by Carr, Suzie
I sipped some tea. “Well, it’s just getting started.”
“What’s your plan look like?”
I twitched. “My plan?”
Her eyes bore into mine. “Yes, your plan.”
I didn’t like her interrogation. I shifted on my stool. “Well, I’m trying to get some contracts with some corporations. Most are a little closed-minded to it. I’m working on it.” My face grew hotter by the second. “So, I was thinking until those leads come in, I could pass out my card and travel to people as needed.”
She twisted her mouth. “Hmm. Like I said on the phone that sounds dangerous.”
Well, we all didn’t have families who owned hotels. “It’s entrepreneurial.”
“Entrepreneurial.” Nadia stared off to the bottles in front of us again. Her cheekbones went on forever. Her lips curved as if flirting with the rest of her face. “You know…” she paused, reflecting in a sip. “We’ve got lots of people walking through our garden patio all day long between business meetings and luncheons and dinners. We also get a lot of foot traffic from local businesses. The garden area serves as a pass thru between the business districts. We don’t have a spa on site. We should. A portable massage chair in the right spot could address our clients’ needs and not be an expense for us at all.”
I liked where she headed with this. “It could be a cash cow,” I added.
“Indeed. What would you need, some scented candles and a chair?”
My heart raced, and a smile too big to contain took over my face. “Are you serious?”
“The massage you gave me that time did some major wonders for me. I think we could work something out, don’t you?”
My hope rose, and I did my best to keep level. “Yes. Oh my gosh, yes. I have a chair. I just need a relaxing space. I would just need to curtain off a section of the lounge to bring it to life.” My words sped up and tumbled out in a mess. I wanted this more than anything. I needed this. “It would be super easy and hardly any stress for you.”
Nadia giggled. Her face lit up. Her eyes sparkled. “Okay, let’s have a walk around shall we?”
“We shall.” I jumped off of my stool and grabbed my pocketbook. I followed her and then I remembered I hadn’t yet paid.
Nadia grabbed my wrist and pulled me. “My treat.”
She kept her hand on my wrist for a few seconds longer than she needed. When she slid it off, my breath escaped in a gush.
She motioned for Shawna. “I’ll be back to settle the bill in a few minutes.”
I followed her lead, through the lounge doors and out into the open foyer where large palm trees grew in enormous planters. People checking in lined up at the guest services counter. They all had shoulders and necks that could use my touch. I got so excited.
She waved to bellhops, and they bowed to her. My head buzzed. The potential excited me. People lurked everywhere.
She skirted us through a maze of floor plants and couches. Soon, we landed on the corner of the grand garden patio area that housed a tall banner stand promoting the Gateway Suites Executive Packages. “Right here.” She waved her arms around. “What do you think?”
Joy bubbled up inside of me. I saw a future filled with opportunity. “It could work,” I said in my most reserved voice.
“Well think it over. Then, we can negotiate.”
I stood with my hand on my hip, holding back a series of cartwheels and rolls. “Okay I’ll let you know.”
We stood staring at each other. A warm silence filled the space around us. A woman wearing a name badge sprinted up to Nadia. “We’ve got a situation at the front desk with the guy from Nike. He’s saying they should’ve had an extra conference room. We don’t have that booked. He’s not happy. He prefers to speak to someone in charge.”
She sighed at me. “Can I take a rain check?”
“Of course.” I stepped back and let her pass. “Shall I call you when I decide?”
“I hope you do.” She smiled and walked away.
I looked at my corner. My corner. A knot sat in my throat. My own corner. I swallowed my silly smile and walked back through the maze, through the foyer, and past Nadia at the front desk addressing a man in a dark suit who waved his arms all around him. She looked up at me as I passed and waved. She hung onto my gaze, then winked and returned to the rants of the man.
Chapter Seven
Nadia
When Jessica first landed in jail, I took up pottery with my sister, Sasha. I needed to keep busy. Sasha needed a companion. Pottery cost a lot less than therapy. So, why not? I agreed to attend a girls’ night at a local pottery café. A group of us sat around a long table and ate nachos, drank cheap wine, and giggled over our inabilities to paint straight lines. That first night we painted peacock platters. I painted mine with chili pepper red and orange.
The day I went to pick it up at the pottery shop after it had dried in the kiln, I took one look at it and hated it. The orange overtook the chili pepper red. It reminded me of Jessica’s orange jumpsuit in prison. I paid the lady for the platter, drove home with it in the trunk of my car, and later smashed it against the patio in my backyard. After sweeping up the mess and tossing away all remnants of it, I wiped my hands clear of ever loving the color orange again. I tore through my house and tossed anything orange into an oversized trash bag and heaved it into the trashcan.
Eventually, I graduated from merely painting pottery to actually crafting it myself. Creating something out of nothing fascinated me. Sasha and I even grew closer, and our conversations evolved into honest ones. She’d fess up that her kids drove her crazy when they whined, and that she hated when Keith traveled and left her alone in their big house without a dog or an alarm system for protection.
