“Melody, do you think you’ll ever love?”
The question was as startling as his voice. It was cool, reserved.
“Why do you ask?”
In the dim light, a band of red stained his cheeks. “Because of what happened …”
“Perhaps … I don’t know. Why?”
To her dismay, his eyes widened.
“No reason.”
Grateful to think about anything besides her labor pains, she said, “I’ve never been in love. But … when I look at the couples here, at Katie and Jonathan and their concern for each other … at Sam and Winnie, and the joy they seem to have in each other’s company … at Henry and Anna”—her breath hitched—“Henry looks at his wife like he would do anything for her. Anything at all. Even imagining a man half as in love with me is tempting.”
“They all do seem happy together.”
Right on time, another contraction gripped her hard. Levi wrapped his arm around her again, coaxing her, supporting her, and then moved away when it passed.
He looked at the clock on the bedside table. “Six minutes apart. They’re getting closer.”
“I don’t know if I’m happy about that or not,” she said with a smile.
“Might as well be happy, yes?”
His voice, so caring and sure, gave her confidence—maybe even enough to tell him more, to tell him things she’d told no one besides the doctor and counselors. “Levi, when I was raped …”
“Yes?”
Staring off into space, she forced herself to speak. To return to that day. That twenty minutes. “I, um, never know how much to tell people. How much they want to hear.”
He kept his voice low. Quiet. So quiet. “I want to hear whatever you want to say.”
“Levi, the truth is, I … I didn’t struggle much. At first, what he was doing, was so surprising, so foreign to me, I was stunned. And then, when I fell to the ground …”
“To the ground …” he echoed, his voice thick.
“I hit my head on the pavement. Hard.” She closed her eyes, trying to remember, praying that she wouldn’t. “Levi, still, sometimes, I feel that the whole thing happened to someone else. Later, they told me I had a concussion.”
“Because you hurt your head.”
“Badly. The fact of the matter, is that I was in a daze, unconscious—for much of the time.” She closed her eyes in shame. Hearing her story out loud, it sounded so terrible. Why hadn’t she fought more? How was it possible that she didn’t remember more?
Worse, how could it be that she’d come to terms with that?
As her words hung in the air between them, as her body prepared itself for another contraction, Melody mentally prepared herself for his rejection. After all, who would want to know her if they found out the truth?
But instead of standing up and walking away, Levi reached out and gripped her hand. “I’m glad,” he blurted. “I mean, I’m glad you were unconscious. I mean … what happened, I don’t want you to remember it. I would never wish you more pain.”
As the contraction rolled through, she studied his face. He looked miserable. His obvious regret about not having the right words touched her heart.
When she could breathe easily again, she finished her story. “My parents, they’re not bad people, but what happened took them off guard, you know? It created a wedge between us.”
“I’m sorry.”
“But, even though there was that barrier, they did try to help. They met me at the hospital as soon as they could. And when the doctor and nurse told them that I needed to talk to a professional, they encouraged me to speak to a counselor.”
“That is a rare thing. Many parents in our community would distrust outsiders’ opinions.”
“I’ll always be grateful for that. The counselor helped me so much. I visited her for several months. So, I guess what I’m trying to say, is I thank God that I wasn’t hurt worse.”
He swallowed hard. “I can’t imagine being able to give thanks for any of that.”
“We have to, don’t you think? He gives us opportunities to count our blessings every day, even when the world seems darkest. He gives us sun and snow and hope.”
After a moment, a new understanding entered his expression. “Yes, he does, at that. Even for men who’ve lost their wives … for men who are filled with doubts and regrets, he gives us Grace.”
She laughed softly. “Yes, Grace is a wonderful, powerful gift.”
Holding her hand between his own, he said, “Melody, when this is all over, when we go home again, I’d like to stay in touch with you.”
Melody wanted to see him again, too. But she wanted to be sure of his reasons. Was he simply overcome by pity for her? “Why?”
“Because I want to get to know you better. Because I know you’ll be on my mind.”
