If only shutting off her mind was as easy as closing the windows. She who loved stormy weather did not care for internal storms. Keeping a secret like this from Marcus was giving her a headache. Returning to the kitchen, she poured herself a glass of water at the sink. One, then two drops hit the window. The wind had come up, lashing the maples along the driveway. She drank half of the water and caught a jag of lightning, brilliant against a nearly black cloud. More drops hit the glass and several ran together, joining forces on their way back to the earth. Within two breaths, the water was sheeting down the windowpane, blurring all but the startles of lightning. Thunder crashed but was still some distance away.
I have to tell Marcus. It concerns him as much as Keira. I cannot keep it from him. She turned from the window and reached for the cell phone holster hooked on her belt. Nada. Where had she left it this time? For someone as organized and self-disciplined as she was, how could she misplace her cell phone so often? Instead of looking for it, she headed for the wall phone.
Just as she touched it, the phone rang. Leah hesitated just a second to let her heart return to normal and then picked it up. “Sorensons.”
“Leah?”
“Yes?” The voice was vaguely familiar but she couldn’t place it. “How can I help you?”
“I have to apologize.”
Another thunder roll blurred the voice.
“I’m sorry, what did you say?” Was that crying she heard in the background?
“I—I’m sorry, we won’t be able to come by for your graduation open house on Sunday.”
“Donna, I’m sorry I didn’t recognize your voice. What’s wrong?”
“You heard about the accident?”
Accident? What accident? “No, I can’t say that I have. Donna, what’s happened?”
“The boys rolled the car last night?” She took a moment to blow her nose.
“I haven’t heard anything about this. Was anyone injured?”
“Two are in the hospital and my Carl tore some tendons in his knee. But he was released.”
Since Donna’s voice had settled down, Leah breathed a sigh of relief. “Has anyone called Marcus?”
“Probably not, since the other boys’ families aren’t members of our church. Carl was driving and he said he swerved because three deer leaped out in front of him. He hit one, and the shoulder was so soft from the rain that the car rolled. At least they all had their seat belts on.”
“Another thing to be thankful for. So how can I help you, my friend?”
“Well, I guess I just needed to talk to someone who would calm me down. I’ve been shaking ever since the phone call. We met the ambulance at the hospital. Carl rode in the police car since he wasn’t bleeding and seemed okay.”
“Were they speeding?”
“I don’t know.”
“Carl will be able to graduate, right?”
“He’ll be on crutches, but yes.”
Lightning flared, thunder rattled the window frames, and the phone went dead.
Sure for a moment that lightning had struck her house, Leah took two deep breaths to calm her heart and glanced over at the clock. No electricity. What about the phone lines? She automatically dialed her cell phone so she could find it and hung up the house phone. She laughed at herself when she heard no dial tone. She did so many things on autopilot. How could she dial her cell when the phone line was out? After that last crack of thunder, the storm rumbled off to the east.
She cocked her head. Sure enough, her cell was ringing. “Keep it up,” she ordered, heading for the sound. The flashing red light showed through the dish towel covering it.
Marcus had called. She waited until the voice mail icon showed up, dialed, and listened to him tell her about the accident and that he was on his way to the hospital. One of the other boys had sometimes attended youth group.
Reprieve. She could hardly tell him about the birth certificate fiasco right now.
Since she couldn’t scan, she moved a chair in front of the table where the boxes of pictures to be sorted waited for her and dug in. The light from the window brightened as the sun drove off the storm clouds, making it easier to see. Some photos she put in a separate pile because they needed work to repair the ravages of time.
When the power came on again, she kept right on doing what she was doing. If she stopped now, when would she get back to it?
Sometime later she heard Marcus in the kitchen. Before she could shake loose from the stack of pictures in her lap, he walked through the doorway. The look on his face told her there was trouble.
“How bad?”
“Bad enough. It looks like the boys are all going to live. One of them is going back into surgery, the other is in ICU. Carl went home with his folks.”
