Usually, Katie liked to nurse the baby herself, but she was glad that her sister Rebekeh had suggested she get Eli used to a bottle, too. Sometimes, Katie was so grateful to give Jonathan a turn holding Eli. He had told her that he enjoyed feeding their baby, too.
Though, it was now unlikely that anything was going to make their cranky boy happy. When he wailed again, Katie bent back her head and sighed. “Oh, Jonathan.”
“It’s just tears,” he murmured gently. “I know you’re worried, but we’ll soon get him settled.”
“I hope you’re right.” As if in response, Eli arched his back, fisted his palms, and then let out an enormous wail.
Katie resituated him, and rubbed his back. “I hear you, young man,” she soothed. “I know you’re unhappy. But please, settle down, jah? We’re doing all we can.”
Next to the sink, Jonathan was testing the water’s temperature, then pouring a few ounces into a prepared bottle. “This is almost ready.”
“Is there anything I can do?” Melody stood at the doorway, wrapped in a thick robe and wool socks. She looked bleary-eyed.
Katie knew their trip downstairs had woken her up. Years of duty assailed her, making her feel guilty. It was almost as if she could hear her mother’s voice chiding her from behind.
Guests came to the inn to relax, not to be disturbed.
But before she could apologize, Katie spied something familiar in the girl’s gaze. A desire to not be alone.
Melody stepped forward. “I’m happy to help, if I can.”
Katie felt humbled. Once again Melody was reaching out for others, pushing her own needs to one side. “I thank you for the offer, but there’s not much you can do. We’re fine.”
“Well, we are as fine as we can be, what with a screaming sick baby to make happy,” Jonathan corrected as he handed the bottle to Katie. “But you’re welcome to join us, if you’d like.”
Katie took the bottle and placed it in Eli’s mouth. She held her breath as he took a tentative taste, then sucked the bottle some more.
The quiet that blanketed them all felt like the best gift in the world.
“Peace at last,” Jonathan murmured.
“Melody, I am sorry we woke you,” Katie said when she could finally bear to look anywhere but at the baby.
“Please don’t worry. I think the winds outside are louder than Eli. I have a hard time sleeping, anyway. I’ve been, ah, restless tonight. It sounds foolish, but I was pleased to have an excuse to walk around.” Little by little, Melody stepped into the room, and then finally slipped into one of the chairs.
“I had a hard time sleeping when my time to deliver was so close.”
Melody smiled. “Really? That makes me feel better. All the books talk about sleeping as much as possible because I’ll need that sleep when the baby’s born. But I can’t seem to get comfortable.”
“I don’t know any woman who could get comfortable with a bowling ball rolling around her middle.” Katie smiled as Jonathan started to look like he would rather be anywhere than there in the kitchen, discussing pregnancy issues. “Jon, why don’t you go back to bed?”
“I don’t want to leave you.”
“Look, Eli’s eyes are finally closing. We might all get some sleep soon. Go on up,” she said again. “I’ll follow you in a few moments.”
With a weary smile, he nodded. “I won’t argue about that.” After pressing his lips to her head, he nodded in Melody’s direction. “Gud naught.”
She raised a hand. “Good night.” When they were alone, Melody blushed. “I am sorry I intruded. I really did hope I could help.”
“Please don’t worry. My nerves are so strained, I wouldn’t have been able to sleep this minute, anyway. He was really crying. Actually, I’m kind of surprised we don’t have the whole house in here.”
Melody gestured toward the oven. “Would you like some tea? I see there’s a dish of chamomile here by the stove.”
“That would be very kind of you. Thank you.”
“Don’t get up. I can work a stove just fine,” said Melody.
Moments later, Eli’s mouth went slack and his hand loosened. Wearily, Katie ran a hand along his scalp. To her relief, his temperature seemed a bit cooler. Perhaps it was all his crying and not a sickness that had gotten him so heated up.
