by Zoe Chant
Was it dumb to be so wary? Would it be dumber to trust too easily? She’d trusted easily and been proven wrong before.
The only reason she thought Joel was trustworthy was the truly crazy explanation, When I look into his eyes, I believe him.
And God knew, given the other parts of Joel she’d been looking at, it might not be her brain that was making that decision.
But she stuck around anyway. Despite thinking, every time she looked at the door, that maybe she should just cut her losses and get out, she stuck around.
And at seven-fifty, the door to Oliver’s opened and Joel came in. Nina felt his eyes on her as she finished up her last rounds. Her body responded to his gaze like she’d never felt before: tingling and tightening whenever she glanced over to see him looking.
He stayed back, waiting in the front of the restaurant while she finished up, clocked off, took off her apron. He waited while she said goodnight to Ethel, collected her first paycheck, and made her way to the door.
She could feel her body getting closer to his like there was some kind of magnetic pull.
“Hi,” he said when she’d finally reached him.
“Hi.” She felt awkward and unsure, but she took the lead anyway. “You said you wanted to talk. So talk.”
He tilted his head for the door. “Can we go for a walk?”
That should be ringing alarm bells in her head. Where did he want to take her? Who else might be there, waiting? But it didn’t.
For whatever dumb reason, she trusted this man. She kept remembering the night before, when he’d distracted those assholes, put their attention on him, and given her the chance to run away.
He hadn’t brought it up once. No, don’t you think you owe me now? Not even a hint that his actions came with a price. As though he really had just done it because it was the right thing to do.
“All right,” she agreed after a minute.
They stepped out into the cool summer night. Joel was tall enough that Nina only came up to his shoulder, and he seemed to take up more than his physical space when he moved. Nina stayed a few steps away, because she wanted to be closer and she didn’t trust herself.
Joel kept quiet until they were a little ways down the street, heading for the edge of town.
“Can I ask what brought you to Glacier?” he said eventually. “Did you hear about this place from someone? Another shifter?”
Nina shook her head. “No. I mean, I knew about the Park. I thought it sounded like a good place to shift. I like mountains. And there’d be enough people in and out that no one might notice another new face.”
“You’ve been noticed before.” Joel’s tone was quiet, but there was some kind of strong emotion lurking under the surface. “And it hasn’t gone well.”
“That’s right.” Nina felt like this was starting out too one-sided. Her past was too raw to just spill it out on the street like this.
So she turned the tables. “What about you? You ever been noticed?”
There was a pause that somehow felt—painful. Like she’d accidentally hit him somewhere that really hurt.
“Yeah,” he said finally. “Yeah, I’ve been noticed.”
There was a story there. She should push, try to get him in a vulnerable spot. But she found that she didn’t want to, not if the memory hurt. It was strange, this feeling of...compassion, for someone she barely knew. “So you get it. Safer to be anonymous.”
Joel nodded slowly. “Yeah. But it’s not safer to be completely alone.”
“Haven’t had much of a choice so far,” Nina said shortly. “There are worse things than being alone.”
Joel laughed, but it didn’t sound very funny. “You got that right.”
Nina wanted to ask what was making him sound like he was hurting. She wanted to know why he felt like he was alone...and maybe offer to keep him company. The idea sent a thrill through her.
But it wasn’t smart to be this sympathetic, this trusting, right off the bat. So instead she just said, “What do you know about it?”
Joel spread his hands. “I work at the Park. I spent most of my time out in the mountains. I’m alone a lot, and it may not be perfect, but there are definitely worse things.” He looked sidelong at her. “You seem to like the mountains. Right?”
The question took Nina by surprise, which was silly, because it was a perfectly normal question. But she never talked to anyone about how much she liked being in the mountains, because it veered dangerously close to her secret.
But Joel already knew her secret.
“I do,” she said, hesitant. “I like being places that hardly anyone has ever gone. Maybe even no one at all. I like...I like to run. And hunt. I like being out with the animals, one of them, not like a human on a hike.”
“So do I.” Joel had come to a stop, and was looking at her with a strange expression on his face. “As a shifter, you can be out there like you belong. Sleep without a tent, run up a mountain, climb trees with your claws.”
Nina nodded. Joel still had that odd expression on his face. She realized abruptly that they were stopped in the street for no reason, and looked away, starting forward again.
Joel cleared his throat and followed. “So do you have a family or anything, somewhere?”
Nina kept quiet, speeding up her pace.
“Okay,” Joel said after a moment of silence, “never mind, maybe that was too personal. I have a brother.”
“You said this morning.”
“He’s a real pain in the ass sometimes, but he’s a really good, decent man. I wouldn’t be anywhere near where I am today if it wasn’t for him.”
Did he realize he was twisting a knife? Probably not. “I’m happy for you.” Nina knew her voice was bitter.
Which was selfish and petty. It was good that Joel didn’t have to be alone like she did. She hoped he and his brother took care of each other.
“Wait. Can you wait, just slow down and listen for a minute?” Joel caught her arm, and the contact made her slow her feet down, almost involuntarily.
It felt like sparks were flying under her skin where he touched her. She couldn’t make herself pull away, even though she knew she should.
