by Adeera Lake
I discovered incredibly hidden sides of his personality, which when I first met him, I would have never even suspected he had. I wish life wasn’t that tough. At least my romantic life so to speak. Why there’s always a damn problem, some way or the other? Haven’t I already paid my dues in that department? Why can’t things just be simple?
I keep biting my thumb as I stare at ‘nothing’ a few inches beyond the top of the screen. Ok, we had sex. Amazing sex. We had fun the night before. We laughed, we talked, and the day after that, we confided about our pasts and our fears. But does that imply we could be together? I mean, would he think so? Do I think so?
Maybe we are really meant to be together. Maybe Lis was right. Maybe Nick was right. Perhaps is faith that brought me here, and my former fiancée was only a medium that was supposed to be cheating on me to make me flee my town and come here to meet Zac. My brows furrow.
‘Oh jeez, stop it!’
My heart thunders. I’m completely torn.
The University’s board said I need to let them know within a day. They need a substitute in the lab right away and they picked me because they have read in my resume that I used to do exactly what they need. But they also said that if I weren’t available right away, they had other people who fill the requirements, that are avidly waiting to be called.
I waited so long for this opportunity that I really don’t know what to do. I probably should accept and forget about all this headache material.
Zac is not going to want to be with me. He’s not the type. He just wanted one thing.
Yeah, he’s not the snarky bastard I thought he was. But he’s not the ‘family’ kind of man either. Why would he want to be with a girl like me? My head is exploding.
My breathing has quickened and I’m starting to feel the heat irradiating all over my body due to the frustration.
How could I waste this opportunity? If I tell them thanks but no thanks, I may regret it for the rest of my life.
‘Damn!’
If Zac was really my boyfriend and I knew he loved me and cared for me, I might have waited for another chance, but how could I say no without even knowing whether Zac would be ever interested in trying to start a relationship?
After more than half an hour sitting still in front of my laptop, I think I’ve found the right compromise.
I’ll tell Zac the truth and that I’ll have to go to Hawaii for this important job opportunity. I will explain him the situation and I’ll study his reaction. If I saw the slightest spark of sadness in his eyes, I’d probably be tempted to stay. But if he asked me not to leave, I wouldn’t think twice, and I’d stay.
33
Zac
I’m standing in front of Tiffany’s shop window. I stare at my reflection letting out a half grin, slowly shaking my head.
‘I gotta be outta mind.’
After hovering for a few minutes, looking at the beautiful rings exposed behind the shiny glass, I breathe in deeply and I exhale the air from my lungs before walking into the store.
A very feminine man in his thirties, wearing an elegant black suit welcomes me in. “Good morning Sir, were you looking for anything in particular?” He says letting out a bright smile.
“Yeah, I actually am.”
He slightly tilts his head to one side. “That’s good Sir, what can I do for ya today?”
“I’m looking for a ring.”
“Awww that’s something serious then.” He smiles.
“I’m not getting married if that’s what ya mean.”
He raises an eyebrow and smirks.
“So, let me get this straight,” I groan quietly.
He gives me a skeptical glance.
“I’m not an expert on these things. I just want a nice ring to start something and show I care. Got it?”
His eyes glow smilingly. “Of course, Sir! We surely got what you need. If you come with me I’ll show you a few options, and if you tell me what your budget is, we’ll be able to nail it down even more.”
“Alright cool.” I follow him to the transparent counter.
He shows me several rings and recommends a few of them. I even question my mental sanity as I go over them, but I finally end up buying a silver one, which is not too fancy, but it is indeed beautiful.
On the way back to my building doubts start filling my mind.
‘What if she doesn’t want really want me? What if she gets back to her ex-boyfriend? Maybe she still loves him?’
My mind is exploding with ‘what ifs.’
“Damn it!” I blurt clenching my jaw. “Live your fucking life Zac! It’s time to change.” I angrily mutter to myself.
When I’m back at my apartment I place the tiny pack on the living room table’s edge and I dial Grace’s number. My heartbeats increase as I hear the rings.
“Zac!” She squeals on the other end.
“Dinner out tonight?”
She hesitates for a second. “Um, Yeah, sure.” She says enthusiastically enough.
“Alright, I’ll see ya down at six, is that cool for ya?”
“Um, yeah, yeah ok I’ll be down at that time.”
“Great, see ya later,” I groan before hanging up. I’ve never liked phone calls and I always tried used them plainly. Besides, as much as I decided to give this a shot, I can’t change my personality. I always hated those stupid phony, senseless small talks.
34
Zac
When I get down she’s already outside the building, facing the street, talking with Lawrence, the night concierge.
I got the ring out of the pack and box and sneaked it into my leather jacket right pocket, and as I walk over the red carpet that leads to the main door entrance, I fidget with it, looking at Grace’s back.
“Hey there,” I groan when I’m behind her, causing her to slightly jump. She turns and gasps.
“Hey!” She smiles.
“Mr. Byron?” The concierge politely says bowing a little.
“Hi.” I coldly nod. I don’t know why, but I’ve never liked that man.
