by Amber Lacie
Theron is sitting at the island. "You ready?"
"I guess so."
He takes my hand, softly placing a kiss on the back of it, and I follow him to the car.
I hate funeral homes. The flower arrangements and plants do nothing to soften the pain of losing a loved one. If anything, they are just a reminder that all things die because even they will wilt and die eventually.
I walk into the door marked “Office.” Kayla and Michael are already sitting in dark brown leather chairs in front of a big oak desk. Taking my seat next to Michael, I grab his hand. I can't imagine the pain he must be feeling. The man across from us introduces himself, but I don't hear his name. I'm too focused on the people beside me.
The meeting only lasts an hour. Everything is planned, per Michael's wishes. Matt's obituary will run in tomorrow’s paper. Michael has already gotten in touch with his family and Matt's brother has posted a copy online. Thanks to social media, I will only need to let my parents and Anne know the details. I give Michael a hug and let him know if he needs anything to call me. Kayla is already outside sitting on a bench near the front door. She looks exhausted and I feel the same.
"Kayla, how are you doing with all of this?" Taking a seat next to her, I squeeze her hand.
"I don't know. It's just so unreal, you know?"
"I know." I lay my head on her shoulder. It's going to be so strange not having Matt around. I take a deep breath. "So, Michael asked me to talk to you about the apartment."
"I don't want to live there anymore, Eve. I'm sorry, but I can't"
"I figured as much. I feel the same way. Michael said he took care of April's rent for us. He let the landlord know the situation and he was very understanding. We have until April fifteenth to move our stuff out. Michael is going to pack up Matt's stuff next week." I sniffle and Kayla puts her arm around me.
"Your mom swears this will get easier. She asked me to stay with her, but I told her Paul offered the same."
"Are you moving in with him, then?"
"I guess so. I mean we have been dating for close to a year now. It seems like the right choice."
"But do you want to? Is this what you want, Kayla?" She rubs my shoulder. We sit in silence for a few moments. "I really want to. I love him." She kisses the side of my head. I'm happy for her. "What about you?"
"I don't know. I haven't thought about it. I know I don't want to go back to the apartment. Robert is in town for a couple weeks. I might just ask him and my dad to pack my things. I guess I could stay with my parents for a little while until I find something."
"I'm sure they won't mind. So…how's the new boyfriend?"
"Good. I just wish we would have met under better circumstances."
"Well, didn't you technically meet at the laundromat?"
"Yes, I suppose technically that's what happened."
"Then you did, but some really shitty stuff happened afterwards."
I roll my eyes at her. She has such a way with words. "So, where is Paul today?"
"He's rearranging his schedule at the office. He's taking the next week off for me, to help me pack. Where's Theron? I was certain he was going to show up looking for you. He seems very intense around you."
"He should be here in a few minutes. I texted him before I came out here. Kayla, I feel so drawn to him. Is that bad?"
She opens her mouth to say something, but she's interrupted when Michael walks out to say goodbye. He hugs both of us trying his best to smile at us, and heads to his car. Watching him walk away, I notice Theron pull up in his car. I decide I want to name his car ‘Badass’. I so badly want to drive it. I give Kayla a hug, but I have a hard time letting go.
"It'll be okay, Eve. We have each other."
"I know." I open my door and slide into the soft leather seat. "See you later."
"Eve?"
"What?"
"It's not bad if the other person feels the same way. I just want you to keep that in mind, okay?"
"Okay." I close my door. I text my family and Anne on the drive back to Theron's place. He never asked me where I wanted to go, but he didn't need to. I would have chosen his place anyway.
Matt's service was on Saturday. It was a small, private ceremony. Matt's ashes will be spread at their family's cabin in Colorado. He spent every summer there when he was little. For the past couple of years, he would go there with his dad and brother on a fishing trip. Matt loved it there, and I'm sure he will be happy with it as his final resting place.
I haven't been back to the apartment. I don’t want to go. My mom thinks I should go say my goodbyes to it, but I already have. I did that on Saturday. Robert and my dad are headed over to pack my belongings today. They are taking everything to my parent's house. My dad said I could store what I don't need in his garage.
