I’m completely lost in him.
Tipping my head back, I pick up the speed. His thrusts are now more powerful, hitting me deep in the core. My moans fill the room, but I’m not ashamed in the slightest.
“Fuck, Tara. I’m close, so damn close,” he says breathlessly. Slowing his speed, he changes from short, faster thrusts to deeper, all-consuming ones.
I let out a moan mixed with a gasp at the feel of him so deep. His hand reaches to the back of my neck, grabbing tightly as he continues his onslaught of deep, punishing thrusts. The pleasure spirals higher and higher until I feel the deep clenching in my stomach and I come apart around him. He lets out a moan of his own, filling me as he works through his own orgasm. Dropping back on the bed, he takes me with him, turning onto his side until we are face-to-face.
“Your cheeks are flushed, baby,” he informs me in a soft voice, his rugged knuckles graze over them.
Fluttering my eyelids, I can’t help but wrap my arms around him, needing and wanting to be close to him. “You did that,” I reply before rolling my bottom lip into my mouth. Covering his hand that rests on my cheek, I grab hold, directing it down and placing it on my bare chest. “You also did that,” I say as we feel the thudding of my heart. My eyes trail from the connection with his, down to his throat, noticing just how hard it is for him to swallow. Hooking a finger under my chin, he lifts my head until I’m focusing on his lips. Darting out his tongue, I sense his nervousness. He parts his lips, as if to speak, but no words leave his mouth. I watch as he forms the words.
I love you.
Those are the three words he mouths to me.
“You know I mean it, right?”
A smile spreads across my face and I can hardly believe he decided to make the proclamation. “I knew it, even before you said it.”
“Well, technically, I didn’t say it,” he muses, a look of amusement on his face. “I’m crazy about you, Tara,” he declares and my heart soars. “And if that means I love you, fuck it, I’ll say those three words. Because this feeling I have right now, being here with you, holding you, is the only feeling that means anything. You mean everything.” His voice wavers and I know just how much it takes for him to tell me how he’s feeling.
“That means more than you’ll ever know,” I whisper, leaning in and kissing him sweetly on the lips. “Stay with me tonight. Hold me. Forget about the crew and your asshole father. Tonight, let it just be about us.”
“You and me, baby. That’s all that matters.”
TARA –
In ruins…
Looking out of my apartment window, I see Nate on his bike, looking up at my window. I hold up my hand, giving him a wave before grabbing my purse and racing out of the apartment. I let the door slam shut behind me, so desperate to get down to him. It’s been less than twenty-four hours since I last saw him, but every hour without him feels like a day. He’s like a drug, and I, for one, certainly need my Nate fix. Skipping down the steps, I barge toward the door, throwing it open, and sprint over to him.
“Hey,” I greet him sweetly, automatically wrapping my arms around his neck, wanting to take in his unique scent. I rest my head on his shoulder and his hand lands on my arm as he caresses it softly.
“Hey,” he mumbles in a somewhat sad tone. I pull back from our embrace, my heart beating and a sudden knot in my stomach. I search his hardened face for an answer, noticing his long hair is down.
With a tip of my head and an ear-to-ear smile, I say, “Liking the hair.”
Ignoring me, he reaches for the helmet on the back of his bike, handing it to me. “Jump on,” he instructs, pulling his helmet on and reaching for the handle, revving the engine a little.
“What’s happening? Where are we going?” I ask in a strained voice, confused by his sudden coldness toward me.
“Fuck, Tara. Just get on the damn bike.”
I swallow the lump in my throat, raise an eyebrow, and grab the helmet out of his hand. I can’t help but be flooded with the feeling that something is going on. Standing here isn’t going to get me answers, so I raise my leg, mounting the bike. The sudden scent of Nate hits me as I wrap my arms around his waist and rest my head against his back like I’ve done many times before. Only this time is different. I feel him tighten in my hold, his whole body feels stiff. I furrow my brow in confusion but maintain my hold on him.
