by Kayley Cole
I turn. My loose-fitting, backless red dress sways with my movements. Shane is staring straight at us. I turn back toward Colby, rubbing two fingers against his thigh through his pocket. Shane thinks I need him to treat me like a child— like I'm not fully capable of seeing the danger in my actions, like I haven't crawled my way back through grief, and come out a person who understands that pain can only capture you if you let it keep its grip around you.
Anger simmers under my skin— a noxious version of adrenaline, begging me to lash out and show somebody that strength comes from destruction.
"Hey!" Colby snaps, jerking away from me.
I blink. "What?"
"You just pinched me." He jerks up his basketball shorts. Even in the dim lighting, I can see a circle of red skin where my hand had just been.
"Sorry," I mumble. "I just get worked up. Like I told you— fights get my blood pumping."
"Oh, that's why I knew I had to bring you here," he croons, his voice taking on a desperate tone. His arm circles around me, bringing me so close to him that the garlic and onion smell becomes pungent. He tries to kiss me, but I turn my cheek and his lips almost end up along my jawline. His grip around me tightens, almost tight enough that I can feel it in my spine. "Come on, darling. You know how this all ends— you feeling all frisky and me showing you how good I am at wrestling."
"I'm not that into wrestling," I say. He smirks.
"Well, maybe we can find a happy medium between wrestling and feeling frisky." His arm slides up along my back before diving down my bare back and under the material covering my ass. I'm wearing silk underwear, so his hand nearly slips all the way past my ass, but it stops long enough for his hand to grip onto my left cheek.
Before I see the crowd splitting into two groups like mitosis, I know it's Shane coming. There's a wave of relief settling over me. There's the sense that I don't care for protection until I need it.
Colby's hand disappears from my body right before Shane slams into him. They land on the floor with such force that I can feel tremors under my feet. Shane's fist comes down. The crowd moves to form a new circle around Shane and Colby as Colby's arms move over his head in an attempt to protect his face. Shane's fists break through the barricade and keep hitting Colby.
Brian breaks through the crowd, hurling all his weight against Shane's shoulder. Shane's body jerks backward, his attention quickly switching to Brian. Shane stands up, his feet on either side of Colby's motionless body. Brian pulls out a combat knife so quickly that it might as well have appeared out of thin air. He points it at Shane.
"Don't think about it," he says. "You might be bigger, but you know I'm faster and there's nothing I won't do to save my own skin."
They stare at each other. The tension in the air tastes briny and bitter. It feels like my own anger exploded and it settled over everyone else like mist, but it drenched Shane and Brian.
Brian blinks, and Shane takes a step back, narrowly missing Colby's hand. They both turn away from each other, heading in opposite directions. I follow Shane as he walks toward the exit. He shoves the door open and I speed up to get out before it slams shut again.
He continues moving. I know he's never oblivious to anything, so he must be ignoring me.
The parking lot is filled with water, the mounds of snow taking on a glazed appearance. The air has a hint of warmth to it. In high school, people used to joke about how our town could go through all four seasons in a week. It might have been funny if all our decisions didn't revolve around the weather.
"Shane!" I call out. I reach out to him, grabbing his arm. He shakes me off. "Why are you walking away? I'm the one that should be angry."
He spins around. "Why the fuck would you be angry? You got what you wanted. You got to be part of what Brian and I were doing."
"And you didn't need to beat my mark," I retort. "He was doing exactly what I needed him to do. I'd been getting him to warm up to me, and you ruined it by attacking him."
"I gave him a lesson in manners," he growls. "I'm sorry if you'd rather have a man that doesn't give a shit about anything, especially not you."
"You care too much," I say. "I can make my own decisions, and I can walk into my own danger."
"You do that," he says. He looks down at his hands. In the streetlight, I can see streaks of blood on them. "But I don't want to be part of it. We'll do the experiment this weekend. It's supposed to be warmer— in the 40s— so the participants won't have to deal with as much cold. We'll just use the three groups we have. That will have to be good enough for the professor."
He turns around, walking away from me again. I watch his body appear and disappear under the streetlights.
"Emma!"
I turn around. Brian is running to me. He stops. Now that he's right in front of me, I can see his knife holstered near his hip.
"Where's Shane going?" he asks. I shrug.
"Does it matter? He ruined your scam."
"No, he didn't," Brian says. "You two didn't plan that together?"
"What are you talking about?"
"Colby's ankle is fucked up and his face isn't doing too well either-- but it's Colby, so he still wants to fight. This went better than planned. I thought you two had planned it to look like Shane was going into a jealous rage. That was real?"
I take in a sharp breath. "He just has trouble controlling himself."
"Emma, he's a control freak. He can control himself very well. Just not around you. The very essence of romance is uncertainty. Oscar Wilde. He wants to control you, but he can't and he knows it, so instead, he loses control. And now you're two out-of-control idiots. Good luck with that. It would have been better if you two were acting."
