by R. J. Lewis
“She’s Brazilian, and she’s hot, don’t you think?” Javier asked, nudging my shoulder.
I nodded because it was the truth. “Yeah, she’s hot.”
“Let’s go then. You’ll thank me when she’s riding you to third base.”
“I’m busy.”
“There’s no such thing as busy when hot Brazilian chicks want to talk to you, asshole. Come on.”
“And say what?”
“Nothing. Anything. She won’t care.”
I went because I was admittedly intrigued, and the girl was extremely easy on the eyes. It wasn’t often I found a girl as uniquely attractive as Elise.
“Hey Tanya,” Javier said, smiling at her.
“Oh, hey,” she replied, pretending to be surprised. She hopped off the machine, looking right at me with chocolate brown eyes.
Javier nudged my shoulder. “Aston, this is my friend Tanya. She’s new.”
I nodded kindly. “Hey.”
Tanya grinned. She even managed to do that sensually. “Hi, it’s nice to meet you, Aston. We’re in the same history class.”
“Are we? I don’t pay attention in that class.”
She laughed. “Neither do I. Do you work out here all the time?”
“Every day.”
“Are you training for sports or something?”
“I don’t do sports.”
“He doesn’t compete with anyone but himself,” Javier explained. “Aston’s weird like that.”
Tanya bit her lip, and I closely watched the movement, sadly feeling absolutely nothing by it. “I don’t think that’s weird at all.”
“He helps out all the other guys too,” Javier said, doing everything in his power to score me this girl. “He’s like a trainer.”
“Can you help me out?” she asked me, her eyes moving to my arms. “I don’t know how to do weights.”
That was bullshit. She knew it. We knew it. I was supposed to go along with it, though. I was supposed to lead her to a weight rack and tell her how to squat with my hands on her waist, hips, ass, wherever. It was meant to be some kind of erotic moment that led to her getting fucked in the nearest bathroom stall. It wasn’t the first time I’d seen this kind of action.
The offer was there, and it shone from her eyes, begging me to take it.
For a few brief moments, I wondered what that would be like. Touching her, running my hand through her thick dark hair, squeezing her hips as I lifted her tiny body against me. It was an exciting thought. It made my blood run faster as I thought of how easy it would be to finally feel how warm the body of a woman was.
But…then again, I’d rather fuck my math textbook. I’d get more connection out of it than a throwaway fuck, and besides…the only girl that ran through my head when I had sexual fantasies had blonde hair and blue eyes.
It was very disappointing. I didn’t want to focus all my sexual energy on a girl I couldn’t have. If it were up to me, I wanted to imagine myself with other girls and move on from my obsession. But it just wasn’t happening.
That was the curse of addiction: it had your focus narrowed on one particular thing, and nothing else came close to it.
I tore my eyes away from Tanya and glanced down at my watch. “Can’t stick around. I have to pick up Elise from dance class.”
Javier’s eyes widened and he gave me a scolding look. “Well…how about I pick her up and you can get to know Tanya a bit? Help her lift some things and make sure her form is nice and…tight.”
I shook my head. “I haven’t seen Elise in three hours and forty-two minutes. I can’t wait another hour.”
“Is she your girlfriend?” Tanya asked, masking her disappointment.
“His sister,” Javier answered for me, frowning at my lack of interest.
“Oh…is she young? Is that why you have to pick her up from dance class?”
“She’s seventeen,” I responded. “Her feet get sore after class, and I don’t want her to walk home in pain.”
“Oh…”
Javier appeared annoyed. “I just told you I’d pick her up. I wouldn’t make her walk home, man.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “She doesn’t like you.”
“What? Why the hell not?”
“Because you flirt with her.” He did it all the time. He was so horribly obvious, I wanted to rip his lungs from his throat any time he was around her.
Javier rolled his eyes. “Whatever, man.”
I looked at them both and backed away. “Sorry guys. I’ll see you around. It was nice to meet you, Tanya.” When I smiled kindly at her, she let out an unsteady breath and her cheeks went pink.
