Even Now

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Even Now Page 1

by Hugo Claus




  Hugo Claus

  Even Now

  from Registration [1948]

  For the Poet Antonin Artaud

  Among us, the strays, the strangers,

  the ones who never landed, the deranged,

  a pale captain has died.

  I see the arteries in his temples

  no longer throbbing.

  His face, a carved paving stone,

  has finally stopped moving.

  That we are scarred for life

  is clear to them, the balanced souls,

  the undisturbed characters,

  in all their level hours.

  They broke his fragile back.

  They locked him up with a chair and bread and straw.

  They called him mad and sick.

  They pitied him.

  I will meet him still

  under bridges, in the empty train station.

  He will put his arm around my shoulder.

  Towards morning he starts drilling,

  shaking my fibres,

  until I scream, Artaud, Artaud.

  I see the arteries in his temples

  no longer throbbing.

  Break the belt of impotence.

  Crack the shell of infertility.

  My dead greyhound, my ravaged tower,

  my bleeding, stillborn,

  burnt-out man, Antonin Artaud.

  from Without Due Process [1950]

  I

  We’ve known it now for centuries,

  that the moon is dangling by a thread

  attached to heaven, hell or nothing at all.

  That the thick blue paint of night

  is drooping down into the streets

  to wrap around you like a deep blue robe

  this evening when you head for home,

  dawdling ne’er-do-wells, theatre and recital-goers,

  nighthawks, people who are alive,

  and that the night will soon be washed away

  like cheap blue ink from years ago

  and afterwards the pale, pink skin

  of heaven, hell or nothing at all

  will shine through and no longer pale,

  especially not the pink nothing like a girl’s

  soft and salty sex,

  and afterwards heaven and hell and nothing at all

  will dry out, go mouldy and decay,

  just as old loves and bad habits,

  doses of the clap, faithful pieces of furniture

  and bunkers from pre-1914 must die,

  with no one’s help, in a corner, on a sandstone slab,

  like cunning old crabs must die.

  III

  In autumn and in wet winters

  there are days when nothing happens

  in the house. Nothing except breaking the past,

  like breaking a day that’s passed in glass,

  like melting chunks of pond ice,

  so that its number’s up, the past’s, its number is up.

  But the past and today just won’t lie down,

  they turn circles on a carousel, joining hands,

  becoming weeks again and months and finally seasons.

  There are days

  that the clocks of every tower in the land

  run half an hour slow

  and not one of those winter people notices,

  and the lost half hours, saved by no one,

  ride through villages and towns, unseen, behind trams

  and horse-drawn carts and clump together to form a day,

  the way that snow makes a man of ice,

  a day of ice for the lonely,

  for whom every night is holy

  like tonight.

  from The Joyous and Unforeseen Week [1950]

  1

  It can rain and it can blow,

  but the magpie still speaks on Sunday,

  the day of dogs and the blind.

  Oh, Sun-sham-day.

  To the wooden priest in his box

  I whisper, For me, defused, deactivated,

  deadened, despairing,

  this day is no valid reason.

  4

  Beside the water where the grass grows

  like the hair of dead women

  the girls lie on Friday nights,

  surprising passers-by with a glimpse

  of thighs in stockings with a sailor

  in between.

  Unshakeable confidence

  steals up on you then, oh, Freya-day stroller,

  you wide-branching bridegroom.

  from Bounds [1955]

  Home

  Father was eating partridge and Mother wasn’t there

  and me and Joris were talking murder

  and fleeing and which trains to take

  when the sun rolled into the loft

  and lay there shining in the hay.

  Father cursed and said, God sees me.

  Joris fled

  and I kept playing with the trains

  which ran across the floor

  on electricity.

  from A House Between Night and Morning [1953]

  Exercises

  7

  Tonight, the whatever of May, at nine p.m.,

  On the dirt road past the young and rustling corn,

  In the froth of the summer rain,

  I was misfortunate enough to think of you.

  I thought:

  If you’re gone, if you desert,

  If you want to be dead to me,

  If you want to cower in the brothel of forgetfulness

  With your arms over your head,

  If you want to walk off unnoticed from one day into the next,

  If you want to play with memory’s pearls,

  Tying memory around your neck like a wreath.

