by Kyle Wilson
The start of my business did not go well. Three experiences stand out.
The first began at one of my talks at a youth conference. After the talk, a woman initiated a conversation with me and said she had an extensive network of churches, youth groups, and teen organizations who needed help. She asked me to design workshops for high school youth and faith groups. If I did that, she said, she would set me up on a tour through North America. She guaranteed 20+ workshops a year. Wonderful! I loved designing and running programs. It took two months to test and design the prototype. After several weeks of work, she accepted the design and scheduled the first event. A week before I was to go on my first assignment, she kept my workshop, hired someone else to facilitate, and never paid a dime.
Ouch! Lesson learned. I kept looking.
A few months later, I met an owner of a small consulting company through a mutual contact. This person also needed a workshop design and a facilitator to deliver it. BUT, this time I was wiser. I asked for payment for the design. Since I would be helping him build his company content and value, he agreed. He said, if the workshops proved successful, “I’ll give you shares in the company. First, I’ll start paying you for all the facilitation and delivery. If companies keep asking and using the model, I’ll compensate you through shares.”
This was a good deal. I put together the workshops, waited until I had a signed contract for the first series of workshops before divulging my design, then ran them over 6-12 months. After several months, the repeat business proved the content worked. I also gained a nice following of clients. Leaders kept requesting me. As a result, I revisited our agreement on company shares. “The model works. Companies keep asking for it, and we receive consistent and positive reviews for the experience. It’s time for us to talk about compensation and shares for the model.”
His response, “I never said I would grant you shares. I’m paying you for the facilitation.” He denied ever making the commitment.
Ouch two! Ripped off again! Another lesson!
This time I walked out with something…a practiced model, more experience, and some testimonials.
The third experience came when a person said they would show me how to work with large companies by bringing me into a project and teaching me all that they knew. My testimonials impressed them. So off I went again. This time I facilitated the work under the supportive eye of a mentor, or so
I thought, until I submitted my expenses and fees. Then I was told that the client was no longer in need of future services and she couldn’t afford to pay me for my past work.
Ouch again and lesson number three!
Three times I tried to launch my development company with and through others. None of them worked. I paid a heavy price. I lost money and time each round. Lessons carry a cost.
Finally, I decided that although I had a strong affiliation for community and working together, it was time to go it alone. I designed a workshop, secured a site, and marketed it with what little money I had left. Two weeks before the date, I only had six people signed up. This was looking dire. My wife, fearing the worst, begged me to cancel and recoup what little money I could. Fearing the rejection of failure, the financial burden, and disappointing those around me, I had some tough decisions to make. What made this hard was that, in my heart, I knew this was the path for me. I didn’t want to upset anyone, but I needed to make this work despite the doubt and debt.
I decided to face the challenge head-on. Calling everyone who signed up, I offered a refund because I was unable to deliver on the promise of content and speakers. The decision to be transparent and face these strangers who trusted me, to call them and tell them the truth, made all the difference.
To my surprise, the six agreed to continue, and by the grace of God, eight more people signed up. Miraculously, three amazing things happened at that workshop that helped me to launch the beginning of my company:
1. A school superintendent in attendance hired me to mediate between faculty and administrative staff, which resulted in the avoidance of a strike.
2. A participant who was a consultant in a global training company provided me with an introduction that landed me a role as a training associate in that firm.
3. A university professor invited me to co-teach and write content and curriculum on community building and group dynamics.
This led to me being able to quit my position as a chaplain at Boston College and enter the world of global leadership consulting. For the next 3-4 years, business was booming with clients such as GE, Sabre, American Airlines, several universities, and the Center for Professional Development.
During this time, Arthur Andersen made me an offer that I couldn’t refuse. They asked me to come in and build a national leadership practice around a unique model of community building, facilitation, and group dynamics.
Not being interested in the position, I made some unreasonable demands in certain areas such as the size of my resources, my reporting relationships, my vacation time, and the management of my book of business. To my shock, they agreed to all my terms.
Now what? I worked so hard to start my business, and now I felt like I was selling out. On the other hand, the resources available at a large enterprise provided a unique opportunity. I made the jump.
I no longer had independent control over my content or clients, but I was willing to continue because I saw the impact of the work my team and I were doing. It was a great two and a half years until another change affected my career trajectory. A change in reporting structure and commercialization led me to the difficult decision to leave Arthur Andersen and start again.
The process of revitalizing my old company began relatively easily with the contract of Leapsource in Arizona, which at the time was the largest startup in state history. They were growing at the rapid rate of over 1000% in 18 months. I brought in a team of consultants to work on various leadership and team development projects. Unbeknownst to me, the company had grown too quickly and overnight had to file for bankruptcy, leaving me on the hook for the fees and expenses for my consulting team, which was significant.
Having experienced this issue but on the receiving end while consulting, I wanted to ensure that my team was not left high and dry, and I felt morally obligated to make good on their contracts. Doing so required me to refinance my home and max out my credit limits, which financially stressed my family.