In no time at all, Melody was back, holding two mugs of piping hot tea. The tantalizing aroma of chamomile beckoned Katie; and now that she could put the bottle down, she sipped gratefully.
Across from her, Melody sipped, too. She looked so pleased to not be alone that, once again, Katie worried about the girl. Pregnancy and babies were hard enough with a kind, competent man like Jonathan at her side. In addition, Katie also had her mother’s guidance and her best friend Anna’s support.
So far, she hadn’t read a single book about pregnancy or caring for an infant. There hadn’t been any need—she had a wealth of knowledge all around her.
But the opposite seemed to be the case for Melody. If she was here alone, she must not have a lot of family members to offer her guidance and support.
“So, are you going to keep your baby or give it up for adoption?”
Melody stared at Katie and felt a lump form in her throat. The question had been honestly asked, without rancor. Simple curiosity. So different from most everyone else she knew, who were determined to relay to her what they thought she should do and why. “I’d like to keep it.”
“You would like to?” Katie tilted her head to one side. “I’m sorry, but the way you are phrasing that makes me think you’re not sure you can.”
“That’s because I’m not. Babies are expensive.” For a moment, Melody paused. She didn’t like admitting her flaws, her weaknesses. But she didn’t want to sound like the type of woman who didn’t make plans, either. “The fact is, I don’t have much money.”
Katie sipped her tea. In her arms, little Eli breathed deeply, his mouth half open. His easy limpness looked almost comical after his tense exertions just a few moments ago. “Babies do seem to cost more than I imagined,” she finally said. “What about your parents? Will they help you financially?”
“I don’t know what they want to do.” Melody felt her cheeks heating. Even to her own ears, her answers sounded mysteriously vague. But the problem was that she didn’t have any answers. She didn’t know what she was going to do in her future.
She’d been so worried about coming to grips with the attack, she’d neglected to hope much for the future.
“Can’t you talk to them?”
“Not like I used to. Sometimes I feel like my parents and I could be close—if this baby would just go away. Sometimes, I think perhaps that would be best. That the right thing to do would be to give this baby to a couple. A husband and wife who lived far away from me. Who would always look at this child as a gift—not a reminder of something painful.”
“Do you think that’s how you are going to be? That you’ll never be able to look beyond how it was conceived?”
“I don’t know. I’d like to think that wouldn’t be me. But I’m not positive.” She sighed. “All I do know is that if I wasn’t pregnant, if I wasn’t about to have a newborn, then I could go back to how things used to be.”
“You never will, you know.”
Melody started. Katie’s voice was flat. Honest. Almost as if she knew about heartbreak. “I think you’re probably right.”
“Yes.” Katie’s words were a statement. Not a question.
“Since I’ve been here, I’ve been wondering why my parents didn’t put up much of a fuss when I told them I was coming here. They were surprised, but they didn’t try to persuade me otherwise.” She shrugged. For nine months’ time, she’d been lying to herself about their natures. But here, in the safety of the Brennemans’ kitchen, she was suddenly too tired to begin the lies again. “More likely, I think they were relieved.”
“You have no one? No beau?”
“After this? Not likely.”
; Katie hesitated, then murmured, “Not every man is cruel and violent, Melody.”
“I know that. But the men I know don’t seem to know what to make of me.” Because she didn’t want to sound quite so pitiful, she said, “I do have an English friend named Leah. We’re close.”
“I’m glad.”
“She was disappointed that I was coming here, but she said maybe it was what I needed.”
“She sounds smart.” Katie sipped her tea once more, then stood up with a yawn. “My Jonathan will wonder what happened to me if I don’t get to sleep. I’ll regret it tomorrow, as well. The clock keeps ticking, you know.”
Melody took the mugs, threw away the teabags, and rinsed them out. “Thank you for staying here to talk to me.”
“No, thank you for offering your help. It was nice of you.”
“But you didn’t need anything.”
“You reached out to me. That, I needed; I’m grateful. Good night, Melody. I’ll save you some muffins, so please try and sleep late.”