  I thought:

  Where will be the grace in life’s bird cry,

  Where will be the grace in day after day of

  Swollen sickening time?

  Gistel By Bruges

  Village of cows and willows,

  Church tower and rhododendrons in rows.

  In a curtain of rain

  In a fold of the sky and in the light,

  The bronze mayor sits on a bronze box.

  Moss from the palm of your hand,

  Rain from the whites of your eyes,

  Hedge tops from your lashes,

  Hills of ochre from your breast,

  And the folds of the whole country from your body.

  And the ringed bulls bellow

  Through the circle of hay to the open fields,

  But the nearby cows don’t make a sound.

  A Rendezvous

  Again you say, Bye and Goodnight,

  Words that come at me with the crooked gait

  Of the tortoise in the kitchen.

  The fourteen monkeys in the garden

  Cower under the rhubarb leaves,

  Huddling together to weep in the rain.

  The wire that clangs against the smoke-stained walls

  When the wind gets up.

  The last cigarette. The smoke. The ash.

  We have got 30 years left to live

  And then centuries.

  The lift starts up. The footsteps in the hall.

  I tremble briefly. You’re caged in now

  And won’t get past me again.

  I Write You Down

  My woman, my pagan altar,

  Which I caress and play with fingers of light,

  My young wood, my wintering place,

  My tender, unchaste, neurasthenic sign,

  I write your breath and body down

  On lined music paper.

  And in your ear I promise brand-new horoscopes,

  Preparing you again for trips around the world

  And a stay som
ewhere up on an alp.

  But with gods and constellations,

  Eternal happiness can grow deathly tired,

  And I have no home, I have no bed,

  Not even flowers for your birthday.

  I write you down on paper

  While you swell and bloom like an orchard in July.

  Behind Bars

  Saturday Sunday Monday sluggish week and weakened days

  A still-life a landscape a portrait

  A woman’s brows

  Closing as I approach

  The landscape with blond calves wading a river

  Where the season of compassion is burnt

  Into the Prussian blue of the fields

  Then I painted another still-life

  With unrecognisable brows and a mouth like a moon

  With a spiral like a trumpet of redemption

  In the Jerusalem of my room.

  An Angry Man

  No house too black

  For me to live in

  No morning too bright

  For me to wake up in

  As in a bed

  That’s how I live and watch in this house

  Between night and morning

  Walking on fields of nerves

  And digging my nails into every

  Uncomplaining body that approaches

  Saying chaste words like

  Rain and wind apple and bread

  Dark and viscous blood of women

  Caligula

  Where later radishes and mignonette will flower

  In May that is

  In a garden by the tracks of a country train

  The wind

  Is freezing now in December

  And in that wind without light without shepherds without birds

  Without any chance at all a foal has frozen to death

  I’ve brought it here and put it under glass

  I gaze away the days and hours

  (That pass me by on the wide path

  Of this existence which reasonably

  We tread in sin with no great deeds)

  And wait until thankful and thawed

  The foal looks up and speaks its first word.

  from Tancredo Infrasonic [1952]

  Las Hurdes

  We know neither bread nor meat

  We sleep on leaves that turn to compost for our stony land

  Our houses have no windows

  And in our village there are 14 dwarves and 30 idiots

  It rains and our levees leak

  It doesn’t rain We pray and our earth stays dry

  Like our skin

  Like our throats that swell and crack

  He who is our father is our lover

  And our mothers die young

  Shame is our portion

  Disgrace our daily meal

  Our faces are rank with weeds

  We look into your camera We are real

  And you are right to say, “They are Las Hurdes.”

  West Flanders

  A gaunt song a dark thread

  Land like a sheet

  That sinks

  Springtime land of milk and farms

  Willow-wood children

  Feverish summer land when the sun

  Spawns its young in the corn

  Golden enclosure

  With the deaf-and-dumb farmers at their dead hearths

  Praying to God to “forgive us

  His trespasses against us”

  With the fisherman burning in their boats

  With the mottled animals the frothing women

  Who sink

  Land I dawn in you My eyes are shards

  I am in Ithaca with holes in my skin

  I borrow your air when I speak

  Your bushes and lindens concealed in my words

  My letters are West Flanders: dune and polder

  I drown in you

  Land you are a gong in my skull and at times

  Later in ports

  A conch: May and beetle Dark bright

  Earth.