“I would like that.” Instinctively, she knew that Levi wasn’t used to sharing much. He wasn’t used to putting his wishes out, for anyone to see.
He leaned closer then. Rubbed a thumb across her knuckles. His face, so beautifully earnest, looked as if he had his whole heart to tell her. “Melody—”
She breathed deeply. Not thinking about anything but his expression, about the wonder of what was happening between them. “Yes?”
“Melody, I want you to know—”
She gasped as the bedroom door slammed open. Levi jumped back. Melody tried to hold her composure as another contraction coursed through her body—and her best friend in the world barreled into the room looking like an avenging angel. “Melody! Oh, Melody. I can’t believe I found you!”
“Leah?” Melody was so surprised, so overtaken by the next contraction, so stunned by what had just happened between herself and Levi, she could only stare in wonder.
And struggle to breathe as the pain came again.
Chapter 23
December 24, 6:00 P.M.
“I don’t know what else to do, Jonathan,” Katie said as she stared down at their baby boy. “The steam doesn’t seem to be working.” For the last thirty minutes, they’d sat together next to the shower going full blast, sending hot air and steam into the room—hoping against hope that the vapors would open little Eli’s breathing passages.
But still it looked like he was struggling.
“It might be. He sounds a bit better.” Sitting beside her on the edge of the bathtub, Jonathan carefully reached over and smoothed one finger along the baby’s head. Little Eli stared up at him in wonder, his dark blue eyes an exact replica of Katie’s.
While it was true that Eli was no longer making that horrible barking sound, his breath was still labored. Slowly, she dared to whisper the worst. “What if it’s gotten worse? What if his chest is so tight with sickness that he can’t cough any longer?”
“Don’t say that.”
She closed her eyes in frustration. That was Jonathan’s way, of course. He’d been through so much … his wife’s death, his barn burning, struggling to raise two girls alone. He refused to borrow trouble.
But Katie knew from experience that fearing the worst wasn’t always borrowing trouble. Sometimes it helped a person prepare for bad things. “Jonathan, we need to consider taking him to the hospital.”
His eyes flashed a refusal. That was easy to see, even in the hot, steamy bathroom. “How do you think we’re going to manage that? Taking him around in the buggy in the snow? In the cold?”
“We might not have a choice,” she murmured as Eli’s body squirmed and he let out a cry. “I can’t lose him.”
“Don’t talk like that.” His voice was hard and diffident. It brooked no disagreement.
It was so unlike his usual, gentle manner that it caught her off guard. But even his anger didn’t curb her tongue. “We must be prepared, Jonathan.”
For a moment, the only sound between them was the rush of water as it hit the porcelain floor. “I know,” he said finally. Then, grudgingly, he spoke again. “Katie, it’s not just Eli’s health that I’m worried about.�
�
“Who else?”
“I’m worried about yours, of course.”
“What are you talking about? I feel fine.”
Staring at her quietly, he murmured, “Katie, I know you’re with child. When were you going to tell me?”
He knew about her pregnancy. Shock followed by despair flowed through her as she stared right back. Oh, was he mad? Disappointed in her?
Why in the world had she waited so long to tell him, anyway?
“I—I didn’t know how to tell you that our life was about to get even more hectic,” she stammered. “How did you know?”
Carefully, he brushed a tendril of hair from her forehead. “I’m your husband, Katie. I notice everything about you. I notice when you are tired.” His gaze warmed. “I know when you are sick … and with child. I recognized the signs. I wish you would have told me.”
“I didn’t know how.”
“It’s an easy enough thing to say, don’t you think?”
“It wasn’t that. Jonathan, I was upset about it.”
“You don’t want another child?”
“I do, but I wasn’t ready to have one so soon.” Feeling utterly hopeless, she said, “Some days, I feel like I can hardly handle Mary and Hannah and Eli! I don’t know how I’m going to handle one more. I don’t want to disappoint you.” Finally, she dared to confess the awful truth. “I don’t want you to wish I was a better wife.”