Joel let her go the second she slowed, though. She tried not to be disappointed.
“Normally, with my brother and with the other leopards here at Glacier, I’m the one who wants to get away, be a loner. I don’t want to be a big happy family.” Joel wiggled his fingers in a look-it’s-magic kind of a gesture. “I’d rather everyone just settle down together and leave me to live in the mountains by myself.”
“So?” Nina said impatiently. “What are you doing with me, then? Trying to get me to come and settle down?” She wiggled her fingers like he had. Look, it’s magic.
Because after seven years, that’s probably what it would take.
“I just—God.” Joel rubbed his forehead. “I remember what it was like, back before Zach and I came here, when we were hiding all the time. We were all alone, and we didn’t know where any other shifters were, so it was just the two of us. And it was a nightmare.”
His voice went ragged at the end, and she could hear the pain in it. So Joel had been hurt like she had. Nina’s heart ached for him despite herself.
“I don’t like everything about being part of a pack,” Joel continued. “I can’t spend too much time close up with other people. But it’s so much better than being really alone. Alone without the choice to ever be something else.”
“I might still not have a choice,” Nina pointed out. She didn’t want to think about this too hard. She didn’t want to hope. “You said you’re a park ranger. Does your pack take in random strangers who drift into town? I don’t have a degree in anything. I never even graduated high school. I can’t get a good job like yours. Will they still accept me?”
That had been a problem in one town. A pack of wolves, long ago. She’d thought they might let her in. After all, they were also big predators, they weren’t afraid of a lone sn
ow leopard. But she hadn’t been able to find a job there—there hadn’t been any waitressing positions open. And the pack alpha had looked down his nose and said, We don’t take feral, ignorant, freeloading cats like you. Get out of town.
So she’d gotten.
Joel had said this morning that everyone in the pack was a ranger or a ranger’s mate. It was easy to see what the pattern was there. Random women without even a high school diploma to their names probably weren’t going to be welcome.
Joel took her hand. She started at the touch, but instinctively closed her hand on his when he tried to pull back. His grip was gentle but firm, and his hand was big and warm. “Nina. Just stick around long enough to talk to Cal. All right? I’ll schedule a meeting with him, I’ll come with you and we can all sit down together and talk about the options. What’ve you got to lose?”
Nina could think of a few things. “In public.”
“What?” Joel frowned.
“The meeting. We’ll have it in public. Somewhere with humans around.” Even if her dumb instincts had decided that Joel was trustworthy, Nina still didn’t trust this Cal as far as she could throw him. Especially if he was surrounded by his own pack, who presumably would have to do whatever he said.
“Absolutely,” Joel said immediately. “How about at Oliver’s? Would you feel safe there?”
Feel safe? “Sure.” It was safe enough, probably. “Tomorrow night.” She wasn’t working tomorrow, and it would be busy on a Saturday night. Plenty of witnesses.
Joel nodded. “Okay. I’ll give him a call and set it up.” He looked down and seemed to realize for the first time that they were still holding hands. He let her go immediately.
Nina hadn’t realized it either. It was weird, actually.
She felt so wary of what might happen with this pack. She was sure she wouldn’t have a chance, sure that this man Cal was going to run her out of town or worse.
But she felt none of that about Joel. Joel made her feel safe.
If only Joel was alone, like she was. If only it could just be the two of them. Nina thought that might work out. She might be able to stay here if it was just him, and they might be able to...
To something. To be together? What would that even look like?
Joel had taken a step back, putting some distance between them. “For tonight,” he was saying, “I was wondering if you wanted to go for a run.”
Nina looked down at herself. “I’m not really wearing workout clothes.”
Joel laughed. “No, I meant shifted. Sort of like last night.”
Nina blinked. Last night had been strangely...fun. She didn’t hate the idea of doing it again.
“If you haven’t gone running with another leopard, you don’t know what you’re missing,” Joel said firmly. “Zach and I used to do it all the time, before...” He trailed off.
“Before what?” Nina wasn’t going to let Joel get away with keeping himself hidden. She felt like he’d stripped away half her secrets already, so turnabout was fair play.
“Before he met his mate,” Joel said. “Teri. She’s great and all, but being in love takes up a lot of his time.” He cleared his throat. “It’s not a big deal, though—like I said, I’m usually happier being a loner.”
He was lying, Nina realized, unquestionably lying. The way he looked away from her, the way his stance shifted a little bit: he hated that his brother didn’t have time for him anymore.
Nina felt a rush of fierce protectiveness. Who did that guy Zach think he was, abandoning his brother for his mate? Nina would’ve given everything she had to have a sibling along with her, one who shared all of her problems, who wanted her to be safe, who stayed with her through the hard times.
Wait.
She had no reason to be protective of Joel. They’d just met. His problems were his problems, and they weren’t any of her business.
“All right,” she said, to distract herself from worrying about a total stranger’s family issues. “Let’s go for a run.”
He smiled, looking truly happy for the first time since she’d met him. It lit up his whole face, made him look so much younger. Nina suddenly wasn’t sure whether he was older than she was or not.
