“Josie,” Bear uttered, and I spun back to face him. He was watching me closely, but not like he once had. There had been heat in his eyes before, but I didn’t see any of that now. I swallowed back the tears threatening when what I lost rolled over me again.
Our time was over.
Our chance had passed.
But I still owed him something.
“Thank you for the Christmas present,” I said appreciatively. “It was honestly the most thoughtful present I’ve ever received, and I should’ve told you that then.”
He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me close to his body before dropping his head and whispering in my ear. “I know what those kids mean to you.” I nodded and attempted to shift back for my own sanity, but he held me tightly. “I’m sorry for what I said to you in my office. I was a dick, and you didn’t deserve that.” He lifted his head so he could look into my eyes. “I know how much you care about Becs.”
I thought of my friend, the one I’d planned to kick out of my life for my own peace of mind, and guilt overwhelmed me. I jerked from his arms when Lucy’s and Maggie’s voices became louder and once again turned to face the living room to watch them walking toward us.
Bear moved out around me and headed toward Gunner, who had just come in the front door. They quickly said their good-byes and turned to leave while I stood and watched.
And it occurred to me that I should’ve felt some sense of closure by our apologies, but instead, all I felt was loneliness.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
JOSIE
Jogging up the front stairs to the adorable two-story blue house, I smiled. Fall was once again rolling in, but it was no surprise, considering how quickly the end of summer had gone. The camp had once again been a success with only a few minor hiccups, but that was to be expected.
I’d arranged a few visits for the girls to meet Maggie and Gunner, and they went perfectly. Dominic had also been there, but they took to Maggie immediately. Who wouldn’t, though? She was quiet and sweet and had two cats, which the girls fell in love with as soon as they saw them. Dominic even seemed happy, but more so, he seemed relieved, and for a kid who carried as much as he did on his shoulders, that was an even bigger emotion.
After the initial surprise of Lucy’s announcement and the shock of spending time with Bear wore off, I realized I had many questions, so I called Lucy, and we met at Joe’s to discuss the situation. I had no idea what happened with the Colson’s, and Lucy explained she didn’t know much either except that Brian Colson could be facing substantial charges. Because it was an ongoing investigation, they couldn’t give us much information. I knew I hadn’t trusted him, but I could never put my finger on why.
Standing in front of their door, I lifted my finger and rang the doorbell. Maggie had invited me to dinner tonight, and as much as I knew there was a risk of seeing Bear, I really wanted to spend this time with her and the girls. I told myself it was to check in and make sure the girls were still adjusting well, but they’d been living with them for a little over a month without any problems, so it was just an excuse.
The door opened, and I smiled at Maggie, who looked better than I’d ever known her to. She reached out and hugged me. “I’m so glad you came.”
“I wouldn’t miss it,” I replied.
She stepped back. “Come in.”
I walked inside and was immediately hit with the warm scents of cinnamon and apple. “It smells like apple pie in here.” My eyebrows rose. “Are we having apple pie?”
Maggie giggled. “No, I don’t know how to bake.” She pointed at an outlet on the wall. “It’s an air freshener.”
I smiled. “I don’t know how to bake either.” I held out a pink box I’d picked up at the bakery. “I bought cookies to bring.”
“Come on in. We’re in the kitchen.”
I saw Arie and Kyla immediately where they sat at the counter, and I smiled. They were chatting more than before, which only proved this had been a good move for them. When my eyes landed on Wyatt in his high chair, my attention shifted to his side and settled on Becs. She jumped up from her seat on the other side of Wyatt and made her way over to me, throwing her arms around my neck. It was only now that I was farther in the house that I heard other voices.
She pulled back but stayed close. “Don’t be mad.”
“Mad about what?” I tried to peek over her shoulder, but she was much taller than me.
She looked guilty, and I tilted my head to the side. “We’re having a little birthday party for Wyatt.” When she slid to the side, I finally saw past her into the family room where a lot of people were standing and talking. “When you dropped off his birthday gift last week at my work, I knew you wouldn’t come to a party, so I asked Maggie to do it here as a little dinner.”
