She wasn’t his type and she talked way too much.
“Jake.”
There she was.
* * *
WALKING IN THE park was an activity Lauren looked forward to. Sometimes they talked and other times they were quiet, but the companionship between them was most evident here. They crossed the street and passed through the gates on a warm July day.
She’d been wearing a different version of the nostalgic nanny outfit for a week, thanks to Amy. Jake eyed her suspiciously. She was bound to draw attention and she wasn’t sure he was ready for that. It didn’t take long before she was surrounded by children asking who she was pretending to be. Turned out, she was ready for that as she launched into a song and dance, and pretended to pull something magical from her bag. Jake stood to the side, away from her and away from the parents and nannies overseeing the safety of their children.
They recognized that the song she sang was from the remake of the famous musical Mary Poppins, and joined in.
She waved goodbye as she rejoined Jake and the kids ran happily back to their parents.
“You’re really good with kids,” he said.
Lauren couldn’t tell Jake that the real reason why, not unless she wanted today to be the last time they saw each other.
“It’s the dress and the hat.” She glanced up, but all she saw was the brim of the straw hat that went with the costume. “They just want to be loved and happy.”
“You don’t have any problem wearing that costume out in public in July?”
Lauren checked herself. “Are you kidding? This is New York City. Other than kids, nobody notices. They probably think I’m promoting the play.” An updated version was currently on Broadway. “Is it bothering you?”
“I’m a little old to be out with my nanny.”
“Well, if anyone says anything, just point them to me. I’ll find something in my magic bag to make them go away.”
Lauren was really having fun. The costume was for Jake’s benefit, but the kids added a special touch she hadn’t counted on.
She clasped his right arm through the sling and wasn’t surprised when Jake reacted to the contact.
“What are you doing?” he asked, trying to jerk away from her.
“Nothing different. I usually take your arm when we walk.”
“You usually walk on this side.” He pointed to the ground with his left hand.
“It makes no difference,” she said innocently.
Jake’s glare told her she knew it made a difference.
“Jake, you have two arms. So why does it matter which side I walk on? Today, I choose this side.”
To drive her point home, she grasped the arm tighter. Checking that there was no sign of pain, she gripped his biceps.
“I see those exercises are working. This arm is a lot stronger,” she said, deflecting the subject.
He knew by now that she could be as stubborn as he was and it was best if he just let her have her way. He started walking. He moved fast and Lauren stumbled once before matching his stride.
“Do you think I’ll let go if you break into a run?” she asked after they’d maintained the fast walk for three minutes.
Jake stopped. “You know I can do this on my own.”
“You’ve made that very clear. I understand that you’re trying to get rid of me. Other than the arm massage, you’d like me to leave for parts unknown.”
“Exactly,” he said with a smile, only this smile wasn’t laced with humor. Bitterness might identify it, nonetheless, it was clear he wanted her gone.
“That’s it. You don’t want anyone around you. You want to wallow in sorrow and wonder why you? Why did this have to happen to you? You’re a surgeon. You fix people. So why take away the one thing that you can do?”
“Careful, Ms. Peterson. You’re skating on thin ice.”
The stare she gave Jake could melt steel. She held it for several moments, then dropped his arm and turned around before walking just as fast as he had back toward Central Park West.
It wasn’t Jake’s fault. He didn’t know about her—didn’t understand that she’d lost a child.
She reached the apartment in record time. Once in her room, she slammed the door shut and backed up against it. Seconds later, her legs gave out and she slid to the floor.
Lauren couldn’t cry. Her eyes were burning but she’d shed all the tears she had a year ago. Her body’s trembling was her only outward reaction. She didn’t know how long she sat there, her legs curled under her. When she got to her feet, they tingled with the pins-and-needles sensation from sitting in one position for too long.
Jake was wrong. No visible appendage had been taken from her. She’d given it. Free and clear. Without argument or resistance.
* * *
THE CITY WAS dark and mysterious outside those massive windows. Night had fallen, and Lauren was alone in the great room. She stared at the horizon in the distance.
Somewhere out there was both danger and adventure. Somewhere a Midwesterner got off a bus in Port Authority and marveled at the sheer number of people, like a human wave, moving through the cavernous building. Lauren had once been one of them.
Looking out the window that faced east, she thought how she loved this room, especially at this time of night. She might have to leave it soon. She and Jake had gotten too close to an argument. She shouldn’t feel as if she was forcing him to embrace life when he so clearly wanted to dive into oblivion and stay there. Didn’t he have that right?
They weren’t friends, but she felt concern for him and his future. It seemed strange for her to be so interested when they’d known each other only a short time. Yet in reality, she was a doctor and concern for her fellow man was part of her being. But Jake was more than her “fellow man.” She was falling for him.
“What are you doing?”
Lauren jumped. Jake came down the stairs, his left hand sliding along the banister for balance.