“Donna called, frantic and nearly incoherent.”
Marcus sank down in a chair. “You know that has always been one of my nightmares. A phone call from the police or a knock on the door.”
“I know. But the kids are going to be okay?”
“Leah, you’re a nurse. You know that those kids might have to live with the residual effects of their injuries. Their pastor is with them.” He raised his head to stare at his wife. “It could have been Kirsten or any of our children.”
“But it wasn’t. And it could have been so much worse. We can thank God for His mercy.”
“And that’s the kind of thing I should be thinking, not looking at the possibilities.” He heaved a sigh. “Thank you. As always, you have the right words for me.”
She smiled and nodded. “That’s why God put us together, you know that.” She lifted the stack from her lap and stood. “Have you eaten?”
“No, but I’m not hungry.” He stood and wrapped his arms around her. “You know that song, ‘You Are My Safe Haven’?”
She nodded and kissed his neck.
“I wish I had written it.” He rested his chin on the top of her head. “I’ll be in my office. Need to get on the sermon. No calls unless it’s an emergency.”
“Okay.” Not now. He has too much on his mind. I can’t tell him. Through sheer force of will, Leah took the photos over to the copy machine and started scanning them again. Copying and cropping took more concentration than merely sorting.
When her phone rang some time later, she was surprised to hear Marcus’s voice. “You could just come in here, you know,” she teased.
“I’m at the church. I left you a note in the kitchen.”
“Oh.” She must have really been concentrating not to hear him leave. “So when do you want supper?”
“Do you have anything planned?”
“Leftovers.”
“I’ll bring pizza. You heard from Kirsten?”
“No, why?”
“Guess I’m being overprotective. Maybe you should give her a call.”
Leah shook her head. What, did he have a broken finger? But she ignored her smart retort. “Call me when you pick the pizza up.”
When the clock ticked past six, she tried phoning Kirsten. When the call went to voice mail, she switched to texting. “Will you be home for supper?”
When half an hour passed with no return message, Leah could feel her stomach clench. After hearing the news about last night, every parent in Munsford was probably checking on their teens. She tried calling again. Texting again. Finally, her phone rang. Thank you, God. But it was Marcus, not Kirsten. Where was she?
“I’ll be home in ten.”
“Okay.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. We’ll talk when you get here.” She clicked off. “Lord, keep her safe. Keep them safe.” Surely she was with José. She thumbed in the number for the Flores family, only to get voice mail again. After leaving a message, she stood looking out the kitchen window. She called Marcus. At least he answered.
“Would you swing by the high school and see if José’s car is still there?”
“Sure.”
Enough, she ordered herself. You trust that God is t
aking care of them and you don’t go off worrying like this. That’s what you tell others to do. Living, walking by faith. “Lord, I am trusting you. I know you love these kids even more than I do.” She closed her eyes. “I am trusting you. I am trusting you.” The slam of a car door sent her to the door. Marcus.
“The school was dark, no cars in the parking lot.” He set the pizza box on the counter. “You called her? Texted?” He blew out a breath. “You realize we’re worrying only because of the accident last night. Kirsten doesn’t always let you know where she is.”
“I know. We are going to sit down to eat and trust that God has everything under control.” She set plates on the table and silver. “What do you want to drink?”
“Any iced tea?”
She nodded to the refrigerator and handed him two glasses to fill at the ice dispenser. They sat down, Marcus said grace, and they each managed to eat one slice of pizza before she pushed her plate away. “Did we ever worry about the boys this way?”
“Oh probably, but that was a while ago and we’ve forgotten.” He helped himself to another piece of pizza and set one on her plate too. “You always eat two slices,” he said with one eyebrow arched.
“Ah, Marcus, if you only knew.”
“Knew what?” he asked around a mouthful.
“Nothing.” This was no time to bring up birth certificates and unknown fathers, that was for sure. She made herself eat all but the crust and put the box in the refrigerator. “I’m going back to work.”