Fuck, I wished I felt something.
I wished, most of all, that I was normal.
*
I waited out front of the dance studio with my back against the car, arms folded. My eyes were glued to the entrance, waiting impatiently for Elise to appear.
I immediately straightened when she walked out of the studio alongside Cindy. I felt instantly alive, like adrenaline had been shot up my veins. My eyes trailed her body, like it’d been deprived of it for years. She was in those sexy black tights and a damp white tank top. Her hair was up in a loose bun, a couple curled strands tucked behind her ear.
“Hey Aston,” Cindy called out, grinning mischievously at me. “Looking good!”
“Hi Cindy,” I forced out. God, I can’t stand her.
“Take care of my girl!”
As if I wouldn’t? I just nodded. It saved me from talking. The problem with Cindy was she latched on to words and never stopped moving her lips. If you said nothing, then she had nothing to work with.
Elise parted ways from her and hurried to me. She was flushed and breathless, a sight that knocked me speechless every time.
I smirked at her as she approached. “How was it?”
She raised her arms out and spun backwards in a circle on one foot. “Invigorating!” she shouted, giggling when she nearly lost balance at the end.
“Calm your shit. You’re not a ballerina.”
“We integrated some ballerina pirouettes into the dance, so I’m part-ballerina now, asshole.”
I chuckled and opened the passenger door for her. “Such a gentleman,” she said sarcastically before skimming me up and down. “You just come out of the gym, hulk?”
“As always.”
“How was it?”
“Painful. I’m starved. You want some pizza or something?”
“I was thinking a huge ass quarter pounder.”
I groaned. “Fuck yeah.”
We rode down main street, her feet up on the dashboard, the radio cranked up all thanks to her. She danced carelessly, windows down, her terrible voice screaming out lyrics. She butchered music. The words were always wrong, and if you corrected her, she wouldn’t have it. She just shook her head in denial and kept rattling the same shit. Drivers looked at her with smiles, pedestrians laughed as they caught fragmented seconds of her torturous performances, and she didn’t give a shit.
I loved it.
I grinned at her as we stopped at a red light. She had these aviator glasses on, and she thought she was so fucking hip in them. And there I was, just staring at her craziness, at her feet bobbing with the music, at her butchering lyrics with those playboy specs on, and then flashing me a duck face when she caught me looking. The girl was mad. Absolutely fucking crazy mad.
A cop car pulled up beside us. I saw Adrian first on the passenger side, and then I met Dad’s eyes. He honked once at us and angrily pointed at Elise. “Put your seatbelt on!” he shrieked. “I swear to God, Elise! Swear. To. God!”
I laughed as Elise immediately straightened in her seat and turned the volume down. “Sorry!” she yelled back, throwing on her seatbelt. Her cheeks were flaming red. She looked adorable scrambling to please him. Her old man was the only one that could get this kind of reaction out of her.
“We’re going to have a talk later!” he promised sternly.
The light turned green
and he turned the corner, disappearing out of sight. We drove straight ahead, the music so low it was a whisper now. I smirked at her and she slapped my arm. “Shut up,” she hissed at me, biting at the inside of her cheek.
“Didn’t say anything,” I muttered cheekily.
She rolled her eyes. That was always a sign of protest. Rolling her eyes at everything that didn’t please her. “You don’t have to. Your smartass face does all the talking for you.”
“What does a smartass face look like exactly?”
“Like Aston Turner. Stop smiling.”
That just made my smile grow. “Just keep your seatbelt on from now on, El. If that was another cop, he might have given me a ticket.”
“Dad would never have allowed that.”
“You know as well as I do he’d never come to the rescue. If I deserved the ticket, I’d damn well have it.”
She made a grunting sound and looked out the window. She knew I was right, but she wouldn’t admit it. Typical of El.
