All of us laughed in unison while she looked at us confused as hell. “What’s so funny about burgers?”
Maverick smiled sweetly at her. “That’s my dad’s bar.”
We all started to grab our coats to head out to eat when Dane stood on the first step in front of everyone. “This all might not seem like a huge deal to any of you, but no one can figure out that Fallon is who she really is. Outside of this group she is Fae Dunham. Got it?”
Everyone muttered and nodded; a calm washed over me knowing that I had a few more understanding friends in my corner.
Serena grabbed my hand and smiled at me. “We all have a past. I know you don’t know me very well, but I promise I won’t say a damn thing.”
I gripped her hand and addressed everyone in the group. “Thanks.”
It was such a small word for how big this all was for me. They all just nodded and there it was. I was finally among friends. Real friends, not the fake shit that comes along with fame. That was one of the sickest feelings in the world.
Chapter Fifteen
Define Family
DANE
“Hey, Pop!” I called over the bar to Marty. His back was to me, staring at half-empty liquor bottles on the back row of the bar doing inventory, clipboard in hand. The rest of the guys, Fallon, and Serena all started to take seats around a long table a few feet behind me.
The dark circles around Marty’s light eyes and two day old scruff told all too much about how many hours he had been putting in at the bar. “Dane! Guys! It’s not open mic night, to what do I owe this visit?”
Maverick slid onto the barstool next to me. “Worked up quite the appetite practicing tonight. Thought we’d stop in and grab a bite.”
Marty nodded at his son. “Couple of pitchers of Pabst and nachos?”
“Sounds great, Pop. Thanks.”
We started to head to the table when he cleared his throat. “You boys better be coming to this barbeque. Your mother has missed having a full house lately.”
Maverick and I nodded in unison. “Yeah of course. We’ll be there.”
There was no way I would ever be able to repay Maverick and his family for what they did for me after my mom got locked up. Going to a family picnic was a very small price to pay for the years they took me in and helped restore my faith in humanity.
Dinner was over before we knew it. Surprisingly, even Serena was awesome to be around. The night went perfectly until I had to drop Fallon off at her apartment.
“Are you sure you don’t want to come back to my place?”
Fallon shook her head while gripping the door handle. “Dane, I really like you and I want nothing more than to crawl into your ridiculously comfortable bed, but I have a mountain of work to tackle tomorrow. I am going to head into the office early so it’s better if I stay here alone and get my ass to bed.”
I popped out my lower lip and tried my best to put on sad puppy dog eyes. “Are you sure?” I got within an inch of her beautiful lips.
“Yes.” She slowly pressed her lips onto mine, letting them linger tenderly before popping the door open and jumping out of the car.
She leaned in. “I’ll see you tomorrow at work, babe.”
Babe. That word rolling off her perfect pierced lips was incredibly sexy. I wanted to catch it in my mouth and crush my lips into hers.
“Alright.” I sighed and the door slammed shut.
While walking up the stairs to my apartment, my phone buzzed in my pocket a few times. I checked my texts to find some I wanted to read and others, not so much.
Fallon: Thanks for a great night. Sitting in on that practice was freaking liberating. I needed that.
Whitney: Why have you been blowing me off and not responding to my texts?
Whitney: Are you fucking our new bitch of a boss?
Fallon: Let me know you got home safe.
Even though Whitney’s texts made me see red and I would have loved to let her have it for calling Fallon a bitch, there was no way I was going to bark up the Whitney-crazy-tree at the moment. She was not going to ruin the amazing high I had from such a great night. So, I just rattled off a text back to Fallon.
Me: Just got to my place. Night, Juliet.
Fallon: Night, Romeo. Sweet dreams :*
I figured that the last bit was a kissy face and for the first time, seeing something so mushy didn’t make me want to hurl. I started to walk down the hall to my apartment and froze right when I saw someone sitting in my doorway. In the dim light was the silhouette of the shell of a woman I used to know and love. It took everything in me to not turn and bolt down the stairs behind me. I wanted to scream and kill, but all I could do was choke out one word from my drying throat while my fists clenched and my entire body buzzed with rage.
