Exploration

by Quinn Ward

  I allowed my fingers to brush against Frankie’s dick as I pushed the denim down his legs. He arched into the touch, hungry for more. I swatted his hip, a nonverbal warning that he wasn’t in charge here.

  Once Frankie was naked, I guided him to the edge of the tub and told him to wait. His brow furrowed and he shivered slightly as the central air kicked on. I rushed to undress myself, amused when Frankie tried to stop himself from ogling my exposed flesh. I reached up and brushed a hand over his cheek. “Don’t hide from me, boy. I want to see your reactions. Love knowing that I turn you on. You’re good for my ego.”

  “Oh please, like you need anything other than a mirror to know how hot you are,” Frankie scoffed. I pinched his ass as I stepped closer. “I’m serious, Cal. I don’t get how you could possibly think you’re not.”

  “Give it time, brat.” I carefully stepped over the edge of the tub and held out a hand for him to join me. Before settling into the water, I drew him to my chest, running a hand up his side. He buried his face in my neck and inhaled deeply, his body relaxing on exhale. I pressed my lengthening erection into the crook of Frankie’s ass, rocking gently, giving him a preview of how the night would end. “Missed you. The bed was empty without you.”

  “Yeah, you probably hated waking up naturally instead of with me crushing you.” It was true that I’d grown accustomed to waking up when Frankie laying on top of me restricted my ability to breathe, but I loved that about him. It was as if he could no longer resist being as close to me as possible in those last moments of sleep. But that often led to lazy frotting and making out, morning breath be damned, and it’d become my favorite way to start the day.

  “I did,” I insisted. I sat first, pulling him into the space between my legs. As we talked about our respective weekends, I soaped up a washcloth and cleaned every inch of Frankie’s body I could reach.

  I paid careful attention to his reactions, moving on as he started to squirm against me, never giving into what he craved. Spent extra time cleaning his stomach, allowing the back of my hand to lightly graze his dick. Focused on his upper thighs, never intentionally touching his balls. “Quit teasing me, Cal. I need you.”

  “And you’ll have me,” I assured him, brushing my lips against his shoulder. “When I’m ready and not a moment before.”

  “That’s not fair,” he whined.

  “It’s completely fair. You need to remember that sex isn’t just about getting off as quickly as possible. Sometimes, it’s about seeing how long you can draw out the pleasure.” This was especially important to me, because I never wanted sex to be a transaction between us. Frankie needed to realize everything I did for him, even seeing how many times I could almost make him come, was because of how much I cared for him. Cherished him. Loved him. “Quickies should be the exception, not the rule, when two people love each other.”

  Frankie twisted around, slipping for purchase against the bottom of the tub. I caught him before he completely face planted. “Do you?”

  “Do I what, brat?” I smirked, because I knew damn well what he was referring to. I hadn’t meant to tell him I loved him so soon, but now that the words were out there, I wouldn’t take them back. That didn’t mean I wouldn’t toy with him just a bit.

  “Love me.” He kneeled between my legs and grabbed the washcloth from the edge of the tub. My eyes rolled back in my head as he started washing me. “You said ‘when two people love each other’.”

  “I did,” I confirmed, resting my head against the edge of the tub.

  “Does that mean you do?” He sounded uncertain, as if he couldn’t believe anyone would fall in love with him. Through all our talks, I hadn’t gotten the impression that he’d had a bad relationship in the past, so it didn’t make sense that he felt so unworthy.

  I wrapped my arms around his back, holding him against my body. I slid my hands down to cup his ass, allowing one finger to slide into the crack. “I do. I don’t want you saying it in return out of obligation. If and when the time is right and you feel the same way, you’ll tell me.”

  “Cal, I think I fell in love with you that first night,” he admitted, bending forward to kiss my chest. “You have this way about you that lured me in. You didn’t call me on my shit, but you made it clear that you expected more from me. And I hated that, but I loved it, too. Knew it was what I needed even when I couldn’t admit it.

