by MV Kasi
"I said I'm fine," she replied testily, and started to eat the sandwich.
He didn't respond and cut her a few slices of fresh fruit as an accompaniment.
Once she was done eating, she got up, and then swayed again. He rushed to her side and picked her up, and then placed her on a sofa in the living room.
"That's it. I'm calling Dr. Batra, and we are going together to get you checked out," he said firmly.
"I've already told you, I'm fine. Why are you hounding me this early in the morning," she snapped at him.
"You are swaying. How can you insist you are fine?" he demanded.
"I said nothing is wrong with me. I just haven't slept in 48 hours, okay? Tonight I'll sleep in my own bed, and I'll be fine by tomorrow morning."
There was silence. And she realized what she had just said.
"You haven't slept in 48 hours?" he asked her quietly.
She didn't reply.
"Why, Sia? And why didn't you say something about it to me?" he demanded, as both annoyance and concern crept into his voice.
"Because I liked sleeping next to you," she mumbled irritably.
His face softened when he heard her say that.
"Okay. Why don't you take rest for today...and then, tonight let's sleep together in your bed," he proposed.
"I c-can't—"she broke off, unable to explain as she caught his keen gaze. "I-I need to catch a good night's sleep to be able to function well. I can't do it with you next to me. I can't relax or sleep next to another person," she confessed.
"You slept well enough on Friday night after we went out on a date," he reminded her quietly.
"I-I..." she trailed off feeling helpless.
"What's going on Sia? Lay it on me. I can take it. I know that you don't want to get too close to me," he stated.
"No. No. It's not you. It's me."
He scoffed. "Riiight."
"No. I'm serious. It's all me. I'm a very restless sleeper," she insisted.
When he didn't reply, and held a slightly resigned expression on his face—as though he had tried his best, and she didn't like his best effort—she crumbled.
"I have sleep disorders," she confessed quietly.
He looked surprised.
"What happens when you sleep?" he asked.
She took a deep breath. "I don't know," she said, feeling frustrated. "It's different each time. During my teens, I've been through several sleep studies. All that the doctors could do was to advice me to take some sleep aid medications. The pills worked. A little bit too much. To the point that I got extremely addic—" she broke off.
Then clearing her throat, she said, "To the point that I was unable to sleep without them. I stopped taking the pills from past three years. I don't want to anymore. Especially now, since I'm pregnant."
He watched her steadily.
"I think I can handle you being restless next to me as you sleep. Will you give me a chance to—"
"No Ajay, you don't understand. It's not just me being restless while sleeping. I-I have nightmares."
Oh great, now she was spilling her guts out. Maybe it was the lack of sleep, or the hurt she saw in his eyes, when she told him they couldn't spend their nights together. But she wanted to explain it to him.
He'd probably run away after she told him a bit about her. But she wanted to be brave at least once in her life, and take a chance. She didn't want to keep hiding too many things from him.
"Your nightmares keep you awake at night?" he asked her quietly.
She nodded. "I'm frightened to sleep because of them. But I'm also...more scared to stay awake during the night."
God, she was almost twenty five, and she was ashamed to admit that she was scared of an unknown boogeyman. Although her boogeyman now had a face.
Ajay didn't laugh or say anything condescending like she had expected most adults to react to her fears. He held her hands.
"Can you trust me? Just for a few days. We can see if you are able to relax around me. Not today when you really need the rest. But later tonight, perhaps?" he asked.
She felt torn, but nodded jerkily. She stared at their joined hands in fascination as she felt her throat tighten.
"Hey, talk to me. Don't shut me off," he said softly.
She closed her eyes briefly to get rid of the sting. When she opened, she looked resigned.
"You must think I'm weird," she whispered, unable to hide her despair.
He shook his head, and held her face in his hands, until she looked at him.
"No. I'm just frustrated that I cannot take away all your problems and whatever is bothering you. I'm not used to feeling powerless, especially when I want to help someone I really care about."
She bit her lip uncertainly as she made a decision.
"I'll take the day off today to catch up on sleep this morning. L-later in the night, we'll sleep together in my room."
"Thank you" he said, and kissed her on her forehead.
After laying a blanket on her, and turning off the lights, he left for work.
***
Sia woke up from a long nap, feeling refreshed.
She had slept for seven hours straight. As soon as she woke up, she began straightening her already neat room, and then made several calls to work. After she ate a late lunch, she called Varun.
"Still nothing, Sia," Varun said in a frustrated tone. "I've watched hours of useless videos. We really need to ask that kid to get into the other cameras soon. Especially that guesthouse he keeps visiting. I'm quite sure we'd find something significant in those feeds."
Varun was successfully able to place a tracker in that bastard's car. So now, they knew most of the places he visited. But they were still quite frustrated with the MafiaBoy, who wasn't moving quickly enough with the hacking of all the security camera feeds.
The last time, she had warned him sternly about not sending him more money if he didn't move quickly with the hacking.
