“I know, my dear,” he assented. “But I don’t think it’s a question of moral responsibility; it’s a question of mental structure, isn’t it? Your consciousness isn’t built in thought-tight compartments, and one emotion goes all through it, and sinks you; but I simply close the doors and shut the emotion in, and keep on.”
The fancy pleased him so much that he worked it out in all its implications, and could not, after their long experience of each other, realize that she was not enjoying the joke too, till she said she saw that he merely wished to tease. Then, too late, he tried to share her worry; but she protested that she was not worrying at all; that she cared nothing about those people: that she was nervous, she was tired; and she wished he would leave her, and go out alone.
He found himself in the street again, and he perceived that he must be walking fast when a voice called him by name, and asked him what his hurry was. The voice was Stoller’s, who got into step with him and followed the first with a second question.
“Made up your mind to go to the manoeuvres with me?”
His bluntness made it easy for March to answer: “I’m afraid my wife couldn’t stand the drive back and forth.”
“Come without her.”
“Thank you. It’s very kind of you. I’m not certain that I shall go at all. If I do, I shall run out by train, and take my chances with the crowd.”
Stoller insisted no further. He felt no offence at the refusal of his offer, or chose to show none. He said, with the same uncouth abruptness as before: “Heard anything of that fellow since he left Carlsbad?”
“Burnamy?”
“Mm.”
“No.”
“Know where he is?”
“I don’t in the least.”
Stoller let another silence elapse while they hurried on, before he said, “I got to thinking what he done afterwards. He wasn’t bound to look out for me; he might suppose I knew what I was about.”
March turned his face and stared in Stoller’s, which he was letting hang forward as he stamped heavily on. Had the disaster proved less than he had feared, and did he still want Burnamy’s help in patching up the broken pieces; or did he really wish to do Burnamy justice to his friend?
In any case March’s duty was clear. “I think Burnamy was bound to look out for you; Mr. Stoller, and I am glad to know that he saw it in the same light.”
“I know he did,” said Stoker with a blaze as from a long-smouldering fury, “and damn him, I’m not going to have it. I’m not going to, plead the baby act with him, or with any man. You tell him so, when you get the chance. You tell him I don’t hold him accountable for anything I made him do. That ain’t business; I don’t want him around me, any more; but if he wants to go back to the paper he can have his place. You tell him I stand by what I done; and it’s all right between him and me. I hain’t done anything about it, the way I wanted him to help me to; I’ve let it lay, and I’m a-going to. I guess it ain’t going to do me any harm, after all; our people hain’t got very long memories; but if it is, let it. You tell him it’s all right.”
“I don’t know where he is, Mr. Stoller, and I don’t know that I care to be the bearer of your message,” said March.
“Why not?”
“Why, for one thing, I don’t agree with you that it’s all right. Your choosing to stand by the consequences of Burnamy’s wrong doesn’t undo it. As I understand, you don’t pardon it—”
Stoller gulped and did not answer at once. Then he said, “I stand by what I done. I’m not going to let him say I turned him down for doing what I told him to, because I hadn’t the sense to know what I was about.”
“Ah, I don’t think it’s a thing he’ll like to speak of in any case,” said
March.
Stoller left him, at the corner they had reached, as abruptly as he had joined him, and March hurried back to his wife, and told her what had just passed between him and Stoller.
She broke out, “Well, I am surprised at you, my dear! You have always accused me of suspecting people, and attributing bad motives; and here you’ve refused even to give the poor man the benefit of the doubt. He merely wanted to save his savage pride with you, and that’s all he wants to do with Burnamy. How could it hurt the poor boy to know that Stoller doesn’t blame him? Why should you refuse to give his message to Burnamy? I don’t want you to ridicule me for my conscience any more, Basil; you’re twice as bad as I ever was. Don’t you think that a person can ever expiate an offence? I’ve often heard you say that if any one owned his fault, he put it from him, and it was the same as if it hadn’t been; and hasn’t Burnamy owned up over and over again? I’m astonished at you, dearest.”
March was in fact somewhat astonished at himself in the light of her reasoning; but she went on with some sophistries that restored him to his self-righteousness.
“I suppose you think he has interfered with Stoller’s political ambition, and injured him in that way. Well, what if he has? Would it be a good thing to have a man like that succeed in politics? You’re always saying that the low character of our politicians is the ruin of the country; and I’m sure,” she added, with a prodigious leap over all the sequences, “that Mr. Stoller is acting nobly; and it’s your duty to help him relieve Burnamy’s mind.” At the laugh he broke into she hastened to say, “Or if you won’t, I hope you’ll not object to my doing so, for I shall, anyway!”
She rose as if she were going to begin at once, in spite of his laughing; and in fact she had already a plan for coming to Stoller’s assistance by getting at Burnamy through Miss Triscoe, whom she suspected of knowing where he was. There had been no chance for them to speak of him either that morning or the evening before, and after a great deal of controversy with herself in her husband’s presence she decided to wait till they came naturally together the next morning for the walk to the Capuchin Church on the hill beyond the river, which they had agreed to take. She could not keep from writing a note to Miss Triscoe begging her to be sure to come, and hinting that she had something very important to speak of.
