by D. J. Manly
Angelo watched the taxi drive away and then went back inside.
* * * * * *
When Drake walked into the studio the following afternoon in L.A., Johnny looked surprised. “Thought you weren’t getting back until late tonight?”
Drake smiled at him. “I caught an earlier flight out.” He met Johnny’s eyes. He had missed him, even though he hadn’t been away that long.
Johnny closed the space in between them, reached out and placed a hand on his arm. “I’m glad,” he told Drake softly, intentionally meeting his eyes.
Drake almost made a move to take him into his arms and then stopped himself. He had felt like holding him for a minute but decided against it, which had been a good decision because just then, Tony came through the door. He was carrying one of those egg-like cartons with several cups of coffee stuck in the grooves. Drake took a few steps away from Johnny.
Pepi and Mac followed on Tony’s heels with bags of doughnuts. The coffee here at the studio was horrible so they often made trips to the doughnut shop across the street when they needed a break.
They all shouted their greeting when they saw Drake standing there in his faded blue jeans and white T-shirt.
“God,” he said with a laugh, “you’d think I had been gone a year. Why the big welcome?”
“We have news for you,” Pepi grinned, coming up and giving him a quick hug.
“What?” Drake took one of the cups of coffee Tony was handing around.
“The video is out, and the fans are lapping it up. The song is number ten on the charts already and climbing. Frank expects it to make it to number one in a matter of weeks.”
Drake didn’t react with as much enthusiasm as they had expected. He simply acknowledged Pepi’s declaration with a nod of his dark head.
“That’s it?” Mac nudged him in the ribs with his elbow, withdrawing a chocolate doughnut from the bag. “No clapping, stomping of feet, not even a ‘that’s great, guys!’
Drake smiled at his best friend. “That’s great, guys!” he mimicked.
“You saw Angelo, didn’t you?” Tony moved up beside him. His was the only face that wasn’t smiling.
Drake nodded, sipping his coffee.
“So, how is he?” Mac demanded as Pepi and Johnny listened intently. “Is he coming to the wedding?”
“I think so. I told him about it. He said he would be there.”
Tony blinked as Mac went on about the wedding for a few minutes. “Is he all right?” Tony interrupted. “Did he tell you why he hasn’t even called, or...?” He stopped and then in a lower voice, he asked, “Did he mention me?”
“Look, Tony, if you want to know so bad, ask him yourself!” Drake shot him a dirty look. “I’m not a goddamned courier!”
Tony blanched. He opened his mouth, but it was his father who spoke instead. “What’s wrong with you, Drake? There was no reason to be....”
“Look, stop interrogating me, okay?” Drake snapped and walked out of the room.
Tony sank into a chair in the corner of the room. He wondered what had happened out in Arizona to make Drake so upset.
Johnny looked around the room and then sighed. “My turn. Stay here,” he said to no one in particular. “I’ll be back.”
* * * * * *
Johnny found Drake sitting out in the hallway. He came and sat down beside him, waiting for Drake to speak first.
Drake’s first word was a groan. Then, “What do you want now?”
“Answers. What happened between you and Drake junior out in Arizona?”
“It has been rough for him. He didn’t want me to know everything, but Alan Concord told me he’s having a rough time. There’s a member of his band who wants to run things, and Angelo doesn’t want to perform the numbers the songwriters are giving him.”
“Why don’t they give him some room to bring his own style into the music?” Johnny asked.
“Because Concord doesn’t do that with beginners. He’s more cautious than Frank. You play the game for a year, make a hit with the songs you’re given and then you can write your own ticket.”
“Then maybe we should get him a contract with Frank,” Johnny offered.
Drake laughed. “You know my son better than that. He would rather spend his life playing in barrooms than let me help him.”
“That’s your fault,” Johnny told him. Then after a pause, he said, “Make him a member of the band.” Johnny met his eyes. “He’s good enough, and it would bring new...”
