?”
I nodded. “Don’t worry though. I think I know what I need to do.”
“Why didn’t your plan work?” She bit her bottom lip and looked so concerned for me that I needed to comfort her.
“It did. It just didn’t work the way I intended. What I wanted—well, who I wanted, changed. I finally realized what was right in front of me.”
She smiled at me. “Ok. Well, you look really happy, so that’s a good sign. I guess you just needed to figure things out. Good luck!”
If a real, live Disney princess like Wendy can go from zero to ninja, I might need it.
27
Rae
Lucas came back to the table to find Cole, Kate, and I giggling and joking together like best friends. Maybe Kate was just being nice to me for his sake, but I couldn’t remember the last time I’d made a friend so quickly. Usually I clam up when new people are friendly with me, but something about Kate’s good humor was contagious. We exchanged phone numbers and promised to stay in touch before Cole dragged her off to the dance floor. Lucas and I stared awkwardly at each other once they were gone.
“Want to dance, Rae?” Lucas asked the question carefully. He was watching me with a thoughtful expression.
The song that was playing was slow and romantic. I nodded and followed him onto the dance floor. As long as he didn’t expect anything particularly fancy from me, I could dance to this.
“Are you happy here with me?” Lucas asked me as we slow danced. He was a good leader. This wasn’t nearly as bad as I’d feared.
There was nowhere to look but at him. Being back in his arms, held close to his chest and breathing his air, it all just made me feel deprived. This was all a lie. I aimed for a properly flirtatious fake-girlfriend reply. “Of course, I am. You’re my darling boyfriend.” I fluttered my eyelashes at him.
He frowned. “That’s not what I meant.” His voice was soft.
I dropped the act. “What did you mean?”
“I want to know how you’re really feeling. I want to know if you’re happy.”
“Really?” I’m not sure why I felt a bit angry at the question, but I did. “What does it matter how I feel?” I whispered. “You didn’t even care enough about my feelings to keep to our arrangement. You told your friends about us.”
This whole day had been spent making it look like we were the most perfect, happiest couple ever. We were weaving this elaborate lie for one reason. Victoria. This was all for her benefit. Once she got jealous enough, she’d come back to get Lucas. Then he’d leave me in the dust. If it wasn’t for Victoria, Lucas wouldn’t even be speaking to me.
“It matters to me,” he said. His voice was a gentle, whispered rumble. I stared into his huge, beautiful hazel eyes and could barely stand it. “I’m sorry if you feel like I broke my word by telling my friends about our arrangement. I never meant to make you uncomfortable or violate our terms. It just never even occurred to me to lie to them.”
I shook my head. “Whatever.”
“I’m sorry if I made you unhappy.”
I swallowed hard. Don’t let yourself think he really means it. He only wants Victoria. When he kissed you before, he really wanted to be kissing her. When he touched you before, he wanted to be touching her.
“You don’t need to worry about me,” I finally told him. “I’m fine.” I could tell he didn’t buy it.
Besides, if I could be angry at Lucas, I didn’t have to feel so damn guilty.
“Rae—” he started.
“No,” I interrupted. “Don’t. Please. Just let it go.” I heard the vulnerability in my voice and I hated it. Usually I was so good at hiding my real emotions, but Lucas seemed to bring all my feelings to the surface. It was like he could see right through me.
“I can’t. What’s bothering you? It can’t be me telling Cole and Kate about us. You’ve been distant all day. Except for when you were talking to Kate or posing for a picture, you’ve barely smiled today.”
“I’ve been distant? We’ve spoken more in the past twenty seconds than we have all day.”
“I know. I’m sorry.” He paused, and then swallowed hard. “I’ve been having second thoughts.”
My lips parted in shock. “What?”
The song had ended, and Lucas pulled me outside by the hand. I went along numbly. In the quiet of evening, I stared at him in total disbelief.
“Rae,” he told me, “I don’t think I can do this anymore.”
28
Lucas
“I don’t understand Lucas,” Rae told me. Her baby blue eyes were as big as saucers. They blinked at me confusion. “Are you backing out of our deal? That’s why you’ve been strange today?” She nibbled delicately on her full, red bottom lip.
I swallowed hard. This conversation would make or break everything. I had to tread carefully. An unfamiliar nervousness filled my stomach and for once, I couldn’t muster any confidence at all. “No, I’m not going to back out of anything I promised you.”
“Then what do you mean?”
There was bench just outside the door to the Lone Star Lounge and I sat down on it and patted the spot next to me until Rae reluctantly took a seat. She was staring at me uncertainly.
“Have you ever played Blackjack Rae?” I asked.
She slipped off her high heels and wiggled her toes. I could tell she was glad to be out of them. Out of her purse, she produced a pair of flats. She came prepared. I wasn’t surprised.
“I’ve played Blackjack. But what does that have to do with anything?” Her full lips were painted a deep cherry red for the wedding. At the moment those lips were drawn downward in a frown. Only Rae could look so pretty when
she frowned.
I sighed. After my conversation with Cole in which he basically told me I was gigantic asshole with an additional, gigantic asshole for a face, I felt like I needed a better metaphor to talk to Rae. “Just bear with me. You’re familiar with the concept of doubling down, right?”
“Yes. Of course. But I hardly need to play blackjack to know what that is. I watch the news.” She smirked, but it faded quickly.
“When you double down in blackjack, or politics I guess, you’re doing increasingly risky things to try and win.” I looked at the ground in front of me, wishing this were easy. “I’ve been doubling down for past eighteen months. But I’m in too deep. My plan will never work.”
Once the words were out of my mouth, I knew they were true. I’d told Cole that I had everything figured out, but it was pure bullshit. I had nothing figured out. The more I thought I did, the deeper the hole I found myself stuck in.
At least now I knew what an idiot I’d been. But it wasn’t my conversation with Cole that had taught me the truth. It was, of all people, Wendy. Her naïve, painfully innocent outlook on love had cut straight through my wounded, snarky cynicism. At the bottom of all my scheming, beneath all the plots and machinations, there was a deeply flawed premise. Victoria didn’t love me.
Victoria wasn’t coming back. She’d moved on. It was time that I stopped tilting at windmills and did the same.
“What are you talking about Lucas? I saw how jealous Victoria was at the pool. Of course, it will work.” Her voice was firm.
I shook my head. “No, it won’t. She doesn’t love me. And by doubling down on her, I’ve put something else at risk. Something I can’t afford to lose.”
She frowned. “I’m not going to do anything with your stock certificates. I promise.” Rae didn’t get it. This was not about business.
I reached for her hands. “I’ve put you at risk Rae. I don’t want to lose you.”
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