by Di Morrissey
He swung around and saw her standing there.
Lara lifted an arm and waved at him to come towards her. Although she was holding a rifle, it wasn’t a threatening gesture. She called him to her again.
He lowered his gaze and simply stood there, and Lara had the impression the old man was crying. She went to him, touched his arm and gently tugged him back along the path.
He followed meekly and when they reached the picnic seat he slumped and Lara sat beside him.
‘I wasn’t going to hurt you,’ he mumbled.
‘Why’d you do that? What are you doing here?’
‘Figured it’d be best to do away with m’self. Couldn’t face it. After all these years.’
‘Well, I’m glad you didn’t. Who’d you think was going to find me?’ said Lara briskly. He wasn’t to know no one knew where she’d gone. Then more gently she asked, ‘Why did you leave the notes? How did you know what I was doing?’
‘Historical society. I went in there every Tuesday as a volunteer. Saw you in there, heard them talking about you. Had ’em all looking for stuff.’
‘Well, they didn’t find anything of much use. What’s the real story, Thommo? The truth?’
He didn’t answer but sat there twisting his hands.
‘I need to know. It’s really important to me,’ said Lara.
He straightened. ‘Me and Clem went through good times and bad times. We were mates. I don’t know why I did it, but then it was done. In a minute I ruined all our lives. His family, your mum, her family, buggered them up. And I was too much of a coward to say.’
Lara began to realise the enormity of the weight of guilt this man had carried for years. ‘What did you do, Thommo?’
‘I took the money. From Elizabeth’s desk. I met Clem in the office then Clem stepped out to see someone in the street, Elizabeth was in the lav. I needed the money. I gambled, I had people after me.’ The words rushed out. ‘I was going to square it with them, I swear I was. Then Clem got killed . . .’ he winced, the pain still as fresh as the night it happened.
Lara was struggling to take this in. ‘So Clem never went gambling with you that night? He never took that money? And when he died no one would ever know what you did. Even Clem.’
‘I reckon he knows all right. Never forgive me for it. I get punished every day of my life.’
‘You don’t think if you’d told what you’d done, come clean about it after it happened, that things would have been better?’ asked Lara, trying not to sound accusing.
‘I was scared, love. I didn’t have any money. I was in trouble. And I was sick in the head, I reckon. From the war. We was all different after that. Clem too.’
Lara drew a deep breath. ‘So what did you do?’
‘My father was sick and my mum moved down the coast, I went and lived near there. Haven’t had much of a life. Never married, no kids . . . serves me right, I s’pose.’ He lifted his chin. ‘I gave the Williamses some money but. Saved up and dropped it in their letterbox years later. Harold was a good bloke. Musta been hard for them.’
Lara was silent. Her poor mother. The years she’d slaved away to repay the money that Thommo had stolen. The accusations against her husband, the struggle to raise her daughter on her own. The shame and struggle of her grandparents. She felt a flash of anger, but, looking at this pathetic man, it subsided.
‘What’re you gonna do?’ he said. ‘I couldn’t live with people knowing. I had to live with meself every day. I’ll go away.’
‘I see why you never mixed with anyone from the old days. I thought it strange you didn’t see Clem’s sister Phyllis.’
‘She was a nice little kid. All Clem’s family was. Good people. Even if your mum’s lot didn’t think so. I guaranteed that.’ His shoulders started to shake. ‘Jeez, Clem, mate . . . I’m sorry . . .’
‘Mum, Mum, you along there?’ Dani’s piercing voice echoed along the path.
‘Yes. We’re here,’ Lara shouted back.
Jason and Dani ran towards them but slowed as they saw Lara and Thommo sitting quietly.
‘You all right, Mum?’ Dani dropped a protective arm around her shoulders. Jason took the rifle.
‘Yes, this is Thommo. An old friend of my father’s. He panicked a bit, didn’t mean any harm,’ said Lara.
‘Didn’t mean any harm!’ exclaimed Dani, but stopped as Lara gave her a shut-up gesture.
‘What do you want to do, Lara?’ asked Jason.