“Shall we go?”
“Sure thing!” She squeals. “Good night Lawrence!” She says as we climb down the few steps.
“Where are we going?”
I step in the street and I unfold my arm to make a yellow cab stop.”
I’ve changed my plan at the last moment. I’ll sure take her to a nice restaurant, which I’ve already booked, but I want to show her studio and give her the ring when she’s seated on the tattoo chair.
She smiles as I hand the driver my business card. “Get us there.”
“Zac! Why you have to be so mysterious?” She purrs.
“You’ll see.”
She shakes her head smiling.
“So, you didn’t go to work today?”
“Oh, I took a couple of days off actually.”
“Really? Just for me?” I chuckle.
She smirks. “Well, kinda,” she squeals. “Zac, I need to talk to ya. Something came up.”
“Hey, you can live us down at the end of the block!” I suddenly tell the driver realizing we are close to my studio - I don’t want Grace to see the tattoo shop sign as soon as we got out of the car, so I make him stop a little earlier.
“Keep the change,” I groaned handing the eastern Europe driver a twenty-dollar bill.
“So, I don’t see any restaurant Zac,” she squeals. “Should I start worrying?” She says jokingly.
I sneer. “We almost there.”
“Hmmm… Well.”
I grab the keys from my pocket and I stop in front of my shop.
She seems baffled in the first place but as she looks up she understands. “Oh, is that it?” She smiles.
I unlock the transparent door and we walk in. I turn on the lights and I lead the way toward my studio room.
She giggles biting her thumbnail and a rush of arousal mixed with weird, loving feelings ran through my blood. As I turn the switch on, her eyes widen. But I can’t resist.
I grab her wai
st and pull her to me, kissing her passionately.
“Oh, Zac!” She moans against my lips.
Our breath sync and quickens.
The scent of her warm saliva around my lips drives me crazy and our kissing gets frantic.
We groan and breath out our excitement and on the spur of the moment I effortlessly lift her and perch her on the edge of the leather long chair.
She lets out short little gasps and avidly wraps her legs around my hips, pulling me to her. I furiously tug her skirt up and pull her moist panties to one side. She gasps clawing her nails into my leather jacket over my shoulder.
I growl into her ear as I rapidly free my manhood while I grab a condom with my free hand and quickly roll it down my length before sinuously sinking it into her core.
Grace cries out dropping her jaw as our bodies merge into one.
We breathe hard and fast moving in sync, groaning and moaning.
Intense flashes of bliss make us shudder with passion into a crescendo that brings us to ecstasy.
“My God Zac!” She sobs. Her breathing quickens even more and her brows furrow dramatically until she groans and moans clenching her thighs tightly around my hips, and starts squirming out of control.
I increase my pace and let myself go just in time to release my climax in sync with hers, grunting profoundly as intense spasms make me twitch against her.
35
Grace
I’ve never felt this way. I’ve never experienced those intense electrifying sensations. It all came so naturally and it’s been great.
I sigh smiling. “This is funny.”
“What?”
“Tomorrow maybe you’ll tell your next client to sit on this chair, and he or she will, oblivious of everything.” I sigh again. “If this chair could only talk.” I giggle.
He chuckles. “Yeah, that’s right.”
He looks at me in a weird way. His eyes seem to be glowing. Then I suddenly remember I was going to tell him about the job opportunity. I’m not going anywhere if he gives me any cues but if he doesn’t I just can’t miss that chance, risking of losing both, Zac and the job I really want.
“Listen to Grace I-”
He’s about to say something but I’m quicker. “Zac, when we were in the cab I was gonna tell ya something, remember?”
“Really? I’m sorry I think it was just before getting to my shop. I wanted to make you a surprise, so I wasn’t focused on what you were saying.” He says.
I smirk with one side of my mouth. “That was a beautiful surprise.”
“Glad you liked it.”
“I loved it. Everything. But I need to tell ya this.”
“Alright then shoot!”
I lower my glance chewing the corner of my lip, then I look at him and I let out a nervous grin. “Listen, I got a job proposal, and it’s the job I’ve been seeking for such a long time after I had to quit the lab because of that fucker. I thought I was out of the game, and-”
“Well, this is fucking awesome!” He groans.
I sigh and timidly smile. “Yeah, but, it’s not gonna be here. It’s gonna be quite far to say the truth.”
He raises an eyebrow. “How far?”
I pause for a second. “Hawaii,” I mutter.
He stares at me clenching his jaw.
‘Come on Zac! Show me you care! You don’t have to pray to make me stay but show me something! Please, Zac! Please!’
The sides of his sexy lips slowly curve and a weird grin springs on his face.
“I’m really glad for ya. You deserve this,” he says.
I feel a sudden pinch in my heart. He probably really wanted only one thing from me. He just had fun and that’s it. I lower my glance and I bite my lip tightly.
“So, when are you living?” He coldly asks, his face expressionless.
I glance up. My heart beats fast and hard against my ribcage.
“The day after tomorrow, early afternoon,” I reply.
That’s what they said to me, but I’ll have to communicate my final decision within a few hours.
