by Amanda James
‘Don’t you have any compassion for me at all?’ she asks quietly, a tremor in her voice. ‘I’m you mother … doesn’t that mean anything?’
‘Of course, it does. And I do care about you, very much. That’s why I want to help you.’
‘Tell me you love me then.’ The tremor is gone. ‘You said it in the birthday card but I’d like to hear you say it out loud. Don’t you see, I’ve given you all of the truth because I love you? We are bonded forever now, and those bonds can never be broken.’
I can’t think of anything I’d like to do less right now. I walk to the control and turn the key in the ignition. Nothing happens. I try it again and then my hand flies to my face as the sting of a slap spreads across my cheek.
‘You don’t have a clue what you’re doing, you idiot, and I told you, we’re going nowhere!’ she shrieks.
I turn and glare at her. ‘How dare you!’
‘You want to run to the police, just like Neil. I told you everything and you turn your back.’ Her lips make themselves into a snarl and her eyes send jets of venom into mine.
‘Look, calm down. I never mentioned the police. Come on, start the engine and we’ll—’
‘You want to turn me in. I can see it in your face. I can’t trust you, Lu.’ She reaches out and shoves me in the chest and I’m forced back so hard that the steering wheel digs into my kidneys.
‘Stop that!’
‘Stop that!’ she mimics.
‘Just get this boat started, now!’
‘Just get the boat started, now!’ She cackles and shoves me again.
I shove her back and she stumbles to portside. ‘That’s enough!’ I yell.
With a look of pure hatred on her face, she picks up her wine glass and swings it down hard against the edge of the handrail. The moonlight catches the shard of glass in her hand and nausea rolls in my throat.
‘Sit back down, Lu.’ She looks at the shard in her hand and then back at me. ‘We have lots more to discuss.’ She makes her mouth a thin line.
‘I don’t think so,’ I say.
‘Well I do.’
I run my hands through my hair and look at the harbour lights. So close and yet so far. She steps forward and motions with the broken glass for me to return to my seat. What was left of logical thought in my panic-stricken head whispers, How is this possible? She’s my mother… she loves me … Again, adrenalin tells me to run, and this time I have to listen. I kick off my deck shoes.
‘What are you doing?’ Mellyn says, stepping forward again.
She sounds like my mum again, but I can’t afford to believe it. I undo my chunky cardigan and let it fall to the floor.
‘Lu. You can’t be serious …’
I leap up the step, onto the cabin roof, and strip off a second layer. ‘I can’t see I have a choice, can you?’
She studies the glass shard in her hand and sends me a smile almost as wicked and lethal. ‘Stop right there or you’ll be sorry,’ she growls.
‘I’m already sorry, Mellyn,’ I say, a catch in my voice.
‘Mellyn again … not Mum any more. That’s how you really feel about me, isn’t it? It’s all been fake on your part. You won’t ever tell me you love me, will you?’ A growl in her throat, she says, ‘Okay, you asked for it.’ Her manic smile turns my guts to liquid. ‘Your precious so-called mum’s death was no accident either. You know why? Because I killed her, too.’
31
I find my legs have given way and someone is screaming. A horrible animalistic scream of despair, pain and fury. I look at Mellyn’s calm expression and realise the scream is coming from me. On all fours on the cabin roof, I draw in great gulps of air and try to think, form words. My brain, my intellect is shutting down, leaving only instinct and emotion. Mellyn watches me from the deck, expectantly. I feel like some caged animal, an exhibit, entertainment for her audience of one.
‘I did it for you, of course. Well, for us,’ she says, her eyes never leaving mine. ‘I knew as long as she was around you’d never come and find me. You’d proved that already, getting Maureen to make contact and then changing your mind.’ Mellyn’s voice is calm, yet she gouges the shard of her wine glass into the wood of the deck rail. She blinks a few times and the calmness leaves her voice. ‘Can you imagine how that made me feel? Can you?’