“Becs.” I sighed. “This should be with your family.”
“It is,” she insisted. “You’ve been there for me almost more than anyone, and I wanted to celebrate this with you. I wasn’t even sure we’d ever get to celebrate his first birthday, but since we can, I want to do that with everyone special to me.” She looked guilty. “Please, don’t be mad.”
Nodding, I smiled softly. “I’m not.”
“Good.” She exhaled in relief. “Now come on in and hang out with us.”
Nodding again, I slid the box of cookies onto the counter beside Becs. I smiled down at Arie and Kyla when I saw them watching me. “Hi, girls.”
“Hi, Ms. Carmichael,” Kyla called out first, immediately followed by Arie.
“What are you making?” I pointed at the playdough.
I moved to stand between them and Wyatt before leaning down to blow a noisy kiss on Wyatt’s cheek. He giggled and held up his playdough to show me. “Wow, that’s a cool ball, Wyatt.”
“I made a dog.” Kyla held up her playdough. “Because I like the kitties, but I think it would be fun to have a dog.” She smiled bigger. “And guess what, Gunner thinks so too.”
My head snapped up when Maggie giggled across from us as she placed paper plates on the counter. “Are you getting a dog?”
She shrugged. “Who knows?”
Kyla squealed. “That would be so fun.”
I watched Arie play next to her sister, and even though she was quiet, there was a significant change in her. Like Dominic, she seemed to carry a lot with her, but she also seemed more relaxed than she used to. This has been one of the most positive placements I’d ever been a part of, and I loved that I was getting to watch it develop.
Wyatt held up his playdough and gestured toward the tiny plastic star beside him. “Do you want me to make this a star?”
He nodded, and I took the playdough from his chubby hand before placing it on the counter. I’d just gotten to work when I heard the door and a man’s voice call out. “Pizza’s here.”
My head snapped up, and I looked over my shoulder when I heard Dominic’s voice. “Hey, Ms. Carmichael.”
I smiled. “Hi, Dominic.”
He moved past me to place a stack of pizza boxes on the counter, and I dropped my head back to the project at hand. My body stiffened when I heard Bear’s voice behind me.
“Hope that’s enough.”
I rolled out the dough a little thinner, trying to calm my nerves when he moved closer to my back, and the conversations about pizza resumed.
“Hey, Josie, what are ya makin’?”
Lifting my head slightly, I smiled at Tank, who had just walked into the kitchen, followed by just about every Sinner I’d ever met and then some. “A star.”
Bear’s chest rumbled behind me when he leaned in closer and looked over my shoulder. “Not surprised he wants a star. Think he’s just about worn out that book about sayin’ good night to the stars and shit.”
I finished the star and handed it to Wyatt, who held it up proudly. Chuckling, I wiped my hand on the wet paper towel Maggie had lying in front of each of the kids. When I felt the heat move from behind me, I stood straight and turned, only to com
e face-to-face with Bear. Well, my face to his chest. I looked up slowly, and my body tensed when his smoky gray eyes landed on mine.
We hadn’t seen each other in over six weeks. I’d left Maggie’s that night having made the decision to keep my distance from Bear. We were just too volatile together. But I’d no longer been willing to give up Maggie and Becs, so we began spending time together again.
And I’d successfully avoided Bear.
Our eyes locked, and he dropped his hand to my hip, lowering his voice. “Hey.”
How could one word sound so sexy? It had to be the man saying it. The scruff of his beard was a little longer, and I was tempted to lift my hand and run my fingers over it, but I didn’t. Instead, I gathered myself as much as possible and answered. “Hi, Bear.”
“Nice of you to come.” We were talking quietly, and it almost felt like it was just the two of us. People talked and filled their plates with pizza and chips, but it was almost as if the room was empty.
“I was tricked.”
