by Jean Haner
This all worked fine until Kathleen lost her job and couldn’t find another. She asked her brothers to chip in, but they insisted on sticking to their plan, which she just couldn’t agree to. She couldn’t tell her parents what had happened. She knew they’d be upset and worried about her and would give up their home and probably die from the stress of the move. So Kathleen drained her savings to continue taking care of them, eventually losing her condo, going bankrupt, and living in her car rather than endure the pain of making her parents move.
As a Seven, it’s vitally important for you to honor your conscientious nature but be able to set boundaries and not deprive yourself by trying to make things perfect. The ideal Princess doesn’t order people around or force them to do her bidding, nor does she have to be afraid to ask for what she wants—or worse, do without entirely. She’s just naturally taken care of. When you’re in balance, you can see that you’re perfect and enough just as you are, and that’s when life brings you new options you weren’t able to receive before.
Perfectionism Run Wild
A Seven loves to live in a beautiful home, and some also struggle with allergies and environmental sensitivities, so they’re careful to keep their spaces extremely clean. But in some cases it’s possible for the Seven nature to click into the exact opposite—they are the most likely of all the personality types to become hoarders. It’s not because they don’t care or that they’re messy people. Rather, there are two common reasons why Sevens can transform their homes from palaces into hovels: One is that they have the potential to suffer from some degree of obsessive-compulsive disorder, which can be expressed as perfectionism run wild. They can be so anxious about doing things right that they don’t do them at all. They may not throw out any papers for fear of discarding something they might need; or worst case, in their delusion, they can’t put a container of spoiled food into the garbage because a speck might fall on the floor and contaminate the house.
The second reason a Seven can become a hoarder is also due to anxiety. They feel unsafe and build clutter as a buffer against the world, much as someone would gain weight. But one solution can ease both problems, and that’s dealing with the high level of sensitivity that’s the cause of the anxiety. Sevens can benefit greatly from training in meditation or energy work because it helps them manage their sensitivity and establish better energetic boundaries. Even just acknowledging how affected they are by subtle energy can be transformational.
Careers
To determine the types of careers that align with your inner design, we need to consider the influence of both your first and third numbers, so be sure to read the description of your calling in Chapter 5 as well.
You can excel in communications, so careers in writing, public speaking, or the media are options. Because of your awareness of beauty, you could find success as an interior designer, fashion designer, florist, jewelry maker, fine artist, or graphic designer.
Your precise attention to detail also serves you well in the field of finance, such as accounting or banking; in research; or in foreign-language translation. And the Perfect Hostess mentality can benefit you professionally as an event or wedding planner or hotel concierge. But your free-spirited Artist nature doesn’t like to be tied down to a job, so you can be attracted to freelance work that allows you that freedom.
First Number: Eight
Transformer
In nature, the image for an Eight is the mountain, which is immovable. You can lean on a mountain, and as an Eight, you hold that kind of energy: hardworking, reliable, steadfast, and with enormous personal strength. You’re also the most generous of all the types! You naturally want to support others, and your work for them can be on a grand scale. You’ll step up to meet the needs of your family members, your friends, friends of your friends, and the community at large, no matter how hard the work or great the responsibility. You may love to bring large groups together for work or activities, especially if it benefits others. Although you may not be the social type, and you do need your solitude, your energy will always turn toward your connections or your tribe in some way. Home as well as family is important to you. Many Eights own more than one property; some even rent out homes at below-market rates so that people in need have housing.
As much as Eights are generous and giving, a common difficulty is a lack of receptivity, which can be a major challenge in life on many levels. The process of healthy giving is actually a two-way street. There’s the act of giving and then there’s the act of opening your arms to receive. Frequently Eights don’t recognize that they lack the ability to soften and allow things to come to them, or for others to help and support them; if they don’t work on this, over time it can build into stagnation in their lives.
Your mountain nature gives you enormous stamina and resilience, so you bounce back better than anyone else. And it’s a good thing you do, because you take on challenges that would flatten someone else. As an Eight, you’re called the Transformer because you use hard work for powerful personal growth on a very deep level.
Going Within
In the mountain, there is a cave, and that cave is where the transformation happens. You can picture the adept going far into the cavern to meditate and do deep inner work, which is the alchemical process of becoming a sage. You carry that personal cave within you as you embrace your life struggles, transforming them into profound strength and power mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
But to the rest of the world, it may appear as though you just create struggle for yourself. Time and time again you choose what looks like the hard way in life. Friends and family scratch their heads as they watch, saying, “You want to do what now? Wouldn’t it be a lot easier just to do this instead?” It’s not a mistake in judgment for you to choose the more difficult path, though, because it’s through the struggle that you learn the most. You may sign up for some demanding and lengthy course of study, tackle a job that most others just give up on, or stick with a relationship that seems doomed because of all the problems involved. You do it because in the end, you benefit greatly from all you’ve learned; you’ve grown so much because of your hard work. Of course, this isn’t always a conscious choice on your part, and life can hand you opportunities that you simply have to work through. These are patterns of nature, and just as an oak tree grows acorns, you have an inherent tendency to take on or be given some serious work.