My sister and I met up for class every Tuesday when I was in town, which wasn’t often anymore. I traveled quite a bit up to our Rhode Island office. I didn’t protest against this. I begged for it. My job offered me the greatest excuse to not have to spend my nights visiting my wife in jail.
Jail, what a depressing place. I used to visit Jessica every possible chance I could in the beginning. We’d cry the whole time, shedding tears over our pathetic situation, over the life we lost for the next year or two.
She spent our visits complaining about the food, the rough girls who coerced her to do things for them, the uncomfortable bedding, and the ridiculous rules imposed. I’d sit and console her, trying to get her to see the positive in the negative. I urged her to connect with others, to get involved in working out, to start reading. I wanted her whole again. I wanted to reclaim our special love.
For two long months we endured these painful visits. Then, one day I entered, and a smile had taken over her face. Finally. She told me all about a new job she started in the laundry room. “The girls are so sweet,” she said. “They invited me to sit in on their bible study.”
I smiled at this. “I can’t picture you sitting down reading bible passages with a straight face.”
“What choice do I have but to mingle?” Hope sparkled on her face.
I nodded and agreed.
Future visits turned into educational sessions for me. She talked for thirty minutes straight about religion, sins, and forgiveness. Forgiveness entered her heart and lifted her spirits. Soon, though, she couldn’t eat a peanut or sip coffee without first offering up a prayer. Once I made the mistake of laughing at this new side of her, and she refused to talk with me.
Just like with alcohol, she couldn’t just attend a few bible study classes and call it a day. She had to dive into it with everything she had and let it consume her.
Before jail, we never fought. We laughed and fucked a lot.
Now with jail barging in between us, we cried and fucked ourselves a lot. Me in our bedroom. She in her jail cell.
The logical side of me understood this side of her was temporary, and that just as soon as she completed her jail sentence our life would resume. Good thing because this new sober Jessica was challenging and serious. I
never would have sought out this version of her. I would’ve tossed that Frisbee right back at her and retreated back to my calculus studies.
She refused my help and turned to God instead.
So, I escaped this version of Jessica by working hard.
When I first talked with Sasha and my brother-in-law, Keith, about wanting more time up at the Rhode Island location, they called me crazy. I convinced Keith by convincing my sister. Sasha loved rescuing me. This placed her in the one-up position. I forfeited that position over to her a long time ago because frankly, she smiled more, and we fought less. I didn’t need to outshine her to be whole.
I told her that things weren’t going well in my marriage, and that I needed some time away. “It’s the only thing that will help save my marriage.”
“That’s just going to tear you more apart,” she said.
“Trust me. It will only improve.”
Keith handed over the Rhode Island location to me the very next day.
When I did come home to Connecticut, I always got together for pottery with Sasha. This particular night I was shaping a vase into an hourglass. Sasha was molding her wet clay when she asked me, “I have several bags of old clothes I cleared from my closet the other day. You can stop by and pick out the ones you want before I send the bag to Goodwill.”
I pinched my clay to mold the lip a bit better than I had it, sinking into it to avoid the sudden stab of anger. “I’m not poor.” I left it at that. Short. To the point.
She folded her clay in on itself, then rolled it on the table. Her palms steamrolled it, pushing it back and forth, with an air of authority to it. “You always take my old clothes.”
“I’m capable of taking care of myself.”
“Sorry,” she said, folding up her mouth in a tight line.
I focused harder on my vase, avoiding her stare. “You know, in the time she’s been in jail, I’ve gotten along just fine.”
“Of course you have.” Her voice pierced too high, mocking me. “Keith pays you extremely well for what you do.”
I pressed too hard on my vase, and the side of it collapsed. I stared at its carnage, a wilted gray mound of now shapeless, useless clay. Growing up I always felt sorry for Sasha and downplayed to her. I hated that I no longer had to downplay. Life did that all on its own now. When did I become the one who needed fixing? “Well what I do is stressful.”
She twisted her mouth. “Yes, I’m sure it is.”
I grabbed my clay and tore it up, mashing it against the table. “I landed a new account for the hotel. The Women’s Expo is going to start hosting their quarterly events in the main conference room.”
“Fantastic,” she said, trying out this new emotion where I, the one who always slid into the backseat so she could possess the front, now pushed her aside and challenged her for the prized shotgun position.
“Yes. I also hired a masseuse to be on hand during peak hours to take care of stressed guests.”
“Keith never mentioned that to me.”
“He doesn’t know, yet.” I looked up at her. Disbelief spilled into the fine lines around her eyes like she’d just witnessed a UFO landing in the parking lot.
“Keith doesn’t like surprises.”
“Well, life is full of them. So, maybe that husband of yours just needs to get used to them.”
She stopped molding. “Something’s different about you. Is everything okay?”
“Oh everything is just fucking lovely.” I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye, blowing out a deep breath.
“I don’t know how you do it, honestly.” She pinched her clay.
My sister thrived on the idea that Jessica wore permanent scars now. “We’re fine.”
She rolled her eyes. “She fucked up. I don’t see it getting fine.”
I stood up, pushing against the table. “I’m getting coffee.”
