by Kenna Knight
In my mind, it had to have been something I did that drove him away. It was all my fault. I should have been more interested in his work, gone to the gym more, been into his kinky sex scene.
But Nicky wouldn’t let me believe that shit. When she couldn’t convince me I was wrong, brainwashed, or bamboozled, she forced me to go to a professional who told me word for word the same things she had—it wasn’t my fault.
It’s taken years to sink in, and I still have self-esteem problems, but I know now, logically anyway, not emotionally, that it was indeed him and not me. I still don’t date. It’s too scary to put myself out there and risk being hurt like that again.
I explain it to Nicky this way. If you dove into a lake and sustained a life-threatening injury that was so painful you wished for death to make it stop, would you do it again? No, of course not. You would avoid that shit at all cost. That is how I feel about love.
“Thank you for loving me even when I didn’t.”
“You’re welcome, you twat, now get over there and give that gorgeous hunk of a man a chance to make you happy, really happy, not that fake shit Neil was dishing out.”
“I don’t know, Nicky…”
She cuts me off before I can make any more excuses. “There’s nothing not to know. Go inside, borrow some swim trunks from him, and get to flirting. Now.” She shoves my shoulder, and I get up and leave her by the pool with no intentions of borrowing swim trunks, swimming, or flirting.
I’ll chat with some of the other guests and maybe have another drink. At the bar, I find Chaz mixing up fruity drinks with little umbrellas. “Hey there, Detective Yale, can I get you a drink? You can drink, right… you’re not on duty or anything?”
“Please, call me Levi, and no, I’m off duty and here as a guest so sure, make me whatever you’re having, please.”
“I’m having a beer. These are for the Ari and Camilla, but I can whip you up one, too, if you want.” He smiles, and I notice he has the straightest whitest teeth I’ve ever seen in person. Magazines and TV shows have people with snow-white smiles all the time, but I always thought they were photoshopped. Maybe I was wrong.
“A beer is fine, and this might sound weird, but you have beautiful teeth.”
He laughs opening his mouth even wider, and I see they are all perfect not just the ones that show. “My parents are both dentists, and they tortured me for years so I would have this smile. I used to hate them for it, but now I appreciate it.”
“You should. They did great work.”
“Thanks. Here you go,” he says popping the top off a Corona and handing it to me. “Would you mind helping me take these over to the girls? I can’t carry both of them and my beer.”
“Sure.” I take what I think is a Piña Colada out of his hand and follow him to the other side of the yard where there is a canopy set up for those who don’t want to be in the sun. Two little boys run between us on their way to the pool almost making me drop the drinks. “Hey there now, slow down a little, guys. You don’t want to get hurt.” Both of them stop in their tracks and slowly walk the rest of the way to the pool occasionally glancing over their shoulders at me.
“Melina may have told her boys you were a cop so they would behave,” Chaz says with a wink.
“Ah, that explains the obedience,” I say.
“Yep, being an officer of the law will come in handy someday when you have kids of your own.” I’m never having kids of my own, but I don’t share that with Chaz. I don’t know crap about raising kids, and I don’t want to do it by myself. Since I’m never going to be in another serious relationship again, that means no kids.
When we reach the canopy, I say hello to Melina and her husband as well as Ian, Kylie, and her husband, Wes, and Evie and Crystal. I’m getting pretty good at putting everyone’s names with their faces. We hand Ari and Camilla their drinks and sit down.
“Levi, you about ready to get in the pool? It’s getting pretty hot out here,” Crystal asks. Crystal and Evie are married. Evie works at Tease with Graham. I don’t know much more since I haven’t interviewed her yet.
“Oh, no, I didn’t bring a suit. I’ll be okay with a beer.” I hold up my Corona, and she smiles.
“We have a shy one over here, Crystal. I think he’s going to need to be baptized into the Tease family today.” Oh no, I don’t like the sounds of that.