“No. Not this year,” Drake shook his head.
“You are the most stubborn person that...” Johnny swore under his breath. He fell silent and then looked at him again. “Did you tell him about what Mama...?”
“Yes.”
“So, he knows. How did he take it?”
“Hard, I think. He really didn’t have a lot of time to let it sink in, but it upset him.”
“Was he angry because Tony was in the video?”
“What do you think?” Drake turned to him and raised an eyebrow.
“Did you explain that...?”
“I told him I wasn’t sleeping with Tony, and that I did it for you.”
Johnny blinked. “Did you?”
Drake sighed. “Of course, goddamn it, what do you think?” He stood up.
“What’s really bothering you?” Johnny stood up too and looked at him.
“Angelo is involved with someone. It sounds serious, although he didn’t say so. He wants to bring him to the wedding.”
Johnny looked down at the floor. “You said no, I hope.”
“No. I said yes,” Drake clicked his tongue. “Why in hell should I prevent him from bringing someone to his own mother’s wedding?”
“Because...because Tony will be there.”
“So?” Drake challenged him.
“It will hurt my son,” Johnny told him.
“Well, I have the impression that Tony has already hurt mine. I can’t protect Tony, and neither should you. He made his bed. He’s the one who used my son and then dumped him when he was finished with him. It’s up to Tony to...”
“You’re one heartless son of a bitch!” Johnny accused him hotly and then stalked off down the hallway.
Drake hung his head. It had bothered him when Angelo had mentioned this Matt guy. He would have preferred if Angelo had come alone because...because what? Well, because he didn’t want to see Tony hurting, and deep down he would have liked to see Tony and Angelo together. Seeing them together seemed to satisfy something deep down inside him. He couldn’t really understand it, and he really didn’t want to.
He sat back down and closed his eyes. A few minutes later, he went back into the studio. They watched the video together that afternoon. It was well done. He could feel Johnny’s eyes on him through the whole thing, burning into his back. He didn’t look at him.
Tony left with Pepi without saying a word. Mac followed soon after. Johnny stayed behind, sitting in the darkened room alone with Drake.
For the longest time, neither of them said anything, and then Drake turned to look at Johnny’s profile in the dark. “We have to decide if we want to be lovers or brothers. I can’t do both. You’ll have to choose.”
Johnny felt numb all of a sudden. He hadn’t expected Drake to say anything like that today. He shook himself and then stood up, clearing his throat. “I see,” he said. “When did you decide all this?”
“I’ve been thinking about it since I found out that we’re not really brothers. It seems to me that not being brothers at this point in our lives changes nothing.”
His deep voice sounded light and soft, as if all the energy he had left went into making the sounds to form those words.
“I don’t know why we have to choose one or the other. I love you--that’s all I know--and you’ll always be my brother. I can’t change all those years...I don’t want to. I...”
“Well then, we can’t be lovers,” Drake returned coldly, standing up abruptly.
Johnny
came around to where he stood. “Don’t do this to me. We can reach a compromise. We can...” He reached out and touched his face. “I love you. You’re tearing me apart. Why do you do this?”
Suddenly, Drake reached out and took Johnny roughly by the shoulders. He shook him a little. “Make a choice, goddamn it! Choose one or the other. You have the luxury now of being either my brother or my lover.” He let him go. “I’ll wait until midnight tonight at home. If you don’t come to me, then we remain brothers and that will be the end of everything else, understand? Then I will have to make some decisions myself.”
“What do you mean...the end of everything else? I’ll never stop wanting you,” Johnny whispered.
Drake sighed and shook his head. “Choose. If you love me like you claim you do, then make a choice. I can’t go on like this forever. One or the other. It has to be one of the other.”
“And what would be your choice?” Johnny demanded angrily, with tears standing in his eyes. “Why am I the one who has to choose?”
“Because...” His voice broke. “I can’t. I can’t choose. Being your brother seems even more important to me now then it did before, and yet I...I can’t stop wanting you so for me...both are equally precious.”
