by J. A. Owenby
I slid my hands along his back, allowing the tips of my nails to dig into his skin. I tugged on his shirt until he released me long enough to slip it over his head and toss it on the floor. I ran my hands over his bare skin as he kissed me. Our tongues danced as we rocked together. I reached for the hem of my shirt and slowly pulled it over my head. The cold air brushed across my breasts as Walker pulled back for a moment to look at me. I searched his face for some kind of clue to move forward. This was the first time I’d been half-undressed with him. My heart knocked against my chest as I waited for his signal. I needed him to do or say something before I put my shirt back on and ran.
“You’re going to undo me,” he muttered as he lowered himself down on me.
We were skin to skin, and the heat from our bodies made me want to finish what we’d started.
He dipped his head down between my breasts and kissed me. My breathing quickened as he took me into his mouth. His tongue flicked across my nipple as he cupped my other breast. I tilted my hips to him, trying to bring him closer.
His breath was hot against my skin as he rose up and released the button on my jeans and unzipped them. We rolled over onto our sides as he continued to flick his tongue across my nipples, one then the other. I was barely conscious of his other hand slowly making its way across my stomach and down to my panties.
“Don’t stop,” I whispered in his ear as I dug my fingers into his back.
His kiss became more urgent as he slipped his hand into my jeans and over the thin lace of my panties, and I moved against his hand as he slowly began making small circles with his fingers against my core. I pushed down my jeans so they weren’t in the way.
“You’re so wet,” he whispered as he moved my panties to the side and made contact with my bare skin. Nothing was in the way of his hand and me.
I moaned as he dipped his finger inside me and his thumb circled against my clit. My breaths became ragged as he slipped another finger inside me. I moved my hips with his fingers, taking him in, and wanting more.
I reached down and unbuttoned his jeans. He groaned as I released him and ran my hand along his shaft.
He shifted and allowed me more access as he kissed my neck and worked his magic on me.
I wrapped my hand around him and stroked him in rhythm with his fingers as they slid in and out of me.
“Oh my God. I need you,” I whispered. “I need you now.”
Our breathing came in jagged, desperate gasps as we touched each other. I tightened my hold on him as I stroked him faster.
“No, baby, not yet—you first. Come for me. Come on baby, let it go,” he whispered in my ear.
Chills shot down my spine as I arched up against his hand. His warm mouth covered my breast and I exploded against his hand. I gripped the blanket tightly as he continued his rhythm. Even though I was super sensitive from my release, I didn’t want him to stop. I wanted him inside of me, all of him.
I continued stroking him as I nuzzled his ear.
“Walker, come with me this time.”
“Oh God, you’re driving me crazy,” he said as he ground his hips against my hand.
“Are you ready?” I asked, pumping him harder. “Come with me, baby.”
He buried his face in the pillow as his hot fluid spilled over my hand. I stroked him faster as he moaned into the bed. His release peaked mine and once again I arched against his hand and released with him.
We relaxed together as he kissed my cheek. He eased his fingers out of me and I wrapped my legs around him. He throbbed against the inside of my leg, and I reached down to stroke him.
“Lace, I don’t think this is a good idea.”
“Why?” I asked, kissing him along his neck.
“I want you to make this decision when we aren’t mostly naked.”
“I have—I love you.”
“You’ve been through so much lately, I need you to be sure,” he said and stroked my cheek with his fingers.
I adjusted my pillow and met his eyes.
“I’m sure. I have no doubt in my mind.”
“It’s not going to be the same as what we just did. It’s going to hurt and I don’t know if I can stand hurting you right now with everything else going on. I don’t want you to ever second-guess how much I love you. We don’t have to just because I’m leaving. We can wait.”
“I don’t want to wait anymore. I want you and no one else. I don’t want you leaving for boot camp and questioning me, either. I want you to think back to this moment, our first time together, and let it help you get through every difficult time ahead.”
Walker let me go and rolled over onto his back as he opened his nightstand and grabbed a condom. It was the first time I’d seen him completely naked. My breath caught as my eyes traveled over his chest, down his stomach, and down to him. He was larger than I thought, and hard again.
I bit my lip thinking about him being inside me, but then I remembered a few minutes ago when we came together. I wanted that with him again. Walker would take care of me. I realized it would hurt, but I trusted him to be as gentle as he could.
He rolled the condom over the length of him.
“Are you sure?” he asked. His voice was rough with emotion and need.
“I’m sure.”
“Okay, I’m going to try and make this as gentle as I can.”
I nodded. He slowly lowered himself on top of me, the full length of his body against mine. I slid my hands down his back and dug my fingers into his ass.
“I’m going to take care of you first,” he said as he lifted up my leg to position us better. Then he grinned.
He took both of my breasts in his hands and squeezed gently. His tongue darted across my nipples, teasing them again. I ran my fingers through his hair and arched into his wet mouth.
Walker trailed soft kisses down my stomach and continued to play with my nipples as he spread my legs apart. His hands kneaded the inside of my thighs.