  “I hated you being gone this weekend. I know it’s selfish and I wouldn’t think of telling you to take me with you or pressuring you to stay home just so I don’t fall apart, but it really did suck.” He buried his face into the crook of my neck again. That was his default position when he felt insecure; almost as though he needed to get as close to me as possible to soak up some sort of reassurances.

  “Would it help if we talk about this once we’re both relaxed and see if we can figure out ways to make the absences easier?” I suggested, brushing the damp hair away from his face so I could kiss him. He nodded. “Then that’s what we’ll do. You’re right that I can’t just decide to stay home, but I hate knowing it was this hard on you. I wish you’d told me sooner so we might’ve been able to video chat or something to help you through.”

  “But I shouldn’t need you to help me exist,” he grumbled. As I massaged his lower back, he settled against me, his body loose and pliant. “I’m a grown man. Until you came along I managed just fine. Why am I suddenly this needy, clingy moron now?”

  Water splashed over the edge of the tub as I slapped his ass. We’d talked multiple times about his habit of getting down on himself, but it was apparently one more thing I needed to crack down on. “What have I told you about calling yourself names?”

  “That I’m yours and you don’t like it when people call what’s yours mean names,” he deadpanned. “I’m sorry, Cal, I just really wanted to prove to myself this weekend that I could function when you’re not available to message me every hour.”

  I felt around until I could pull the stopper out of the tub with my toe and pushed Frankie upright. Before he could wipe all the soap bubbles off his skin, I snatched a towel off the rack and started drying him. With one foot dry, I steadied him as he got out of the tub, then dried the other.

  “Get on the bed. I’ll be in soon,” I ordered him once he was dry. He reached for the towel but I jerked it out of his reach. “There’s no reason for you to cover up. Now go, before I have to punish you for disobeying me again.”

  15

  Frankie

  …before I have to punish you for disobeying me again.

  Cal’s warning echoed through my mind while I waited for him to join me in the bedroom. I could see the prick wiping down the tub, as if it couldn’t wait until morning. Or at least until after we got through whatever he’d decided on for punishment. Maybe sitting out here alone was his idea of punishment and we’d be back on an even keel once he finished deep cleaning in the middle of the damn night. Falling for a neat freak had some painful disadvantages.

  I tried to hide my disappointment when Calvin walked into the room wearing a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt. Had I really upset him so much there’d be no sexy times tonight? That seemed a bit harsh.

  Calvin sat next to me, one knee on the bed, the other leg hanging over the side. He took my hand in both of his, lifting it to his mouth. “Like I said before, I wasn’t expecting to fall in love with you, at least not so quickly. But I did and I don’t regret that a bit. However, I feel like I failed you this weekend. I couldn’t have anticipated the impact my absence would have on you. Seeing you in the state you were in when I came home… that can’t happen again.”

  “That’s not your fault,” I protested. “I was so worried about you being annoyed that I couldn’t cope without you right here for me that I decided it’d be better if you didn’t know.”

  “Who makes the decisions here, brat?” My cock twitched at the stern tone of his voice.

  “You do, Cal.” I kept my gaze to the ground, not wanting to see his disappointm
ent.

  “And why do I make the decisions in this house?” he continued, crooking a finger under my chin and forcing me to look at him.

  “Because I let the stress build until it leads to me being stupid,” I responded. I did not expect Calvin to curl his thumb around so he could apply pressure to my jaw when I tried looking away again.

  “What have I told you about demeaning what’s mine?” The low growl punctuating his message was kind of hot. Scary, but hot.

  “That I’m not allowed to do it.” I knew that. I tried thinking before I spoke because I understood why Calvin was trying to break me of calling myself names. But dammit, I also knew he’d expected me to tell him if I was struggling and I’d forgotten that, too. I was stupid.