We went to the nearest McDonalds and ate in a small booth by the window. The place was packed with people our age, sitting in their booths in packs. On our way in, she’d stopped to wave hello to a few of them, but the guys weren’t as friendly when I was standing behind her, glaring at them.
She got distracted for several minutes at a toddler sitting in the booth behind her. He couldn’t have been older than two, and he stood there and swiped at her hair. She made a show of gasping and turning, and he ducked down and giggled like he was the biggest secret around. Sadly, the mother was unimpressed, and a few hisses later, the boy was gone.
When El turned back to me, she pulled her pickles out of her burger and tossed them to me. I placed the pickles in my burger and threw my onions to her. She placed her onions in her burger and we ate. I gave her all my soft fries and she gave me all her hard ones. This was our unspoken McDonalds routine. The ying to the yang when it came to fast food.
“Look who’s come in,” she said quietly, halfway into her food.
I followed her line of sight to the entrance where Deck and his crew of idiots walked through. Immediately, the asshole scanned his surroundings like he was taking personal stock of his environment. Chick hunting in a fast food place, fucking classy, right?
He did a double take when he caught sight of Elise. His body stiffened for half of a second. Then he looked at me, and I stared right on back, challenging him to dare make a move. He sniffed and looked away, moving straight to the line-up behind the counter.
“Pussy,” I muttered under my breath, taking another bite of my burger.
“Is he staring at me?” she asked, slight concern in her voice.
“No.”
“He does at school. A lot.”
My chewing slowed. “I know,” I replied tightly. “He’s still angry, still wanting what he can’t have.”
“You think he’s just sore about what happened?”
“Yeah, he is.”
“But that was so long ago.”
“An unhinged asshole never forgets.”
She tilted her head to the side. “He won’t come to me because you’re always in his way.”
I leaned back in my seat and snapped, “Damn straight. I’d squash him like a fly if he picked on you.”
“Well, what am I going to do without you next year, Aston?”
I looked back at Deck as he ordered his food. “I’ll make sure he keeps his distance, El. Don’t worry about it.” Maybe I’d break his leg again, or give him brain damage – anything to make him useless for the first half of the year. I felt a little startled how seriously I was considering it.
She nodded, her eyes glowing as she watched me. “You’re my guardian, you know that?”
If she only knew what she was to me. I switched my gaze to her and smiled despite my compulsive need to reach over the table and smash her lips against mine. “And you’re an angel, El.”
She smiled back and threw another hard fry to my pile. “Are you busy tonight?”
“If I have nothing to do, I’ll be hitting the books.”
She looked at me quizzically. “What’s it like? I don’t get the obsession.”
I thought about it for a moment. “If I’m not doing it, I get irritable. All I can think of are numbers. It’s an addiction, and the less of it you have, the more you want it.”
She poked her fries around, whispering, “I know what that’s like.”
“With your dance?”
She looked suddenly uncomfortable. She tightened the bun in her hair and looked away from me, avoiding my question. “So, will your brain get shitty at me if you want to go to the movies tonight?”
I chuckled. “It’s not another fucking entity.”
“Do geniuses swear as often as you?”
“Swearing is a sign of honesty.”
She snickered. “Bullshit.”
“It’s true.”
“Then I’m Einstein. Now do you want to go out tonight or what? It’s too hot to stay at home. I’m going to melt.”
“Use a spray bottle and the fan.”
“I did, and I was naked. Didn’t do shit.”
Fucking hell, she shouldn’t be telling me that. “It’s the hair. Cut it off so your neck can breathe.”
Her jaw dropped. “I’m not cutting off my hair! That’s like asking me to cut my arm off.”
“I’m just saying it’d make you cooler.”
“How would you like it if someone told you to cut off your hair?”
“I wouldn’t care.”
“Yes, you would. The world would mourn your man-bun.”
I grinned. “It’s just hair.”
She rolled her eyes. “Whatever. Why are you avoiding my question? Do you wanna go out or not?”
I shrugged. “Yeah, I’ll go out with you.”
“Don’t look too enthused,” she replied sarcastically, suppressing a smile.