"You know, maybe you can convince that husband of yours to help us with this," Varun said in a slightly sneering tone."He's been quite receptive to you so far. I'm sure apart from being a useless eye candy in your house; he can provide us with his technical skills to break into the security feeds."
Varun always used that tone when he referred to Ajay. She knew Varun was quite wary of Ajay. Especially Ajay's role in her life and their mission.
She had only let Varun know the bare minimum of her actual relationship with Ajay. She just told him that she and Ajay lived in a cordial manner at her home. She didn't tell him about their intimacy or the fact that they were spending a lot of time with each other.
Varun would definitely flip out if he knew.
"No, Varun," she said in a tone that brooked no arguments. "Keep Ajay out of this. I don't want him involved until much later after my child is born. And even then, I'd prefer to keep him away from the ugliness that would come out after the exposure."
"You can't keep shielding that pretty boy from the ugly truth, Sia. He—"
"I can. And I will. I don't want him dragged into this, more than what he is already. If he is caught tampering with the security cameras, and we don't have enough proof of any child abuse by then, he'd be sent to prison for illegally hacking into a private footage. I'm not going to risk anything happening to him. Consider him off-limits," she told firmly.
There was silence.
She knew she was thinking emotionally rather than practically. But she was not going to compromise when it came to Ajay's safety. He was the only bright and vivid spark in her otherwise dark life, and she wanted to protect that with everything she had. She wanted to keep both those worlds apart.
"Fine. We'll wait until the hacker gets back to us then," said Varun.
***
Later that evening, when it was time for Ajay to get back from work, Sia felt a combination of both anxiousness and excitement for the upcoming night.
And when Ajay arrived, they sat down to have a relatively quiet dinner, after which t
hey watched TV, until it was time for them to go to bed.
Ajay led them towards her room and entered inside, while she stood uncertainly next to her bedroom door.
"Are you coming?" he asked, lying on top of her bed.
"I-I...have a ritual before I lock the door and sleep," she said quietly.
Her heart began to thud as she revealed another piece of her. Something that would probably make even the staunchest of men, question her sanity.
"What ritual?" he asked casually even though his eyes were watching her steadily.
She hesitated a few seconds, before saying, "I always check to see if someone snuck into my room without my knowledge."
He got up quietly from the bed, and checked all the possible hiding spots—which weren't many, considering she had designed the room in that way.
"All clear," he said quietly.
She bit her lip uncertainly and stood waiting.
"Why don't you finish checking too?" he suggested, sliding into the bed.
She nodded her head jerkily in relief, and then proceeded to do her usual checks. And once she was satisfied, she slid into the bed next to him and turned off the lights.
As he held her gently, and spooned her from behind, she felt hope.
A few nights ago, she had slept beside him without a problem.
Maybe it was because she trusted him, and she knew he would protect her if anything bad happened to her.
Maybe he had healed her somehow.
And maybe, he was to be her guiding light helping her through the darkness of her nightmares.
Or maybe...she was simply being delusional.
Because as soon as she closed her eyes to slip into a deep sleep, all the security or trust in the world, couldn't save her from her demons.
She had her nightmare.
Someone crept into the little girl's room and stroked her cheek, waking her up.
She smiled sleepily. "Are you here to read me another story?" she asked, since he did that sometimes.
"No, Little Princess. I was missing you."
She smiled innocently at him with a gap toothed smile. A few days ago, she had boasted to him about how she was getting grown-up teeth like him.
"Don't ever grow up Princess. I love you the way you are now," he had said at that time.
He slid next to her in the bed. "I want to show you a way that will bring us even closer to each other. But it has to be our little secret."
"Yes. I do want to be close to you. You are my favorite person in the whole world!" she exclaimed.
"I know you love me the best. But can you keep a secret, my beautiful Little Princess?" he asked."Promise me our secret will remain only between us. Or I won't be your friend anymore."
"Okay. I promise," she replied, smiling innocently.
And then, the horror began...
CHAPTER THIRTY TWO
AJAY WOKE UP when he heard something.
It was Sia. And she was whimpering while tossing and turning. She was kicking the covers away from her in distress.
Turning on the night lamp next to him, he tried to ask her if she needed something. But her eyes were closed, and she was still asleep.
Her mouth was slightly parted as she rolled from her side to her back. One of her arms flew over her face as though trying to ward off something, or someone. Her face was scrunched up, and her eyes fluttered behind her closed eyes as though she was dreaming.
No. Not dreaming. She was having a nightmare.
"Sia," he called out to her, but she didn't respond.
She was crying.
"Sia!" he called out firmly, only to hear her choked sobs.
He watched her in helpless frustration as he heard the agonized sounds coming from her. He wished he could take away all her problems. He was definitely not used to being unable to fix things.
And Sia...she was one of the most important person in his life. It hurt him to watch her go through a nightmare because of whatever trauma she had been through in her past.