“Levi, you might want to rethink that. Evie has strong convictions about everyone swimming at the family barbeque. She says it’s not a real barbeque until everyone has been in the water, one way or another.”
I look around at all the somber faces and nodding heads. Well shit, I guess I’m going swimming. “All right, I’d rather go on my own than be baptized.”
Evie claps her hands together in excitement. “Yay! Now, where did Graham go? He always has extra suits.”
“Uh, I think he’s in the bouncy house with the kids,” Wes says pointing toward the far corner of the yard where a giant red blow-up castle is bobbing up and down.
“Oh God, he’s such a kid. He’s gonna pop that thing. Isn’t there a weight limit or something?” Kylie asks.
“He would probably just call and tell the company to bring him another one,” Crystal says.
“Yeah, you’re right. I’ll go get him,” Wes says getting up. “Come on, man, let’s get that giant kid out of there.” Wes motions for me to follow. I take a long drink of my beer before setting it down and going with him.
The closer we get, I start to hear Graham laughing and taunting the kids inside the castle. “I’m gonna launch you out the top!” he yells jumping up and coming down hard which launches the kids high into the air. They squeal and shriek, but as soon as they land, they’re yelling for him to do it again. He’s great with kids, and that makes me feel all warm in my belly. I need to be careful. I could fall for this man so easily, and there’s no way someone who looks like him would be interested in a guy like me.
We’re opposites—he’s creative and beautiful and covered in menacing-looking tattoos from his neck to his feet, and I’m disciplined, organized, and average looking with virgin un-tattooed skin. Next to Graham Blackwell, I am ordinary and unembellished.
Wes cups his hands around his mouth and yells. “Hey, Blackwell! Levi wants to swim, man, we need a suit!”
Graham stops jumping and makes his way to the entrance of the bouncy castle. He grabs hold of the mesh, swings himself out, and lands on the ground in front of us gasping for breath and soaked in sweat. Good God Almighty, he is breathtaking with his bare chest and jeans hanging low on his hips. He’s sporting the V that only a man who works out often has the privilege of showing off.
My heart is pounding, and sweat is dripping down my back between my shoulder blades when only seconds ago I was comfortable in the sun. I should look away. I’m gawking, but I can’t help myself.
He bends over and places his hands on his knees breathing hard. “Evie threatened you, didn’t she?” he asks with twinkling, playful eyes.
“Yeah, something like that.”
“Sorry, she insists everyone partake in the pool. Personally, I think she just likes to see everyone in a swimsuit. She’s an artist, and she says we inspire her.” He drags out the word inspire.
“I thought she worked at Tease.”
“She does, hair is just another medium to her.” He straightens up when he has caught his breath. “Come on, let’s make her happy and get you in the water.” He claps me on the back as he walks past and leads me into the house and to his bedroom for the second time today.
Wes went back to help his wife, Kylie, with their kids leaving Graham and me alone.
“Are you having a good time?” Graham asks.
“Yeah, you have great friends. And you throw a hell of a party. Thanks again for having us.” I watch him disappear into a huge walk-in closet.
“You haven’t seen anything yet. The band is late, but they should be here in a couple of hours, and the babysitters are coming soon, too. I wan
t everyone to be comfortable. I hire sitters so the parents can let their hair down and have a few drinks,” he calls from the closet.
Graham Blackwell is officially the most thoughtful man I’ve ever met. “That’s great, you think of everything, don’t you?”
“Well, after doing this for so many years, I’ve learned a thing or two through trial and error. After somebody got a DUI when they left my house one year, I decided to make it a sleepover thing and hire babysitters.”
“Good idea.”
“Here, these should fit you.” He hands me the swim trunks, and when I take them, he covers my hand with his. I look down at our hands and then back up into his eyes with a questioning look.
“I know I said this earlier, but I’m really glad you came today.” He sweeps his thumb across the top of my hand scorching my skin with his touch. Is this happening? Could this rough-on-the-outside, tender-on-the-inside man be into someone like me? Nicky seemed to think so, but she wants so much for me to be happy, I thought she was seeing things that weren’t there. Now I’m not so sure.
