by R. J. Lewis
“More,” I demanded.
“Yeah,” he replied, appreciatively. “More.”
He was urgent. He didn’t tease. He gripped my thighs, spreading them apart to accommodate his body. His cock nudged at my entrance, rubbing up and down my slickness, coating himself with me. Then he pushed into me in one long swift thrust. We moaned at the same time, and he paused for several moments, his cock twitching inside me. It felt so good. I’d forgotten how good.
I was tight, or maybe he was too big. I didn’t know. I just knew there wasn’t an inch of him I wasn’t hugging. I felt pulsing tingles sweep me at the stillness.
“Aston,” I breathed, struggling under the weight of him, wanting him to move.
He exhaled deeply, kissing me languidly without moving his hips. “I tried staying away, El.”
“I don’t want to hear that. I just want you to fuck me.”
“Yeah, I’ll fuck you.”
I forced him to look at me as I demanded, “Not slow, Aston. I need it hard, okay?”
He didn’t respond. He just breathed softly, considering my words. Then he moved. Gripping me to him so there wasn’t an inch of my body he wasn’t touching, his rhythm was relentless and constant. It was hard and powerful, the strokes hitting my walls every time he slammed inside me. He bit at my lip and fucked me to heaven. My god, was he always this damn good? The release was explosive and instant. I clawed at his back as it hit me. He swallowed my cries and continued with his deep, pounding thrusts.
“I want another one,” he whispered as he moved, grunting and squeezing at my flesh. “I want to feel you tightening around me again, El.”
Then he moved out of me and turned me around. He gripped my hips and pulled me up on my knees. A breath later, his cock slammed back into me. I inhaled sharply, my mouth gaping open against the pillow as he went on. This position was sweet agony, and I soared.
He moved faster than before, faster than I could keep up with. It was the kind of hard I needed. That punishing rhythm hit a chord within me. He tended to that wounded, deprived part of me that begged for pain; that begged to feel him even long after he was gone. It was so good…so fucking good, another orgasm ripped through me. I fisted the sheets as I rode it out, shaking into the mattress that would smell like us come morning.
“Shit, El,” he rasped behind me, stopping suddenly. He groaned behind me, and I felt his cock jerk and warmth spread.
He collapsed on top of me and wrapped his arm around my body, pulling me to him. He kissed me on the head, neck and shoulders. He kissed down my spine, ass, and down my legs. He kissed me like he was appreciating every single inch of me.
When he was finished touching my every curve, he rested back up the mattress, and I turned to him so that we were side by side, staring at one another. With sated smiles, we lost ourselves in each other’s gazes.
“Why are there scratches all over your body?” he asked me after some time.
“I fell down the stairs at school yesterday,” I lied.
His fingers were back on me again, tracing along my neck, shoulders, and along the fresh scratches on my arm. “Where’s Mom?”
“Is she not in her room?”
“No, her car’s not out front.”
“I don’t know where she is. She comes and goes as she pleases.”
“Is she any better?”
“No.”
“Are you two at odds?”
“I’m not at odds with her. At the same time, she doesn’t bother with me, and your silence hasn’t helped make it any better.” I said that more harshly than I’d have liked. It couldn’t be helped. I had a lot of aggression left in me.
He looked away. “Even if I was around, I doubt I’d have been much help, El.”
I frowned. “You don’t get it, do you, Aston? You think I hold resentment toward you for no reason. You abandoned me when I needed you. I looked after Mom all by myself. How would I have helped any better than you?”
“You’re her real kid. I thought that made a difference.”
“That’s a cop-out answer and you know it. She took you in, and loves you like a son, and you love her like a mother. You shouldn’t have left like that.”
His hand dropped from my shoulders. “I would have been gone two days later anyway, Elise.”
I sat up and looked down at him, my bare breasts distracting him for a moment. I sighed, rolling my eyes. “Look at me, Aston.”
He smirked. “But you have stunning tits, El.”
“Don’t try and distract me.”
“I’m telling you the truth. They’re gorgeous.”
“Aston,” my voice came out as a warning.
“What?”
“I want to know why you left like that.”
That smirk instantly fell. “Then you’re not going to like what I say.”
“Tell me.”
He gritted his teeth. “I’m responsible for killing him. That’s why I ran.”
Was he for real? “No, you aren’t. I already know how it happened. It was all over the news. Adrian told me everything. Dad was stopping a couple out front –”
“No,” he cut in sharply. “That’s not what happened. I’m the one that intervened, not Dad.”
I made a face. “What are you talking about?”
“He told me to stay put because he was off-duty and didn’t have his protective gear on. He called for back-up because the man had a gun in his hand and he was screaming at his wife, threatening to shoot her and their son if she didn’t get out of his way. He was trying to get to the boy. It all went down because the boy had stolen a packet of ketchup from the restaurant and had opened it in the backseat and spilled it.”
I just stared at him, dumbfounded, waiting for more.