Johnny held back tears. “There is more than just you and I involved here. There is Pepi, too.”
Angelo nodded. “I know that. Whatever you choose, there will be consequences.” He waited and then he said, “Johnny, promise me you will make your decision tonight so that we can go on with our lives.” Drake took his shoulders again and gave him a little shake. “Promise me.”
“Okay...okay...” Johnny nodded and then pushed away from him.
Drake said no more. He left the studio and headed toward his home in Malibu. It was almost suppertime when he arrived. He told the servants to go home. He took out a bottle of his best whiskey and poured himself a drink. He put the bottle back underneath the bar, then took it out again. He walked upstairs to his room with the bottle and lay down on the bed.
He had never been in a position like this before in his life, where he was unable to make a decision. Before he knew that Johnny wasn’t his brother, it was easy; the decision had already been made. Brothers couldn’t be lovers. Now they had the choice, but he couldn’t make it. He couldn’t make the choice never to hold him in his arms and yet he couldn’t choose to be completely alone either. He wasn’t a Russo. He had no family, no brothers. He was an orphan unless Johnny decided otherwise. He took a drink and closed his eyes. It didn’t seem possible that even when things were easy, they were always so hard.
* * * * * *
“What in heaven’s name is wrong with your father?” Sandra asked her son a few hours after he’d arrived home.
“Why?” Tony asked, feeling a headache coming on. Drake had been in a bitch of a mood, and he hadn’t appreciated the way he had spoken to him.
“He’s gone up to his room. He doesn’t seem to want to talk to anyone. He’s in some kind of a mood. Is everything going all right with the music?”
“It’s going very well, actually,” Tony replied. “Don’t worry about it, Mom, okay?”
She shrugged. “I can’t believe that the wedding is just two days away. Did I show you my dress?”
“Yes, Mom, a couple of times. It’s really nice.” Tony sat down on the sofa in the living room and starting absently thumbing through a magazine. He wondered where Angelo would be staying when he came in to L.A., with Aunt Janet most likely. It had seemed forever since he had seen him. He wondered if he had changed. He wondered when he would arrive in L.A. Maybe he was already here.
“Tony...Tony...you didn’t hear a word I said, did you?” Sandra demanded.
Tony looked up at her. He wondered why she was still here. God, she had been here for almost a month now. “Mom, are you moving in?”
She blushed. “Of course not. Why do you ask?”
“Well...I...It’s just that...I’m glad you and Dad are getting along all right and everything, but...I...”
“Look, Johnny and I are getting to know each other all over and we are two mature adults now, years change people. People grow, and...”
“Mom. Dad is not going to...” he sighed. “I don’t think that you should get your hopes up about Dad. He’s being nice, but...”
Her face changed. “I’m not expecting anything, Tony. Really, I...”
“Mother.” He stood and walked over to her. He really didn’t feel like playing nursemaid to her at this moment, but he had to try and talk some sense into her. “Listen to me. I’ve watched you with Dad. I see the way you look at him, hang on his every word. You act like a schoolgirl when you’re around him. I know you are still in love with him, but he...”
She tried to protest now, but he shook his head and told her to “Shush.”
“Listen to me. You are still young and beautiful. Don’t waste yourself on Dad. He is never going to feel the same way. I know that because...”
“Because of Drake,” she whispered, tears in her eyes.
“Yes, because of Drake, and since they discovered that they’re not brothers, there is nothing to...”
“Not brothers?” she shouted, her eyes widening. “What do you mean...not brothers?”
“No one told you?” Tony was shocked. “Dad never told you what...?”
She shook her head. “This can’t be true,” she kept saying over and over. She began to cry. There was nothing Tony could have said which would have devastated her more then telling her that Drake and Johnny were not really brothers. If she had any hope at all that one day Johnny would want to come back to her, that hope had been completely wiped out by her son’s words.
