‘What?’ asked Drackie. He could still see Fang’s warty little face as the robot carried him out of the cavern.
‘The apple!’
‘This is no time to think of food…oh!’ said Drackie, staring.
The apple bomb was still on the bench where the robot had left it.
‘If…if I can just get loose,’ whispered Cousin Snot ‘then I can grab the bomb…and run after the robots and then blow them up then run back and rescue you…it’ll be easy!’
‘Yes, but…’ began Drackie.
‘Ha…ha…ha…I…would…forget…my…own…head…if…it…wasn’t…bolted…on!’ It was the robot again. It glided through the cavern and over to the bench and picked up the bomb.
‘Croak,’ said Fang. He made a desperate attempt to leap towards Drackie. But the robot held him tight.
‘Goodbye…little…vampires. Goodbye…fluffy…vampire…chicken!’ said the robot. ‘The…next…time…you…see…this…bomb…it…will…be…flying…towards…you. Then…Boom!’
It glided away again into the darkness of the passage.
The giant cavern was empty.
CHAPTER 20
Help!
Somewhere it was a dark and stormy night, thought Drackie. Somewhere it was safe.
But not here.
The water dripped around them. Would they drown when the cave exploded and the sea poured in, wondered Drackie. Or would they be blown to pieces first? He didn’t suppose it really mattered either way.
‘Ten minutes,’ gasped Cousin Snot. She gulped. ‘We have to make a plan! Kids in books always make plans when they’re trapped! It’s easy! You…you find a spoon in your pocket and dig through the prison walls…or you use a bobby pin to undo the locks on your chains.’
‘Do you have a spoon or a bobby pin?’ asked Drackie.
‘No,’ admitted Cousin Snot.
‘I don’t either,’ said Auntie Chook. ‘Chickens don’t wear bobby pins.’
‘How else do kids in books escape?’ asked Drackie.
‘They wriggle out of the chains—but I tried that. Or their best friend comes to rescue them.’
‘Who’s your best friend?’ asked Auntie Chook.
‘Drackie,’ said Cousin Snot.
‘Oh,’ said Auntie Chook. She sighed. ‘That’s not much use then.’
Drip. Drip. Drip. If there is a drip every second, how many drips will there be before the bomb explodes, wondered Drackie.
If only someone else was coming to rescue them! thought Drackie miserably. There’d be footsteps down the tunnel or the flapping of bat wings…But the only sound was drip, drip, drip.
‘What’s that?’ cried Cousin Snot suddenly.
Drackie listened. Something or someone was coming! There really were footsteps coming down the tunnel! And a sort of plopping sound!
Something small and brown jumped into the cavern.
‘Croak!’ it said.
‘Fang!’ cried Drackie. ‘You’ve come to save us!’
‘Er, Drackie,’ said Auntie Chook hesitantly.
‘He escaped!’ said Drackie happily, as Fang leapt onto his shoulder. ‘Good boy! Good toad, Fang!’
Drip, drip, drip.
‘I hate to tell you,’ put in Auntie Chook, ‘but Fang can’t save us!’
‘Why not?’ cried Drackie. ‘Fang is the most intelligent toad in the world!’
‘Croak!’ said Fang.
‘Toads can’t undo chains,’ said Auntie Chook.
‘Oh,’ said Drackie. ‘Oh, yeah. I forgot about that.’
Drip. Drip. Drip. Drackie tried to make his mind work harder. Drip. Drip. Drip. But at least Fang was with them now. Suddenly it didn’t seem so bad with Fang here. They were together again…
Drip. Drip. Drip. Now maybe he could make a plan! After all, if a pet toad could find a way to escape then surely they could too! Maybe if they…
Or if they…
Drip. Drip. Drip.
‘Come…back…you…bad…toad!’ It was the robot. It rolled back into the cavern, one hand extended.
‘Got…you! Ha…ha…ha…’ it said.
‘Croak!’ yelped fang, as the cold metal hand grabbed him from Drackie’s shoulder.
The robot turned to leave the cavern again, with Fang trying to jump from his arms.
‘No!!!!’ yelled Drackie.
Suddenly it was all too much! He couldn’t take it any more! He was sick of being a kid, chained up by a robot. He was sick of mad robots stealing his toad!