“Mom?”
She slowly grappled to her feet and stared at me while I forced myself to yell, “What the fuck are you doing here?”
FALLON
I stepped out of my steaming shower, draping my body in a warm, fluffy towel. Walking around my apartment alone with dripping wet hair and pouring myself a small glass of wine to wind down usually didn’t come with this terrible sting of loneliness, but there it was, nipping at my heels. All I wanted was to be in Dane’s bed, drinking tea and cuddling under his warm comforter while he picked at his acoustic guitar. The sweet image made me want him even more.
Without thinking about it, I pulled on jeans, threw on a T-shirt, shoved my feet into my favorite pair of Uggs, and called for a cab. Within a few minutes I was in the backseat of a taxi, wrapped up warmly in a hoodie, riding the few blocks to Dane’s apartment. If it weren’t dark out I would have walked, but I was pretty afraid of the dark and being kidnapped. I was little and in my mind that meant that I was easily kidnap-able.
I practically ran up the stairs to Dane’s apartment, hoping he wouldn’t be mad that I was surprising him.
I knocked on the door and he answered quickly, leaning on the doorjamb, holding the door halfway shut. “What’s up?” His voice was rough and shaky as he looked at the floor.
“I was lonely. I realized that I don’t really care about a good night’s sleep.” I ran my fingers over his arm and he breathed in sharply.
“This really isn’t a good—” A woman’s voice called from inside, “Dane, honey, who is it?”
I saw red. My blood boiled. I was going to kick her fucking teeth in. I was going to kick his teeth in. I put my hand on the door, ready to shove it open, but Dane held on for dear-fucking-life.
“I said this is not a good time, Fallon.” He growled through gritted teeth, pleading with his eyes as I leaned into the door with my shoulder, trying to force it open.
“Who the fuck is in there?” He wasn’t getting off that easily.
“It’s just a friend, Mom.” Dane growled, locking his eyes on mine as my mouth fell open.
“Oh, honey. Let her in,” the meek voice called again.
“I’m—” Dane put his hand on my shoulder, cutting off my apology.
“Don’t worry about it. I was just about to make some tea. Want some?”
I nodded and Dane’s head fell into a sigh as he opened up the door. Dane’s mom got up from the couch, rubbing her hands on her jeans before walking up to me to introduce herself.
“Hi, I’m Claire.” I took her frail hand.
“It’s nice to meet you. I’m Fa-Fallon?” My voice turned up and I looked to Dane, who nodded. He had already used my real name, might as well go with it. Her light brown eyes had dark rings around them and her silver hair floated in wisps around her face. With hollow cheekbones, Claire smiled and nodded, taking the steaming mug out of Dane’s hand.
“So, Mom.” Dane’s voice was so rigid, matching his posture as he took a seat in the armchair, the farthest spot from where Claire was sitting, forcing me to sit next to her on the couch. “How long have you been out?”
Her grip tightened on her mug as she stared into it, barely speaking louder than a whisper. “Just abou
t a week.”
Dane’s face was stern and unreadable. There was so much I didn’t know about their relationship, but I knew enough to be very concerned about the situation that was unfolding before me. I wanted to get to know Dane’s mom, but I was pretty sure that would upset Dane.
“Where are you staying?” Dane’s disdain dripped from each word. He was trying to hold something back, probably anger.
“On the other side of town. With a friend.”
Dane laughed. “Is that what you’re calling your drug dealer nowadays? A fucking friend?”
After setting her mug slowly down onto the coffee table, Claire hugged her jacket tighter around her body while her hands shook.
“Why are you really here, mother? Please don’t say it’s because you missed me.”
“But I –”
She was cut off by Dane’s sharp tongue lashing her. “If you missed me, you would have written, tried to apologize, or maybe entered the drug program I begged you to do after the state offered it to you.”