I'm lying in Theron's bed with the blankets over my face. I can hear my phone vibrating on the nightstand. Not having the urge to talk to anyone, I ignore it.
Theron has been amazing. He has been taking care of me through this entire mess. He even texted Robert and my dad to set up times to have my stuff packed and moved.
My appetite is finally picking up, but my only forms of sustenance are coffee and ice cream.
I'm not sure why Theron hasn't kicked me out yet. There are tissues covering the bed. I'm being such a slob, but I don't care. I'm completely drained from crying and trying to cope with all of this.
I can hear Theron walking down the hall. I'm sure he's coming to check on me. I feel him sit beside me. He attempts to pull the covers back, but I hold on tight.
"Beautiful, I know you are in there. I've let you lay here for days with your tissues and ice cream. It's time to get up, babe. You need a shower. You'll be amazed by how much better you will feel under the hot water."
"No. I'm not coming out. I like it under here."
"And I like you, but you are starting to smell, babe."
Pulling the covers down from my face, I give him a dirty look and he laughs at me. "Don't laugh at me. You’re being a jerk!" As soon as I said it, I regretted it. "I'm sorry. You’re not a jerk. Besides, I can't smell that bad. I took a shower early Saturday morning."
"Beautiful, it’s Wednesday. I'll start the water and grab you a change of clothes." Standing up, he walks into the bathroom. It's Wednesday? I still can't smell that bad. Sitting up, I smell my shirt. Gross! I do smell that bad.
I must look awful because when Theron walks out of the bathroom, he gives me a look of pity. "I promise you'll feel better. Maybe after the shower we can the leave the room today. Gram may stop by in a bit. She's worried about you."
"Worried about me? Why?"
"You have officially been living under blankets and only emerging to use the bathroom. I think she's afraid I've kidnapped you." He laughs as he leaves the room. I hear him yell from the hall, "Shower, Eve! I love you, beautiful, but you smell."
What? He couldn't have said what I thought he said. Maybe a shower will help me wake up since I seem to be hearing things.
I don't look in the mirror. I don't want to see the horrid creature I have become. The water is hot and it feels so good. He has turned it on so the sides are spraying out jets of hot water on me, while a waterfall showers me from above. This shower is absolute heaven. Everyone needs a shower like this.
I step out of the shower and wrap myself up in a towel. Using a hand towel to wipe some of the steam off the mirror, I see my reflection. I don't look any different, but I feel different. I still feel hurt, empty, and broken. I pull on some clean yoga pants and a long sleeve shirt. I dry my hair while wondering how long I'm going to feel like I'm missing a part of myself. Needing to face the world, I head to the kitchen for coffee.
I start the single cup coffee maker. I wish I had one of these. It's so convenient. Theron is sitting on the couch watching a baseball game. Walking up behind him, I softly place a kiss on his cheek, "Who's playing?"
"It's the Cubs against the Brewers."
"Isn’t it a li
ttle early for baseball?"
"No. This is pre-season. Do you see all the green grass and sunshine?"
"Yes."
"They are playing in Arizona. Opening day is Monday. I have tickets to their home opener against Pittsburgh. Do you want to go?"
"I don't know. When is it?" It's not like I have any plans, but I should start working again. I'm sure Sharon has her hands full with my accounts.
"April twelfth. They play the Reds in Cincinnati first. Then the Rockies in Colorado. I never miss their home opener. I have the best seats."
"What, behind home plate?"
"Okay, well I guess it's more like I have good seats." A huge grin spreads across his face. "I've got bleacher seats."
"In what world are bleacher seats good, Theron?"
"Have you ever been to Wrigley Field?"
"No. I’ve never been to any game before."
"What? Never? Are you being serious right now? Beautiful, you are missing out. Now you have to come. I won't take no for an answer."