He grinned slowly. “You would’ve come without being tricked.”
I shrugged one shoulder. “Probably.”
His hand slowly skimmed up my side, and I shivered. I knew he felt it by the way his eyes heated, and he squeezed his fingers a little tighter. He dropped his head a little more and put his face closer to mine, but then seemed to remember where we were and slowly stood straight again.
“Let’s eat, everyone!” Becs called out, and Bear moved away, but his eyes never left mine until Gunner called his name from the other room.
I pressed my hand to my stomach and took a few deep breaths. That heat in his eyes was what I remembered, the heat I hadn’t seen in a long time and tried so damn hard to forget. Turning, I once again faced the rest of the kitchen and found Maggie’s eyes on me.
“Are you okay?” she inquired quietly.
I smiled softly. “I have no idea.”
She nodded and reached out her hand to cover mine. “I’m here if you need to talk.”
“Thanks, Maggie.”
When a heavy arm fell across my shoulders, I looked up and smiled at Bull, who was grinning. “Hey, roomie.”
The weight lifted from my shoulders when I realized he wasn’t holding what I’d said the last time we’d spoken or the fact that I’d thrown him out of my apartment against me. Smiling, I gestured to the guys in the other room. “Should we be like this with each other if we broke up.”
“They know the whole story,” he explained. “We were finally able to tell ’em.”
“Why?” I asked. “What changed?”
“That’s club business, honey.” He winked.
I laughed because I knew that would be his answer, and he knew I’d still ask.
“You miss me?” I teased, unable to stop myself with Bull.
He squeezed me tight against his side. “Yeah, I do.” He gestured across the room by jerking his chin in that direction. I followed his line of sight and saw his eyes were on Bear, who was talking to Tank and Dominic. “But not as much as he does.”
With one more squeeze, he left me still standing in the same damn place. I hadn’t been nice to Bull or Bear when I’d made it clear I didn’t approve of how they’d handled a situation in their club, but it was almost as if all was forgotten now. I wondered what had changed and allowed them to share our story with the entire club.
In my mind, I was hopeful they were finally able to find and stop the men who attacked me. I didn’t think of them often anymore, but the memories would sneak up on me every once in a while, and I hated they never paid the price for that attack.
Maybe they finally did.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
BEAR
I knew she’d be here, and I still wasn’t prepared. Getting close to her had been a mistake, but only because I wanted to throw her on my bike and get the hell out of here. I’ve had a lot of time to think, and I wasn’t fucking around with this anymore. I wanted her in my life. And if she didn’t understand the club, I could teach her. The club we were trying to become was one I was proud of, and if she knew more about it, she’d be proud of it too.
When I saw her in August, I knew she was seeing our club differently, but I still stayed away. Snap was a threat, and Luke didn’t have enough evidence to take him down yet, but the moment Colson was arrested, Snap was put on alert. If he had been watching us for any reason, I didn’t want him to see me with Josie. So, I waited. I owed that to Hawk, who had him on a short leash when it came to my club. But again, he’d been quiet. Because of that, I was done fucking around.
“Okay, guys, we’re gonna sing ‘Happy Birthday.’”
Bull snorted. “I’m not singing ‘Happy fucking Birthday.’”
Becs put her hand on her hip and stared down Bull. Grinning, I watched closely, but I already knew my baby sister would win. She was becoming herself again. I’d missed the fire in her eyes while she figured shit out, but lately, that was back as well, and she was proving to be one hell of a mom. Glancing down at Wyatt in his high chair, my grin grew into a full smile. I loved that kid, and I loved that I was getting to watch him grow up in my house.
“Sorry I’m late,” Kat announced as she walked into the kitchen, followed by Gunner. I’d heard the doorbell but assumed it was another one of the guys. Kat had agreed to be the doctor on our payroll again a few months ago. I wasn’t sure who convinced her, but I knew Becs had tried. Gunner told me Maggie had even talked to her after she’d gotten over the initial shock of our handling of Skinner. The problem was, everyone liked Skinner, and it was hard to see him as anything but the guy they’d known. If I was being honest, it was hard for me too.