When he reached her, she forced a smile, remembering their earlier encounter in the park. He hadn’t appeared for dinner and Lauren had eaten a solitary meal that tasted like sawdust, alone. The food was fine. It was her thoughts that dulled the taste.
“I’m looking at the city.”
He glanced through the window and back at her as if there was nothing to see.
“You could smell the roses sometime,” she told him.
“We have no roses.”
Lauren cut her eyes at him and moved further back into the room. The view was the same, but she was a greater distance from Jake and determined to remain calm and in control of both her emotions and her tongue.
“You know what this room reminds me of?” she asked.
She couldn’t see Jake in the dark. He probably raised an eyebrow, but he said nothing. He often did that instead of speaking. She hadn’t been around him long enough to know if this action was related to his injury or if he’d always been like that. A third option was that he did it just to perplex her.
“A Hollywood set,” she said.
Jake made a sound that said he didn’t agree.
“I saw a movie once that had a room a lot like this one. A man sat at a piano and played a song, a love song as the screen faded to black.”
“I don’t watch love stories.”
His voice held its familiar gruffness, but Lauren had begun to ignore his tone.
“Do you play the piano?”
She was standing in front of it, a huge concert grand, the frame so shiny she could see her reflection in it on sunny days.
“Not anymore,” he said, his voice a low whisper.
“But you did before the accident?” She knew the answer to that question, but she wanted him to know that the mention of the accident was not something that needed to be hidden in a dark room.
“What about danc
ing?”
“Excuse me?”
“You can’t play, but can you dance?”
Again, he stood as if mute.
Lauren went to the CD collection he had and selected one of them. The music wasn’t a fast, up-tempo song, but something a little slower. As it began to play, it filled the room with sound. She felt as if it came from every corner of the room.
Going to him, she offered her hand.
“You want to dance?” he asked.
“I do. You have an invitation to a ball. That implies dancing.”
“I told you I wasn’t going to that ball.”
“Going or not going doesn’t mean you can’t dance.”
She took his arm and pulled him forward, placing his hand around her waist. Gently, she began to sway. Jake remained still for a couple of seconds before something appeared to give in him and he joined her. Occasionally she’d brush his right arm as they turned about in a small circle. After a few moments, Lauren forgot about his arm. The night and music carried her. She closed her eyes and let Jake guide her.
The music stopped. Lauren felt an abruptness. She’d overstepped her bounds. She knew it because she liked being this close to Jake. The strength of his left arm as he held her was comforting and safe. She wanted to stay there longer, but the music was no longer giving her a reason to hold on to him.
“You dance very well,” she said.
“So do you. I guess you’d like to go to that ball?”
Lauren stepped back. “I’m a companion, remember. I’m not here to date you.”
“That didn’t answer my question. Would you like to go to the ball?”
Lauren didn’t know what to say. Yes was on the tip of her tongue. Yet she was unsure of how that answer would affect him.
“You already said you didn’t want to go. More emphatically, you said you would not go.”
“I’ve changed my mind. We’ll go.”
CHAPTER FOUR
AMY WAS ALREADY in the restaurant when Lauren arrived. It was near the office where Lauren had had her practice. Amy now worked for the doctors who’d bought the practice. With a wide smile, she waved Lauren over to a table in the back. Still dressed in her nurse’s uniform, Amy stood and the two women hugged hello.
They were a contrast to each other. Amy said that accounted for their friendship. Where Lauren was tall with dark brown hair and red highlights all the way to her waist, Amy barely topped off at five feet. Her hair was sandy brown and short to the extreme. Both had dark brown eyes and winning smiles. Amy had dimples that Lauren envied.
“So how are things going?” Amy asked as they sat down.
Lauren knew she didn’t want a report of her relationship with Jake. She was interested in Lauren.
“I’m taking it one day at a time. But I will say that working with Jake is keeping my mind off my problems.” Lauren didn’t want to dwell on herself. Changing the subject, she asked, “How are things in the office?”
“We’re settling in. I had to whip those doctors into shape and now they know who’s boss.”
Amy was kidding. She was a competent nurse and she suggested better ways of doing things, but never contradicted the doctors’ preferences. Often, compromise made the workflow smoother and eased any tension.
“What did Jake think of the costume?”
“It’s hard to tell. At first he didn’t even acknowledge that I was wearing anything out of the ordinary. Then he told me he wasn’t used to going out with a nanny.”
“You two are going out?” Amy’s voice was hopeful.
“No,” Lauren said. “Going out in a literal sense. We go out to the park or out for a walk.”
“Well, here’s your new costume,” Amy said, touching the dress bag next to her. “See what he thinks of Princess Lauren.”
Lauren partially unzipped the bag and looked at the beautiful ice-blue gown. Small sequins and glass jewels winked at her.
“There was more time to get this one and there’s even a crown. I’d love to see Jake Masters’s face when you turn up wearing this.”
Lauren suddenly laughed.
“What’s so funny?” Amy wanted to know.
“I just wondered what Jake’s reaction would be if I wore this to the ball.”
“Ball? What ball?”