The Influence of Deep Thought
A cave can also be used to retreat from the world for the purpose of contemplation. As an Eight, you’ll tend to be a deep thinker, perhaps with an interest in philosophy or personal growth, and you’ll need to think through decisions slowly and carefully. You’ll want to retreat on a regular basis to de-stress and be alone with your thoughts, which may be in your own “cave” in the house (such as a basement getaway or a den), or it can mean a need to retreat before you can move forward. If you and your partner are arguing, it’s best for them not to follow you around the house, saying, “We’ve got to resolve this now!” Instead, they should back off and give you some space to ponder the situation. Then you’ll be able to emerge and work things out.
Another way to understand the cave is that this is where the treasure is, and the treasure is knowledge. You love to study and learn and may have an extensive library in your home, take seminars, or do self-development work. And because you’re so nurturing, you’ll want to teach people what you’ve learned or in some way use all your accumulated wisdom to help them discover their own hidden treasure and become the best they can be.
Accumulating treasure in the cave can mean more than just knowledge, however. Eights can be quite good at accumulating wealth or partnering with someone who does well financially. But accumulation can also be expressed as clutter, so Eights will need to take care not to let too much stuff build up around them or else have plenty of storage!
Despite the fact that your attention is always so oriented toward other people, you’re not a chatterbox. You tend to be q
uiet and people may complain that you’re hard to get to know, or your partner can feel cut off because you don’t talk about what’s going on inside. That’s another influence of that inner cave, which is where part of you always tends to hang out.
No one can move a mountain, and you can indeed be immovable in your opinions or just stubborn overall. Part of the reason that you’re not easily swayed is due to your solid thinking skills. It’s been your experience that other people don’t tend to think things through very well, so why should you be inclined to doubt your own conclusions? Sometimes, however, you can be like a dog with a bone. You just won’t let an issue go, and people may as well give in if they’re in that kind of tug-of-war with you!
Fairness and Justice
You usually appear calm and quiet and aren’t easily provoked, but there are times the mountain can turn into a volcano! Your anger can be powerful and righteous, and it often centers around issues of unfairness or injustice, which are personal hot buttons for you. If you see someone being treated unfairly, you’ll be the first to step up to protect them; and if you feel someone has done something unjust to you, they’ll hear about it.
Melanie, an Eight, discovered a hairdresser in her town who did beautiful work and offered 10 percent off a haircut if anyone referred a friend. So she referred three friends who were so happy that they started referring their friends. Melanie got three discounts, but then demanded that the hairdresser also give her 10 percent off for each of her friends’ friends who came in. She was so outraged when she was turned down that she stopped using the stylist’s services, even though this person was the only one in town who’d done a good job on her hair.
Youngest Son
Another way the Eight is pictured is as the Youngest Son in a family. This doesn’t mean you’ll literally be the youngest child; it’s that you carry that energy in your personality. The Youngest Son is in a peculiar position within the family because in being around the older family members, he soaks in all of their knowledge, so he’s really very wise—but he’s also still just a little boy. This can be expressed in an Eight’s nature as naïveté, a lack of self-confidence, or at times feeling awkward and uncomfortable around others. You can visualize a little boy at a grown-up party, wandering around among all the adults, not knowing how to act or what’s expected of him, and feeling very out of place and unsure of himself. This may be a recurring pattern of experience for Eights.
In situations where an Eight feels stressed, they may react childishly, behave in emotionally immature ways, or make impulsive decisions based purely on their feelings. Terence was a chiropractor whose patients adored him—and rightly so, because he was the typical warm and generous Eight personality. But Terence was awful at running his business. He was disorganized, couldn’t keep an assistant for more than a few months, and was late paying his bills and doing his paperwork. Finally the state board started an investigation. Terence became so upset that one day, he just locked the door of his office and walked away. He immediately took a job as an airport shuttle driver, still helping people but in a much less demanding way.
Careers
To determine the types of careers that align with your inner design, we need to consider the influence of both your first and third numbers, so be sure to read the description of your calling in Chapter 5 as well.
Because you care so much about fairness and justice, we might find you in the fields of law, mediation, social services, or human rights, doing pro bono work or fighting for the underdog in some way. The core of your nature is about facilitating transformation, so you can also be happy working in education, personal development, or health care.