“I might just do that,” Melody said as Katie headed upstairs.
Alone now in the kitchen, she made sure the flame on the range was extinguished, then turned off the overhead light. In the dark, she walked down the short hallway to her own room and crawled under the covers as best she could.
Another wave of cramps flew through her stomach, but they weren’t too bad.
Chapter 19
December 24, 3:00 A.M.
“I can’t believe I brought you out in this storm,” Leah told Zack wearily as they watched the snow swirl onto the highway from the fast food restaurant they had taken shelter in. “Every mile seems worse than the last. The roads are really treacherous.”
“They’re bad, but I’ve been on worse. It’s just snow.”
Leah was slowly coming to realize that very little seemed to upset Zack Littleton. The whole time, his manner had been relaxed and easygoing.
She, of course, was anxious enough for the both of them. And was starting to feel guilty about the journey he was accompanying her on. “But it’s a lot of snow. We should have arrived at the Brennemans’ hours ago. Now I don’t even think we’re going to make it to a hotel tonight. I’m so sorry.”
He raised a brow. “Why are you apologizing? You can’t control the weather.”
“You know what I mean.”
Reaching out, he took her hand and pressed it between his palms. “Please don’t worry so much. I’m fine, and so are you. We’ll get there.”
“This isn’t what you signed up for.”
Zack’s lips twitched. “How do you know that I didn’t sign up for this?”
“What do you mean?”
“Leah, don’t you get it? The only reason I volunteered to take you is because I wanted to spend time with you.”
The warm feelings that he gave her challenged the confusion she was experiencing. “But … I thought you felt sorry for Melody?”
“I do. I feel very sorry for her. But I don’t know her.” Gently, he squeezed her palm. “I do know you. And I wanted to get to know you more. This trip is allowing me to do that.”
“For better or worse,” she grumbled. And, she had been on the “worse” side for quite a while now. All she’d been doing was worrying and fussing and complaining. “I’ll try not to make you crazy with my worries.”
“Worry all you want. I can take it.” Before she could reply to that, he looked out the window again and frowned. “Besides, if we’re going to start blaming people, we’d have to blame me. If I hadn’t insisted that we needed to stop to help those women on I-275, we might have gotten a whole lot farther.”
“But that isn’t you.” In her heart, she knew that. Even though he worked for the state of Kentucky and not Ohio, none of that seemed to make a difference when he saw someone in need.
Zack looked intrigued by her statement. “It’s not, huh?” Something warm and inviting entered his eyes—making her want to be closer to him. “So, do you already know me that well?”
“Maybe. Well, I want to know you that well.” She smiled, enjoying their light flirtation—as they’d been flirting for quite some time now. “I know you’re the kind of man who helps girls in traffic accidents.”
“That’s my job.”
“… And who doesn’t mind taking me to a movie on a snowy day. And who likes puppies, and people you meet on the side of the road.”
He winked. “Only redheads.”
“I know you don’t mind doing dishes.”
“My mother would have killed me if I hadn’t washed dishes.”
“I know you are the kind of guy who offers to drive complete strangers to see a friend.”
“You’re not a complete stranger.” He dropped her hand as he leaned a little bit closer. “You’ve never seemed like a stranger to me. From the moment I first talked to you on the side of the road, there was something special about you that caught my attention.”
“I … I felt the same way.”
“In fact, I feel like we’ve gone from strangers to acquaintances to friends to maybe even something more.” He swallowed. “I mean, we’re getting to know each other really well.”
She couldn’t deny it. And wasn’t even sure if she wanted to. “Perhaps.”
His eyes sparkled. “Ah-hah! Caught you. You have to admit we’re not strangers.”
A lump felt like lead in her belly. No, that wasn’t how she was feeling about him at all. Fact was, she was falling hard for Office Zack Littleton, and she didn’t fall hard for anyone. He was like her perfect catalog guy. Handsome and tall. He was patient and had a sense of humor. And he was kind to everyone. Puppies, old ladies, his mom.