“I’ll take mine black,” she snapped. She could be so curt.
“Fine.” I turned and plowed towards to the old man serving it up at the pottery café.
My sister dug at every turn. She loved holding the ace card. This made her feel good about her life, about her husband who I doubted loved her the way she loved him, about her misbehaved kids, and about her lonely existence. I hated that I protected this façade for her by not challenging her on these things. After all of these years, I still protected her by taking on her attempted manipulations.
* *
I met Ruby at her corner the following week. I had arranged for planted trees to be brought in to form a privacy wall. Patina art now hung on both walls of the corner. I purchased a heavy-duty portable massage chair along with a trolley cart that carried some scented candles and plants.
I arrived carrying a tote bag filled with new business cards, a cell phone, and a name badge. Ruby stood behind a man, massaging his neck. His arms dangled by his side, and his face relaxed in the head rest. Ruby massaged his shoulders from behind, digging her hands into his skin. I waited outside the privacy wall, peeking in on her through the leaves. She wore an adorable prairie-style top that showed off her femininity with grace and style. She worked the man’s shoulders with great focus, directing each knead with purpose.
My blood flamed. What I would’ve given to be that man in that moment.
Once the bell dinged, the man paid her the ten dollars for the ten minute massage. Then, she strolled up to me wearing a sassy smile that stole my breath. I didn’t recall seeing a woman more beautiful than she in that moment. Everything about her spelled simplicity and beauty.
“You look radiant right now,” I said. “You’re in your element, I can see.”
“It’s only noon and I’ve already made three hundred bucks.” She looked ready to twirl. Could she be any more adorable?
“How many people have you massaged today?”
“I lost count. There are so many. Did I tell you how happy you’ve made me?”
This flattery tugged at my heart. I could only smile.
“Shawna’s sending all of the breakfast customers my way. You’d think she was getting commission or something.” She leaned against the freestanding register counter and counted this new money the man handed to her.
“Treat Shawna with the respect she deserves, and that girl will bend over backwards for you.”
“She tells me you are close.” She looked up at me with a coy arch to her eye.
My cell rang. Jessica calling on her lunch break. I dismissed the call and looked back up into Ruby’s angel eyes. “We take care of each other.”
“She admires you.”
I held Ruby’s gaze. “We’re just friends.”
“What a shame for her.”
My heart galloped. “She deserves someone less complicated than I am.”
“You don’t look complicated to me.” Ruby eased her sweet voice out and landed on a smirk.
“You don’t know me.”
We shared a quiet moment.
My body buzzed to a new level. Even my tongue tickled.
“Maybe we need to do something about that,” Ruby said.
“Maybe we do,” I said, running right over the consequences of employer/employee relations or of my wife for that matter. I didn’t do this. I didn’t flirt with pretty women.
Shawna rounded the corner and saved me from committing to anything stupid. “Got another one for you.” She turned behind her and ushered in a middle-aged lady wearing a taupe suit. “She’s the one with the magic touch.”
Ruby greeted her with a hug. “Nice to meet you. Come right over here, and I’ll take good care of you.”
I waved and followed Shawna back to the lounge, leaving her to sprinkle some of her magic dust on someone else for the time being.
* *
I got back to my hotel room by two o’clock that afternoon to refresh for a meeting. Not more than ten minutes into a quick nap, Jessica called again. I groaned, then answered.
“I missed you earlier. Where were you?” she asked.
> “Working.” My tone was too dry. “It’s been so crazy busy,” I said with a little more life.
“Everything okay? You don’t sound like you.”
“I’m just tired.” I sat up now and fanned myself with a brochure about Block Island. “I had to sit in on an important meeting.” My first lustful lie. “Did you have something important you needed to tell me?”
“Not really. I just wanted to say hi.”
That’s all we ever said to each other anymore. “Hi,” I said, trying out my best light-hearted tone.
“Hmm.”
The typical dreaded silence seeped in on us.
“So, did you read the email I sent to you?” she asked.
“Not yet.” I rolled my eyes. Fucking bible passages.
“It’s a good one. Really opens up the mind.”
All of her emails were these long, drawn out passages about the mystery and awe of God. I believed in God, but I didn’t want to read about man’s interpretation of Him in an email from my wife who spent the better part of her life sinning up on a stage.
“I’ll read it. Right now I need to go back to a meeting.”
“Okay.” she said. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.” I lingered, feeling guilty. “I really do.”
“I know, Butterfly.”
“I’ll call you later on after the meeting.” I hung up and then took a nap.
* *
A few hours later, I visited Shawna. I avoided the foyer area. I didn’t want Ruby to think I was checking up on her. I couldn’t help but to sneak a peek at her as I snuck around the backside of the lounge. She sat in her chair looking up at the grand lights above with a look of awe and joyful curiosity.
I snuck one last peek and entered the lounge.
I sat at the bar. Shawna fed me three glasses of iced tea within half an hour. “You seem lighter tonight. Doesn’t have anything to do with that cute blonde Ruby does it?”
“I’m married. Remember?” I arched my eye at her.