"Sia, wake up. I'm right here. No one is inside this room to hurt you," he said, wiping her tears away from her face.
When he repeated it again, she jerked, and then screamed.
She kept screaming, and she shot up the bed with her eyes wide open. And even though she wasn't looking in his direction, her body trembled, and scurried back towards the headboard, swatting at the invisible enemy.
"Sia!" he called out again.
He didn't hear him. She wasn't even aware of his presence. Her eyes were open, but she was definitely not awake. When he went closer to her, and laid a soothing hand on her shoulder, she punched him hard, thinking he was the attacker.
"Don't! Get away! Leave me alone!" she shrieked as fear shook her body, and tears poured down her cheeks.
She dug her nails deep into her own upper arms, and he was worried that she would harm herself with the thrashing.
Ignoring her flaying arms, which threw blows at him with enough force to cut his lip and also maybe leave bruises, he hugged her close. She screamed even louder at the contact. She was also much stronger than usual as she was driven by her fear and adrenaline.
"Wake up! Sia. Baby please, wake up!" he called out loudly to her.
"No! I don't want to! Please no!" she begged, and cried as though she was dying, and as though someone was killing her.
She was sweating profusely, and her tears mixed along with it, drenching his shoulder where he laid her head.
"Please," she cried out, wailing and thrashing.
How can she still be asleep during all this?
Searching around him, he spotted the water bottle next to him, and grabbed it with one arm. Opening the lid, he tipped it towards them, letting a small stream flow on her face.
She flinched, and then froze, as though she was shocked awake. Slowly her body became limp, and then her eyes began to focus on him.
The panic and fear hadn't left her eyes completely, but now, there was an added confusion while slowly comprehension began to rise.
"Ajay?" she whispered, blinking a few times.
When she finally realized what had happened, her face crumpled, and she began crying again.
This time in utter despair.
"Sia...baby..."
"Oh god, I hurt you. I knew I would. How could I be so dumb, and delude myself in believing that I would be magically cured. And now, I've hurt you."
She ran her fingers gently over his bruised lip as tears streamed down her stricken face.
"No. Stop," he said, holding her fingers still, and meeting her eyes.
"You were having a nightmare like you said you would. I didn't know you weren't awake, and tried to wake you up. It's not your fault."
"But I hurt you," she repeated in a broken voice.
"You've beaten me before in the gym as well. This is not that different," he joked as he ran a comforting arm down her back.
She smiled weakly at that comment.
He held her close, and placed her on his lap, and then sat back against the headboard, rocking them gently.
"Are you okay now?" he asked.
Then removing his t-shirt, he rubbed away the sweat from her forehead.
"I really don't know," she said hopelessly.
"How long have you been having these nightmares?" he asked.
"For a while now," she replied vaguely.
He didn't want to push her that night for an explanation. So he remained quiet as he continued holding her, and rocking them. Her body was still trembling slightly.
After a few minutes, when her trembling stopped, she twisted slightly to look at him.
"I'm sorry. For ruining your sleep," she said quietly.
"Don't. You don't have to apologize. I rather not sleep, if it means being next to you when you wake up," he told her, meaning every word of it.
She turned completely to look at him. "I want to wake up next to you too. Even if...I don't know if I really can. But I want to try. And I don't want to be afraid
of the night anymore." She held his hand. "I promise I'll keep trying harder."
"You don't have to promise me anything Sia. Just remember that I'll be there next to you if you need me."
She nodded and then hugged him tightly.
He adjusted their bodies, until she was comfortable to sleep as he held her. He remained quiet, and soon her exhausted body slackened in sleep.
He remained awake for a while as he held her, thinking about what the future held for them. He could and definitely would, protect her from anything that could potentially harm her physically. But he didn't know how to protect her from what was going on in her head.
CHAPTER THIRTY THREE
SIA WAS ON the phone with Varun.
"The content I leaked to the reporter last week would be made public tonight. The live interview with him is at seven," she informed him.
"Did the hacker ensure you that he covered your tracks?" Varun asked.
"Of course."
Later that evening, she turned on the news channel on her bedroom television.
At first it was the run of the mill interview with a new upcoming politician's dashing son and his popular father.
"Sir, upon many occasions, you have stated that you would give your life for the sake of your village, Ghadhwaal. And also that your ancestral home along with its people was what motivated you to join politics."
"That's right." Jagdish Naidu smiled.
The reporter smiled, and then looked at the son. Her smile brightened.
"Dr. Kranthi, you have also been pretty active in campaigning for your father. What exactly is your motivation?"
"My motivation has always been my parents, and the effort they both put in for the people of our village. I feel we can do much more good on a larger scale, if we were to be part of the government."
"I see. That's a great cause. And most of us are really impressed that at a very young age, you have been pretty keen to work with children's charities. You have even pursued a career oriented towards the children," the reporter gushed.
"Yes. I've always liked working with the children," he smiled.