“That’s okay,” Becs responded cheerfully. “We were just about to sing.” She turned her glare toward Bull. “Well, almost all of us were going to sing.”
Kat laid her present on the table and moved to stand next to Josie. “Who won’t sing for such an amazing little guy?”
She flicked her attention back to Kat. “Bull.”
“Oh.” Kat shook her head. “I’m not surprised.”
Bull looked back and forth between Kat and Becs before finally settling on Becs. “I’ll sing the fucking song.”
“Great.” Becs smiled and set a little round cake in front of Wyatt.
We sang, but it wasn’t anything impressive, considering most of my men weren’t thrilled they’d been forced to. After all, once Bull agreed, they were all on the hook. Wyatt didn’t seem to care that we were singing, considering he dipped his little finger in the icing and licked it, and then dropped his entire face into the cake. The end of the song was just us laughing.
My eyes flicked to follow Josie when she jumped into action and grabbed a roll of paper towels.
“Just let him enjoy it,” I said, watching my nephew lick his lips.
Becs shook her head. “Bear, he has icing up his nose.”
I shrugged, but my eyes were on Josie laughing while she wiped his face as he continued to jam handfuls of cake into his mouth.
She finally shook her head. “I give up.”
Race moved out of the crowd and stood beside Becs. Wyatt squealed through a mouthful of cake when he saw Race and held out his chubby little arms. I watched closely while he moved the cake from the high chair tray before unstrapping him and lifting him out. Race had been spending a lot of time with my sister and Wyatt, but I didn’t ask questions. It seemed he wanted in there with her, and he was giving her time to accept that, but he hadn’t been giving her space.
“Maybe I should just take him to the bathroom,” Becs suggested, and Race nodded. He held Wyatt out in front of him so he didn’t wear the cake too and followed Becs.
The room remained quiet until they disappeared, and then Dozer spoke. “What’s up with those two?”
Those of us who had been around since the beginning smirked because we knew, but this wasn’t going to be pretty while they worked through whatever shit had them at odds for so many years.
Ta
nk slapped him in the back of the head. “Just pay attention, shithead.”
Josie took the tray to the sink when everyone began talking again and started to wash it off. Not willing to pass up the chance to get close to her, I moved to stand beside her and leaned down.
“Need some help?”
She shook her head. “No, I think I’ve got it.”
Leaning down farther, I placed my elbows on the counter beside the sink. “Need to talk to you.”
She finished washing the tray and shut off the water before looking my way, her expression serious. “Is everything okay?”
“No,” I stated.
“Is it the girls or Dominic?” she whispered, and I could tell by the concern in her voice that I had her. I should’ve felt bad that I was causing her worry when there wasn’t any, but I didn’t give a fuck. I needed to get her alone, and this was the only way she’d agree.
I glanced behind us as if I didn’t want people to hear us. “Don’t want to talk about it here.” She nodded, and I continued. “When are you leaving? I’ll follow you home.”
“Actually, I was planning to leave soon.”
I stood and leaned my hip against the counter. “Then let’s go.”
She nodded hesitantly. “Okay.”
She walked over to Maggie, and I told Gunner we were heading out. He smirked but didn’t say anything. He didn’t have to. We knew each other well enough to know what the other was up to. We both found Becs and told her we had to leave. She punched me in the shoulder but hugged Josie for a long moment. I looked over Becs’s shoulder at Race, who was holding Wyatt while he was falling asleep with his head on his shoulder. I jerked up my chin, and he nodded once.
“Take care of them.” I directed quietly while the girls talked.
He glanced at Becs. “Plan on it.”
“Gotta go,” I announced, and Josie nodded. We walked outside silently, and when I got to my bike, I slung my leg over the seat and watched until she was in her car and pulling out of her spot along the street.
End Game (Sinners MC Book 2) Page 28