  Before I could finish mentally berating myself, Calvin pulled me over his lap. I clawed at the edge of the comforter, certain I was going to land head first on the floor. A blast of cold air across my ass sent shivers racing through my body. Laying across Calvin’s legs left me feeling more exposed than ever before. “If you have any objections, speak now. And no, not wanting a spanking is not a valid reason for me to stop. I didn’t want you to lie to me, but you did, so now there has to be a punishment.”

  “I didn’t—” Crack! I yelped at the sting as Cal’s palm connected with my ass.

  “Not telling me when you’re struggling is just as bad as if you lied outright,” he reminded me. “And if you remember, I asked you several times how you were doing and you said you were fine every.” Smack. “Single.” Smack. “Time.” Smack.

  “I’m sorry, Cal.” I muttered the apology repeatedly as he continued spanking my ass. Pain gave way to arousal every time his hand left another imprint on my backside. My dick was pressed hard against his thigh and I began rocking, trying to get the relief I craved. I wasn’t sure I’d ever understand how something that was meant as punishment got me so fired up, but I was beyond questioning my body’s reaction.

  It wasn’t going to be long before I couldn’t hold back my release. Cal did this to me. He loved me enough to punish me when I didn’t let him help me. He knew what I needed when I was clueless, never gave up on me when I swore he was the one who needed help for thinking I’d get off on submitting to him. My body tensed and I knew I was going to come all over Cal’s leg.

  And the bastard stopped. I kept waiting for more striking blows, but instead I felt a cold shock as Calvin drizzled lotion over my burning skin. Soothing, gentle strokes followed, nearly lulling me to sleep. It was as though my body realized it was okay to let go now and I’d been sapped of my energy.

  “You took that so well, baby,” he praised, scooping me into his arms and moving us both to the center of the bed. There, he drew my body to his, holding me tight. “I don’t know how I got lucky enough for you to answer my ad, but I’ll forever be grateful that you’re in my life. I hope you know how much you mean to me.”

  “I do.” My words were slurred and my head felt foggy. It was a bizarre feeling. As Calvin kept talking to me about nothing at all, I pressed my lips to the center of his chest. His scent filled my nostrils, stronger now than when I’d buried my head in his pillow while he was out of town. Peace washed over me.

  Blinding sunlight startled me awake the following morning. I lifted my head to glance at the alarm clock on Calvin’s side of the bed and was shocked to see we’d both slept until almost nine o’clock. That had been an early wake-up for me before Calvin, but since he’d taken it upon himself to help me get into healthier routines, it was rare for either of us to sleep past seven. I wasn’t going to complain.

  “Go back to sleep, brat,” Calvin mumbled, tightening his hold on me. Who was I to argue? I closed my eyes and eventually drifted back to sleep.

  The next time I woke, it was to an empty bed and the smell of coffee brewing. After eleven. I stretched like I did every morning, but today my body wasn’t as sore as it usually was. And my mind was quiet for a change.

  “Finally joining the land of the living?” Calvin teased as he walked into the room with two steaming mugs of coffee.

  “Yeah.” I yawned and stretched again, more out of habit than anything else. “Didn’t mean to pass out on you last night.”

  Calvin set the coffees on his nightstand and sat on the bed next to me. He held out an arm and I sat up, snuggling into his side. He kissed the side of my head. “You needed the rest. And from what I’ve heard, it’s normal to crash like that after what we did.”

  “We didn’t even do that much,” I protested. I’d been so hell-bent on getting off, it was hard to believe I’d fallen asleep so easily. Thinking about what he’d done to me both in the bathtub and after had my dick perking up, like it suddenly remembered what it’d missed out on.

  “I disagree.” Calvin pulled me so I was straddling his legs. “Last night was everything. I hadn’t wanted to push you, but now, I realize maybe I should have done that sooner. You seemed to be into it.”

  “I was,” I admitted. “I don’t understand why, but it was good. Hurt like hell, but somewhere in the middle, I realized that you weren’t doing it for yourself as much as you were for me. That you really mean it when you tell me you don’t see my problems as burdens and you want me to come to you with them.”

