She inhaled deeply, trying to ease her regret, and splashed cool water on her flushed face and neck. She couldn’t meet her eyes in the mirror in front of her, or face her own foolishness. It was too painful.
As she stepped out of the bathroom she was caught by surprise by Gage, waiting for her outside the door. He offered her his hand and silently led her into, what she assumed, was Leo’s spare bedroom, closing the door behind them.
“Are you okay?” he asked, concerned, his kind eyes searching her own.
She looked at him apologetically, her heart filled with shame and shook her head.
“No, not even close,” she whispered, looking at the floor.
“Well, this was a plot twist, wasn’t it?” he offered warmly, not an inkling of anger anywhere.
He placed his fingers under her chin and raised her face so she could meet his eyes. He looked apprehensive, maybe even sorrowful, but also understanding. She wished she deserved his love.
“Yes, very twisted,” Nora agreed passively, “and so very awkward. I’m sorry Gage. I don’t even know what to say. I feel just awful about this.”
He smiled at her sweetly, releasing her chin.
“Just a little awkward. You must be a mess.”
“You could say that. I’ve been struggling for a few weeks now, trying to figure out my feelings. I never imagined that the two men I have been dating, knew each other. This is so fucked up,” she stammered, tears welling up in her eyes. “I didn’t want to fall in love with you both. I swear, I never wanted to hurt anyone.”
“I know that, Nora. I know you,” Gage whispered, taking her hands in his. “You’re a good person. I know you wouldn’t deliberately play me.”
She couldn’t stop herself. Her tears spilled out of her and she sobbed uncontrollably, releasing all the feelings that she had pent up all night. Worry, embarrassment, shame, doubt, and sadness, all pouring down her cheeks in a stream of regret.
Gage pulled her close and she cried on his shoulder. He rocked her gently, while she shook with grief, whispering gently in her ear, “You’re okay, you’re okay, you’re okay.”
After a few minutes, her tears stopped. She eased herself out of his embrace, and looked up at him, wiping the tears off her cheeks. He quietly returned her stare, patiently waiting for her to gather herself, just holding space for her to come to whatever conclusion she needed to. She adored him for that.
“Do you love him?” Gage asked quietly, as soon as she seemed stable again.
She looked up at him and nodded, knowing the time for complete transparency was upon them. He looked away frowning, as though her admission was too painful to process. She didn’t rush him, knowing he had earned the right to be upset.
“And me?” he asked, his eyes searching hers.
She saw the love he had for her. Pure, unconditional, and honest. She knew in that moment that Gage just wanted the best for her because of that love.
“Yes.”
He nodded pensively at her, clearly struggling with his feelings.
“I will completely understand if you never want to see me again,” Nora whispered, struggling to even say the words.
Thoughts that Gage might disappear from her life suddenly became all too real and Nora started to shake. She felt her nausea dangerously climbing up her throat.
“I know you would, Nora, but that’s not going to happen,” he answered confidently. “I can’t imagine my life without you in it, even if you’re not mine.”
He smiled at her and kissed her forehead, then brushed the hair out of her eyes.
“I love you, to the deepest part of your soul,” he promised, bringing his lips gently down on hers. Nora kissed him back, allowing him to forgive her.
She and Gage decided that they would wait until the party was over so that the three of them could have an honest discussion. Leo needed to know that he was a part of this odd little love triangle they found themselves in. They made their way, undiscovered, back to the festivities, first Nora, and then Gage a few minutes later. She offered Leo an excuse that she was making the phone call to her service that she had forgotten about earlier. Dana slipped up beside her and asked her if she was okay. Nora assured her sister that she was fine, promising to talk to her about it the next day. Nora asked if Dana would be okay leaving without her, and driving her car home. She would Uber home later. She knew her sister was worried, but she assured her again that she would work through it and was prepared for whatever the outcome would be.
Just before eleven, Leo’s friends started making their way home, Dana following close behind. While the three of them were in the kitchen tidying up, Leo snuggled behind Nora for a quick embrace, telling her how happy he was that she was staying. The anguished look on Gage’s face did not get past Nora. She knew that this was hurting him, in spite of all his reassurance. She quietly worked beside the two men, running through the dialogue she hoped to summon when it came time to confess. She was distressed and Leo was picking up on it.
“Hey, are you okay?” he asked, putting away the dishes she had just dried.
Gage looked over at her with a reassuring expression and an almost imperceptible nod.
“You seemed off tonight, not your cheerful self. I thought you would be happy to finally meet my friends. Did someone piss you off?” Leo teased. “Was it that son of a bitch over there? He can be such a prick sometimes.”
Leo laughed at his own joke, playfully throwing a dish towel at his buddy. Gage grinned awkwardly, knowing what was to come. Nora knew she had to tell him.
“I need to talk to you,” Nora said, treading as carefully as she could. “Can we sit down?”
Leo looked at her, as though carefully assessing her mood, then shrugged at Gage.
“Sure. Is it okay if we wait until after Gage leaves?” Leo agreed, obviously thrown off by Nora’s timing.