Tony sighed. He touched her arm. “Mom, I didn’t realize that no one told you. I’m sorry. I didn’t think you would take it this hard.”
Sandra looked at her son. It was all over. She might as well pack up and go back home. If Drake and Johnny were not really brothers, then there was no one or nothing in this world that would keep them apart. She regained her composure, dried her eyes and told her son that she needed to get some air. She left him standing in the middle of the room.
* * * * * *
Mac was teasing Janet about her impatience as they waited hand and hand at the airport in front of the gate where the flight from Arizona was due.
“Stop, Mac,” she pocked him, “you’re making it worse. The flight was due twenty minutes ago. It’s late. Anything can happen. The plane could have...”
Just then they announced that the flight from Phoenix Arizona had arrived at gate number twelve.
Janet squeezed Mac’s hand.
Mac laughed. “You see, he’s here.”
Janet scanned every face until she saw him walking towards her. Her face gushed with pleasure. “My baby,” she cried out, practically knocking over one of the passengers to get to him.
Angelo embraced his mother, lifting her off the ground. “Hi, Mom.” He kissed her on the cheek.
Mac was already shaking hands with the good-looking man who stood at Angelo’s side.
“Oh, Mom, sorry, this is Matt,” he pulled Matt forward. “I see you’ve met Mac already.”
“Ya, hi.” Matt shook Janet’s hand. “Congratulations.”
“Oh, thank you, and thanks for coming.” Janet nodded with a smile. He was nice, polite and quite handsome but he was far older then she had expected. In fact, he was probably her age.
“So,” Mac announced, “let’s get your bags and be on our way.”
The four of them walked toward the turnstile. Janet took her son’s arm, Matt chatted with Mac in front.
“So, he seems nice,” Janet said close to her son’s shoulder.
“He is nice.”
“He is a little older then you,” she cleared her throat.
“Mom,” Angelo sighed. “He’s thirty-four, he’s hardly ancient.”
She nodded. “Is it serious?” She lifted an eyebrow.
Angelo laughed. “Mom. We haven
’t known each other for that long.”
“Oh...okay. And the music, how is that going?” She knew her son well enough to know it was time to change the subject.
He rolled his eyes and shook his head. “Don’t ask.”
She hugged his arm. Her handsome son. It seemed that he grew to look more and more like his father everyday. My God, but he had grown. He was all grown up now for sure. She watched as he took his suitcase off the rotating belt, pointing out Matt’s suitcase at the same time. He stood at least six foot three and there was just a hint of a five o’clock shadow on his jaw. She just realized that his hair was a little shorter and he had grown a moustache. It was hard to believe that this was actually the little baby that had come out of her over nineteen years ago.
She smiled at him after they had climbed into Mac’s four by four truck.
He narrowed his chocolate-brown eyes suspiciously at her. “What?”
“Nothing,” she laughed. “I was just thinking how handsome you’re going to look in your suit at the wedding. You’ll be just about the most handsome man there.”
“Hey...hey...!” Mac protested. “How about the groom? What am I...chopped liver?”
They all laughed.
“I did say…just about, didn’t I?” Janet made a face. “Okay, let me be more specific, the second handsomest man at the wedding.”
“That’s better,” Mac replied smugly.
“Is it all right if I think your son will be the best looking man at the wedding?” Matt enquired with a smirk.
Janet patted his shoulder and put a finger to her lip.
Angelo lifted an eyebrow. “You better,” he laughed, leaning over and kissing him lightly on the mouth.
Matt’s eyes lit up like a Christmas tree. Janet recognized a man in love when she saw it. She wasn’t sure that her son was quite so intoxicated.
Once they were home, Angelo showed Matt around the house. Janet had fixed up Angelo’s old room for them. She assumed they would want to sleep together. Angelo thanked her later.
“I’m not a prude, you know,” Janet slapped him, “and I do like Matt. He’s nice, although he is a mature man and....”