“It was fucked up,” he continued. “I felt a trigger go off inside me. The fuck reminded me of my real father just before he attacked my mother and us with a knife. It was this… red-hot rage unravelling itself inside of me. I never felt so determined to stop anything in my life. I couldn’t…I couldn’t let him hurt them. I really thought he was going to. It was a stupid move. I jumped him from behind and the gun went off. And then there was Dad, pulling me off the man and shoving me to the side, protecting me. He…He had no choice but to try and disarm the man and…and the man was so pissed, so out of control, he was pushing at him to get to me. They fought. Dad tried to dislodge the gun from the man’s hands and in the fucking mess the man pulled the trigger. Just like that, Dad was shot in the chest.”
Aston slid to the end of the bed and sat up, burying his head in his hands. I stared at him, stunned into speechlessness. These were my father’s last conscious moments. I almost couldn’t breathe.
“He was dying in front of me,” he whispered, anguished. “I knew there was no saving him. His eyes were glazed and distant. I kept telling him to hang on, and then when I knew he was drifting, I apologized to him because…we’d had a fight in the restaurant. Over you. He…he wanted me to leave you. He said you were too young and I was too mature, that I had to give you a chance to know what you wanted for sure or else the pain of a breakup might destroy the family. And we were all so close, you know? It would have killed them if we had a nasty end and couldn’t be in the same room.
“He said I was too involved in my own head to give you the time you needed, and he was right. I’m really busy, El. You’d drift away from me eventually, and I can’t handle actually losing you that way. But at the same time, I know you have to live your own life. If I’d just agreed at that table, we wouldn’t have left on such bad terms. If I’d have been in control of my anger, I wouldn’t have approached that man. I’d have waited for the cops to come and sort him out. I fucked up so badly and it cost me…everything.”
Silence followed. I took a few deep breaths, trying to regain my composure after that revelation. It was hard to hear, hard to imagine my father dying like that, but also hard to listen to the pain in Aston’s voice. I choked up, and then I had to spend a few minutes
swallowing the massive lump in my throat because, fucking hell, I couldn’t stand Aston hurting.
“You tried to do the right thing,” I managed out. “I don’t blame you, Aston.”
He looked at me over his shoulder, his eyes tired. “You should. He’s gone because of my actions.”
“He’s gone because that man pulled the trigger, not you.”
He scoffed in disbelief. “You don’t know what you’re saying, El. You weren’t there.”
“I have to be there to understand?”
“You have to be there and know what it’s like to watch the life bleed from someone’s eyes. Story of my fucking life. It was preventable. The entire thing could have been a day him and I both looked back on, knowing we handled it. I think what kills me the most is how fucking stupid it was. Spilt ketchup, El. Spilt fucking ketchup and a dumb guy like me acting out like a fucking wanna-be hero.”
I grimaced at his words. “If you spend your whole life thinking this way, you’re going to have a whole life of misery, Aston.”
His shoulders dropped and his hand covered his eyes as he breathed in and out raggedly. “Fuck, you just can’t think ill of me, can you?”
I shook my head, feeling a tear fall. “Never. I tried. I tried so hard to hate you, Aston, and you’re here for one minute and I can’t think that way anymore.”
“I’m sorry, El. I’m sorry for leaving you like that. I’m so fucking sorry.” His voice broke and he sucked in breaths.
I moved to him and wrapped my arms around his back. Nestling my chin on his shoulder, I replied softly, “And I’m sorry for acting out the way I did before you left. We’re both at fault. I…I was so desperate for affection after he died, Aston. I’ve felt so alone, like driftwood, you know?”
He nodded. “I know.”
“I want us to be okay. We don’t have to be together. I understand you’re busy, and you won’t be around often, but…I want us to talk.” I shut my eyes. “I can’t handle not talking, Aston.”
He sighed and kissed my forehead. “I can do that.”
It wasn’t the kind of resolution I’d hoped for, but having Aston in my life in a small way was better than not having him in it at all. The world didn’t always give you what you wanted, but you had to take what was given, or risk losing it all.
He took my mouth against his again and led me back to the bed. I knew I wouldn’t see him for another long while, so I hugged him to me tightly and whispered, “Slow this time. I need to feel this with you.”
He listened and gave me what I wanted. He rocked into me, slowly and passionately. We came together minutes later, and it was sweet and painful. As he lay down next to me, he combed through my hair and said, “Try not to lie to me next time. I know your bruises didn’t come from a staircase, El. You’re a shit liar.”
“It was nothing.”
He sighed. “Nothing I would disapprove of?”
I smiled. “Oh, you’d have disapproved of this big time, but you’d have done something about it yourself.”
He chuckled dryly. “How reassuring.”
He took my hand and traced the lines on my palm, lingering on the thick scar there with a reflective look on his face. He didn’t ask about it, and I was glad. Maybe he thought it was old. I felt content for the first time in so long. I didn’t want this to end.
“There really isn’t anyone else, El?” he whispered to me.
“No,” I whispered back.
“No one’s shown you interest? I don’t believe that.”
“Not at school.” He didn’t need to know my reputation. He was oblivious in the city, and I liked that.
“Someone outside of it has?”