She was not sure but she had been rather silly to do this, but when they met the girl confessed that she had thought of giving up the walk, and might not have come except for Mrs. March’s note. She had come with Rose, and had left him below with March; Mrs. Adding was coming later with Kenby and General Triscoe.
Mrs. March lost no time in telling her the great news; and if she had been in doubt before of the girl’s feeling for Burnamy she was now in none. She had the pleasure of seeing her flush with hope, and then the pain which was also a pleasure, of seeing her blanch with dismay.
“I don’t know where he is, Mrs. March. I haven’t heard a word from him since that night in Carlsbad. I expected — I didn’t know but you—”
Mrs. March shook her head. She treated the fact skillfully as something to be regretted simply because it would be such a relief to Burnamy to know how Mr. Stoller now felt. Of course they could reach him somehow; you could always get letters to people in Europe, in the end; and, in fact, it was altogether probable that he was that very instant in Wurzburg; for if the New York-Paris Chronicle had wanted him to write up the Wagner operas, it would certainly want him to write up the manoeuvres. She established his presence in Wurzburg by such an irrefragable chain of reasoning that, at a knock outside, she was just able to kelp back a scream, while she ran to open the door. It was not Burnamy, as in compliance with every nerve it ought to have been, but her husband, who tried to justify his presence by saying that they were all waiting for her and Miss Triscoe, and asked when they were coming.
She frowned him silent, and then shut herself outside with him long enough to whisper, “Say she’s got a headache, or anything you please; but don’t stop talking here with me, or I shall go wild.” She then shut herself in again, with the effect of holding him accountable for the whole affair.
LVI.
General Triscoe could not keep his irritation, at hearing that his daughter was not coming, out o
f the excuses he made to Mrs. Adding; he said again and again that it must seem like a discourtesy to her. She gayly disclaimed any such notion; she would not hear of putting off their excursion to another day; it had been raining just long enough to give them a reasonable hope of a few hours’ drought, and they might not have another dry spell for weeks. She slipped off her jacket after they started, and gave it to Kenby, but she let General Triscoe hold her umbrella over her, while he limped beside her. She seemed to March, as he followed with Rose, to be playing the two men off against each other, with an ease which he wished his wife could be there to see, and to judge aright.
They crossed by the Old Bridge, which is of the earliest years of the seventh century, between rows of saints whose statues surmount the piers. Some are bishops as well as saints; one must have been at Rome in his day, for he wore his long thick beard in the fashion of Michelangelo’s Moses. He stretched out toward the passers two fingers of blessing and was unaware of the sparrow which had lighted on them and was giving him the effect of offering it to the public admiration. Squads of soldiers tramping by turned to look and smile, and the dull faces of citizens lighted up at the quaint sight. Some children stopped and remained very quiet, not to scare away the bird; and a cold-faced, spiritual-looking priest paused among them as if doubting whether to rescue the absent-minded bishop from a situation derogatory to his dignity; but he passed on, and then the sparrow suddenly flew off.
Rose Adding had lingered for the incident with March, but they now pushed on, and came up with the others at the end of the bridge, where they found them in question whether they had not better take a carriage and drive to the foot of the hill before they began their climb. March thanked them, but said he was keeping up the terms of his cure, and was getting in all the walking he could. Rose begged his mother not to include him in the driving party; he protested that he was feeling so well, and the walk was doing him good. His mother consented, if he would promise not to get tired, and then she mounted into the two-spanner which had driven instinctively up to their party when their parley began, and General Triscoe took the place beside her, while Kenby, with smiling patience, seated himself in front.
Rose kept on talking with March about Wurzburg and its history, which it seemed he had been reading the night before when he could not sleep. He explained, “We get little histories of the places wherever we go. That’s what Mr. Kenby does, you know.”
“Oh, yes,” said March.
“I don’t suppose I shall get a chance to read much here,” Rose continued, “with General Triscoe in the room. He doesn’t like the light.”
“Well, well. He’s rather old, you know. And you musn’t read too much,
Rose. It isn’t good for you.”
“I know, but if I don’t read, I think, and that keeps me awake worse. Of course, I respect General Triscoe for being in the war, and getting wounded,” the boy suggested.
“A good many did it,” March was tempted to say.
The boy did not notice his insinuation. “I suppose there were some things they did in the army, and then they couldn’t get over the habit. But General Grant says in his ‘Life’ that he never used a profane expletive.”
“Does General Triscoe?”
Rose answered reluctantly, “If anything wakes him in the night, or if he can’t make these German beds over to suit him—”
“I see.” March turned his face to hide the smile which he would not have let the boy detect. He thought best not to let Rose resume his impressions of the general; and in talk of weightier matters they found themselves at that point of the climb where the carriage was waiting for them. From this point they followed an alley through ivied, garden walls, till they reached the first of the balustraded terraces which ascend to the crest of the hill where the church stands. Each terrace is planted with sycamores, and the face of the terrace wall supports a bass-relief commemorating with the drama of its lifesize figures the stations of the cross.