“Dane, I’ve changed. I’m a new woman.”
Dane got up and sat on the coffee table right in front of his mom, getting his face within a half-inch of hers. “Prove it.” He grabbed her hand and yanked up her sleeves, revealing fresh track marks in the crook of her elbow.
“Fresh out and you couldn’t wait to get a fucking fix. Get the fuck out of my home.” Dane forcefully pulled her up from the couch and walked her right to the door.
“But I have nowhere else to go. No more money.”
He opened the door and pushed her out of it. “Well you should have thought about that before you got Leilani in that fucking car with you. And by the way, if you don’t leave, I will call the cops. I knew you’d be getting out soon so I filed a no contact against you. You’re in violation right now. Your lawyer has a copy. Have a nice fucking life, Claire.”
He slammed the door, resting his back on it and sliding down to the floor. He gently sobbed onto his knees, hugging his legs to his chest. I had no idea what to do, so I got down on the floor and held him while he cried softly in my arms.
“I fucking hate her,” he mumbled.
“I know.”
A few hard knocks sounded through the door and made me jump. Dane’s grip on my shirt tightened. “She’ll always be a junkie, wont she?”
Knock.
Knock, knock.
Bang, bang, bang.
“I hope not,” I whispered, scared that she would be relentless.
Knock.
Knock.
“Did I do the right thing? Kicking her out?”
“Maybe.” Chills ran up my arms while I pictured Claire standing on the other side of the door, just as broken as her son.
Dane buried his hand into the crook of my neck, breathing in sharply before whispering, “I’m glad you showed up.”
“Me too.”
There was one final tap on the door and then silence. Dane and I stayed locked in one another’s arms for what felt like hours, but in reality was only a few more minutes.
“Come on, let’s get you to bed.”
Dane took my hand and I helped him to his feet. The sadness and defeat that blanketed his face made my heart break.
Chapter Sixteen
Enjoy the little things
DANE
There was no sense in trying to sleep that night. I just held Fallon in my arms, her head cradled in the groove of my shoulder while she snored softly. Rage boiled through my entire body. It had all come crashing back down around me like it was yesterday.
Silence draped over me while my hands shook. I didn’t know if it was more from the fear, sadness, or anger, or maybe all of it rolled into one heaping mess bottled up deep down inside my gut. Sitting in the sentencing hearing had been the hardest part of the process so far, and I really was not prepared for it in any way, shape, or form. Watching my mother stand before the judge moments before he was going to take away her freedom was simultaneously liberating and stifling. Maverick and Marty sat on either side of me. Their support and concern was palpable while hot tears stung the back of my eyes and my throat went dry.
The older judge cleared his throat and glanced around the courtroom before speaking slowly, taking care to articulate each word. “Mrs. Pearson, I hereby sentence you to fifteen years…”
Those words echoed in my head while they filled the courtroom and time stood still. My eyes locked on my mother’s as she slowly turned to me, her face tear-stained and scared. I could see her knees and hands shaking while sobs overcame her frail body. Her skin was chalky and seemed loose on her. Withdrawals had not been kind while the trial took place. I refused to post bail or let anyone else do it for us. She needed to pay for what she’d done and she needed to feel all of the pain of it, not hide behind a cloud of drugs and alcohol.
Marty leaned in, his hand on my shoulder. “Dane?”
I turned to him, my mouth open, tears falling rapidly. “Yeah?”
“Let’s get you out of here, son.” Marty pulled on my arm sternly.
That was the last day I had seen my mom before she showed up at my apartment hours before. It was all still an open wound with a frail bandage on it and there was no fixing that. There was really no light at the end of my tunnel of loathing.