“You want some help?”
She stopped and stared at him. “Well, uh, I guess. You know how to run a scanner?”
He swatted her on the rear for an answer as they left the kitchen.
A while later, they both looked up at the sound of their daughter’s voice saying good-bye. Breathing a sigh of relief, Leah grinned at Marcus. “All that wasted worrying. You’d think I’d know better by now.” She raised her voice. “We’re working on the book. Pizza is in the fridge.”
When there was no answer, she put down the picture she was working on and started for the door. Kirsten met her halfway. Shock stopped her midstep. “Kirsten, darling, are you ill?” She reached to wrap her arms around her daughter.
Kirsten sidestepped her, shaking her head. “No, Mom, not ill. I’m… I’m just pregnant.” Bursting into tears, she spun and headed to the stairs, pounding her way up to her room.
Chapter Five
Leah stared after Kirsten. Then she looked toward Marcus, who sat watching at the doorway as if Kirsten still stood there. His mouth slightly open, eyes wide, he wore the classic look of shock.
No, it can’t be. Not our Kirsten. God, there has to be some mistake. Leah tried to swallow but her mouth was dust dry. She shook her head. Surely this didn’t just happen. Looking at Marcus, who had yet to move, she knew he had heard the same thing she hoped she hadn’t.
Pregnant. Leah sank into her chair and stared at the ceiling, willing the rabid thoughts and fears away. This room was her den, her lair, her sanctuary. Such words should never be spoken here. Should she go up and talk to Kirsten? A shudder ran from the top of her head to her toes.
“Surely this is a mistake.” She looked to Marcus, hoping for an answer, some sign he didn’t believe it either.
They’d had such a nice evening, just the two of them. And then a bombshell.
Her mind slipped back, grateful when she realized Kirsten was home safe. Home all right, but safe? Leah sniffed and felt a tear trickle down to her chin. Do something, she needed to do something. But moving hands and feet, let alone standing up, took more strength than she could commandeer at the moment.
Another tear trickled down, this time closely followed by a second. How long she sat there, with not even enough energy to mop the steady flow, she had no idea. When a flicker of anger ignited in her midsection, she heaved a big sigh and, placing both hands on the arms of the chair, heaved herself to her feet.
Oh God, make this not so. Their so-close-to-perfect daughter. Their princess. And José. They had trusted him. Not sure where she could dredge up the will, Leah went to kneel at her husband’s knee to offer comfort, if any comfort could be found. She could feel and hear all their dreams for Kirsten crashing and splintering around their feet.
Slowly Marcus looked down at her, his shoulders sagging under the weight of dying hopes.
“This can’t be.” His voice sounded ragged, ripped by a chain saw. “Did you know or even suspect?”
“No. I thought her queasiness was all stress related.” After a slight pause, she muttered, “And I’m a nurse. Some nurse.” She gripped his hand. “Maybe we should go talk with her.”
“I can’t.”
Rage attacked like a twister. How could Kirsten do this to her father? Leah shook her head. She knew about rampaging hormones, all right. How many times had she held the don’t-put-yourself-in-temptation’s-way conversation with Kirsten? Don’t be alone together. All their wisdom and their efforts and now it had come to this. Right at this moment, she didn’t dare go talk with Kirsten either. She might… she might… Well, she wasn’t sure exactly what she might do, but it wouldn’t be very nurturing.
“Maybe she’s wrong. Maybe she just thinks… because she hasn’t been feeling well…” He nodded. “Surely that’s it. A big mistake.”
“Marcus…” She started to say something else, then shook her head. “I only wish that could be true.”
“But we don’t know for sure, just what she said.”
“Right.”
He shook his head and kept on shaking it as if he had the palsy.