He practically swaggers back to the factory. After I hear the entrance door slam shut, I walk away from it. I'm not out-of-control. I'm not even sure where control is, so I can't be in or out of it. That must be what attracts me to Shane and repels me at the same time. Brian is right— he's all about control and I'm a woman that has always been a holy mess.
Now, I'm just a woman in the dark with the world melting around me.
Chapter Twelve
Shane
There are small mounds of snow leftover at Valence Camp. Brian is determined to make a snowball from each mound and add it to the top of them to make them look like breasts.
"You know you're a twenty-six-year-old man, right?" I ask as he props up the last nipple. He slaps his hands together, getting the snow residue off his hands before wiping them on his pants.
"Yeah, and what twenty-six-year-old man doesn't love breasts?"
I shake my head, nearly dragging my feet as we walk toward the gazebo. We're fifteen minutes early— only because I told Brian the experiment started twenty minutes ago and he still showed up late— and Emma isn't here yet.
"Diana Rolland and Tina Pryce are going to be here around three," Brian says.
"What? It starts in fifteen minutes. That's two hours away. They won't have as much time to build a shelter or start a fire."
"Trust me, those two can start fires just fine. That's just how their schedules worked out and also… I didn't want them to know how involved I was in this, so I want to be as deep in the woods as possible before they find out."
"It will mess up the experiment."
"Nobody has to know, Shane."
"Emma will flip out over it. She actually cares about this class."
"Emma won't give a shit and you know it. You're the one who has to have everything go perfectly or you start acting like someone murdered your family. It'll be fine. It's a group project with some assholes we pulled off the street. Nobody cares except you."
"One of those assholes we pulled off the street is my sister, so you might want to speak with a little more respect."
"I might want to, but you were ready to kick my ass for no reason last night, so at least this time around, if you attack me, I'll be defending myself for something I actually did. Why is it so important that everyone start
s at the same time?"
"Because we're testing their survival skills and which group has the best ability to work together, so they need to be on equal footing."
"How are you going to test that? Are you going to send lions after us and whoever survives is the winner?"
"No. The plan is to have the three different groupings go into the woods at the exact same time. Emma is going to be in charge of my sister and her boyfriend, so my relationship with her won't influence me or lead to accusations of bias..."
"Your relationship with Emma or your sister?"
"With my sister," I snap. He grins at me, skipping up the steps into the gazebo. I stay by the stairs. "I'll be in charge of the other two groups. We'll drop each group into a different area, blindfolding you all, so you can't tell where we're going. After that, we'll check on the groups every four hours to make sure you're all still alive, and nothing too bad has happened."
"What about at night? Are you going to interrupt my sleep?"
"No, we'll give you about eight hours to sleep. On Sunday morning, we'll show up and tell you that after we leave, you'll have to wait a half hour and then find your way back to camp. To here."
"Won't we just have to follow your tire tracks? You're driving us there, right? That's too easy, Shane."
"There are over four dozen trails in those woods and we'll use the river to our advantage. Don't worry, Brian. You'll be challenged plenty."
"As long as my teammate likes me, right?"
"He's going to hate you. That's just another problem for another day."
"Speaking of a challenge…" Brian nods behind me. I don't turn around. I know it has to be Emma.
"Hey," I call out, my back still turned to her.
"Hey," she echoes. She stops at the stairs beside me. "What's the plan here?"
I repeat the plan to Emma. As I'm going over logistics, I see my sister and her boyfriend in my periphery. Hannah originally had dark hair like me, but she's been dying it pale blonde for the last few years. Nobody would ever mistake her for a dumb blonde though— her facial features are sharp, and she always has an expression on her face like she's ready to rip apart the first person who talks to her. She's also tall enough that her boyfriend— a burly guy that seems to be trying to resurrect the grunge era— appears to be average height, though he has to be around six-feet tall.
She's walking at least a foot ahead of him. That can't be the best sign for my romantic couple who is supposed to love each other so deeply that it could become their weakness when it comes to survival.
I walk over to her, ready to pull her aside and ask her what's going on, but she sidesteps me and walks straight over to Emma. They embrace like sisters.
"I can't believe Shane decided to stalk you and force you into this stupid project," Hannah says.
"Wait," I say, walking back toward them. "I wasn't the one who forced the two of us to work on this project. I would have been fine not doing it at all."
"He's such an ass," Hannah continues like I hadn't said anything at all. Her boyfriend finally catches up. His name is something stupid that I can't bother to remember. "Shane's always been overprotective of me too. I know exactly what's going on, but everyone knows that if anyone can kick some ass and take some names, it's you."
"Ah, well." A slight brush of pink rises into Emma's cheeks. "Thank you. But I think that's how people would describe you. You were almost in the Army."
She shrugs. "Apparently, they don't like people who are overly acquainted with law enforcement, and they heard that I don't do well with rules. Not like my brother here, who just loves rules and never, ever breaks any of them. Right, Shane?"
"You know me."
"I guess I should have just been a better liar," Hannah smiles at me. I'm not sure if I want to smile back at her or strangle her. If I'm honest, I just want to get this project over with, so I can let Emma live her life or whatever the hell she wants to do. Hannah brings her hand up to her mouth, starting to chew on her thumbnail, her bravado disappearing as soon as the small talk is over.