And yet … he didn’t seem like a marshmallow, either. Back at a gas station, he’d held his own against a couple of guys who were giving the cashier a hard time.
She trusted him. Completely. So completely, it didn’t even make sense, not rationally. The fact was, she felt more at ease with this man than with some men she’d dated in the past months. What did that mean? Did things like this really happen? This … instant infatuation?
What was worse, she didn’t even care. All she wanted to do was be around him. And hold his hand.
Because just a few miles back, they’d started holding hands in the truck and it had been nice.
“You’re right. We’re not strangers at all. I guess we’re closer to friends.”
“I think so.”
As she continued to reflect how nice it was to be with him, to hold his hand, a sudden, awful thought floated forward. “Hey—you don’t have a girlfriend, do you?”
He looked horrified. “Do you really think I’d be asking you to stay in Louisville … asking you to spend so much time with me if I did?”
“I … I don’t think so.”
“Leah, I promise you, there’s no other girl in my life.”
“I find that hard to believe.”
“I had a girlfriend a year ago. We broke up. I’ll tell you about it sometime. But I want you to know that I haven’t been looking for anyone. Hadn’t even really been thinking about it, until I saw you.”
“I’m not dating anyone, either.”
He folded his arms across his chest. “I hope not. I mean, I did show you Trixie’s pups.”
Pleased the mood was lighter, and that he’d told her more about himself, she teased right back. “It’s only because of those puppies that I trusted you enough to drive me around.”
“Leah.” His voice was softer now, gentle. He drew out her name sweetly, giving her goose bumps. “I don’t want to scare you, but I promise, you’re special to me. I’d never hurt you.”
“Well, I hoped you wouldn’t. I’m sorry, Zack. I want to trust you, but I’m afraid, you know?”
“I know.” Softly, he said, “Years ago, I got my heart broken, too.”
She stared at him in surprise. “How did you know that happened to me?”
“I noticed the signs.” Standing up, he held out his hand to help
her hop off the stool. “I think we should get on our way again.”
She zipped up her coat and followed him outside. It felt completely natural when he wrapped an arm around her waist and walked by her side. Ready to catch her in case she slipped.
And then, when they reached the passenger side door, he wrapped his other arm around her and drew her to him.
There, in the dark—with the snow coming down and layer upon layer of down coats between them—they hugged.
She felt his lips press against her brow. “Leah, you’ve got to know that I’m falling for you. I like you a lot.”
As she felt his lips brush her brow again, she exhaled and snuggled closer. Taking a chance, she lifted her chin and stared into his eyes. Pure happiness reflected in them. Very slowly, he brushed his lips against hers in a sweet kiss. Then he stepped back and opened the door for her.
Sliding into the cab, Leah knew what was happening between them was a once in a lifetime thing. The man was special; she liked him. But what she really liked was how open he was. He was offering himself in such a generous, easy way. No games or lies.
And he was patient with her, too. From the moment he’d asked if she would wait to be rescued by the tow truck, Leah had known that he would have immediately backed off at any time she wanted to.
During their whole trip, he’d been letting her set the pace, she realized in surprise. He’d offered suggestions, but had let all the decision making fall to her.
As the silence in the cab lengthened, he relaxed his grip on her hand, and noticeably gripped his steering wheel harder. Waiting.
“I like you, too, Zack. Actually, I like you a lot. I would hate it if this was all one-sided.”
“I promise, it’s not. Already, I want to make plans for this weekend and next and the week after that.”
“Really?”
“Really. Leah, for the last hour, I’ve been sitting here, trying to figure out a way to ask you the same thing. You know, ask if I can come visit you again.”
“You shouldn’t have been worried.”
“Why is that?”
“Oh, because I am seeing someone. But he’s a nice guy.”
Grace: A Christmas Sisters of the Heart Novel Page 14