I was enthused. I’d do anything to spend time with her. Even though my mind throbbed with the need to study, I was too busy picking Elise over it to care. I couldn’t resist her anymore. The temptation was too strong to fight.
“I want to go,” I assured her.
Another hard fry landed on my side. “Good. I gotta go to the bathroom.”
As she stood up and grabbed her bag, I discreetly trailed my eyes down her body, catching every curve and rise and fall from her chest. Jesus, I needed to see her skin. I needed something to feed the addicted monster inside me.
She moved straight to the bathroom, passing Deck and the line-up. He turned his head and watched her disappear around the corner. His gaze remained there for several unnerving moments before he finally turned back around and paid.
*
That evening, she dragged me to a romance movie. I sat in the middle of the theatre with dozens of swooning girls.
“I think the show is you at this rate,” Elise muttered before kicking at the chairs in front of her, startling all the girls that’d been spying on me. “Stop staring! It’s rude!”
“She’s got Tourette’s,” I lied to them before pulling her legs back. She fought with me for a few moments, until I started digging my fingers into her thighs, tickling her mercilessly. “Be civil, El.”
“Okay, okay, okay,” she cackled breathlessly, pushing me away. “I’ll stop.”
I let go and we settled back into our seats. The ads consisted of her throwing popcorn at the girls in front of us whenever they turned around. I tried not to smile, but fuck, her childlike behaviour was infectious, even the people around us laughed.
When the movie started, the theatre war ended and everyone stared on tentatively. The movie was fucking terrible; I wasn’t even going to lie. Some dude with a chiselled six pack was running around being a manwhore, slipping his dick into anything that moved. At the same time, he was pushing away his ridiculously sexy best friend who was so fucking obviously in love with him. She was there, in front of him, ready and willing, and he turned her down every time,
pretending to feel indifferent when he was really battling his emotions.
And the chicks were lapping this shit up! Including Elise, who’d pressed her body as close to me as possible. When shit got emotional, I wrapped an arm around her shoulder and lightly stroked her hair. The hero professed his love eventually, but it was too late. A bunch of melodramatic shit followed, and tears…lots and lots of tears. The ending was fucking vicious, and nobody walked out happy.
I left feeling a little aggravated on the drive home. In the back of my mind I knew what was pissing me off. That fucking movie with those chiselling abs and blaring white smiles hit a chord in me. I had Elise so clearly revolved around me, waiting for scraps of my affection. I wasn’t whoring around, but I wasn’t any different in how I treated her. I was spending so much of my time pretending I was indifferent.
I was a coward, wasn’t I? I was so scared of losing one thing, I wasn’t being man enough to take the leap. Fear was bullshit. You could be strong as I was, it didn’t stop that fear of change.
Somewhere within me, that frightened child I used to be sat there, darkening every corner. I wondered when that child would finally toughen the hell up and chase what he wanted.
Because, one day, it might be too late.
8.
Elise
Knock. Knock.
My eyes opened just barely, and I turned my face to the wall. Why was Aston knocking on it now?
I knocked back, confused.
“You awake?” he asked me through the wall, his voice quiet.
“Now I am,” I groggily answered, yawning. “What’s going on?”
“I’ll be right there.”
Suddenly alert, my eyes really flew open now. I sat up quickly and ran my fingers through my hair, tidying up the blonde knots just as the door quietly creaked open. It was dark save for the moonlight coming through the window, and I watched in surprise as he tiptoed into my bedroom.
At eighteen, Aston went from quiet, invisible boy to ohmygodheisSOhot. He was big. Unnaturally big for his age, and Dad chalked it up to genetics, but I knew the real reason. He went to the gym, lifted as much weights as possible to get bigger than all the rest of the guys. I suspected he lifted so they’d leave him alone, and the results were spectacular. He was confident and sure of himself, and the only guy in a library buried in a textbook that was this ripped. If he wasn’t so goddamn smart, he would have been the star of some modelling agency.