Eights can be very successful in business, and they’ll always treat their staff or employees like family, going out of their way to help in sometimes incredibly generous ways. Home and the land are important, so you find Eights in real estate—especially appraisal, property management, or development—or in the hospitality industry. And because the Eight also has a theme of nurturing and nourishment, careers in nutrition, food services, or caregiving are also options. Many Eights are deeply spiritual and talk about how they long to create a retreat center in a remote location on a large piece of land where people can come to do inner work.
But no matter what profession you end up in, if you do find big success, you tend not to sit back, put up your feet, and enjoy the rewards. Instead, you can become even more single-minded and work even harder. It’s important to learn to balance hard work with time to enjoy the fruits of all your labor.
First Number: Nine
Lover
The strongest theme running through the nature of a Nine is that of the heart. Incredibly warm and openhearted, these people are here to spread love, and their attention will always be drawn to giving affection to everyone they meet. Because they have a natural desire to connect with others, most (not all) Nines have an easy time making friends. They tend to have a sparkle about them, and an easy charm. Some are blatantly flirtatious—but it’s not about a sexual come-on. They’ll flirt with men, women, babies, and dogs walking down the street. It’s all about opportunities to exchange little sparks of love from heart to heart!
As a Nine, you’re great at bringing a lighthearted vibe to any interaction and you can always crack a joke to bring everyone’s spirits up. Vivacious and charming, you have an inherent exuberance and may even talk quickly and wave your hands around as you speak. Because of this vibrant nature, you’re good at getting other people excited about something, making them feel inspired and uplifted. For you, life is about passion and doing the things that light you up, especially if that can be with people you love.
Flickering Flame
In nature, the Nine relates to fire, and one way to understand your personality is that of a joyfully flickering flame. Because of this, at times you can find other people’s attitudes a bit heavy and wonder why they can’t just lighten up. You’re a free spirit and love to have fun—in fact, you don’t think something’s worth doing unless it’s fun. A quick learner and highly creative, you have a very active mind and can hardly find enough time to do everything you want to do. Change and variety are important to you, and like fire looking for new things to burn, you constantly seek out new experiences. Your worst fear is being bored, but that’s hardly a possibility!
Thank goodness you’re quite good at multitasking because you’ll always have many balls in the air. You can have trouble settling in to pay attention to one thing for any length of time and actually do best if you can work on different projects for short bursts, changing your focus frequently. Yet even then, you’ll have trouble completing tasks and need to take care that you don’t become scattered. You’ll be working on 23 different priorities but suddenly see something sparkly out of the corner of your eye and think, Oh, that looks like fun! and then everything falls into chaos.
Being a Nine can mean that you end up in the spotlight in some way. Nines are said to be natural performers who easily draw people’s attention. It may just be that you light up a room the minute you walk in or that you have a talent for performing or public speaking. Nines just tend to get noticed more easily than other people do, and it can be important to them to feel special in that way. At the extreme, some are quite vain and self-centered, always wanting the conversation to focus on them and how fabulous they are. A Nine once confirmed this in one of my workshops, saying, “Oh, yes, I’m all that and then some!”
The Vulnerable Heart
Some Nines are not like the previous description at all. Instead they’re shy and quiet and don’t like to have attention focused on them. This brings us to some challenges that you as a Nine might experience in different ways. You have a very open heart, but an open heart is also a vulnerable one. Nines tend to wear their hearts on their sleeves; if someone is unkind or rejects them, it can be far more painful than it would be for others. Some Nines find that possibility so frightening that they avoid any chance of someone not liking them. A Nine who was a co
nsultant had trouble getting work—not because she wasn’t brilliant at her job, but because she had to schmooze with potential clients in order to get hired. She was so terrified of rejection that she couldn’t bring herself to network or socialize.
Nines are naturally cheerful and sociable people, yet there’s often a very solitary place inside where they really live. They may have lots of friends but not many close ones, or their relationships don’t last for long. They’ll always yearn to have people in their lives who find them truly special. The background fear is that they may not really be lovable. This is why the infatuation stage in a romance is usually their favorite part, because the thrill of being the center of someone’s universe makes them feel totally lovable.
As a Nine, your emotions will always be close to the surface and tears can easily come—not just when you’re sad, but anytime you feel a surge of love for someone. (For instance, a parent who’s a Nine will invariably cry when they talk about their children.) But your feelings can also easily be touched off by the emotions of others. A student in a recent workshop called himself a “contact crier” because whenever anyone else cried, he’d immediately burst into tears.
The Influence of Anxiety
Some Nines are excitable, love stimulation, and seek intense experiences—even to the point of creating big drama in their lives. But if this doesn’t sound like you, it may be that your experience is a tendency toward anxiety instead of drama. The Nine energy is like a hummingbird’s: a very high vibration that’s like being high-strung or nervous. It can be a revelation to discover what contributes to these feelings: you’re an empath.