In the distance, I see my former trainee Matt walking toward us.
"Let's get started," I say. Emma glances over at me, her arms folded over her chest. Hannah ignores her boyfriend. Brian is eyeing his future partner Matt like he's competition instead of an ally.
I should never have pissed off Dr. Shepherd. At best, this will be a Pyrrhic victory— even if we're successful, the cost is too much. Maybe that's how David felt about life.
I look up at the sky. The clouds are getting dark. It wasn't supposed to rain, but the weather here is temperamental. Still, it's the least of my worries because I have five people here that are a powder keg, and I might be the match.
Chapter Thirteen
Emma
Checking on Hannah and Marc every four hours is like watching a time-lapse relationship unfold. Initially, they're stiff-armed and avoidant of each other as they built a shelter, the wet ground making the A-frame slide apart so it was barely five inches off the ground. Four hours later, they're cuddling near each other by a small fire, their shelter allowing them to be so close to each other that their bodies are partly on top of each other. On Saturday, they're not as affectionate with each other, but they seemed to be in sync until my last visit of the day. The tension between them would have been subtle except for the fact that they refused to look at each other and a second shelter had been built that included a door.
Sunday morning, I park a quarter of a mile away from their encampment. Usually, when I'm driving one of Valence Camp's utility vehicles I'd drive in and out of the shallower parts of the river so that it couldn't be tracked, but with the melting snow and the constant light rain, the river has risen to the point that there aren't any shallow parts. I'm sure it will be another thing that Shane thinks I made a bad choice with, but the fact that I'm not driving through the river is proof that I'm not on some self-destructive path.
I grab my book bag from the passenger’s seat. I'd filled it with emergency supplies— first aid, blankets, some extra clothes, bottles of water, and nutrition food bars. I slam the door shut and walk west. My past footprints had mostly disappeared, like I expected. The rain hasn't been heavy, but it's been steady enough that it's slowly battered the ground, destroying any evidence that I was here.
The closer I get to their camp, the more the mud seems to turn into quicksand. I try to move faster over it, but it only causes the mud to spatter onto my pants. This perfect metaphor for my relationship with Shane is made even more flawless as it starts to rain again, harder than it had in the last two days.
It's not like there isn't love there. I'd be a fool to deny that. The truth is that I want to give up all my power and let life take me wherever it wants to take me because I know it's going to do that anyway, but he wants to command life to do what he wants. Our differences are glorious when his body is pushed up against me or when I need his protection, but in every other aspect, we're bound to fall apart. He's aggressive, I'm passive, and everyone knows there's nothing worse than passive-aggressive.
I stop at the camp. Marc is sitting near a fire that's nearly dead, poking it with a stick.
"Is Hannah in the shelter or getting wood?" I ask. "You don't need to mess around with the fire anymore. Put some dirt on it."
"Hannah isn't here," he says, kicking his boot against the mud. Barely any of it hits the fire. I suppose it doesn't really matter. There's no way the fire will last much longer in this rain.
"So, she's getting wood?"
"She left," he says. "A couple of hours ago. It's not my fault. She was being a bitch and acted like I was lazy. I just didn't feel the need to exert all my energy. I was going to... "
"Stop." I hold my hand up. "She left a couple of hours ago? And she hasn't come back?"
He shrugs. "I figured she was heading back to the camp early, but I know you said to wait until you came back in the morning. So, I waited. I followed the rules."
"It seems like I would h
ave passed her if she was directly going back to the camp," I say, looking down at the embers in the fire. "Shane is going to be pissed if she's lost."
When I look up, Marc looks infinitely paler. "I didn't think about Shane. He can't blame me, right? What was I going to do? Knock her out with a rock?"
I rub my jaw. Shane would definitely be mad at Marc, but he's also going to be angry at me. It will be just another time that I was involved in a dangerous situation. He'll think I should have been able to foresee that his baby sister was going to run away. Or maybe I'm blending how I think he'll feel with my own thoughts.
"I have to go look for her," I say. "There's a utility vehicle about a quarter of a mile east of here. The key is in it. Which way did she go?"
He points northwest— the wrong direction for someone heading toward Valence Camp. "Shane isn't going to be mad, right Emma?"
I don't answer him. The rain comes down like a condemnation of all of my reckless behavior.
Chapter Fourteen
Shane
Brian and Matt are the first ones back. Considering they're the control group, that doesn't seem like the best sign. It also doesn't seem like a good sign that they're laughing as they walk out of the woods with Matt clapping Brian on the back. I walk up to the two of them as they stop to talk a few feet outside of the forest's perimeter.
"Did you cheat somehow?" I ask Brian. He stops laughing, but there's still a smile on his lips.
"It depends on what you consider cheating. We figured out which way was south. We knew that you would try to use the river to hide your tracks and that you'd only be able to use the highest areas of the river, and we'd been mapping out the area since Saturday morning. Your tracks weren't clear today, but they were easy to see yesterday. We left some markers."