‘Go home,’ she answered in a tired voice. ‘Call Tim, they must be worried.’
Lara stood up and they prepared to walk away. Thommo didn’t move.
‘You can’t stay here. Come back with us,’ said Lara.
‘Leave me be. I’ll be along shortly.’ He sounded calmer, if drained, after unloading the guilt of sixty-odd years.
Dani started walking quickly away. ‘Tim, Barney and Helen must be frantic.’
Jason gave Lara a querying look as she stood gazing down at the old man.
Lara briefly touched his bony shoulder. ‘Thank you.’
Jason followed Lara, Dani was racing ahead now she could see by the moon.
‘So was this excursion worth it?’ asked Jason.
‘For me, or him?’ Lara was still sifting through thoughts and feelings. ‘It’s all a bit late, the damage has been done. I feel so badly for my mother. But it’s in the past. I can’t restore my father’s good name. It’s crippled Thommo’s life. What good does it do to tell anyone? Besides, there’s no one to tell.’
The hurt in her voice touched Jason. ‘It sounds like you’ve got a lot of sorting out to do, and things to share with Dani and Tim. There are always unanswered questions. Why people did what they did. We find out stuff too late. Tim will want to know later when he’s interested in family matters.’
‘You’re right. Maybe I should write it all down,’ sighed Lara.
They reached the main track back to the house and Jason dropped his arm around her shoulders. ‘Dani once mentioned you wanted to write a book. Maybe this is it.’
Lara almost smiled. ‘Truth being stranger than fiction? We’ll see. Oh my God, what’s going on?’
In the driveway at Thommo’s house there was a fire truck and a knot of people. Dani raced to them. Sagaro stepped forward.
‘You said to send out the patrol if you didn’t get back. Here we are. The house is empty. Did you find your mother?’
‘That’s her. We went to the falls,’ said Dani lamely.
‘So all’s well?’ asked Sagaro.
‘Thanks, mate,’ said Jason, shaking his hand. ‘Bit of drama but it’s all okay. I think.’
Dani raced to the car and grabbed her mobile. ‘Damn, there’s no reception. I’ll use the phone in the house.’
‘This is Lara,’ said Jason.
‘We’ve met,’ grinned Sagaro. ‘And just as well I remembered who you were looking for.’
‘Thanks so much,’ said Lara.
‘Is the bar still open down at the store?’ asked Jason.
‘Must be, we’re all here, left the joint open,’ said Sagaro.
‘My shout,’ said Jason. ‘For everyone.’ He looked around at the young men leaning against a wildly painted kombi van; the storekeeper, a big bloke with a beard and tattoos astride his motorbike; and the effete-looking Sagaro.
‘See you there.’
Lara’s car was parked around the back of Thommo’s house and so she followed Jason and Dani to the store where party lights strung in a tree had been turned on and a man was playing a guitar.
‘It’s a party!’ laughed Jason.
‘Poor Mum, she’s had a big day. It’s nearly one am,’ said Dani.
As drinks were poured, Dani clinked glasses with Jason. ‘Thanks. You were right, it’s another world up here. But I don’t fancy that drive down the mountain.’
‘You can’t do that,’ said Sagaro. ‘Against the law to drink and drive. We’ll rustle up a couple of beds, no worries. Cheers.’
&nbs
p; Jason and Dani smiled at each other as Sagaro pulled the cork on a bottle of red. ‘They have their own laws up here,’ said Jason.
Much later at Sagaro’s house Lara slept in a room full of violins, a cello and a viola. Helen had asked what had she found out, but Lara had pleaded exhaustion. She fell asleep but woke at dawn. Dani and Jason had been put up at the back of the general store where the storekeeper kept a couple of spare rooms. ‘People crash here a lot,’ he explained.
Lara tiptoed outside, slipped behind the wheel of her car and drove slowly to Thommo’s house.
All was quiet. The shed door was shut. She opened the kitchen door and stepped inside. The rifle was in its place, the tea and biscuits Thommo had made her were still on the table. A cold shiver went down her back as she walked through the little house. She’d left him feeling vulnerable and guilty. Should she have stayed with him? No, she wasn’t going to be responsible for his life. Lara paused at the closed door to a bedroom. Quietly she turned the handle and looked inside.