Digging myself out of this hole required my network. By going back to my old contacts, I was able to slowly start repaying my debt and get the company moving ahead. And my team continued to work with me to rebuild the company.
Then September 11, 2001 happened. One of my largest clients shut down all travel for six months following that fateful day, and another large client delayed starting their programs by four months, which once again put me into dire financial straits. In addition to the financial impact, my psychological stress was at an all-time high.
9/11 was a turning point for me. Originally, I had a United Airlines ticket (UA 175) on the first plane that crashed into the towers, and then when my flight was switched by my travel agent one week before, I had a 50/50 chance of being on the American flight (AA 11) that crashed into the second tower. Stunned and numb, I didn’t know why I was spared or what I needed to do, but I felt that my whole world was changing. In the coming months, my marriage fell apart, my mental health strained, and financially, I scraped through…barely.
Some nights I spent alone in the basement on a green camping mat― confused, tired, powerless. My mind raced. Occasionally, I slept.
What gave me the ability to keep going during this dark period? Ironically, confusion and restlessness. I couldn’t accept the basement. I knew there was more. I believed if I kept walking through the ambiguity, around some corner a string to pull would appear. Sleepless nights led to change. The green mat leads somewhere. How could I make all this pain matter?
So, I kept searching. Reading other people’s stories and tips helped. I read Transforming P
roblems into Happiness 15 times. I meditated. I reached out to people who had been through darkness and difficulty. They encouraged me. “Keep going. I found a way, and you will too.”
Alison Levine, while she climbed Mount Everest, found it so difficult near the top that she broke it down into small, small goals. At altitudes over 25,000 feet, each step requires five breaths. It’s exhausting. “I would look 10 feet ahead and find a rock. I’m just going to get to that rock. Once I did, I looked for the next rock.”
I found breaking the challenge into small pieces helped. What do I need to do this hour? If I could break it into a two-minute task even better.
I repeated the mantra, “If I learn how to do this now, I’ll be able to handle it better in the future. How can I figure this out?”
I eventually turned the corner and five years later moved out. Looking back, my ability to make it through hinged on one question.
How do I turn adversity into an advantage?
How do we take our selfishness and cure it into concern for others? If the purpose of life is attaining and achieving happiness, we must walk through the difficult times and discover new ways to keep standing up. “Stand up and serve.” My mentor says, “Never turn away.” He’s right. I kept reading, meditating, going to counseling, workshops, and reaching out. I asked for help and listened to well-worn advice. In a simple way, I kept finding the next rock and never stopped walking. I found a better way because I never stopped.
Find your rock and take the next step.
“I am a slow walker, but I never walk back.”
– Abraham Lincoln
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TWEETABLE
I found a better way because I never stopped.
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Greg Zlevor is the President of Westwood International and the co-founder of the Global Community for Leadership Innovation. He has worked around the world teaching leaders and teams to lead wisely in a global age. Brands like Johnson and Johnson, Kimberly-Clark, Volvo, and General Electric have sought his insight and talent. How can he help you and your team lead wisely? Send a note to Greg at [email protected] or call 802-253-1933. https://www.linkedin.com/in/gregzlevor/
CHAPTER 24
The Meaning and Purpose of Life
by Lisa Haisha
I was riveted by Anne Frank’s tragic tale in Amsterdam. I identified with her not only because I also kept a diary, but also because we wrote in a diary for the same reason: the red-checkered autograph book where Anne penned her thoughts was her best friend―a soulmate of sorts.
“Dear Kitty,” she began in one passage before her charmed life came to an end. “I have darling parents…I know about thirty people whom one might call friends―I have strings of boyfriends, anxious to catch a glimpse of me…I have aunts and uncles, who are darlings too, a good home, no―I don’t seem to lack anything.” Despite all the “darling” people in her life, Anne felt alone, adding, “I come to the root of the matter, the reason for my starting a diary; it is that I have no such real friend.” Anne’s “real friend” was her diary.
I felt the same way when I wrote, and I too, had many darling people in my life. My life was full of promise like Anne’s was. It seemed impossible that her life, with all its familiar girlhood trappings and inner longings, could come to such a brutal end. I imagined Anne holed up for years in her “secret annex” hidden behind a concealable bookcase, still penning in her diary and papering her walls with newspaper clippings of Hollywood movies, hanging onto the last shred of hope as the Nazis closed in on her.
Anne had dreams. She wanted to be a famous writer and journalist. Her tragic death brought that dream to life. I was haunted by this twisted irony. It left me with huge gaping questions: Why did she have to die like that? Was that her fate? If so, what did God have to do with it? Is God fair?
Many decades later, she is still one of the most read diarists in the world. She didn’t pass to the other side with her song still inside her. She listened to her soul’s calling. She understood that she had to stand alone to be herself, to belong to herself first. She knew she had to be who she was instead of twisting herself into fitting in with people she loved but was not deeply connected with.