He wanted to be big! He wanted to be fierce! He wanted to change!
Suddenly Drackie felt his body melt, as though it was waiting for him to tell it what to do.
Wings, thought Drackie. I need wings so I can fly. Fast wings!
Hands, thought Drackie. I need hands, so I can grab and carry. Strong hands! No, not just hands! Claws!
Teeth, thought Drackie. I need long, ferocious teeth! The longest, nastiest teeth in the world. I need strength! I need power!
I need them now!
Now!
Suddenly the chains that held him grew loose…then tight again!
Ping! The metal burst around him.
‘Drackie!’ cried Auntie Chook.
‘Drackie!’ shrieked Cousin Snot.
What was happening? For a moment Drackie felt terror, as well as power. Then he heard Auntie Chook laugh beside him.
‘That’s it! Change, boy! Change!’
PVART! It was the loudest, rudest PVART! he’d ever heard! It boomed and echoed down the cave.
Drackie changed. The world went black, then red, then black again. Suddenly the light came back. But it looked different now. Everything looked different.
Was he a bat? Did bats feel so big, so powerful, so strong? He felt as if he could move the earth with a whoosh of his wings or crunch up robots in a single bite.
No, he wasn’t a bat, he realised, as he soared up to the roof. There was no way a bat could feel like this!
He wasn’t a chicken, with pink fluffy feathers.
He was…he was…
He was a pterodactyl! A giant pterodactyl!
He was strong and fierce and savage!
Down, down, down the pterodactyl swooped. It grabbed at both Cousin Snot’s and Auntie Chook’s chains; its strong claws ripped the chains from the wall, tearing them apart.
‘The robot!’ cried Auntie Chook. ‘Stop the robot before he blows up the cave!’
Drip. Drip. Drip.
Giant leather wings flapped against the air. Drackie flew! Out of the cavern, down the tunnel. Dimly he was aware of chicken wings flapping frantically after him and Cousin Snot’s running footsteps.
Drip. Drip. Drip. How long now till the apple bomb flew down the passage?
Down, down, down the Drackie pterodactyl flew through the darkness.
Drip. Drip. Drip. Time was running out!
Drackie swooped again…down, down, down. He felt his wings bite the air. Could he make it? Could even a pterodactyl’s strength save them now?
Drip. Drip. Drip.
His giant wings could carry him to safety. But there was no way he was going to leave his friends!
Suddenly his new pterodactyl eyes saw something loom in the darkness. It was the robot!
‘What…the…?’ began the robot.
No time to think. No time to work out a plan. Drackie’s great claws grabbed the robot by the shoulders.
‘Croak! Croak! Croak!’ cried Fang, as the small toad tried to jump from the robot’s arms.
Did Fang recognise him? Drackie didn’t know. But there was no time to reassure the little toad now.
Drip. Drip. Drip. Was the bomb still in the robot’s pocket? Or was it already sailing down to the cavern?
Drackie’s long claws gripped hold of the robot and up
they soared, Fang and all, so high that his wings almost brushed the roof of the cave.
Did the robot still have the bomb? Drackie craned his long neck down. Yes, there
was still an apple-sized bulge in the robot’s pocket.
This wasn’t all that reassuring because it meant that if the bomb went off now it would blow him up too! But at least Cousin Snot and Auntie Chook would be safe…and Mum and Dad and Vampire Island…
Down, down he flew, down the tunnel to the sea, the struggling robot dangling from his claws; the hordes of marching robots below them. But at last they were out and above the lapping waters, out to the cool night air, the stars winking from above.
How much time did he have now? Three seconds? Two?
Somehow he had to get Fang away from the robot before the bomb went off. But how could he grab the small toad when his claws were holding desperately onto the robot?
Suddenly it came to him. His beak!
Drackie bent his long pterodactyl neck around and used his beak to wrench Fang from the robot’s arms just as he let the robot drop.
They’d made it! Or had they? If the bomb went off now it would get them too! Drackie soared upwards wings flapping frantically with Fang still in his beak.
The robot fell, down into the ocean.
Boooom! The bomb went off, sending a spray of water and bits of melted robot high into the sky.