* * *
THE APARTMENT WAS silent when Lauren returned from lunch. Jake’s town car had picked him up and taken him to an appointment. All Lauren saw on his calendar was the word dentist—no name, no phone number or address. And he’d said nothing about how long he’d be gone.
Since it was the first time he’d gone out without her, Lauren used the time to meet Amy and catch up. If he returned before she did, he could be on his own for an hour or two. But when she came in, he was still away.
Lauren took the princess gown to her room and pulled from the bag. The crown lay in the bottom, concealed in a velvet bag. A second bag revealed glass slippers. Well, they were really made of soft plastic, but the effect was the same. Only in a fairy tale could you dance on glass and not cut your feet to shreds.
Lauren pulled the dress up to herself and surveyed its fit in the mirror. Smiling, she danced around the room humming “Ten Minutes Ago.” Pushing her shoes off, she wiggled her jeans down and her top off, then slipped the cloud of chiffon over her head. It took a moment to get the zipper up her long back, but she did it. The crown and shoes completed the outfit to the point that she gasped when she saw her reflection. Suddenly, she grinned thinking of the expression on Jake’s face if she told him she planned to wear this to the ball.
She twirled a second time to see how the fabric swished about her legs, and then stopped suddenly. Jake had been hurt two years ago. The ball was black-tie. She wondered if he had anything to wear. If he needed to buy or rent a tuxedo, she wouldn’t put it past him to wait until it was too late to get one, using it as an excuse to cancel even if it was his idea to go.
Lauren had once loved dressing up and going out. She hadn’t done much of it in recent years, but when Jake said they would go to the ball, she was happy. She’d be disappointed if he backed out, but she’d get over it. Jake needed the outing more than she did. She hadn’t divorced her friends when her life fell apart. He’d obviously pushed everyone away.
He’d tried pushing her away too. Lauren wasn’t going to let that happen.
Leaving her bedroom, she marched to the end of the hall and opened the double doors. The room was empty, full of light and smelled fresh from the housekeeper’s recent cleaning. Lauren paused but only briefly before charging straight for a door that was either the bathroom or a closet.
“Closet,” she said aloud, then realized the space could double as a New York apartment in some buildings.
The walk-in closet was orderly. Suits, shirts, pants jackets and shoes all had a designated place. She went to the suits, flicking through them as she’d do in the men’s department of an upscale store. One by one she checked them and moved on. She’d gotten through only half of them when a voice boomed behind her.
“What are you doing?”
Jake’s angry voice thundered in the windowless room. Lauren jumped. Her stomach flopped as her entire body went ice cold, then raging hot.
“Is there something I can help you find or is this just an exploratory operation?”
Lauren turned to face him. “Jake, it’s not what it looks like.” She put out a hand to steady herself.
He shifted his weight, leaning on his right leg as his left arm grasped one door handle.
“It looks like you’re searching for something among my personal things.” He raised an eyebrow.
Of course, everything in the space represented his personal things, but Lauren’s thoughts went to his clothing.
“I was looking to see if you had a tux.” She stopped to swallow. Her throat was drier th
an sand.
“And you dressed like that to find this out?” His eyes swept over her from the crown to the glass slippers.
“I thought if you had a tux, it might need to be cleaned and pressed. If you didn’t have one, there’s time to rent one before the ball.”
He gave her an engaging look that didn’t convey whether he believed her or not. Lauren withstood his stare, feeling like a thief caught in the act.
Jake moved toward her. She wanted to run, but he stood between her and the open door. She backed up as he approached, knowing the closet would end. As he reached her, he pulled a hanger with a tux from the rack and thrust it into her chest. Reactively, she grabbed it, but he didn’t relinquish it. He leaned in close to her. When his face was only an inch from hers, and she could smell the minty scent of mouthwash on his breath, he said, “My dress shirts and cuff links are in the top drawer. Maybe you want to polish them or restitch the tucks on my shirt.”
Releasing his hand from the hanger, he turned and walked out of the closet. Lauren held her breath for ten seconds after he vacated the room. Then with a long sigh, she exhaled. Forcing her knees to support her, she returned the tux to its place. She felt like an interloper who’d crossed the line with respect to Jake’s personal space. And she had. She should have waited and asked if he had formal attire. But she hadn’t and she couldn’t put the genie back in the bottle. She had to find him.
Slowly, she left the closet and the bedroom. A wrought-iron railing with intricate grillwork ran the length of the upstairs walkway and down the curved stairway that led to the first level. Where she stood, Lauren had a panoramic view of the downstairs room and the windowed skyline.
Jake wasn’t anywhere in sight. She hadn’t heard the door open and close, but then she hadn’t heard him come in when she was searching through his closet. Checking the walkway, she spied the open door to her bedroom. Rushing to it, she expected to find Jake rifling through her clothes. Yet when she reached the entrance, a smaller version of his rooms, it was totally as she had left it.
Jake was not there.
Healing the Doctor's Heart Page 5