I lean over him, wrapping my arms around his neck, and whisper into his ear, "Okay, I'll go." I kiss the top of his head and walk away, towards my cup of freshly brewed coffee.Turning around, I see his Gram taking a seat at the island. She's wearing a gorgeous black and cream floor length skirt and a cream blouse. She always looks so different from one day to the next.
"Good morning, Isa. Would you like a cup?"
"That would be lovely."
I start on her cup of coffee as Theron walks over and kisses her on her cheek. I feel arms wrap around my waist. He buries his head in the curve of my neck and breathes in deep.
"You smell so much better."
"Gee, thanks. You don't smell too bad either. What are our plans today?"
"It’s completely up to you. I'm just happy you left your blanket fort." He gently kisses me on my neck, sending goosebumps down my back. "I'm going to take a shower. Why don't you think about what you want to do for lunch, okay? Your dad is already at the apartment. He said he would take care of everything. Paul is there finishing up with Kayla's things today too. We need to talk about some things, but after I shower. Okay?"
I nod my head. It's the first time I haven't cried in days. I'm afraid if I speak I'll start and I won't be able to stop. Handing Isa her cup, I take a seat beside her.
"Oh, my lovely, I'm so sorry you're hurting like this. I want to give you some advice someone gave me after my husband passed on. Time does not heal all wounds. You can't fix a broken heart when a piece is missing. We learn as time passes how to live without that missing piece. It will get easier, but it's only because as life moves forward we gain more pieces to love. It never replaces the one we lost. It can't, those are irreplaceable. They do, however, make it worth living." She stands and kisses the top of my head. "Oh, and Eve, I'm glad Theron found you again." She smiles closing the door behind her.
I swear I felt the floor fall from beneath me, but I am still sitting on the barstool. I haven't moved an inch. Found me, again? Maybe she's confusing me with someone else. I think I would have remembered meeting Theron before. I have this uncomfortable feeling coming over me. I can't handle anything else right now. Needing to focus on getting through today without adding any other complications, I grab my phone and sit on the couch.
Unlocking my phone, I notice I have several missed calls and texts. Thankfully, no voicemails. I send Kayla a text.
I can hear Theron moving around in the bedroom. Making a mental list of what I need to do today, I put my parents’ house at the top. I know I've taken the week off work, but maybe getting back in to my normal routine will help.
The taste of blood suddenly fills my mouth. I’m chewing my cheek again. It’s an awful habit so I make a mental note to break it before I don't have any cheeks left.
I'm sending a quick text to Anne letting her know I'll be at the office in the morning when I hear, or rather, I sense Theron come up behind me. I love how my body reacts to his presence.
"What kind of decisions have you made? Will we be leaving the house for lunch or staying in?" Sliding his arms around my waist, he kisses the back of my head. My body is instantly warmed and relaxed.
"Um, well, I haven't actually thought about the food part. I should get over to my parent’s today though."
Sighing, he sits next to me. He spins my body so we are face to face and holds my hands in his. “Is it because you want to go through your things?" I shrug my shoulders. "Is it because you feel you need to leave?" I stare into his eyes, but I don't have an answer for him. "Did I do something, or did Gram say anything? I thought I was doing a good job taking care of you."
"You are. It's not that. You are taking wonderful care of me, and although I'm enjoying the attention, I just thought you might want your space back. I mean we've only just met, you don't know me." He stops me with a soft kiss to my lips.
"I don't know you? I know more than you think, Eve. I know your love for coffee and books. I know you have lost a close friend and are trying your best to keep going without them. I know you love and respect your family because their opinions matter to you. I know how your breathing changes when I get close to you. I know how your body shivers when I kiss your neck. I know how goosebumps spread over your skin as I trail my fingers across your body. I know you bite your cheek when you're nervous or upset. I know you." He stops himself. It's almost like he wants to say more, but he doesn't. While his words are comforting, yet erotic, I can't shake this feeling that he's not telling me everything.
"Well those are all good things to know, but I should still get to my parent’s. I could at least help them unpack."
"Unpack? As in you are going to move in there?"