Thommo was lying on his side on his bed, fully clothed. He’d kicked off his shoes and Lara had a sudden urge to straighten them. She stared at him wondering if he was alive or dead, too afraid to step inside. Then she saw the rhythmic lifting of his chest and an occasional wheezy breath. She closed the door and left the house.
Breakfast at the general store of hamburgers in homemade bread was a subdued affair. Several people from the night before were still there and others had turned up for an early feed to help their hangovers.
Jason and Dani followed Lara down the mountain. Halfway down, as they rounded a bend, through the trees they saw the valley and the river spread before them glistening in the sun.
‘Looks like home to me,’ said Jason.
‘Me too,’ agreed Dani. She tried to imagine herself back in the city. Like the mountain, Sydney seemed a strange planet she’d once inhabited but she couldn’t see herself settling there again. Had her mother settled her family ghosts and would she now return to her pretty suburban home? Who knew. The valley had changed their lives.
19
Cedartown, 1948
THE WINTER SUN WARMED the air and glittered on the creek as Emily and Lara walked slowly towards Isabella Street. Harold watched from the railway yards, pleased to see Emily and the toddler Lara enjoying the fresh air and sunshine. What a difference the little girl made to their lives. Sweet natured, happy and curious she was an absolute joy.
Elizabeth made the trip home to her little girl every holiday, even though the trains were uncomfortably crowded. She always found Lara warm and affectionate towards her, but when unsure of anything she ran to hide behind Emily’s skirt and clutch her hand.
It was on one of these trips home that Elizabeth met up again with an acquaintance of her teenage years, Charlie. Charlie was a good-looking lad who had lived across the valley. As a youth he seemed to be rather shy, and of course he didn’t ask the popular Elizabeth for a dance or an outing once she’d become known as Clem Richards’ girl. She’d always known him as just one of the gang of local boys, and had sent him cheerful letters about hometown doings when he was away at the war. It was a duty of the local girls to write to several of the boys. Charlie had been a POW in Changi and had come back to Cedartown to recuperate. He’d worked in the local sawmill and driven a milk truck, but was now planning to move to Sydney to try his luck. Several of his army mates had great dreams and schemes for cashing in on the postwar building and industrial boom, and he thought he might throw his lot in with one of them. Plenty of jobs for willing workers, he told Elizabeth.
A chance meeting where he’d thanked her for her letters – though he got them all at once after he’d got home from Singapore – had led to them sharing their feelings and frustrations of those years, and some of the difficulties of postwar life. It led to a whirlwind romance and when Charlie travelled to Melbourne to see her they were convinced they had to be together, and they decided to move to Sydney.
Emily was not pleased. While she and Harold liked Charlie, considering him a solid and reliable lad, he was still unsettled and had no definite prospects. Elizabeth had to work, as she was still reimbursing her father and George Forde, but what upset Emily most was hearing that Elizabeth planned to take Lara to live with her in Sydney. Not only had Emily become devoted to her granddaughter but she did not approve of Elizabeth and Charlie gadding off to Sydney, unwed, with a young child and no firm plans.
She and Elizabeth argued time and again in the kitchen after tea, while Charlie and Harold smoked in the darkness of the front verandah. Charlie was firm about their marriage plans and long-term future.
‘I want to do right by her and the little one, Harold. I want to have a good job, some money behind me, so we can build a good life in the big smoke. That’s where it’s all happening these days,’ he said.
Harold had no doubt Elizabeth was the one pushing Charlie along, but said quietly, ‘You’re a good man. I know you’ll do the right thing, but it’s a lot to take on.’
‘Lara is a good little kid. She didn’t know her real father so the sooner she gets used to having me around the better, eh?’
Harold finally succeeded in persuading Emily to let Elizabeth and Lara go without too much fuss.
‘They have to make their way in the world as a family at some stage. Little Lara needs to know her mother. With Charlie looking out for them, they’ll be all right.’