“Actually, I need to talk to you both,” Nora said, chewing her bottom lip, “if that’s okay?”
Leo looked thoroughly confused but nodded his head nevertheless. He followed Nora into the living room, with Gage close on his heels. He took the seat closest to Nora on the sofa, while Gage sat on a chair across from them. She could tell from the look on his face that Leo was wary about what she might have to say, perhaps concerned that she might bring up his suicide attempt. That would be the only conclusion he could probably draw from her strange behavior.
“So, what’s up? What did you want to talk to us about?” Leo asked, sending her a cautious glance.
“This is going to come as a huge shock to you, but I want you to promise that you will hear me out, okay?” Nora began, hoping he would be as patient and understanding as Gage had been. “We can talk more about it later, just you and I, but for now Gage needs to be here because it involves him.”
Leo looked even more perplexed, but he agreed.
“Do you remember that when we started to see one another we agreed that we would keep things casual? See other people?” Nora asked, hoping this was the best way to unveil the truth to him.
The look on Leo’s face showed her that he already understood where she was going.
“Wait, are you telling me that you two dated each other while you and I were seeing each other?” Leo had a smile on his face but she could tell he had an ocean of thoughts suddenly flooding his brain.
He looked at Coop, who nodded cautiously at him.
“That’s fucking crazy. How crazy is that?” Leo chuckled, running his hand through his dark hair. “Small fucking world.”
“Yes,” Nora agreed, sensing that Leo didn’t completely understand what was actually going on.
It was apparent to her that he assumed that things between her and Coop were just casual, or maybe even a one-time fling.
“No wonder you felt so uncomfortable when he walked in. You could have just said something. Coop, why didn’t you say anything? It’s cool,” Leo assured, sitting back into the sofa, as though relieved.
Nora cleared her throat,
and looked down, trying to think of another approach.
“I didn’t want to call Nora out in front of your friends,” Gage jumped in, keeping his tone as neutral as possible.
Nora knew that Gage was waiting for her to share, or not share, whatever she needed to. She was grateful for his consideration.
“Leo, the truth is, I’ve been seeing both of you for the past few months. I actually met you around the same time as I met Gage,” Nora confessed, trying to find the kindest words she could. “In that time I’ve become quite attached to you both.”
Leo regarded Nora carefully, allowing her words to land, his face expressionless, as he tried to absorb this news. She was having a hard time reading him, but she continued anyway.
“It wasn’t until these last few weeks that I realized each of you were developing feelings for me as well. In fact, you both revealed your feelings almost at the same time. You can imagine how confusing that was,” she looked to each of them to show her some sign of understanding or validation, but Leo offered her nothing.
Gage’s expression gently urged her to continue.
“I felt the time was coming to say goodbye to one of you, but it was so damn hard. You’re both incredible men and each of you offered me something so unique and different. The truth is, I was hoping that after tonight I would know, that I would receive some sort of sign about which path I needed to choose.”
“Well, if this isn’t a sign begging you to make up your damn mind, I don’t know what is,” Leo blurted, the anger masking his pain.
She knew that this would hurt him. It took a lot of courage for him to finally let her in, and now he was probably forming opinions and conclusions that validated his own insecurities. She wished she could reassure him, to make him understand that loving Gage didn’t make her love him less. That’s why it was so fucking confusing for her.
Leo looked at Gage, his expression muddled with mixed emotions.
“You look like you knew about this?” he blurted, his tone heavy with accusation.
“I just found out tonight, too. When I saw Nora and her sister, I put it all together,” Gage assured, keeping his own emotions masked, as though not wanting to add fuel to the fire.
“And you’re okay with this?” Leo snapped at Gage, his Italian temper getting the better of him.
Nora felt the shame coloring her face. She hated the pain she was causing him. He didn’t deserve it.
“Of course not!” Gage retorted, impatiently, “Anyone else but you, man. I hate that this happened, but it’s no one’s fault. It’s an unfortunate coincidence and I think we need to remember that.”
Leo shrugged his shoulders, looking visibly distressed. Nora was grateful when Gage continued to speak, as she was struggling to keep her own emotions under control.
“I’m sorry, Nora, I know this is difficult for you,” he added, seeing the anguish on her face. “I think the point of this conversation is to clear the air, put it all on the table, but we aren’t going to resolve anything tonight. I hope not anyway. I feel like we all need to sleep on it, and let it sink in.”
Taking charge and staying calm and reasonable, despite a chaotic and stressful situation proved why Gage was a successful goalie. The goaltender was in charge in and around the net, defending the space behind the crease, protecting the team, if you will. It was his job to fall on the sword, metaphorically speaking, and that seemed to be what he was doing. Nora was grateful that he took it upon himself to guide them through a potential melt down.
“Can I say something?” Nora asked apprehensively, looking from one lover to the other.
Gage nodded passively, but Leo kept his head down, not offering her any indication that he had even heard her. Nora decided to speak anyway, hoping he would listen.
“I think I need some time to myself, to put some distance between us,” she reflected quietly, her voice tight in her throat. “I feel sick about this, but I never meant for it to happen and I don’t want to come between you. If it turns out neither of you want to see me again, I’ll understand. I promise I will. No hard feelings. I just hope that you will remember the beautiful connection we had and remember me with fondness, because I know I will.”