I smiled timidly. “I did meet a guy or two.”
He watched me closely, an unreadable look on his face. “Two?”
“It’s nothing. The first guy is a homeless dude who feeds birds at the lake we use to swim in. His name is Ray. He’s crazy, but we don’t talk much. I seem him once a week over the weekend.”
“That’s weird, El.”
“I know.”
“And number two?”
“There’s nothing between guy number two and me, but…I like talking to him. I think he offered me a job too.”
He didn’t look like he gave a shit about the job. “What’s his name?”
“Hayden.”
“What does he do?”
“He’s a doctor.”
He paused and continued staring at me, this time with realization. “You’re talking about the doctor from the hospital, aren’t you? I saw the way he looked at you.”
I nodded slowly. “Yeah, it was him.”
“What job could he possibly offer you, El?”
“At a bookstore.”
“And you agreed?”
“I didn’t really answer him.”
“But are you going to do it?”
“I’m thinking about it. It might be better than the paintball field. He invited me out tomorrow night. Apparently they do readings there or something, I don’t know.”
“And are you going there tomorrow night?” he pressed.
“Well, I don’t know yet. I need to think about it.”
Aston pressed his fingers against the bridge of his nose and breathed slowly. “I’m going to assume you’re not going to take a random job some stranger offered you, El, because you’re smarter than that.”
I was taken aback by his change of tone. I scowled at him and replied, “I’m a big girl, Aston.”
“You’re eighteen.”
“And you’re nineteen.”
“But I’m smarter.”
My jaw dropped and I immediately scooted away from him. “You’re smarter?”
He winced. “Shit, I swear I didn’t mean it like that –”
“You did mean it like that! Just because you have nice grades and a bigger brain, it doesn’t mean you know everything about everything –”
“All I meant was you’re really young, and maybe naïve to think it’s safe to agree to some guy’s job proposition, or to even go out tomorrow night after everything that’s happened to you already–”
“I’m not listening to this anymore,” I sharply interrupted, crossing my arms and leaning back against the headboard. I stared ahead, fuming. He didn’t respond, and for some reason that ticked me off even more. “You’re being unreasonable. I’m not that gullible, Aston. If it concerns you so much, Cindy can be there with me.”
“Great, two one hundred and twenty pound girls,” he sarcastically retorted. “That changes everything.”
I rolled my eyes. “Don’t be a dick.”
“You don’t know who this guy is!”
“Yes, I do!”
“So because he’s a doctor that makes him safe?”
“I’ve spoken to him a couple times already.”
“Wow, that sure does change everything! It makes him less of a stranger, right?”
I almost growled. “How am I meant to meet someone if I should steer clear because they’re all strangers? Everyone is a freaking stranger at one point, Aston.”
“I’m just concerned for you. Look what happened to you last night –”
I vehemently cut in. “I will never repeat that behaviour again! It was a huge mistake. I wasn’t myself. I felt so lonely thinking of Dad and how robbed I felt not being able to share another birthday with him. I’ll never do it again. Never.”
He sat up and rested against the headboard beside me. “It’s just…We’ve just fucked twice, El, and you’re going out tomorrow to see some guy. How do you think that makes me feel?”
“Congratulations for making me sound like a slut.”
He let out a frustrated breath. “No, you’re not a slut.”
“You’re the only guy I’ve been with.”
“And I want to be the only guy you’ll ever be with.”
I tensed and looked at him evenly. “You just told me to be happy with or without you. You’re sending mixed signals.”
“Maybe I will.”
“Fine.”
He slid off the bed and stood up. Seriously, he was getting off the bed because of this? With a dark expression, I watched him gather his clothes, unable to look away from his naked body flexing naturally as he moved. Why was he so big and sexy? This defied stereotype.
“Why can’t you thin out a bit?” I asked him, annoyed. “Why must you look like that?”
He paused and turned to look at me. “How am I meant to look?”
“You’re meant to be a scrawny nerd with a pedo moustache and coke bottle glasses.”
“Sorry to disappoint. Would it have been easier to see your lover tomorrow if I looked ugly? Oh, wait. You’re already seeing him, so it doesn’t matter either way.”
I rolled my eyes. “Who’s being naïve now?”
“Just stating the facts.”
“Why are you getting dressed?”
“Because I’m going.”
“Shut up, Aston. It’s midnight. You are not going. When would you get back to your place?”
“Three.”
“You’ll fall asleep at the wheel.”
“I’ve been sleeping next to you all day. I’ll be fine.”
“Just lay the hell down,” I snapped, exasperated by him.
He shook his head. “I’m not laying down next to you. I’ll just fuck you again, and I don’t want to do that because I kind of fucking hate you at the moment.”
“Hate me? I haven’t done anything!”
“I’ll go to my own room.”
Ah, shit. I looked down at my hands. “You can’t go to your room.”
“Why the hell not?”
“Uh, well…your room is sort of out of commission right now, Aston. This bed is your best bet because Tuck’s taken the couch and he doesn’t like the share.”
He glowered at me, confused. “What’s wrong with my room?”