I had big dreams like Anne did. However, by the time I was in my mid- twenties, I felt lost trying to please everyone else. I wanted to find my true self and feel like I belonged somewhere. I too wanted to be a diarist but wasn’t sure where to start.
As I approached the cusp of adulthood, I still had Anne and the questions that she lit up in me about life, death, and faith in my heart. They kept feeding a quiet urgency and restlessness in my soul.
I felt like a Russian doll. Deep inside multiple versions of the same good girl exterior, there was my essential, true self―my authentic soul. The stories I read in books gave me a glimmer of it, like a sparkle of a distant sea on the horizon.
I realized that the secret of happiness and fulfillment was breaking up with yourself in order to meet your authentic soul. So, instead of traveling to have fun, I wanted to shed the old me and find meaningful work…to go out into the wilderness alone and see if I could survive.
That led me to my decision to travel by myself to Iraq after the Gulf War, because that’s where my father was born. I wanted to go to an orphanage to do mission work, get in touch with my roots, and make a difference.
I brought supplies, medicines, and games. I talked with the children, asking them many questions: Is God fair, why or why not? Who in the world would you want to meet and why? If you had one wish, what would it be?
I realized they felt alone and scared. They did not know what was going to happen minute to minute. One child said that his uncle lost his leg. Another said his father was killed in front of him. Another girl stated she thought God was unfair because her whole family was dead but her.
After several weeks of the orphans sharing their stories, I told them I was going to memorialize their words. That set me off on a five-year, 15 country journey visiting orphanages and asking the same questions to kids on six continents.
I wrote about my experience and put the answers from the children’s voices in a book called, Whispers from Children’s Hearts . I realized the real stars of the world were these children and the people who selflessly cared for them. That incident of giving back changed my life forever because I realized the best way to heal from trauma, anxiety, loss, depression, and failure is to volunteer and give back. Nothing shifts one’s energy and karma more than that. You can’t think of your problems while you’re helping someone else with theirs. And through service, you discover who you are, which is the meaning of life. The purpose of life is giving it away.
Today, I am a mother, wife, and a successful international speaker, life and business coach, author, and world traveler. I work with actors, inventors, and innovators on the art of the pitch to raise millions from investors. I teach public speaking and presentation, life style, leadership, communication tools, and giving back through my non-profit Whispers from Children’s Hearts. My upcoming book, Under a Baghdad Roof, is coming out in fall of 2020. I am on a mission to help people open up their hearts and souls and present themselves authentically to the world.
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TWEETABLE
Be who you are instead of twisting yourself into fitting in. Listen to your soul’s calling. Sometimes you have to stand alone to be yourself.
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Lisa Haisha, M.A.’s is an experienced life coach who founded The SoulBlazing™ Institute and the non-profit foundation Whispers from Children’s Hearts. Lisa teaches women, men, and couples how to “show up” in their lives with her fearless expression as a globally sought-after life counselor, life coach, and mentor. Her popular, decades-old work has garnered the attention of Hollywood’s elite, helping them deal with ego, fear, and shame, which gives her unique insight into the minds of powerful leaders. Lisa is a speaker, author, traveler, producer, screenwriter, model, and host of S
oulBlazing with Lisa Haisha on Amazon Prime.
Lisahaisha.com , TheSoulBlazingInstitute.com , WhispersFromChildrensHearts.com
IG / Twitter : @Lisahaisha
LinkedIn / FB : Lisahaisha
YouTube: LisaHaisha1
CHAPTER 25
It’s Okay If You’re Broke, Homeless,
Sued, and Your Car Catches Fire
You Will Still Succeed
by Will Heybruck
M y Bronco jerked to a stop as I slammed the brake, and in one motion popped the hood, threw it in park, and opened the door. A fleeting regret for not refilling my fire extinguisher flashed through my mind, but dwelling on that would not fix my current problem: all my worldly belongings were packed inside my truck in anticipation of a 500-mile drive back to college.
Opening the hood created an even bigger escape path for the flames, which now towered over my head. This was actually good news, since I could tell it had been starved for oxygen, and was likely oil-fed. If I could just get the fire out, it would probably not reignite. I ripped off the jacket that I recently received from the Mecklenburg EMS Agency, a job I loved but had just quit, and beat out the flames from the top, then dove underneath to finish the job. Hot oil dripped on my face and arms as the flame subsided.
The experience I gained when, at 16, I joined the local volunteer fire department had paid off. I had been around fire enough to have a healthy respect for it, but also know its limitations. Risk a lot to save a lot, risk a little to save a little, is the firefighter mantra.
I expected to hear sirens and see flashing lights, but either nobody drove under the flaming truck on the Charlotte interstate overpass, or at 4 a.m., nobody cared enough to call 911. I took stock of the damage. It was my lucky night―some minor melting of plastic components but nothing major. I found the initial culprit and repaired the split hose on the side of the road.