The last few words were hard to get out, as her tears started flowing again. Leo looked up at her finally, his expression suddenly warming to her. He reached out and took her hand in his, holding it tentatively. It wasn’t much, but it was a start.
“I’m sorry, Nora, I’m just having a hard time with this. I know we talked about keeping our relationship casual, but it never even dawned on me that you were actually seeing other men, let alone one of my good buddies. I just assumed that you were a one man woman,” Leo said, probably sounding more shaming than he meant to.
Nora gave him the benefit of the doubt, knowing that he was likely stumbling from the blow. His ego was understandably fragile. She looked at Gage, who seemed to be more offended by Leo’s words than she was. It must have been his cue, because he stood up, fishing his keys out of his pocket.
“I think I should go. I’m sure you both need some time alone to talk,” he murmured, meeting Nora’s eyes. He smiled warmly at her, as though offering her moral support.
He walked towards them, holding his hand out to Leo in a peace offering.
“Leo, brother, take it easy man. I love ya.”
Without hesitation, Leo shook his friend’s hand affectionately. As soon as they released their grip, Gage turned to Nora and held his hand out to her, helping her to stand. He embraced her warmly, and whispered in her ear that no matter what happened to remember that he loved her. She couldn’t shake the feeling that he might be saying goodbye.
CHAPTER 23
LEO
After Coop left, Leo felt a little more at ease. He could talk to Nora freely without worrying about upsetting Coop. He knew what he and Nora had together, and he was pretty sure that their relationship was more solid than hers with Coop. As much as he loved him, knew his friend could never make Nora happy, not the way he could.
“I’m sorry, Leo, I really am. I had no idea that you two knew each other,” Nora apologized again.
He had just filled a glass of wine for her and placed it in her hand. He thought she could probably use a drink. He knew he needed one. His was Tennessee Whiskey, straight up.
“I know, Nora, its okay,” he said, waiving off her apology.
He looked up and grinned at her.
“But please tell me that it was just the two of us. There are no other bed buddies competing for your affection that I need to know about, are there?” he teased.
Leo thought his humor would lighten the mood, but Nora didn’t seem to appreciate the joke at all. She didn’t even crack a smile.
“Sorry, too soon?” Leo mused lightly, trying to backtrack.
He wasn’t very good at conflict, and everything about this situation made him uncomfortable.
“Maybe a little,” Nora agreed, her expression softening.
She took a sip of wine, and set it back on the table, her hand shaking.
“Come here, sit closer to me,” Leo encouraged, holding his arm up so she could tuck underneath it.
She hesitated at first, but he gave her a look that suggested he’d come get her if he had to. She chuckled softly and snuggled a little closer to him.
“There, that’s better,” Leo soothed, kissing the top of her head.
He wasn’t always the best at navigating through emotional conversations with women, but he knew none of them could resist a good cuddle. He inhaled deeply, comforted by the familiar scent of her coconut shampoo. He sighed softly, grateful to have her all to himself. Nora sat quietly in his arms, head against his chest, for several minutes. He assumed she was deep in thought.
“So what happens next?” he asked, anxious to break the silence.
“I wish I knew,” Nora whispered into his chest. “I think a break is important, and then, I’m not sure.”
“For how long?” Leo pressed, ho
ping for a more clear-cut answer from her.
He hated being in limbo. Were they dating, or not? Was she breaking up with him? He could feel his agitation rising once more.
“I don’t know, Leo,” Nora admitted sadly.
She sat up and uncurled her body so she could look at him.
“I just need time to sort through all my feelings. I knew the time was coming even before everything that happened, but tonight just made things so much more complicated.”
“I can see that,” Leo agreed, in spite of the fact that he was still feeling anxious.
“The thing is, I was planning a trip to the east coast. I have some vacation time coming to me. I was going to visit the family, and stuff,” he continued, dropping a little bait, something for her to sink her teeth into, to prove to her that he had meant all the things he said to her.
He wanted to introduce her to his parents, and had planned on doing it down the road, but if a spontaneous visit tipped the scales in his favor.
“You should do that,” Nora urged hastily, before he added the part that he wanted to take her with him, as though she knew what he was leading up to.
She smiled at him warmly, nodding her head encouragingly.
“I think a visit with your family right now would do you a world of good, Leo.”
“Yeah, maybe,” he shrugged, his words trailing off, unwilling to make himself appear any more vulnerable.
Maybe for now there was not much he could say, he thought.
“I should go,” she said hesitantly, leaning forward, so reluctantly that Leo thought maybe she didn’t want to leave.
He reached out and took her hand, pulling her towards him. He kissed her softly on the mouth, cradling her face in his hands. He didn’t want her to leave either. She accepted his kiss, moaning softly into his mouth. His tongue gently parted her lips, desperate to coax out her passion. He wanted her in that moment, more than he ever had before, as though her indecision bore a deep hole in his soul, excavating and exposing every lonely, desperate, needy part of him.
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