‘How’s she going to work and look after her?’ demanded Emily. ‘And when will we see her? We’ll miss her growing up.’
‘I think you’ll be surprised how often little Lara will be here to stay with us,’ said Harold. ‘Elizabeth has always been resourceful. She’ll manage.’
And so she did. Lara had blurred memories of living in the middle of a big city. She remembered a fish and chip shop and a smiling lady who gave her long, hot chips in a cone of newspaper. She remembered an organised playgroup with children who were very different from her country friends. They spoke to her with strange accents, and to each other in strange languages.
Lara remembered a man coming to take a photograph one day in the tiny yard behind the shop which they lived above. A blanket was hung over the back fence of the narrow rear lane as a backdrop. Wearing a good dress and a bow in her hair she posed sitting in a small cane chair. It was not a happy picture. She remembered hating having to get dressed up for the event.
When she was older her family moved to the fringe of the city, to bush and trees and a bay. Perhaps the memories of her happy years there helped her feel so at home in the valley now.
Lara
Lara watched Aunty Phyllis make her way into the large glass foyer of the fancy-looking RSL club in Hungerford. She stopped her walker every few yards to greet people, including the staff, who all had a smile and a hello for the spry, white-haired lady.
‘The food is good here, but let’s go into the lounge and have a drink first, shall we?’ said Phyllis heading towards the airy room with a bar and a poker machine annex.
Lara smiled agreement, rather amused and hoping that at Phyllis’s age she’d be out meeting friends, playing cards, going on trips, doing all the things that kept Phyllis active, busy and alert.
Settled in a corner overlooking the extensive gardens with light ales on the table, far from the large screen television and bar, Phyllis took a sip of her drink and asked, ‘So dear? What did you find out from Thommo? I haven’t spoken to him for fifty years or more. Disappeared after Clem died and although I heard he’d moved back to the district, I believe he’s something of a recluse. I always thought about looking him up, but never got around to it. How was he?’
Lara chose her words carefully. ‘At first, he was very withdrawn. Suspicious. I suppose I caught him by surprise. And he wasn’t very forthcoming. Now, I understand why. It was something of a traumatic evening to say the least! Cathartic though.’
‘My goodness. What did he have to say?’ Phyllis gave her a penetrating look, sensing Lara was hol
ding something back.
Lara put down her glass and wondered where to start. Slowly at first and then with more passion, she repeated the story of the night Phyllis’s brother died as Thommo had told her. She revealed nothing about her tense confrontation with the old man.
Phyllis stared at Lara, her pale blue eyes filling with tears. She reached for her handbag and began fishing for her handkerchief. ‘Oh my, after all this time. Poor, poor Clem. My darling brother, I always felt in my bones he couldn’t have stolen that money. He was such a decent chap. I’m so glad to know this. Shame on Thommo, shame on him.’ She took off her glasses and dabbed at her eyes. ‘Well, at least Clem never knew how his best friend deceived him.’
‘Thommo has lived with the guilt, pain, anxiety all his life,’ said Lara. ‘He’s punished himself every day.’
‘Why didn’t he say something sooner?’ demanded Phyllis. ‘It would have been so much easier for us all.’
‘He was terrified of being found out. Not just because it was a crime, but of losing face, letting everyone down. He really can’t justify his actions and it’s eaten away at him so badly, I think he became a bit unhinged,’ said Lara. ‘Now it’s out I think he’s relieved. But very scared of what might happen. I don’t think he could face anyone, especially you.’
‘So it was just an impulsive act because he gambled and needed money so badly,’ said Phyllis thoughtfully. ‘Shocking to think how that one wicked incident scarred so many people’s lives. Our family, your mother and grandparents, your childhood. All the people in town who liked and respected Clem felt cheated. Even Thommo’s parents must have been surprised that Clem could do such a thing.’ She shook her head. ‘All these years and now it’s too late to set the record straight for them.’
‘He must think about that every day too,’ said Lara, suddenly realising how far the ripples of that one act had spread to affect others.
‘So how did you feel hearing the truth? After what I told you about your father dying under a cloud,’ said Phyllis, discreetly blowing her nose.