Drackie blinked as the salt got into his eyes. He tried to wipe them, then remembered his long clawed fingers, and rubbed them with the back of his hand instead.
It would take a while, he realised, to get used to being a pterodactyl!
‘Croak?’ asked Fang, as Drackie reached up a claw to take Fang from his beak.
‘Yes, it’s me,’ said Drackie. ‘I know I look different. And smell different too!’ he added. ‘But it’s still me!’
‘Croak,’ said Fang happily. He gave a half wriggle, half leap up onto Drackie’s narrow pterodactyl head.
Drackie flew back across the waves, more slowly now, keeping his head straight so Fang didn’t fall off. His great leather wings flapped. No robot to carry now. No bomb to worry about. Just sky and sea. This was fun!
A seagull stared at them and gave a squawk of terror. Drackie grinned reassuringly but the seagull squawked again and a long stream of bird droppings dripped down to the sea. It was his fangs, Drackie realised. The combination of pterodactyl teeth and vampire fangs was too much for any bird to cope with!
It was glorious feeling the wind under his wings, Fang safe on his head. But Auntie Chook and Cousin Snot must still be terrified, deep in the cave.
Drackie wound downwards again, regretfully.
Over the surf beating against the cliffs, down to the cave, back into the thick darkness. Past the robots, all standing still now, unable to move without orders from their leader. Drackie checked to make sure they really weren’t going to move again then flew back along the tunnel to Cousin Snot and Auntie Chook. Flying was so much fun, he realised, especially with great pterodactyl wings!
‘There he is! It really is Drackie!’ Cousin Snot gazed up at him. Drackie smiled, showing his sharp pterodactyl teeth. He bet no kid in any of her books had ever escaped by turning into a pterodactyl!
‘Is it over?’ gasped Cousin Snot.
Drackie landed beside her, a bit unsteadily—pterodactyl legs weren’t the same as his old ones. Fang leapt down on the sand beside him.
‘Croak!’ said Fang happily.
‘Are we really safe?’ asked Auntie Chook, her eyes wide.
He tried to grin back at them. His beak wouldn’t quite stretch that far, but he supposed it was as much of a grin as a pterodactyl could do. Cousin Snot was still staring at him. Drackie felt suddenly uncertain. Maybe she didn’t like him as a pterodactyl? Bats, yes, chickens maybe…but not a pterodactyl.
Then Cousin Snot grinned. ‘Cool,’ she said. But her look said a whole lot more.
Auntie Chook smiled. ‘Really cool!’ she agreed. ‘Drackie is the best looking pterodactyl in the world.’
He was probably the only pterodactyl in the world too, thought Drackie, and maybe the only vampire pterodactyl the world had ever seen.
‘It’s over,’ he said. ‘Let’s go home. Anyone like a ride on a pterodactyl?’
CHAPTER 21
Things Are Different Now
It was a perfect dark and stormy night on Vampire Island. The thunder did what thunder does best, extra loudly, around the cliffs. The wind howled and the lightning flashed so brightly the entire sky was golden.
The three of them sat on the castle balcony—Cousin Snot, Drackie (in normal vampire form again), and Fang sitting on Drackie’s shoulder like he’d never been away.
It was good to be home, thought Drackie, with Plop to serve you cat juice and Mum and Dad to tuck you up in your coffin. It was good to be back in boy form for a while too. Being a pterodactyl was great, but being a boy had its good side too.
‘I hope Auntie Chook likes her new castle,’ he said.
Cousin Snot nodded. ‘She’s so happy to be back with everyone on the island, I don’t think she’d worry if it was haunted by a headless horseman.’
‘Is it really haunted?’ asked Drackie, interested.
‘Don’t think so. I think that noise is just the pigeons in the roof. But maybe we could go and investigate after lunch!’ she suggested.
‘Yeah, let’s,’ said Drackie.
‘Croak,’ agreed Fang, from his spot on Drackie’s shoulder. His tongue zapped out for a second as he zotted a fly. There was a brief slurping noise as he vampirised it.
Cousin Snot giggled. ‘I’ll never forget your dad’s face when he found out his son had changed into a pterodactyl instead of a bat. But there was nothing he could do because you were a hero and had saved the island! And you saved Fang too! Everyone had to admit that sometimes bats just aren’t the best thing to be!’