My breath comes in short huffs and I can’t control my body. A shake starts in my fingers splayed on the roof of the cabin and spreads through the rest of me. I hear myself say, in a voice I barely recognise, ‘That’s impossible – you couldn’t have killed her. It was just an accident, a terrible, terrible accident. She’d been to the hairdresser … ran across the road to get out of—’
‘The rain, yes. It was my suggestion that we made a dash for it. We linked arms and everything, wasn’t that sweet?’
I shake my head a few times. This was another one of Mellyn’s lies – a product of her illness. ‘No, you’re lying. You didn’t know where we lived … or, or anything.’
‘I’m not lying, I’m afraid. And I did know where you lived. Once Maureen had kindly told me your basic details – your name, the name of your adopted parents and your city – it wasn’t hard to track you down at all.’ Mellyn sighs and makes herself comfy back on the seat as if it’s the most normal thing in the world. She still holds what’s left of the glass.
I go from all fours to a kneeling position and shove my shaking hands under my armpits. Emotion still rules me, but instead of fear and disbelief, pure anger wears the crown. ‘You’re telling me that you tracked us down just so you could murder my mum?’ My voice cracks with a mixture of disbelief and fury.
‘I am. But as I said, I did it for us, so we’d be together, just as we always should have been.’ She leans forward, picks up the bottle of wine and takes a long slug. Then she fixes me with a pleading stare. ‘Don’t imagine it gives me any pleasure to tell you this, but you have to know. I was sorry as soon as I’d done it, told Hannah I was too, even though I knew it was for the best. In fact, I knelt by her for a few minutes while a man shouted he was calling an ambulance. It was the least I could do. I had tears streaming down my face and you know what? She just looked at me as if she understood.’
‘NO! She wouldn’t have understood. How could she?’ Mellyn raised an eyebrow and shrugged. ‘And how, how did you do it? How did you end up with her at the side of the road?’ I realise I’m sobbing and stop my mouth with my discarded cardigan.
Mellyn actually smiles. Smiles with pride in her face. ‘Oh, that wasn’t hard. I came up to stay in a nearby hotel for just over a month. Paid someone to run the shop. I followed you all, got to know your daily habits. I followed Hannah most often though, that’s why I was there, after all. Though it was hard not to tell you who I was one day when I sat behind you in a café. My lovely, lovely baby. So near, but yet so far.’ Her bottom lip wobbles and I want to scream. ‘Anyway, she was a creature of habit. Had her hair done once a week at the same time. On the day of her accident I arranged to have my hair done too, and we got chatting.’
‘I can’t … I can’t believe how cold, calculating and—’
‘Well, to be honest I wasn’t exactly sure what I was going to do that day, so it wasn’t really planned. I had initially just thought I’d get her chatting and then hopefully befriend her. How to remove her would come a later date, really.’ She takes another swig and looks out across to the lights in the harbour.
‘But we left the hairdresser’s together, laughing and joking, and as we watched the lights at the crossing, the slippery tarmac and her silly sandals gave me the idea that this would be as good a time as any. I linked arms with her, we ran for it, and I elbowed her into the path of a car. She … well, you don’t need to know the finer details. Once the crowd began to form and a man that knew first aid came over, called for the ambulance, I slipped away. I did pay my respects at the funeral, though. You looked at me, remember? I was under that tree. But I had to leave … couldn’t have you recognising me later
when we met up.’
My God … she was the woman in the hat and glasses. I look into her eyes and know that this is the truth. Not one of her fantasies, but the honest, cold, vile, gut-wrenching truth. Then a series of images flashes in front of me. Mum and Dad laughing about Adelaide’s eyebrows, family holidays and Christmases, Mum tucking me into bed, all lost … replaced by the pain, heartache, and the grey man Dad has become, all because of what this evil woman has done.
Instinct takes over and fury drives me down from the cabin and on top of her before she’s had time to draw breath. Because I’ve taken her by surprise, her ‘weapon’ is useless, easily falling out of her grasp and into the ocean as I smash her wrist against the deck rail. I feel my fingers wrapping themselves around her throat and watch her eyes bulge as a deafening roar of anguish leaves my lungs.