"Well, yeah. I don't have an apartment anymore. Since Kayla is moving in with Paul, I won't be able to afford one like we had. I'll have to start hunting for a new one, I guess."
"I don't think it is an issue. I don't feel you have explored all your means." He gives me a half smile.
"What, with you? You want me to move in here? Theron, I don't know. It's such a huge step."
"Okay. Well, you think about it. I like having you here, Eve. I like waking up to you. I like feeling your breath on my skin when you’re curled into me and sleeping. I have material possessions, but not very many people stay in my life. I learned at a young age people can be taken away from you. You can't always control who you get to keep in your life, but I would really love to keep you." He leans in and our lips meet. His tongue brushes against my bottom lip and I open to him, swirling my tongue around his. His fingers run along my scalp and grasp onto my hair. I moan into his mouth. Slowing the kiss, he pulls away. He stares into my eyes as if he can see all my secrets I have hidden away.
"Wow." It comes out as a whisper. He has momentarily taken my voice away.
"I agree. We will come back to this topic later. I'm not closing the door on it just yet. Let's get you out of the house and some food in you."
"Okay. Where are we going to eat?"
"I was thinking the diner off Main Street in town. We can get some burgers and head to your parents afterwards. Okay?"
"Sure, sounds good." Slipping on my favorite chucks, I grab my jacket and purse. I'm ready to go, but Theron is digging in the hallway closet for something. He holds up an umbrella. Wonderful, it's raining.
The diner isn't very busy today. Theron's reading his menu and I'm watching the raindrops slide down the windowpane next to me. I love looking through windows and watching people interact with each other and the world around them. Outside seems to be just like the diner today, very slow.
"So, have you guys decided?" The waitress looks directly at Theron while she's talking. I'm not sure she even knows I'm sitting here.
Laying his menu down, he looks over to me. "Ladies first."
"Well, aren't you the gentleman?" The waitress sends him a sweet smile. It instantly fades as she turns to face me. I'm sure it has nothing to do with the mean look I'm sending in her direction.
> "I'll have a cheeseburger, no tomato or onion. I'll also take a side of fries and a Pepsi." I try to smile at her, but it ends up being more of a smirk.
"Okay, and for you Sir?" Smiling sweetly at Theron, she brushes his shoulder with her fingers. Why is she touching him?
"I'll have the same, but with onions." He doesn't look at her when he orders. He's staring right at me. A blush creeps into my cheeks. He hands the waitress the menu, but she doesn't seem to get the point.
"Can I interest you in anything else?" I swear she bats her eyes at him. I'm irritated by her and she hasn't technically done anything wrong. I don't like her.
"No." His tone is flat showing no emotion. Her smile fades as she walks away to turn our order in.
"Eve?" He raises his eyebrows at me and folds his hands on the table.
"Yes?" I bat my eyelashes at him and give him a huge, cheesy grin.
"Is there a problem with our waitress?"
"Not that I'm aware of. We could ask for someone different if you'd like."
"Jealous?"
"No!" It comes out louder than I intended. "I just didn't like the way she looked at you, or touched you."
"Does it matter how she looks at me, when I'm looking at you? You're the only person I care to see or touch in here." Reaching across the table for my hand, he places a soft kiss on my knuckles.
"No, I'm sorry," I whisper sheepishly. I've never reacted like that before. She didn’t do anything wrong.
The waitress brings our drinks and food in a timely fashion, much to my dismay. I'm intentionally waiting for her to mess up, but she hasn’t. Our food was delicious as well. She brings us our bill and Theron throws some money on the table. He holds my hand as we walk back to his car. We sit in silence for a few minutes before he turns to look at me.
"Aren’t we going? You haven't started the car yet." I'm hoping my question will keep him from talking about the way I acted at lunch.
"You're beautiful. I found your jealous side kind of surprising…and sexy." He starts the car and lays his hand on the inside of my upper thigh. I mentally wish for his hand to move up just a little more, but we are headed to my parent’s. It's probably best if I'm not a crazed sex fiend when we arrive.