Shivering, I’m not sure if it’s the cool night air, or a reflection of the anxiety I’m feeling deep inside. Everything about this is so weird, so very different to the Nate I know and love.
Nate revs the engine before kicking back the stand and taking control of the bike. It’s so natural for him, like the bike is an extension of his own body. He sets off; the rumble of the engine holds so many memories for me. We often drive out of town, or into the middle of nowhere just to spend time together. Out of sight, just the two of us.
Only tonight, I have no idea where we are going, or what the hell is happening for that fact. All I can do is hold onto him and see where the road takes us.
After a short drive, we head down a familiar country lane. I gasp, trying to wrap my head around why we are here. Waiting until the bike stops, I quickly jump down, removing my helmet and shaking out my hair.
“What the hell?” My eyes scan the area. The huge metal gates have been replaced and the house I once knew as my cousin’s no longer looks the same. “Why are we here? Is this some kind of sick joke?” I ask, my eyes firmly on him as he steps off his bike but leans back against it. “Here, of all places?” Shuddering, I fold my arms across my chest, remembering the last time we were in that place.
The time my own psycho cousin almost killed me.
When Brax, Nate, and I went to rescue Isabelle.
And he’s brought me here. A place that holds so many awful memories. Memories I’ve been able to shut out because I haven’t been forced to deal with them.
“It’s not a sick joke, but since this is the place where it all started, then it seems only fair that this is where it ends.”
Ends?
What the fuck?
Adrenaline is pounding through my body and I can feel myself tremble. “Stop with the goddamn riddles and just tell me what you’re talking about, Nate.”
Focusing on me, Nate wears a haunted look and the dread and fear I felt on the way here has materialized into reality.
“Fuck,” he snarls, standing from his resting position against the bike and starting to pace in front of me. With his hand, he pushes back the fallen strands from his face, muttering words I can’t quite hear.
“Please,” I whimper. “Please tell me what’s going on here, Nate.” My voice is strained and I’m barely biting back the tears. “What do you mean this is where it ends? Are you going to hurt me?” I blurt out, suddenly realizing what I’m actually asking him. Glancing over my shoulder, my heart pounds furiously as the panic sets in. I have to get away. What if he intends to do something bad? I’ve never seen him like this before.
“No, Tara!” he yells and his voice reverberates through the open space. “I would never hurt you, you should know that.”
My chest heaves as I try to control my breathing. “Then what is it?”
Standing facing his bike with his back to me he mutters the words I never dreamed he would say. “It’s over between us, Tara.”
“What?” I challenge, narrowing my eyes on him. “Why would you say that?” I scoff, almost unable to process what he’s actually saying.
“I ain’t fucking around here, Tara, It’s over. Just the way it’s gotta be. You have to stay away from me. I’m no good for you.”
“No.” I shake my head and silent tears stream down my face. “I love you. You said you loved me too. So, what? It was all a lie, huh?”
“I never lied to you,” he says, letting out a huge, pent-up breath. “I brought you here because this was where it all happened for me.”
He nods over to the house that belonged to my cousin, Carter.
�
��When you were shot. When that motherfucker took you down. Well, in that moment I realized how much you meant to me.”
“And what? Now I mean nothing?”
“It’s complicated,” he snaps.
“So explain it to me, Nate. Please explain what the fuck is happening right now, because all I know is that I can’t live without you in my life. You saying you don’t want to be with me is like ripping out my damn heart.” I pat the palm of my hand against my chest, anger raging inside my body. Anger and hurt.
“Please…”
“Please what?” I retort. “I’m telling you how I feel. I need you to be straight with me too. Don’t you think I at least deserve that?”
Stepping forward, he rests his hands on my upper arms, but I keep my focus on the ground. I can’t bear to look at him. To look at what I’m losing.
“I’m so fucking sorry.” He breathes out, pulling me closer to him. “I don’t want to lose you,” I hear him mutter, and instantly I pull back as the rage inside becomes uncontrollable.