A pain in both my forearms clears a way through the suffocating red fury inside my brain and I see that Mellyn has dug her nails into my skin and drawn blood. I release her and step back, my chest heaving, shocked at what I’d been attempting to do. She might deserve to die, but it won’t be at my hands. Then I would be just as bad as her. I can’t … I won’t allow that.
She doubles over, retching and coughing, and I run back up to the cabin roof.
‘Lu … Lu, my baby girl.’ Mellyn pulls herself upright, reaches out her hand and rasps, ‘I’m sorry. I don’t blame you for what you just did … but please … let’s just talk about it. You’re my daughter and I’m your mum.’
I snort and spit on the deck. ‘You might be the woman who gave birth to me, but you will never be my mum!’
As she moves towards me, I take three steps and dive into the ocean.
32
Cold … cold … move … strike out … kick, KICK! Adrenalin comes to my rescue and I exhale into the icy water and power my body towards the harbour lights. After a few more strokes, the chill clutching my skin relaxes its grip, and a few strokes later, I glance behind. Thank God. There’s a comforting distance between myself and the Sprite, easily identified by its fairy lights. Then an engine kicks into life and the chill comes back. I must keep focused; there can be no room for anything else but reaching land. I draw a breath from the bottom of my lungs, and swim.
The hammering of my heart in my ears can’t drown out the engine’s thrum and I realise that swimming the narrow path of moonlit water is a dangerous course. The first shadowy shapes of moored fishing boats bob along a darker channel about a hundred yards to my left, so I strike out for these as hard as I can. A few moments later, a mooring buoy looms out of the shadows and I narrowly avoid a painful collision. My hands grab for it but slip on the submerged rope, so I grab it again, feeling the seaweed squelch through my fingers. I shudder as the anchored chain of the buoy skims my leg, my heightened imagination offering images I’d rather it kept to itself.
Behind the head of the buoy I watch the Sprite come closer and as it draws alongside I hear, ‘Lu! I’m sorry. Lucinda! Come out, you’ll catch your death.’ I nearly caused yours tonight … and then the enormity of what she’s done punches me in the gut. No time for tears. I submerge until the engine grows quieter and then swim to the end of the first craft. The Sprite is a little way along the channel in front and then she stops, her engine idling. Mellyn looks over the side and sweeps a powerful torch beam along the water to port and starboard. Shit. I can’t make my way to the beach safety now, she’s blocking my way!
‘LU! FOR GOODNESS SAKE, ANSWER ME! THIS HAS GONE BEYOND A JOKE!’ She cocks her head and listens for a while, sweeps the torch again and then moves the Sprite on.
My teeth are chattering and bone-chilling cold is numbing my legs. The longer I’m inactive the worse it will be for me. Immediately I swim out into the moonlight again and strike for shore. The Sprite’s further ahead now, but the wash she leaves slows my progress and every time I take a breath I gag on diesel fumes. Treading water with leaden limbs, I see the boat take a right turn away from the beach. Perhaps she’s going to moor up and try to head me off as I come out of the water. Rational thought soothes my worries. Even if she was, she wouldn’t be able to moor the Sprite in time and catch me. I’m too close to shore …
I set off again and then stop at the sound of an engine growing closer. Bloody hell, she’s not mooring at all, just sweeping round in an arc! I’m not too hard to spot either: a black head bobbing along a mercury strip. Turning around I see the Sprite’s bright fore-light bearing down on me, and though my own mother is the pilot, it only takes a second for me to realise her intentions. She can’t risk my escape. Not now I know the extent of her madness. I summon every remaining scrap of energy and once more swim to the left, moments before the boat powers past. I grab the mooring rope of another trawler and peep around it at the stern of the speeding boat. A lesser swimmer would now be under it, limbs shredded by the propeller. Vomit surges to my throat and into the water.
Think. Think! Did Mellyn know I’d survived? Odds said yes. The impact of my body would have damaged the engine or at least slowed it. Perhaps she thinks I’ve been struck by the bow and knocked clear somehow. Whatever the case, I guess she will arc round and be back to check before very long. The little harbour beach is tantalisingly close now, but I can’t afford to take the direct route.