“I am, too.” Our eyes lock in a seductive stare that cannot be misconstrued for mere friendship. If he weren’t throwing the party of the year a few yards away, this could turn into something more than a brush of the hands. My nerves take hold, and I tear my eyes from his. “I’ll just go get changed then,” I say gently moving my hand away from his. He smiles a sweet smile and nods his head. “Okay, see you outside in a few.”
I’m closer to the door, but I can’t make my feet move. He walks past me brushing his arm against mine still smiling and closes the door leaving me in his bedroom to change.
Alone in Graham’s bedroom, I wonder how many men have lain in his bed with him. He doesn’t strike me as a manwhore, but with his looks, he could easily have someone different in here every night if he wanted. That doesn’t bode well for my already paper-thin self-esteem. You should never date someone more than two points higher on the zero to ten scale than you are. I consider myself a firm five because of my average looks and ability to make a decent living doing something I enjoy. Graham, on the other hand, is a nine point five, hell, maybe even a ten.
He loves kids, he’s the perfect boss, he has those bad-boy looks with a tender heart, he has a great career, and he’s amazing at what he does. Yes, he’s a ten all right. And fives don’t hook up with tens without the high risk of being cheated on. Period.
I sigh and change into the swim trunks. I fold up my clothes and decide to place them on a padded stool at the end of his bed since I didn’t bring an overnight bag. I had no idea this thing was a sleepover.
I take a minute to look at Graham’s most personal space and realize he’s a bit of a slob. His bed is made now, but I have a feeling it’s only because his dogs made a mess of it earlier. There are clothes overflowing from a large hamper in his bathroom, and beauty and hair products are all over the vanity. He has stacks of papers, receipts, notebooks, and various things he probably took out of his pockets scattered on his dresser. Two empty water bottles and a plate of dried spaghetti sit on his nightstand alongside several bottles of vitamins and Ibuprofen.
He needs a housekeeper, bad. Funny, though, the rest of the house is spotless. Maybe he cleaned up for the party, or maybe he has a housekeeper but doesn’t let her into his bedroom. He should.
I exit and close the door behind me to make my way back outside when a perky Border Collie with one blue eye and one brown eye comes bounding in my direction. I’m good with dogs, but I don’t know this one, so I stand still and speak softly to him. “Hey there, buddy, how’s it going? You having fun with the kids outside?” His tail wags, and I crouch down to eye level. “Do you know you’re one of the smartest breeds of dogs?” I ask him, and he scoots closer to me still wagging his tail. I hold my hand out for him to sniff, and when I’m sure we will be friends, I scratch him behind the ear. “I bet you’re getting a lot of snacks out there. Are people sneaking you food? Yes, they are, aren’t they?” It’s full-on cuddle, scratch, love me time now when he rolls onto his back and offers me his belly. I check his collar while he’s in this position and find his name. “Klondike, huh? Is that because you’re sweet or because you’re black and white?”
“Definitely not sweet,” Graham says walking up and leaning his shoulder against the wall. “When he was a puppy, he wasn’t interested in learning tricks that would help me out like fetching. He was more interested in what I could do for him, which made me think of the jingle for Klondike ice cream bars. What would you do for a Klondike bar?”
“Ah, I got it, makes perfect sense now,” I say as Klondike scoots around positioning his belly directly under my hand for me to scratch.
“Yep, and the other one is Sherman the German. He’s getting old now. He used to be a police dog, and he’s pretty smart.”
“A retired police dog, huh? How’d that happen?”
“A client of mine is a cop, he knew Sherman was retiring, and I needed some company around here. Living alone gets boring sometimes. Sherman became my buddy. And another client of mine who volunteers at a dog shelter brought Klondike in one day knowing full well that I wouldn’t be able to resist, and we became a family of three.”