Two days ago everything had been perfect, a piece of heaven, they’d both said. And now, how could she? How could someone so smart be so stupid? But Leah knew the answer. Letting themselves be alone and caught up in the thrill of their love for each other. Leah gritted her teeth. They’d both taken the vow of chastity. Right. Lord God, I sure wish you would make this not so. Please turn the clock back.
But the agony she knew her daughter was feeling blew out the internal rage. Oh my darling baby girl. How do I help you? She kissed her husband’s hand. “I have to go to her.”
He nodded but continued to stare into some place only he could see.
Leah used the banister to pull herself up the stairs that normally she ran up. How many girls had she counseled through the years regarding no sex before marriage, or at least safe sex. As if there were any such thing. Kirsten and José had looked so pure and beautiful when they took the sanctity pledge at church. Leah stopped at the closed door. Would that she could go anywhere but in. Instead, she knocked softly. When no answer came, she twisted the handle and peeked inside. Kirsten lay facedown on the Shades of Purple quilt her grandmother had made for her. Dagmar’s calico cat, Patches, whom Kirsten had adopted after her grandmother had died, lay curled around the back of her head, one white paw resting on the blond hair. She blinked at the figure in the doorway.
“May I come in?”
A slight nod. The cat yawned, showing brilliant white teeth and a black patch on her tongue.
Leah crossed the room and sat down on the edge of the bed. With a gentle hand, she smoothed the tear-soaked hair back from her daughter’s face. “I love you, my darling daughter.” But at that moment all she wanted to do was scream and shake Kirsten until she said it wasn’t so.
“How can you?” A hiccup separated the words.
Right now I love you because God is giving me the strength to do so. “I know this feels like the end of the world, but it isn’t.” What a stupid thing to say. Oh God, I can’t stand this.
Kirsten shook her head, her hair slapping her cheeks. “Maybe not the end of the world, but it sure is the end of my life.”
“I know it seems that way.”
“You know?” Kirsten snapped her head up. “No, you don’t. You don’t ever do anything wrong. I’m going to have a baby and I don’t even like babies.” She slammed her fists on her thighs. “I hate me, I hate José, and I hate t
his thing inside of me.” Flipping over, she buried her face in her pillow.
“All right, Kirsten, let’s calm down. You don’t mean those things.”
“How do you know?” Her voice swelled to a scream. “Daddy hates me.”
“No, but he will need some time.” Leah stroked the golden hair, now tangled and disordered like their lives, but Kirsten pulled away. “How long have you known?” Switching into nurse mode made her role a whole lot easier. Was she sure or was this some made-up nightmare?
“This afternoon. I bought a pregnancy test.”
“Have you told José?”
A nod. “He said we should get married right after graduation, or even tomorrow.”
“I see.”
“He wanted to come with me when I told you, but…” Kirsten flopped back on her pillow. “I can’t stand this.”
“Has he told his grandmother?” Nurse mode, nurse mode.
“Maybe. I don’t know.” She raised her head, eyes swollen and nose red. “I don’t want to get married, Mom. I’m too young to get married.” Her voice rose in a wail. “I don’t want to have a baby.”
“I know. You’re too young to raise a child too, but… There are many decisions that will have to be made.”
“I don’t want to be pregnant.” Kirsten twisted and flung herself into her mother’s arms. “Mom, I’m so sorry. I let you and Daddy down and messed up our lives.”
In spite of the words boiling in her head, Leah kept silent, all her love coming through her hands as she stroked her daughter’s back. Unbidden, a thought flashed through her mind. There was an out. She slammed that door and murmured mother words.
“What is Aunty Keira going to say about this?” Kirsten whispered between sobs.
“We won’t tell her. At least not right away.” Secrets. More secrets. I’m no good at keeping secrets. How can I get through this without my best friend? But Keira had enough to deal with right now, and besides, she did have strong opinions about some things and sometimes she could go on a rant.
Sarcasm used to be her way of life too, but Leah had chosen to let that go. She got tired of going to bed wishing she’d not said something. Keira had said the same, but sometimes the snide still slipped out.
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