“My Liewi,” he murmured, wrapping his arms around her. “Don’t you know by now that your trials are mine, too? I’ll help you. I promise, I will help.”
“But I should be able to do everything.”
“There’s a reason the Lord gave us to each other. He knows you need me, and He also knows that I want to be needed. Lean on me, Katie. Let me bear the weight of your burdens.”
Oh, she’d been so wrong not to trust him, and not to trust his love for her. “I’ll try.”
“Promise?”
“I promise.”
His hands fell away as Eli suddenly coughed. “Oh, Eli.” With a look of despair, he held a hand out toward the water raining down from the faucet. His fingers laced within the stream. One second. Two. “It’s cooling.”
Looking down at their boy, Katie felt as if her heart was going to burst. This baby was her heart. From the moment she’d discovered she was pregnant, she’d done everything in her power to be a good mother to him. And now as his eyes drifted closed, but his breathing became labored once again, she realized that even her best might not ever be enough.
He was in the Lord’s hands. “Jesus,” she whispered, “your birth was a miracle. Your life and teachings have amazed us all. Please be with us tonight. Please watch over Eli. Please heal him with your spirit. He’s so little, so dear … just as you were once, too. I’m giving my burdens to you, in your name. Amen.”
Next to her, Jonathan turned off the water and stood up. Then, as he helped her to her feet, he wrapped an arm around her and guided the three of them to their room.
Katie paused by the bassinet. “I can’t bear to put him there.”
“Then set him in bed, in between us. And perhaps, we’ll sleep, too.”
“We can’t sleep. There’s so much to do …”
“Katie, you were up most of last night. I was, too. Let’s try, jah?” Pressing his lips to her brow, he murmured, “Your prayer was so right, Katie. I’m sure the Lord heard us. We need some rest.”
“I am so tired,” she admitted. Already her eyelids felt weighted.
“I’m tired, too. Let’s rest for a bit.”
When she rested her head against the pillow, tears licked her eyelashes. But she willed herself not to cry. Not now. Not yet.
There would be time for tears when Eli was better. When their new baby arrived. Then there would be plenty of time for tears of joy.
December 24, 6:00 P.M.
Levi backed away as the auburn-haired girl, the Englischer, ran to the bed and threw her arms around Melody. He stood in the doorway uneasily, at a loss for what to do. Perhaps he should leave? But that didn’t seem right. He’d promised Melody he would be by her side for as long as she wanted him.
After hugging the girl tightly, Melody looked for him. “Levi?”
Like a student, he raised one hand slightly. “I’m here. By the door.”
“Oh.” Her expression was puzzled. “Well, um, this is Leah. She’s my friend from home.”
Levi nodded as Leah looked at him curiously.
Then Melody gripped her girlfriend’s hand. “What in the world are you doing here?”
“I’m here to see you, of course.”
“But at Christmas?”
“I didn’t want you to be alone,” the girl said.
Everything in Levi’s being wanted to blurt that she hadn’t been. Not at all. He’d been by her side. Not out of obligation, but because it had been where he’d wanted to be.
“How did you get here?” Melody asked.
Leah turned his way. “He brought me here.”
Levi stared at her, stunned. “Me?”
“No,” the man who suddenly appeared beside him said with a grin. “I did.” Somehow managing to look at both Levi and Melody, the man said, “I’m Zack Littleton.”
“Officer Zack Littleton,” Leah corrected. “He’s a police officer.”
“Actually, I’m a highway patrolman. I work for the sheriff’s department.”
“We met on the way, and when way too much happened, he drove me here.” Her eyes shined as she looked at the policeman standing there. “Now he’s my boyfriend.”
After darting a shy glance at the man standing off to the side, Melody looked back at her friend. “Truly?”
Leah flashed a smile. “I know it happened quickly, but you don’t know what we’ve been through. I think tragedy makes your heart’s decisions faster.”