“You don’t want to lose me?” I repeat, my tone sarcastic and his face blanches. “So we just ride back to my apartment and be friends—”
“Of course we can be friends,” he cuts me off.
I raise a brow, scoffing loudly.
“If you think I can be friends with someone I’m in love with, then you’re seriously deluded.” No longer able to take this bullshit, I storm past his bike and start walking down the country road.
“Tara, wait up. Where the fuck are you going?”
“I’m going home. Where the hell do you think I’m going?”
“Shit,” he growls, grabbing my hand and pulling me to a complete stop.
“Get your hands off me.” I scowl, pulling my hand from his grasp.
“Don’t be like that. Get on the bike, let me take you home.”
“Just exactly what was your plan? Bring me here, tell me you no longer want me, then expect me to jump on your bike and let you bring me home like best friends, like… like nothing’s wrong! Really, Nate?”
“I don’t know. I don’t fucking know,” he says, dropping his head.
“See… you can’t give me any straight answers,” I shout back, shoving him with force. He stumbles back, lifting his head a little and looking at me with hollow eyes. Something in the way that he’s acting, that look in his eyes, tells me this isn’t what he wants.
“Whatever is going on, doesn’t have to be this way. You and I, well, we’re meant to be together. You know it, I know it, and anyone that knows how much love there is between us knows it. Talk to me, Nate. We can work this out together.”
Moving his head back and forth, he turns and slowly walks back to his bike. His shoulders are slumped and his head hangs low. “You coming, or not?” he shouts over his shoulder.
“Not,” I yell, running away from him, hoping that this is all a bad dream. I run and run, my feet pounding against the ground, my heart beating out of my chest. I turn off the beaten path, my legs continuing their escape. Raising my head, I look at the huge tree in front of me. Slowing my pace, I press my hand against the trunk, coming to a complete stop. Arching my shoulders, sobs wrack through me as I try to catch my breath. Crashing to the ground, I place my hands over my face and allow all the hurt and emotion to pour out. The damp earth beneath my ass soaks my jeans, but I don’t care. I sit there, in silence for what feels like hours. Just me, the dark, and my broken heart.
Suddenly, the sound of my cell phone draws me from the darkness. Digging into my purse, I grab my cell, noticing Isabelle’s name on the screen.
“Where are you, babe?” she asks without even giving me a chance to say anything. But I can’t reply. I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. “Tara, speak to me, honey. I’m here for you. Just tell me where you are and I’m coming to get you.”
“How… how… do you know?” I struggle to breathe through my hysteria.
“Nate called Brax.”
“So you know?” I stutter out.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispers.
“I’m on the path just beside Carter’s old house.”
“Meet me on the main road. I’ll be five minutes.”
I don’t respond. The lump in my throat won’t allow me to.
“Tara,” she says in a raised voice.
“Yes,” I choke out, swiping my free hand across my face, clearing the tears that roll so freely down my cheeks. I end the call, pushing it back in my purse and somehow try to find the strength to stand. As I bear weight on my feet, my legs wobble. I feel so weak. So damn weak. Stumbling through the overgrown grass, I make my way back to the main road. I walk at a slow pace, constantly checking for Izzy’s car.
Within minutes, I see her approaching. Her car slows as she gets closer, stopping just beside me. I dip my head, looking at her through the window. Shooting me a sad smile, she steps from the driver’s side, racing around to take me in her arms. Holding me close against her, I have nothing to give back. I feel so cold inside, so lost and confused.
“Shit, Tara. I was so worried about you. You should have called.” Pulling back, she studies my face, before caressing her finger under my eyes, clearing the fallen tear.
“Falling apart in front of my closest friend was something I never wanted to do.”
“Oh, honey,” she coos, pulling me back into another embrace. “I have no idea what is happening with you two, but I’m sure whatever it is, the two of you can figure it out.”