I move in the inky black shadows from fishing boat to rowing boat, to rowing boat to fishing boat – swimming, ducking under ropes, wriggling past chains – until there’s only one boat between me and the beach. An image of me stealing a rowing boat flashes but is dismissed. There isn’t time. One last sprint and then I’ll be home and dry. I hang my arm over a rope to support my weight, hold my breath and listen. My stomach lurches at the sound of an approaching engine and the Sprite comes level, idling her engines. I hold on tight as her wash slaps against the sides of the boat I’m hiding behind and the torch sweeps the water again. Mellyn’s voice drifts towards me, sweet, cajoling, she must know I’m close.
‘Lu? I know you’re here somewhere – I saw you swim away. You got the wrong idea. I wasn’t trying to harm you, I was trying to rescue you, my love. I SAID I WAS TRYING TO RESCUE YOU.’ She pauses and I’m glad I can’t see her face. ‘Lu! Answer me, damn you. Answer me!’
I hear her curse and then she moves on, no doubt to complete another circuit. This is it. I need to go. Right. Now.
I break cover and force my limbs to begin a front crawl, and this time my speed matches the title. Come on, COME ON! I reach within and find … nothing. My reserves are empty… and then my foot strikes sand. I put both feet down in waist-high water and sob with relief. Wading as fast as my unsteady legs will allow, I struggle from the breakers and collapse on all fours, gasping for air.
My hair lashes my face as I whip my head to face the sea and the sound of a boat coming along the moonlit channel. There’s no way Mellyn could land the Sprite here on the beach … could she? She’s mad enough to do anything … go! A crazy half-hop scramble takes me up the beach and on to the cobbled street that runs along the harbour. A man walking his dog says something to me but I don’t answer, just put my head down and keep going until I reach the main street.
I lean against a wall and my whole body starts to tremble. Though I’m wet through to the bone and only wearing leggings and a T-shirt, I don’t feel cold. I’m shaking because of the shock … the shock of having your own mother … Stop. No time for this. Where to go? Can’t go home she’ll find you there. No key to get in anyway. Rosie’s? Yes, Rosie’s. My feet take a few steps. Fuck! I can’t. I don’t know exactly where she lives!
A racking sob escapes and I slap both hands over my mouth. Can’t get hysterical. Will not get hysterical. Think. Police? Yes, the obvious choice. I wrap my arms around myself and the shaking increases. No. Can’t face them, all their questions … no, not yet.
Fear jumps under my ribs and I look behind along the dark street expecting to see Mellyn bearing down on me, broken glass in hand, but I’m alone. Oh God. Where can I go? A breeze whispers down an
alley and with it an answer: Val. Go to Val!
33
‘I’m sorry, Miss Lacey. You can’t just come in here at ten o’clock at night demanding to see guests! You’re obviously distressed—’
‘Of course, I’m distressed. Someone just tried to kill me! I want to see Mrs Green right now!’ I wave my arms to emphasise my point and droplets of water land on the reception desk.
The Pompesque woman behind it takes a step back and points at the phone. ‘If that’s the case then I suggest the police might be the best—’
I run through the inner doors and to the foot the stairs. ‘Val! VAL! It’s me, Lu!’ I yell. I hear a door open and Val appears in a dressing gown.
The receptionist catches up to me and says, ‘I’m calling 999 this minute!’
‘No, it’s okay,’ Val comes halfway down the stairs. ‘I know this girl. Hell, Lu, you’re soaked!’ She tucks her blonde bob behind her ears and hurries down the remaining steps. ‘What’s wrong, love? Is it Rosie?’
I shake my head and look at the worry and sympathy in the lines of her face. I try to speak. My words are stuck somewhere under shock and bewilderment, but tears squeeze past and roll down my face. ‘I … I …’ My tears become a river and I cover my face.
‘Come on, sweetheart. Come with me,’ Val says, slipping her arm around me and helping me to my feet.
‘Just so long as you know that room is single occupancy,’ the receptionist says.
‘Oh, for goodness’ sake. Can’t you see the state she’s in? And for the record if she needs to stay here I’ll pay for another room, okay?’ Val snaps.
‘Just want to be clear, that’s all,’ the receptionist mutters and leaves us.