Monks and priests were coming and going, and dropped on the steps leading from terrace to terrace were women and children on their knees in prayer. It was all richly reminiscent of pilgrim scenes in other Catholic lands; but here there was a touch of earnest in the Northern face of the worshipers which the South had never imparted. Even in the beautiful rococo interior of the church at the top of the hill there was a sense of something deeper and truer than mere ecclesiasticism; and March came out of it in a serious muse while the boy at his side did nothing to interrupt. A vague regret filled his heart as he gazed silently out over the prospect of river and city and vineyard, purpling together below the top where he stood, and mixed with this regret was a vague resentment of his wife’s absence. She ought to have been there to share his pang and his pleasure; they had so long enjoyed everything together that without her he felt unable to get out of either emotion all there was in it.
The forgotten boy stole silently down the terraces after the rest of the party who had left him behind with March. At the last terrace they stopped and waited; and after a delay that began to be long to Mrs. Adding, she wondered aloud what could have become of them.
Kenby promptly offered to go back and see, and she consented in seeming to refuse: “It isn’t worth while. Rose has probably got Mr. March into some deep discussion, and they’ve forgotten all about us. But if you will go, Mr. Kenby, you might just remind Rose of my existence.” She let him lay her jacket on her shoulders before he left her, and then she sat down on one of the steps, which General Triscoe kept striking with the point of her umbrella as he stood before her.
“I really shall have to take it from you if you do that any more,” she said, laughing up in his face. “I’m serious.”
He stopped. “I wish I could believe you were serious, for a moment.”
“You may, if you think it will do you any good. But I don’t see why.”
The general smiled, but with a kind of tremulous eagerness which might have been pathetic to any one who liked him. “Do you know this is almost the first time I have spoken alone with you?”
“Really, I hadn’t noticed,” said Mrs. Adding.
General Triscoe laughed in rather a ghastly way. “Well, that’s encouraging, at least, to a man who’s had his doubts whether it wasn’t intended.”
“Intended? By whom? What do you mean, General Triscoe? Why in the world shouldn’t you have spoken alone with me before?”
He was not, with all his eagerness, ready to say, and while she smiled pleasantly she had the look in her eyes of being brought to bay and being prepared, if it must come to that, to have the worst over, then and there. She was not half his age, but he was aware of her having no respect for his years; compared with her average American past as he understood it, his social place was much higher, but, she was not in the least awed by it; in spite of his war record she was making him behave like a coward. He was in a false position, and if he had any one but himself to blame he had not her. He read her equal knowledge of these facts in the clear eyes that made him flush and turn his own away.
Then he started with a quick “Hello!” and stood staring up at the steps from the terrace above, where Rose Adding was staying himself weakly by a clutch of Kenby on one side and March on the other.
His mother looked round and caught herself up from where she sat and ran toward him. “Oh, Rose!”
“It’s nothing, mother,” he called to her, and as she dropped on her knees before him he sank limply against her. “It was like what I had in Carlsbad; that’s all. Don’t worry about me, please!”
“I’m not worrying, Rose,” she said with courage of the same texture as his own. “You’ve been walking too much. You must go back in the carriage with us. Can’t you have it come here?” she asked Kenby.
“There’s no road, Mrs. Adding. But if Rose would let me carry him—”
“I can walk,” the boy protested, trying to lift himself from her neck.
“No, no! you mustn’t.” She drew away and let him fall into the arm
s that Kenby put round him. He raised the frail burden lightly to his shoulder, and moved strongly away, followed by the eyes of the spectators who had gathered about the little group, but who dispersed now, and went back to their devotions.
March hurried after Kenby with Mrs. Adding, whom he told he had just missed Rose and was looking about for him, when Kenby came with her message for them. They made sure that he was nowhere about the church, and then started together down the terraces. At the second or third station below they found the boy clinging to the barrier that protected the bass-relief from the zeal of the devotees. He looked white and sick, though he insisted that he was well, and when he turned to come away with them he reeled and would have fallen if Kenby had not caught him. Kenby wanted to carry him, but Rose would not let him, and had made his way down between them.
“Yea, he has such a spirit,” she said, “and I’ve no doubt he’s suffering now more from Mr. Kenby’s kindness than from his own sickness he had one of these giddy turns in Carlsbad, though, and I shall certainly have a doctor to see him.”
“I think I should, Mrs. Adding,” said March, not too gravely, for it seemed to him that it was not quite his business to alarm her further, if she was herself taking the affair with that seriousness. He questioned whether she was taking it quite seriously enough, when she turned with a laugh, and called to General Triscoe, who was limping down the steps of the last terrace behind them:
“Oh, poor General Triscoe! I thought you had gone on ahead.”
General Triscoe could not enter into the joke of being forgotten, apparently. He assisted with gravity at the disposition of the party for the return, when they all reached the carriage. Rose had the place beside his mother, and Kenby wished March to take his with the general and let him sit with the driver; but he insisted that he would rather walk home, and he did walk till they had driven out of eight. Then he called a passing one-spanner, and drove to his hotel in comfort and silence.
Delphi Complete Works of William Dean Howells Page 694