‘You helped to save everyone too. And Auntie Chook,’ said Drackie. ‘I don’t think they even notice she’s a chicken now,’ he added.
‘Once you’ve coped with a pterodactyl, a chicken is nothing,’ agreed Cousin Snot. ‘Even a pink one with fluffy feathers.’
‘So everything is over,’ said Drackie.
‘Not quite,’ said Cousin Snot.
Drackie stared. ‘What else is there? We saved Fang, we saved the island, we’ve got rid of the robots, we’ve got Auntie Chook settled back home…’
‘I still haven’t worked out what I’m going to change into,’ said Cousin Snot.
‘Another pterodactyl?’ asked Drackie.
‘No,’ said Cousin Snot. ‘I mean I think you look really cool as a pterodactyl but it’s just not me.’
‘A pink chicken?’
‘Nope.’
‘I give up then,’ said Drackie.
‘I’m not sure yet,’ said Cousin Snot slowly. ‘I’m trying to choose between a dragon and a flying horse. Which do you think would be more useful if we had another adventure?’
Drackie grinned. The future was going to be fun! ‘Maybe we need some more experiences to find out! Let’s go find another adventure!’
‘Good idea,’ agreed Cousin Snot. ‘How about we grab a quick cat juice then investigate that headless horseman!’
PVART!
It was the rudest, loudest noise the island had ever heard.
‘Croak,’ said Fang happily, gazing up at Drackie as the pterodactyl rose into the sky, then swooped down on his leathery wings to carry his friends off to Auntie Chook’s castle.
My Pa the Polar Bear
To Rory and Emily—with much love from Jackie and their furry Pa.
CHAPTER 1
The Skinniest Bear in the Zoo
‘Look at that polar bear, Daddy!’ The little girl licked her ice cream as she peered over the wall at the zoo’s polar bear enclosure. ‘He’s so-o-o sweet!’
Fuzz gave his best polar bear grin as her dad snapped a photo.
‘I thought polar bears were bigger than that,’ added the little girl.
‘They usually are,’ said her father. ‘That’s just a young bear. He’s a bit skinny though…he’s not much of a polar bear at al
l.’
‘I think he’s cute,’ decided the little girl, taking another lick of her ice cream.
Fuzz gritted his teeth. Cute! It was unbearable!
‘Can I buy the cute bear an ice cream, Daddy?’
Fuzz looked hopeful. He’d love an ice cream! Especially one that hadn’t been slobbered on! A nice fresh cool ice cream…
Her dad shook his head. ‘Polar bears don’t like ice cream.’
‘What do they like, Daddy?’
Oh Pizza please, thought Fuzz, pizza with cheese and pineapple! Or with a great big co-o-old hunk of watermelon…’
‘They like fish,’ said the little girl’s father.
‘Fish and chips?’
‘No. Raw fish.’
‘Yuck.’ The little girl looked at Fuzz thoughtfully. ‘Can I throw him a raw fish then, Daddy? See? You can buy a fish from that machine for only ten dollars.’
‘Very well. It is a special day after all!’
Fuzz watched as the girl’s father put a ten-dollar note in the zoo’s Fish-for-the-Polar-Bears machine.
Blip, blop, blap! A large dead fish appeared in the slot. The girl picked it up cautiously. ‘Yuck,’ she said. ‘It stinks!’
‘Polar bears like smelly fish,’ her father assured her.
‘And it’s got little wriggly things in it!’
‘Polar bears like maggots, too.’
‘Do they really?’
Of course polar bears don’t like stinky fish, you dumb kid, thought Fuzz resentfully. Your father doesn’t know anything about polar bears! Polar bears like fresh fish and snow, not zoos and dead fish out of a machine. The only reason that fish has maggots is because the machine’s refrigeration broke down yesterday and no one has worked out how to fix it yet!
The little girl leant over the wall towards Fuzz, the dead fish in her hand. A few maggots dripped off and wriggled on the ground. ‘The polar bear won’t bite me, will he?’
‘No,’ said her father. ‘Not a mingy little bear like that. He couldn’t hurt a fly. You throw him the nice smelly fish and we’ll go and look at the monkeys. Now they’re really interesting…’
Wonderfully Wacky Families Page 18