He ran his tongue slowly along the inside of my thigh. I throbbed with need. He brushed his thumb over my clit and I gasped. His hot breath brushed across my bare skin as he paused for a moment and glanced up at me. I gripped the blanket in anticipation of his mouth. Finally, he dipped his head between my legs and ran his tongue over my clit as his finger entered me. I tried to raise my body up to meet him, but he pinned my hips against his mattress. His tongue caressed me as his finger slipped in and out of my wet core.
He sucked and licked my clit until I twisted underneath him. I needed him inside me.
“I need you inside me,” I said breathlessly.
He sucked harder as his rhythm picked up.
“Baby, I can’t . . . I’m gonna . . . Oh God . . .”
I grabbed his hair as he caressed me with his tongue. I wouldn’t last much longer. If we were going to do this, it needed to be now.
Walker pulled away, nestling himself between my legs, and met my gaze.
“Are you sure?” He repositioned himself on the bed so he was on all fours above me.
I answered him with a kiss.
He paused for a minute, cupping my breast and kissing me deeply, and then slid his hand down and massaged my clit again. I was still wet.
“I just wanted to make sure you’re ready,” he whispered.
I nodded. I could feel him at my entrance, and there was a moment of intense pressure as he pushed inside me a little bit.
I gasped as I dug my fingers into his skin. He was right: it hurt. He eased in more as I accommodated him. Once fully inside me, I wrapped my legs around him and lay still. He didn’t move either.
“You’re so beautiful, Lacey. I love everything about you. I love your heart, your mind, and now your body. I’m the luckiest guy alive.”
I smiled as I leaned up to kiss him. He responded and pulled on my lower lip with his teeth as he began to rock his hips. His kiss deepened as he gently picked up his pace. He was taking extra care to make it worth me saying yes. I loved him for that. I loved him fo
r loving me. It wasn’t as much about the sex as it was my needing to be as close as possible to him. I wanted to give him the one thing I could never give to anyone else. I wanted to love him in every way possible, and I was doing just that.
This was a moment I could never change and never get back. I closed my eyes and tried to relax as I gave myself completely over to him.
“Are you okay?” he whispered.
“Yeah,” I muttered.
“Okay, good. I was afraid I’d really hurt you.”
I answered him with a slight tilt of my hips as I dared to take him a little deeper. My nails dug into his back and he responded with a moan as I tentatively rocked back and forth with him.
Walker trailed light kisses down my neck as our fingers intertwined and we maintained a slow and steady rhythm together. The pain eased the longer we were together and my body molded to him.
“My God,” he whispered. “Lace—”
“—I love you,” I whispered as Walker tensed and released as I tightened my legs around him.
Afterward, we lay quietly against each other, not wanting to ruin the moment by speaking. I’d done it. I’d given Walker my virginity and I didn’t regret it one bit.
Chapter 29
It was strange sitting at the dinner table with Susan, Linda, Garrett, and Walker after what Walker and I had just done in his room. I wondered if anyone could tell, or if I was acting differently. My heart swelled as I glanced at Walker. I loved him in a way I’d never loved anyone before. I finally belonged to someone who wanted me and loved me in return. I might have a crappy home life, but Walker and his family were quickly becoming mine.
After dinner, Walker and I cleaned the kitchen and washed the dishes.
“How are you doing?” he asked.
“Sore, but I guess that’s pretty normal.” I smiled at him. My cheeks warmed with the thought of everything we’d done in his bed. A flutter of heat traveled through me as I gazed at him. I stood on my tiptoes and brushed my lips against his.
“I love you muches and muches and muches,” he whispered.
I didn’t notice as he reached behind himself, dipped his hand in the sink, and doused me with soapy water. I giggled as I turned the faucet on cold, grabbed the sprayer, and let him have it. He laughed as he wrestled it from my hands and turned it back on me. My hair and T-shirt were soaked by the time Susan made it to the kitchen to find out what all the commotion was about.
She stood in the doorway, smiling, and shook her head.
“You two clean it up,” she said as she made her way back to the living room.
We burst into giggles as Walker picked me up and twirled me around. Every time I thought times with him couldn’t get better, they did.
“We better get you out of that wet shirt,” Walker said as he raised an eyebrow at me.
I giggled as I backed away and put my hands in front of me, warding off his threats of tickling me. Right as his fingers met my side the phone rang. I froze in place. The last time Walker’s phone rang it was bad news. Although the afternoon had been incredible, there was the constant nagging of the real life that was waiting for me to return so it could chew me up and spit me out.
“Hey, Joss,” Walker said into the phone. “Just a minute, she’s right here.”
I sighed with relief and leaned against the kitchen wall to steady myself.
“It’s okay, it’s just Joss,” Walker said, turning to me. “You can take it in my bedroom and I’ll clean up the kitchen.”
“No, I helped make the mess. Wait a minute and I’ll help.”
I walked into his bedroom and picked up the phone.
“Hey,” Joss said.
“Hey yourself, how are you?”
“Good, but I got a little worried when I called your house six times and no one answered. Are you okay?”
“Well, it’s been a hell of a night and day.”