Fallon shifted and rolled over, cuddling with my pillow. She looked so peaceful even though she was drooling a little, mouth completely open, hair matting to the side of her face. It shouldn’t have been as attractive as it was, but it was. I stared, taking it all in: the way her small frame was swallowed up by my faded Hysterics shirt, which she had claimed for her sleeping attire every time she slept over. The way she was gripping on the pillow so tightly. How her eyes fluttered and her lips twitched while she softly snored. The way her lip rings glistened. It was all so hot. Add in her septum piercing and put a fork in me, I was fucking done.
I shifted under her, pulling her back onto my chest and holding her as tightly as I could without waking her. It was so simple and calming. In that moment I was broken and raw but there was nothing scary or painful about it; she took those horrible feelings away. I wasn’t alone in this anymore, and that was the most amazing feeling I could have ever imagined.
Slowly my eyes closed, my mind stilled, and sleep was able to come, short and fleeting, but dreamless and fulfilling.
FALLON
“Dane?” I shook him a little while his phone alarm blared on the nightstand. “Dane, it’s time to wake up.”
He shifted groggily, releasing my waist to roll over and silence the terribly obnoxious siren screaming at us to get the hell out of bed. “I just want to lay right here all day,” he mumbled before kissing my hair and wrapping his arms around me from behind.
“Well then.” I shoved up from the bed and grabbed my purse off the floor. “Why don’t we?”
I started a text to Payton, explaining that Dane and I needed a personal day. I knew that it would raise a few red flags with my boss-slash-pseudo uncle, but in that moment, I didn’t give a rat’s ass.
Dane grabbed my phone before I could hit the send button, his bloodshot eyes filled with concern and exhaustion. “You said you had a lot to do at work.”
I shrugged, pulling the blanket over my bare legs. “It’s freaking Friday and we work our asses off. We can afford to play hooky for one day.”
Dane’s lips slowly turned up at the corners, releasing my phone. I sent the text to Payton, and within a minute I got a message back.
Payton: Have a good day off. I hope everything is ok.
Simple as that.
Dane stretched slowly, yawning. His smile never faded while the yawn contorted his face and mouth. I giggled and kissed his chest before laying my head right where it had rested for most of the night.
“This is nice,” I mumbled, wrapping my arms around his waist.
“Yeah, it sure is.” He breathed, relaxing back onto his cushioned headboard.
There was a heaviness in Dane’s breathing that reflec
ted in his eyes. There was something biting at the back of his mind and I needed to help lift the weight.
“Spill.”
His eyebrow rose while curiosity oozed out of each word. “What do you mean? Spill what?”
“What’s on your mind?”
A deep breath entered his lungs through gritted teeth. He slowly exhaled while tightening his grip around me. “The first time I saw my mom smoke meth was when I was three. She got so high that she even offered the pipe to me. That’s my first memory—ever. It was also the day my dad took off.” He sighed. I kissed his cheek and he continued, “My favorite ice cream is rocky road. I hated the name The Hysterics when Rodney first suggested it, and still kind of wish we had brainstormed a little more on names. I tried to kill myself on the one year anniversary of my sister’s death.”
Even though sadness blanketed Dane’s face, he seemed lighter. Maybe sharing was more healing than I had thought, so it was my turn. With a deep breath, I dove in, “Regicide Assisted was my idea, the original name of my old band was Glass Eyed Fish.” I rolled my eyes and laughed. “Such a dumb name.”
Dane kissed my cheek. “What else? I want to know more about you.”
I swallowed hard. “My favorite ice cream is rocky road, too. I miss my old life, but this one is growing on me.”
Dane’s lips brushed mine. “What else?”
“I can barely look my mom in the eye because I hate her for marrying my dad’s partner. She’s never admitted it, but I think they were having an affair before my dad was shot in the drive-by on my tenth birthday. Sam never really liked me because of all the times I accused them of screwing around. That’s what started the abuse, along with his drinking.”
“I’ll kill him.” Dane’s voice was low, growling from deep in his gut.
“No need. He’s a harmless old coward now.”
“Can I hate him?”
I nodded, pulling the covers back over us. We held each other in silence until we both dozed off for a few more hours.
The Hysterics Page 11