  16

  Calvin

  Because Ryan and I would be out of town for yet another tournament on his actual birthday, Marisa arranged for us to take him out to dinner earlier in the week. She hinted, not subtly, that I invite ‘that cute roommate’ to join us, but I’d declined on his behalf, telling her he had to work.

  The more I thought about it, the more I worried he’d be upset that I hadn’t left this decision to him. I started questioning my motives; whether it was to save him the discomfort of feeling out of place at dinner with my ex-wife and her future husband when our relationship was so new or if it was so I didn’t have to face my past and what I hoped was my future colliding. Unfortunately for me, Frankie was getting as good at reading my emotions as I was his, and he called me out Monday night while we were running errands. Yep, we’d officially settled into that level of domestic bliss where we did things like shopping for groceries and toilet paper together. Ours was truly a charmed life.

  “You know, if you expect me to tell you when something’s bugging me, it’d be nice if you did the same.” I tripped over my feet, nearly stumbling into a display set up in the middle of the aisle. I’d put Frankie into this neat little box where he was the submissive in our relationship despite the fact I knew he wasn’t in every sense of the word. Other than me helping him avoid obsessing over the restaurant every minute of the day and coaxing him to take better care of himself, I thought of us as equals, at least outside the bedroom. But my actions may not have been supporting my thoughts.

  “You’re right,” I admitted, because what else was there to do? This wasn’t a conversation I cared to jump into in the middle of a big box store, but at least I knew Frankie wouldn’t cause a scene if he was pissed off at me. He’d go quiet, letting every bit of anger simmer until we were home and then he’d lay into me. And maybe I had that coming.

  “So, what’s going on? You’ve been in a mood all weekend and it seems like it’s getting worse every day.” He paused while he looked for the brand of detergent he knew I preferred. I appreciated his attention to details because I wasn’t sure I could deal with the strong perfumes in the brand he used because ‘it’s what Mama always used’. God bless the woman for raising a great son, but the crap screamed flowery fields, and I wasn’t a flowery type of guy. “Are you worried about this weekend? Because I already told you I’m going to stay with Tony and Enzo so I’m not faced with the empty house. And if that’s not enough, I promise I’ll text you and let you know I need a few minutes of your time.”

  I had been worried about the second major tournament of the year, this one six hours from home, which meant we’d be gone longer, but I trusted both of us had learned some valuable lessons from the last ordeal. I believed Frankie when he
said he would be okay this time. “It’s not that.”

  “Then what is it? I’m the bitchy one out of the two of us, but I swear I was waiting for you to bite the head off the cashier at the last store. You’d tell me if we were spending too much time together, right?” He worried his bottom lip and wrung his hands around the plastic handle of the shopping cart. God, I was such a prick. My second-guessing myself had planted seeds of doubt in his mind.

  I eased his fingers from their white-knuckle grip on the cart and drew him into my arms. “It’s nothing like that,” I promised him. “You’re the brightest part of every day. I’m beginning to understand why it’s hard for you to be at the house when I’m out of town because I feel the same way within a few hours of you leaving for work.”

  “God, you’re such a sap,” he teased. That was his go-to reaction whenever I praised him. He still didn’t deal well with compliments, which was why I tried giving them as often as possible.

  To show him I wasn’t a complete softie, I smacked his ass right there in the store. He pursed his lips to stifle a surprised yelp and glared at me. “Keep it up and there’ll be more of that when we get home.”

  “That threat might’ve worked when we first got together, but now it’s just as likely to make me turn up the brat,” Frankie turned back to his shopping list, hips swaying as he sauntered down the aisle. I thought he’d realized the crap timing for him to confront me, but then I noticed the disapproving glare from an elderly woman coming up from behind me. She muttered something under her breath about how young people had no respect for others as she passed.

  “Sorry, ma’am,” I apologized, keeping my head down so she couldn’t see the deep flush of my cheeks. I rushed to catch up to Frankie, who was already one aisle over. “You’re a menace, you know that? I used to be so reserved, but you make me impulsive.”