“I have no idea either, Izzy. It came out of the blue. So unexpectedly, with no real explanation.”
“What? Really?” she asks, her face contorted and full of confusion.
“Please, can you take me home?” My head pounds as I try to wrap my brain around what the hell is happening, let alone have to explain it to someone else.
“Of course,” she replies with a quick smile. Running around, she jumps back into the driver’s seat and I drop in beside her. “This isn’t exactly my favorite place,” she chuckles nervously as she looks behind her to Carter's house in the distance. “Why did he bring you here?”
“He said he had to end it where it all started. Where he realized how much I meant to him.”
“Let’s get out of here,” she says with a nod.
I let my head fall against the window, my heart barely beating as I feel completely and utterly lost. My heart has been shattered into a thousand pieces. Something I’m not sure will ever repair.
Tara
Can you ever put a time on how long it takes to heal a broken heart? One day, one month, one year, or possibly one whole lifetime?
Is it possible—when the one reason your heart beats faster is no longer a part of you—that your heart can remain broken, never to be fixed or beat the same way again?
Nate told me I had to stay away. And in that moment it was like time stood still. My world froze, along with my heart. It came so out of the blue, so unexpected. He said it would never work between us, but he ain’t fooling me. We have been inseparable for months, hell, since that day I first saw him at the MC. For nearly a year now, we have been sneaking around, unable to keep our hands off each other. One look into his bright blue eyes told me everything I’ll ever need to know about Nate.
He’s my soulmate.
And accepting that he will no longer be in my life is something I’m struggling to get to grips with.
I need to get out of this damn apartment. Being here alone is driving me crazy. I throw back the bedsheets, the ones that smell just like Nate. That woody cologne he wears has seeped into every fiber in my apartment and hanging on to it feels like the only thing I have left of him.
The sound of my cell phone ringing snaps me from my daydream. I fall back against the bed before rolling on my side and grabbing the phone from my nightstand. I can’t help the smile that creeps across my face when I see her name.
“Izzy,” I say in an upbeat tone. The last thing I want is anyone feeling sorry for me, or to give the imp
ression that I’m not okay. Of course I’m okay. I think.
“Hey, whatcha doing?” she all but sings down the phone.
“Right now, nothing. I was just about to get my lazy ass in the shower before heading to work.”
“You’re going into work?”
“Err, yes… why wouldn’t I?”
Izzy sighs loudly down the phone. “Babe, you don’t have to pretend that everything is okay, like life goes on. I know you’re hurting and I also know how much he meant to you.”
Taking in a deep breath, I adjust my posture, a lame attempt at controlling the emotions I feel buzzing through my body. “I’m over it,” I say with finality. “It just wasn’t meant to be.”
“You don’t really believe that. You two have been seeing each other for months. You’re perfect for each other,” she all but gasps.
“I was stupid to believe it would work. That we would actually be together, Izzy. I feel like such a fool.” I slump forward, grabbing a handful of the bedsheet and pressing it against my cheek. The smell of Nate hits my senses and I can’t fight back the tears that now fall from my eyes. My heart has been crushed, only I’m not the kind of girl that shows when she’s hurting. I learned I have to be strong. Living in a family so involved in crime trains you to be street smart and tough. Only this kind of pain is one I’ve never experienced before.
“You’re not a fool. You fell in love with the wrong guy.”
“I should have listened to Brax,” I croak.
“You followed your heart, and that takes strength. I still think things will work out between you two. Give it time.”
“But he blanks me, Iz. Acts like I don’t exist.”
“Maybe that’s his way of dealing with it? You know this is not what he wants, right? Jeffries found out and called an end to it.”
“That’s no excuse, Izzy. If he really wants to be with me, he should be fighting for me. Why isn’t he fighting for me, huh?”
“I wish I had an answer for you,” she sighs down the phone.
“Did Brax say anything?” I blurt out. “Has Nate said anything about me to him?”
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