"Come on, then.” He set off at a jog towards the woods, which came right up to the edge of town. They were only a half-mile or so away from where the town began to melt into forest.
Nina followed him, not quite believing what was happening. She'd never—she didn't know how—
Even when she’d been trying to be a part of those other packs, she’d never done anything like this. Played around in the woods, run around with other shifters.
But now Joel was headed into the trees, Nina on his heels, and she only felt excitement.
He stopped when they were far enough into the woods that no one would see them from the streets or houses, and turned to look at her. His face was still lit up with that youthful excitement, and he grinned. "Ready?"
Nina nodded, her voice disappearing. Her throat felt tight. What was wrong with her?
Joel held her eyes as he changed. She watched him blur and shift, his skin becoming fur, his claws extending from his hands—paws—everything turning paler in the dim moonlight. In less than a minute, a snow leopard stood before her on all fours. His eyes were exactly the same, that silvery color that she found so oddly compelling.
Joel padded forward and nudged his head against her thigh. Nina jumped. He looked up at her, and she could feel how insistent he was: Your turn.
She touched the top of his head, the briefest reassurance, and was startled at how soft and warm his fur was. She'd never touched another shifted person, certainly not while she was in human form. She wanted to run her hand down his back, pet him like he was a cat.
She restrained herself. He’d asked to run with her, not curl up and purr at her feet. She shouldn’t take liberties she didn't have permission for.
Instead, she took a step back, closed her eyes, and shifted.
As always, it felt like the leopard inside her simply stepped forward to take control. No matter which way she was shifting, to human or to leopard, the physical changes always felt like a relief more than anything, like her true form was coming out. Paws, tail, fur. Claws and teeth. She opened her eyes to see the world in flatter colors, sharper details. It immediately seemed less dark.
Joel was right next to her. And he smelled like—like—Nina didn't know how to classify it. Other shifters had always smelled strange, foreign. Danger, her nose had told her, when she scented them. Unknown. Watch out.
Joel didn't smell like danger. Maybe that was the reason she hadn't been afraid last night. He smelled...safe.
She'd stepped in close to reassure herself about his scent, and while she was distracted, Joel leaned in and touched his nose to hers. Nina jerked back. He twitched his ears at her playfully, and she lashed her tail back.
You want to surprise me? I'll surprise you.
Nina leapt into motion without warning, running full-out into the woods. Behind her, she could sense Joel's split-second of startlement, before he launched himself into the chase.
She didn't have a good head start tonight like she had last night, and Joel, as a male, was bigger than she was, with longer legs. But she put every ounce of strength and ingenuity into staying ahead, and she kept the lead for long minutes.
It was a losing battle, though, and eventually he caught up. But he didn't pounce, or try to get ahead of her and trip her up, or any kind of play-hunting. Instead, he just came abreast of her and kept running.
Nina snuck a glance at him, a white-and-gray blur of powerful motion. Were they racing?
She tried slowing down. He looked over at her and slowed down, too. Apparently deciding that they were playing a new game now, he slowed even further and fell into a low, crouching stance. Stalking her. Now this was play-hunting.
Nina waited until she could see him tensing to spring—just the faintest tremor in his hindquarters—and leapt to the side as
he pounced. He only got rock and underbrush under his paws, and immediately wheeled around, tracking her again.
But this time, she pounced.
She landed right on him—he'd been a hair too slow. Her leopard exulted with an inward growl of triumph. Nina's human side, on the other hand, wasn't sure if he'd done it on purpose or not, it he’d let her get him when he could've gotten away.
If so...what did that mean? What did any of this mean? They weren't trying to accomplish anything, they weren't hunting, they were just playing.
Nina kept her claws in when she landed, but she bit playfully at the scruff of his neck, and Joel batted at her with his paws. They rolled over on the loamy ground, fighting to end up on top. Joel won, and his mouth opened to show his teeth, his tail lashing. Then he pulled back, crouching and waiting for the next round.
Nina picked herself up and shook off the dirt, wondering what they'd do next. Joel eyed her, and then turned his gaze upward, toward the end of the tree line and the mountain rocks.
Nina beat him to it, racing upwards ahead of him.
They made it together, running flat-out. Joel leapt onto the first big, flat rock and collapsed, panting, his tongue lolling out like a dog's. Nina laughed to herself and leapt up next to him. They sprawled together catching their breath.
Nina wondered again what this meant. Was Joel trying to lull her into a false sense of security with all of this playing? No, she had to reject that idea. Joel was so...sincere. When he lied, she could see it on his face.
And anyway, what would his endgame be, if he did have one? This was pretty elaborate for a prank. She couldn't believe he had any really awful motives; he wasn't like that at all, it was clear. He was a—a good person.
So maybe he just wanted to run. To play-fight, and pounce on each other, and race up the mountain.
Nina didn’t play very often. If you were tired, and scared, and working all the hours you could to save up money so that when you had to leave town you'd have enough to keep you going, you didn't feel much like playing. She’d never known this feeling, not since she left home. Running and feeling confident that your partner was behind you. Pouncing on someone who was ready for it, who rolled with you and pounced back. It was fun.