Levi was hoping that Leah would clarify that statement when yet another contraction weaved its way through Melody again.
Levi’s heart slammed in his throat as he glanced at the clock. “They’re coming faster, now. Five minutes apart.”
“That one certainly did come up quick,” Melody said, her voice strained. “And it is terribly strong.” The skin around her mouth looked pale.
Levi yearned to reach for her. To hold her close. It was so obvious to him that she was in a terrible amount of pain.
As much pain as Rosanna had been.
But now it seemed too awkward to do so, with her friend in the room. “Do you want me to go get Mrs. Brenneman?” he offered. “You might be close to your time.” He knew the lady was as scared as the rest of them, but surely she would know what to do.
Melody bit her bottom lip. “Yes? I mean, I suppose you had better …”
“I could help,” the man—Officer Littleton—said quietly.
Melody turned to him in wonder. “What?”
“Before I had this job, I was an EMT. I’ve delivered several babies.”
The stranger’s words made no sense. “You were a what?” Levi asked.
“EMT stands for Emergency Medical Technician.” He paused, then clarified some more. “I used to work in an ambulance.”
“Zack could help you, Melody,” Leah said. “I know he could.”
“Even more recently as a patrolman, I’ve delivered babies. Not a lot.” He shook his head, smiling. “But three. You wouldn’t believe what happens out on the road.”
Just then, another contraction rocked Melody. “Oh!” she called out before biting her lips.
Leah gripped her hand. “No matter what, I’ll be by your side, Melody, but you might want to take Zack up on his offer sooner than later. He’s a good man … and I don’t know what to do.”
Pain flowed through Melody’s face in such a tangible way, Levi was sure he could reach out and grasp it.
Beside him, Zack tensed. Everything in the man’s posture told Levi that he was used to taking responsibility in emergencies. That he was used to doing what neede
d to be done. It was obvious that he wanted to help, that he knew how to help Melody. But still he waited.
That hesitation assured Levi of the man’s worthiness more than anything else. This man obviously knew what had happened to Melody, and was willing to let her make the decision. Even if it meant doing nothing.
“Maybe you should let him, Melody,” Levi said.
“Melody? Please?” Leah whispered. “I promise, I’ll be here, too.”
Finally Melody looked at Zack. “If you can help me, please do,” she finally bit out between pants.
The tension in the room broke free.
Immediately Zack stepped forward. “I scrubbed my hands before I walked in the room. Leah, go wash up, then ask Mrs. Brenneman for another sheet, more towels, and something to wrap the baby in.” To Levi, he added, “Go get a pair of scissors. Make sure they’re clean. Sharp. And bring alcohol, too. And hot water.”
Just as Levi turned to go in a rush to the officer’s bidding, he saw Zack quietly sit by Melody’s side. “You’re going to be okay,” he gently murmured.
As Zack’s words registered, Levi watched a change come over her. The wild, terrified look in her eyes quieted. In its place came trust. And determination.
Lifting up Melody’s hand, Zack placed his fingers on her wrist, obviously taking her pulse. “Together, we’re going to bring this baby in the world,” Levi heard him murmur. “Just in time for Christmas Day. All right?”
Melody nodded just as Leah came running back, her arms laden with supplies.
She pushed by Levi with a brief, apologetic look … and then as soon as he stepped out of the room, she closed the door.
Chapter 24
December 24, 7:00 P.M.
Katie didn’t know if she’d ever be able to praise God enough. Eli’s congestion finally seemed to be easing.
And he was now sleeping peacefully in the bed next to Jonathan, who was sound asleep, too. The picture of the two of them, finally relaxing after hours of touch and go … well, it was surely the most amazing of scenes. Though she, too, was exhausted, she felt just as strong a pull to check on Melody.
She couldn’t believe two Englischers had arrived while she’d been upstairs, one Melody’s friend Leah … and the other—wonder of wonders—a man who had worked on an ambulance.
Grace: A Christmas Sisters of the Heart Novel Page 16