  Bye

  A morning like always your house is empty

  We count and one by one the days

  Step into the cage

  One sees I see you see

  The hidden animals in the cool mirror see

  This keeps it buried

  The knife that rusts the blood that clots

  The bricks porous the milk sour

  One says you say

  With a blinded voice a frozen gesture

  Bye

  Bye dear children bye.

  from The Oostakker Poems [1955]

  Bitter tastes

  Bitter tastes the herb of memory.

  Artillery, chunks of phosphorus,

  Chalky stubble turnips surround the house and who

  Is not watching there, unchaste sentinels waiting for the sign

  Of the burning bush, of the horn,

  Of the helmeted weathercock of hate?

  One step and monkeys start swinging, slithering,

  Sliding in on fingers,

  Forcing entry into my resting blood. Living there swiftly,

  Living there slowly. Until it burns in the hay of all words,

  Until it burns in the bygone field, the drowned days and

  Their fermenting corn.

  The Singer

  The singer is not free

  But fast and scornful and skimming the peaks like a pond.

  He is not free because his transfixed cascade

  And worm-eaten wood resound in his throat, tongue and mouth.

  Let loose in his skin, this house,

  The singer greets neither cuckoo nor bird catcher

  Nor the furtive watchers in the low country.

  The singer is his song.

  The Mother

  There is no me, no me but in your earth.

  When you cried out your skin shivered

  And my bones caught fire.

  (My mother, imprisoned in her skin,

  Changes by the measure of the years.

  Her eyes are pale, escaped from the urging

  Of the years by looking at me and calling me

  Her joyful son.

  She was no bed of stone, no feverish beast,

  Her joints were a litter of kittens,

  But my skin stays unforgivable to her,

  The crickets in my voice unmoving.

  “You have outgrown me,” she says slowly,

  Washing my father’s feet, then falling silent

  Like a woman without a mouth.)

  When your skin cried out my bones caught fire.

  You laid me down, I can never bear this image again,

  I was the welcome but murderous guest.

  And now, in manhood, I am a stranger to you.

  You see me approaching and you think, “He is

  The summer, he shapes my flesh and keeps

  The dogs in me alert.”

  While you die on your feet every day, not with me,

  Apart, there is no me, no me but in your earth.

  Turning inside of me, your life is lost, you won’t

  Come back to me, I cannot recover from you.

  A Father

  Dancing or defeated,

  Imprisoned in human warmth, we are already slowing

  In the thickets of disinclination, in the contaminated fields,

  Following on the heels of the mutilated, who whisper.

  Their lips dry in the sun, the late sun.

  We hear the dusk, we hear

  The daily rattle from the scaffold,

  We hear the flayed cub, we hear

  The Jew burning in the bush and the crippled nun,

  The judge’s sisters, god-fearing and voluptuous,

  The heathens in the park, the raven shooters and the crusaders.

  We hear them all.

  A beak eats out of our mouths.

  A tropic encircles our blood.

  And under the linden, dewy in its shade,


  The father lies for days, days on end, unswayable,

  Watching his worn-down children.

  A Virgin

  Between clouds and royal ferns

  The mares will ride tonight in the white field

  Growing whiter.

  Between thorns and rhododendrons the farmers beat

  The children who came too soon.

  And where the black iron maiden

  Subdues me

  The tower shudders, the holy signs tremble.

  Listen:

  “I am the fatal mother, desire me,

  implore me, awaken in my sun — I

  Will be with you till your breath fails.”

  Listen: “You will not heal but live

  On the edge of my life.

  In sand, you will acknowledge me.”

  In a harbour

  That breathes like a woman,

  Not restlessly but endlessly,

  Her body flutters,

  And where she swells all buttons snap,

  All skins peel.

  Where she swells I surrender, foundering in her bucking

  Boats, her rising triumph,

  Her sinking, slackening, sailing inland sea.

  A Woman

  1

  Hair roaring with laughter,

  Seagull eyes, a pouch on her belly,

  A mother or another traitor,

  Who knows this scorching woman?

 

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