Klondike flips off of his back and jumps up and down in front of Graham when he hears him say his name. Graham gives him some attention for a moment. “I was coming to get you, the band is here. This party’s about to kick into high gear and didn’t want you to miss it.” He turns and waves for me to follow. Klondike trots along next to Graham looking up at him every few steps with adoring eyes.
Klondike is in love. I think I know how he feels.
Chapter Eight
Graham
I wave at the guys in the band setting up as I make my way to the pool with Klondike on my heels, and Levi following behind me. I’m used to women and men alike checking me out when I’m shirtless. I figure it’s either my physique or the tattoos they’re looking at, and either way, that’s cool. I take it as a compliment.
But right now I am not the center of attention for once. Levi has captured the attention of every single person at the party walking across the yard. His skin is sun-kissed, his blond hair is cut in a short, military style, and his muscles are cut and defined.
New meat, that’s what they’re thinking. I can tell. Most of my staff are paired up with long-time significant others or spouses, but the few that aren’t will no doubt be interested in Levi. I should encourage one of them to go for it. It would be the right thing to do—the selfless thing—but I can’t.
My mind keeps reminding me of all the reasons why a relationship between Levi and me won’t work, but my damn heart and other parts of my anatomy are tripping me up. Like caressing his hand in my bedroom, telling him how glad I am that he’s here, repeatedly. And he hasn’t been out of my sight once since I learned he was gay and single. I’m not being a creepy stalker, I just can’t stop looking at him. I can’t remember a time when I was more physically attracted to a man.
My last relationship was with a model I met in Spain. His name was Kade, and what we had was ultra casual. I hesitate even to use the word relationship. We went to the movies once in a while and hooked up when he was in town, but after a while, I knew it wasn’t going anywhere, so I broke it off.
I’m thirty years old. I’d like to settle down with someone, and I don’t have time to waste on someone I’m sure there’s no future with. That’s why I shouldn’t be wasting time swooning over Levi.
I reach the edge of the pool first. Klondike launches himself into the water with Zoe, Gloria, and her kids. I’m concentrating on Gloria’s youngest, Maria, making sure Klondike doesn’t scare her when I feel hands on my back pushing me toward the edge of the pool and into the water.
When I break the surface sputtering, I find Levi standing where I was only seconds ago laughing. Everyone at the party, and I mean everyone, is hooting and cheering Levi’s brave decision to dunk the host.
I smile and cup my h
ands together and splash him as hard as I can, and he hops backward right into Nicky who has strategically placed herself there to join in the fun. I watch her wrap her hands around Levi’s waist, and putting all her weight into it, she shoves him in, too.
“You’re my new heroine, Nicky!” I yell, and suddenly everyone is joining us in the pool. Levi’s playfulness has given my party the kick-start it needed to take it from fun to outrageous.
A few minutes later, the band starts playing Walk On Water by Thirty Seconds to Mars, and those who aren’t in the packed pool are dancing around the sides of it. Levi and I are holding Selena and Zoe on our shoulders playing chicken, and honest to God, I can’t remember ever being happier.
Over the next few hours, we exhaust ourselves swimming, drinking, and eating. At eight, we take a break so moms and dads can put their little ones to bed. The band breaks, and I take advantage of this time to pick up the yard and set up the projector and screen for a movie.
“Need some help?” Levi asks walking out of the house.
“Sure.”
“What are we doing?”
“Just cleaning up a little bit to get ready for the movie.” I hold up the garbage bag I’m filling with paper plates and red Solo cups.
“A movie?”
“Yeah, it’s a good segue from fun in the sun to adults night out. It gives everyone time to put the little kids to bed, and the older kids never make it through the movie. Then the grown-ups can relax, drink, dance, or whatever.”
“You’ve got this party thing down to an art, don’t you?”
“Yep, I come from a big family. We have a lot of big get-togethers. Fun is the only thing I’m good at organizing.”
“You can’t be that bad, you run a successful business,” he says taking the garbage bag from me and holding it open.