I filled her in on how Krissy had caught Walker and me in the parking lot after work, how she’d told Mama about us, Mama’s seizure, and Walker getting in Krissy’s face. Joss remained silent as I told her one event after another.
“Are you going to go back to the hospital?”
“Yeah, I need to visit Mama and find out when she’s coming home. I haven’t heard from anyone since the doctor said we could see her.”
“Lacey, you can stay with me while she’s in the hospital if you want. You can always stay here if you need us.”
“Thanks—I love you for being an amazing friend. I don’t think I’ll be going home until she’s back.”
“Are you staying at Walker’s?”
“Honestly, I’m not sure. We haven’t talked about it.”
“Okay, well if you can’t, just call me and tell me you’re coming over. Mom and I rented some movies so we can hang out if you want.”
“I’ll let you know.”
I hung up the phone and returned to a clean and dry kitchen. I found Walker, Linda, and Susan watching TV and sat down next to Walker on the couch. He put his arm around me and I leaned into him and got comfortable.
I’d told Joss everything except that I’d slept with Walker. I didn’t want to tell anyone yet. I just wanted to keep it between Walker and myself for now. I needed something to hold on to over the next few days; something special that no one could take from me.
Susan said I could stay as long as I needed to. I promised to make myself useful: help clean, run errands, and help Garrett with homework. She opened her home to me and I wanted to let her know I appreciated it. I’d never really be able to tell her how much it all meant to me, but I was going to try.
I mentally reviewed my finances and decided I could swing taking some time off until Walker left for the military.
“Hey,” I said. “Can I use your phone? I need to call work.”
“You don’t have to ask, Lace,” Walker replied.
I slipped out from under his arm and went into the kitchen to call work. I told them Mama was in the hospital and requested a few weeks off. I promised to keep them updated on when I would return.
I sighed as I replaced the receiver. Walker had already given notice to his job so he could spend his last weeks with his family. Even though I was worried about Mama, now I had some extra time with him too.
It was 11 p.m. when Walker and I settled into bed. This time, we didn’t snuggle. We made love again and it hurt a little less. Afterward, he wrapped me in his arms and I fell asleep listening to his soft breathing.
Chapter 30
The next morning, I woke and showered before Walker could see my makeup smeared and hair in every direction. Not that he hadn’t before, but I was also sore and wanted a hot shower and a few minutes alone.
I turned on the water and let it warm up as I slipped out of my clothes. I stared at myself naked in the mirror. I was different; maybe no one could see it, but something new stirred inside me. Not just physically, but emotionally. Whatever it was, Walker loved me and that in itself gave me hope. I believed in myself a little bit more.
There were moments I was still confused and went back and forth about who was right, Mama or Linda. Was I actually possessed, or was Mama sick? Sometimes I believed Linda, but other times fear taunted me with the possibility that I’d caused Mama’s seizure and that she was right. But somewhere inside me, a glimmer of hope flickered, and I began to think there was a possibility I wasn’t possessed. If I was, how could I love someone so much? And how could I love Susan and Garrett? How could I still love Mama no matter what happened?
After Linda talked to me that day, I’d read the material she’d given me concerning mental illness. The more time I took to digest it and think about Mama’s behavior, the more it sank in that something was wrong. We weren’t normal, but everyone was too terrified to say anything.
I’d also continued my research at school, since the college library allowed me the time and privacy I needed. I’d grabbed some books and read up on demon possession. Maybe I couldn’t explain some of my
behavior all the time, but I didn’t do the things that the books described.
Even with all the information I’d gained, however, when you’re told for almost half your life that you’re possessed, that fear doesn’t dissipate overnight. A few weeks of new information doesn’t erase years of a mom who loves you one second and screams at you the next. It lingers like the fog until small rays of sunlight pierce through it.
It was almost ironic: right when everything around me was falling apart, the most amazing guy had strolled into my life.
I dressed, fixed my hair, and applied my makeup. The house was still quiet, so I made coffee and started breakfast for everyone. I heard Susan’s oxygen tank move across the floor as she made her way to the kitchen.
I pulled the kitchen chair out for her and helped her get situated. She smiled as I brought her a cup of coffee.
I finished the pancakes and bacon and piled everything on a big plate, set the table, and sat down to wait for Walker and Garrett.
“We shouldn’t wait for them,” Susan said.
“Really?”
“Yeah, my mouth is watering.” She grinned as she grabbed a few pancakes and drizzled syrup over them. I did the same and giggled. We were like two silly girls sneaking around, and for some reason, it struck me as funny.
“How are you?” I asked between bites.
“Everything considered, I’m doing okay. I’m sorry your mom is in the hospital. Do you plan on visiting her today?”
I played with my pancakes as I nodded. I recognized it was the right thing to do, even if I didn’t want to.
“Yeah. I need to find out if the doctors have figured out anything.”
“I know I’ve already said it, but you can stay as long as you need, even after Walker leaves for the military.”
“What? No, I couldn’t impose.”
“You’re not imposing. It’d be nice if you stayed some, for Garrett and myself. Honestly, I could use your help if you’re open to it. Maybe some with Garrett. I realize you have a full course load at school and you work, but it would still be really nice to have you around.”