He slowly nods then he snorts. “Ok, well, what can I say?”
‘Say you don’t want me to leave! Say you wanna be with me!’
“Good luck Grace,” he murmurs instead.
‘I got it all wrong. I naively hoped he could give me some hint that showed me his interest. I would have taken my chance. Maybe it wouldn’t have worked anyway, but I would have stayed and tried. But damn! He seems careless.’
36
Zac
When Grace tells me about leaving town I feel baffled. My heart thunders but I don’t show any emotions. I keep my feelings for myself. I should have known better. That’s exactly what I was afraid of, and it really happened. They always go. Always. Some way or the other. I thank God that I haven’t shown her the ring.
I was about to give it to her after we have intensely made love on my tattoo chair. But now I’m thankful she has interrupted me. I know that’s what she wants. I can’t stop her. She had the chance to make a choice, and she has chosen her career.
I rub the ring, keeping my hand inside my pocket. I can’t believe how close that was. Tomorrow I’ll return it and get a refund.
She bites her thumb nervously, but she doesn’t show any indication of regret. Perhaps if she only showed me some affection. Some serious doubts. If she talked to me openly, manifesting some attachment, some sentiment, and passion. Maybe I would have even tried to make her stay, but I’m not going to lose my pride. My dignity. For nothing. Not in a million years!
“So, let’s go,” I tell her, realizing I’m not even hungry anymore. Going to dinner now it’s pointless. I’m angry at myself. I knew I should have never opened up my heart again. But I can’t show my disappointment. I have to keep it cool. After all, we are not a couple.
“Ok, where are we goin’?” She asks.
“To eat some quality food,” I groan switching the lights off as we step out my office.
The dinner is a torture. Being with the girl that has given turmoil to my heart for the first time in years, and knowing she is leaving in two days is quite frustrating. Yet the worse thing is trying to act cool and somehow happy for her.
Something has been broken this evening. It seems like a transparent wall separates us. We are not connected as we used to be until less than an hour ago.
‘Why are all women like that? Why? Why do they always screw everything up?’
I clench my jaw. I’m pissed at myself for having been weak. But I’m glad I didn’t go any further with her in terms of feelings. Fortunately, I haven’t dropped my mask completely, and whether this was love or not, I’m grateful I’ve been stopped in time. I don’t even want to imagine how angry would I have gotten had I opened myself completely, giving her the ring.
‘I’m not a fucking fool!’
37
Grace
The dinner didn’t last much.
Something has changed between Zac and me. We said goodbye for good, with the usual phony promise of keeping in touch. He said he needed to meet a friend and called a cab for me to get back. I lazily digit the code on the side of the apartment’s door feeling a little tipsy and I remove my heels moaning relieved. I’m gloomy and lonely, and a tight feeling in my throat makes me want to burst into tears. I feel so stupid. It’s not like I’ve lost my boyfriend or my husband.
Zac has never said anything about getting into a serious relationship with me, so why should I feel so blue? We had fun, and I had the best sex ever. Why can’t I just be fond of those moments and move on? I need to think about my career and my future. I’m young and the position they offered me is the job I pursued for years.
I turn the TV on to break the silence but ironically, ‘Someone Like You’ is on, and I can’t help but reviving, like in a movie sequence, my mini story with Zac.
My vision blurs as my eyes get watery and a warm tear inevitably glides down my cheekbone.
‘Why? Why should my life be
so miserable? What should I do to be loved?’
I start sobbing and I let myself go. That song is killing me, but I masochistically keep it on envisioning the best moments we lived together, also fantasizing about what could have been.
When the song is over I get up and turn on my laptop to confirm the University that I’m available and I’ll be ready to jump on a plane.
I’ll have to tell Nick that I’m quitting, and I feel bad about it. He’s an amazing person and he’ll surely understand I couldn’t give him the standard two weeks’notice. But I’ll miss him. He helped me in every way he could and I’m grateful for that.
On the spur of the moment, I check the time and I dial Lis’s number on my smartphone. I’m not in the mood for a webcam chat, nor I’m in the mood to talk at all but she needs to know I’m leaving in a day. So, the sooner, the better. It’ll be one less thing to take care of.
“Hey, sweetie!”
“Hey, Lis.”
“How are ya??”
“I’m alright,” I reply emotionless. I just can’t fake it. I should be happy and euphoric to have been called for such a job but instead, I feel empty and lonesome.
She pauses and then clears her throat. “What happened?”
I chuckle, and then I sigh. I knew she was going to find out something was wrong.
“Nothing, I’m leaving on Friday.”
“W- What? You mean this Friday? The day after tomorrow?” She mumbles on the other end.
“Yeah.”
“Why, what for? What happened?”
“I’m wanted for a job. A damn great job. It’s basically what I used to do in the lab with my ex and you know I love it.”
“Wow! Congrats honey! But wait, so what’s wrong? Why you sound so down?”
“It’s in Hawaii. And I was just about to get closer to Zac.”
She gasps. “Really? Oh, my God. Shit! But what did he say?”